CHAPTER 2
I pulled on the lycra again after lunch, and rode the five miles to the station, where I punched in the code on the keypad and locked the bike up in the yard.

CHAPTER 47
I was calmer by far when we returned to Maryport. The trip had moved me in so many ways, moved me profoundly.

CHAPTER 45
That was indeed the start of a new life and lives. Em was home in a few days, and as a constant stream of wellwishers, including several pupils, came round the house to pay their respects and leave flowers and chocolates, babygros and bootees, we learned how little sleep it is possible to exist on.

CHAPTER 43
My wife was fussing with my hair as I looked in the mirror, and I slapped her hand away gently as she tried to reset my ponytail. If this went on, I was going to have to get it cut off.

CHAPTER 41
Three years we had at Bangor, three years of growth mental and physical, and although I know I am biased my Emily became daily more beautiful.

CHAPTER 40
That took me full circle, back to those articles about April Ashley, and I felt an odd sense of calm as I spoke.

CHAPTER 38
We had enough resources between us, and independence, to take rooms of our own rather than be tied to the halls of residence.

CHAPTER 36
That night was a private party, in effect, as all the pent-up stress of our exams erupted into collision and collusion with the joy of being reunited with such good friends.

CHAPTER 34
School felt, some days, as if it was burning me at both ends, rather than a candle, and it was only the people round me who stopped the cracks from spreading.

CHAPTER 32
I remembered that hospital, Mitchell’s den. He was long gone, crawled into some hole or other, but the smell of the place still brought the fear back.

CHAPTER 30
That was living, as Nana would say. How to sum up what I consider now as my first true holiday? I could list the climbs we did, or the peaks we crossed, or the silliness in boats on Derwentwater, or…it would be just that, a list, and while each of the items there brings me a memory, a smile, it remains a series of names and dates for anyone else.

CHAPTER 28
Tessa was suddenly looking more than a little confused.

“I’m not used to this….this sort of acceptance”

CHAPTER 26
We weren't learning some mad form of instant death to our enemies, just some basic moves to break out of someone's grip and discourage them from trying to get another one. Above all, what Tom was trying to teach us was observation and awareness. He was forever saying “What is wrong with this picture?”

This s the trial. It necessarily rehashes a lot of the unpleasantness of earlier chapters, but it is drier, less direct. Please read with caution, though.

CHAPTER 23
And so it went, day by day and night by night. Em’s parents, Barbara and Peter, started coming round to the house, at first to make sure their daughter wasn’t in some vice den, which she was, in a way, and their initial take on our cuddling was a little off.

CHAPTER 21
Brian was almost hyperventilating, and for an instant the news...eleven bodies…then I saw his excitement, and I realised that it was nothing like that, nothing at all.

CHAPTER 19
There were so many things going on just then, things I didn’t see or know about till it was all over, or very nearly. What I was involved with was my healing, or healing as much as I was able.

CHAPTER 17
That was an evening of deep pain for Nana as Karen and Brian filled her in on what sort of place I was in. Brian explained about his friend’s friend after Nana’s tears had eased a bit, and also, very slowly, and gently, and brutally, why she could not just march in and get me.

****CAUTION****
Severely unpleasant scenes of rape, suicide and other abuse. I want to get this part of the story out of the way as it is unpleasant to write and probably just as unpleasant to read. There is a light at the end of the tunnel...but.

CHAPTER 12
Nana ran us up by Eskdale Moor and Burnmoor Tarn the next day, sticking to the track and the footbridges, but there was still bog, and I understood her insistence of doing without socks as the mud splashed my legs and soaked through the canvas of my shoes.

CHAPTER 86
February came, with its greyness and endless grim drizzle, and Bev was waddling. Alice, on the other hand, was almost dancing.

CHAPTER 85
That was a hard period for me, a bit like riding in an out of control car. I had no idea how to deal with her when she got so determined apart from stepping back, and that was the bad bit. I didn’t want her dead.