CHAPTER 51
Tony was on lates, so I didn’t see him till gone eleven thirty, when a pair of cold thighs slithered into our bed. He asked the obvious questions, I told him the well-worn story, and he seemed satisfied. He promised to contact Steph to find out about Hywel Powell and her.

Yes, I know, but as Uncle Arwel thinks that gold sovereign rings are tasteful jewellery, and a mullet a stylish hairdo, and Hywel shares those tastes, neither can really be expected to notice the joke. Think of poor Arris…

The next day I was back at work, and once more had to go through the whole story with Andy and co, though at least Alice had been given the details by Enid. Typical bloody woman, it didn’t stop her hanging on to every word I told the others and passing comment. I moved the conversation along.

“Dresses, girls. We have three bridesmaids and a matron of honour. I have my eye on a rather nice ivory number, which is fine with most colours, but we have a problem. Arris and Elaine have pretty neutral colouring, Elaine is like me, but Siá¢n is the problem. She’s a real redhead, all white skin and freckles, so any reds or pinks for the bridesmaids will look a bit off. I was thinking a pastel green.”

Andy laughed. “I think I shall go and deal with some customers. I am technically unfitted to this area of expertise”

Anne smiled. “Yes, men miss the subtle aspects”

That from the mistress of offensive gas warfare by fragrance? We settled on a sort of pale green satin, and I e-mailed my sis a link to the fabric so she could run it past and against her wife. Anne was looking a little frayed by this time. As the others went back on the floor, I took her to the kitchen to make a round of teas.

“Not looking too happy, girl?”

She smiled, wearily. ”I suppose I’m just a bit jealous, and a bit, well, I see time running out. Andy is getting really domesticated, you have this, and, well, while I do trust in my Saviour, He doesn’t seem to have provided much for me recently”

“Who were you seeing, Anne?”

“Was it that obvious?”

“Girl, when your make-up and perfume levels go up that much, it’s a reasonably easy assumption that there might be a man around. “

“You noticed that?”

Rather. “Are you OK?”

“Sort of. I have to keep up with my penance, of course.”

“Anne, I am not going to pry, but if this was an…unauthorised relationship, just remember the old saying about how many it takes for a tango”

I was really picking my words with care. Knowing her predilections, something like ‘beating yourself up’ was not the best of all things to say. Indeed, what was there I could say? She was caught in her weird religious loop, and while she had always come across, from the day of my arrival at the branch, as a good person, that loop was dragging her spirits down. I mean, what could I do for her? Take her out clubbing? Get her drunk? This was hard on both of us. Sod it.

“Anne, we value you here, you know that. Apart from our little communication difficulty over Alice, I have never, nobody has ever had a problem with you. It hurts us to see you unhappy. What we can do to help, we will, but in the nicest possible way you are not like the rest of us”

Once again, that weary smile. ”No, I don’t make life easy, do I? But I am what I am, and I believe what I do, and that is the way it is. If the Lord wishes it, that is the way it must be.”

“Oh for god’s sake…er, sorry. So he didn’t want you to actually make some sort of effort? Just sit and wait and it would arrive? What are you doing at work, then, instead of waiting for him to pay the rent for you? Is there no such thing as a social life attached to your church? Look at Andy! All that time wasted on slappers and waving his willy; all he really needed was to go somewhere safe, somewhere neutral and be himself instead of playing an act”

She laughed. “You want me to take up badminton?”

“Na, just find something that indulges a real interest of yours where there are other people about you. Something other than kneeling in church. Look, that is where you meet your sort of folks, OK, but not to talk. ‘Do you pray here often?’ is NOT a good introduction! Sod it, I’m going to have a word with Pat, see if he knows anywhere”.

I might have been wrong, but I thought I detected a little spark of hope deep in her eyes.

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That night, in bed, Tony held me after making love, as my heart rate came down before I went to clean up. He had received a reply from Steph.

“She remembers him from schools rugby, a lock she says. Dad drove lorries locally?”

“Yup, that’s Arwel. Does she have any issues with him?”

“She pointed out that half of the Regional rugby team would be there, so it was unlikely to be a problem, but did ask that you have a word with him beforehand”

“What, warn him?”

“Her point was that if he is aware beforehand, he is more likely to rein in any problems for the sake of the family than if it is dropped in his lap on the day. She has no problem, she is fully out, and she did it with a bang”

Strong woman, stronger than me or Alice, or even Janet, for that matter. I decided to take advice from Dad. Uncle Arwel had set out his family’s view: no nancy boys. That was never a term that could be fairly applied to the redhead.

All I wanted to do was get married to the man I loved, for fuck’s sake, so why did it have to be so complicated?

Tony was chuckling. ”She also made you an offer. She asked if you wanted a band for the reception.”

“Who? Does she play, then?”

“Er, yeah…violin”

“What, like ELO or Curved Air type stuff? Or Hawkwind?”

“Actually…folk music…”

Before I could finish declaring that she could indeed go forth and multiply with her reedly deedly crap, Tony was already laughing himself silly.

Folk music. I would get married to a rock sound track, and I would hand pick the songs. Fucking folk music.

I started to laugh with Tony. He knew me sooooooo well!

The following evening, I made my phone calls, firstly to Pat to ask if he could find somewhere that Anne could be herself rather than a nutter on her knees, and then to Dad.

“Hello, love, I didn’t expect to hear so soon. Nothing wrong, is there?”

“Not necessarily, Dad, but something we need to sort out before the wedding.”

I ran Steph’s story past him. “There’s also Alice. I don’t want her hurt in any way”

“No, love, she is a good…woman, and deserves the best”

Only a slight hesitation this time. He was getting better. “Sarah, I think it is better if you speak to him yourself. Arwel is firmly on your side. Call him first, and listen to him rather than telling him what you want. He is not a stupid man, my brother, but he has strong views. Like father….”

So I rang. “Arwel Powell”

“Sut mae, ewythr Arwel?”

“Hiya Sarah, a surprise but a nice one. What can I do for you? You are being polite, so you want something”

I outlined the problem, and I could almost feel the planet move as he nodded at the other end. “I think I remember the boy myself. Red hair, you say? Mother a bit of a looker, if have the right boy. He’s out the back watching telly, I’ll drag him out.”

A minute later. “Hi Sar, what you want?”

“I have something I need to ask you, Hywel.”

“Go ahead…does it involve wearing a skirt?”

I laughed so much at that vision I farted. “Sort of….but, my dear cousin, definitely not you! Only the girls will be in skirts, I promise. Now, I may have someone you know coming to the wedding.”

“Who’s that, then?”

“Do you remember a Steve Jones?”

“I remember an awful lot of them, you’ll have to narrow it down.”

“Schools rugby, red hair”

“Oh fuck, aye! Evil little fucker, no sense at all in the tackle. Played open side. How do you know him? Is he still such a psycho?”

“He played with Tony, and yes, he is indeed a nutter, I watched him and it was scary. Shit, this is hard work. Hywel, I want an honest answer from you. What do you think I am?”

There was a pause. “You are not asking for me to say ‘my cousin’ so I will have to guess, aye? A good looking woman, whose tits are starting to sag, then”

“Oh you bastard!”

He had got my meaning, though. “Hywel, seriously, you remember what I was before. What does that feel like?”

“Ah, shit, Sar, anyone who meets you and doesn’t understand is too thick to shit”

“So you know I was always a girl?”

“Yes, now I do, we all do, especially after the other night. You make a bloody good mother, girl”

Thank you, Hywel, thank you so much.

“Hywel, I’m not the only one. There will be another like me as matron of honour, she’s called Alice.”

“No problem, Sarah. She’s your friend, at your wedding…hang on. Now, tell me the truth. Steve Jones. You are serious, aren’t you?”

“She’s called Steph now, and she is married to a really nice guy.”

“Are you fucking infectious or what? Fuck!”

There was a long pause at the other end. “You were worried I might be a fuckwit, weren’t you?”

“No, Hywel, I wasn’t. You’ve just proved that to me. I just didn’t want you to be hit with a surprise on the day. I trust you, I just didn’t want you to be sandbagged.”

“Sar, do me a favour. Don’t tell her I am coming. Let me give her the surprise treatment. She was a good player, she deserves respect.”