CHAPTER 72
That was our trial. I had been wetting myself all through it, it was over, and I hoped never to have to go through that again.

We had our celebration, I forced Alice back into her chair despite her declaration that she was going to dance all the way home: two large white wines and a ‘sod it I’ll have a pint of Director’s as well’ may have been behind that, of course. Arwel looked rather chuffed at the whole thing, making remarks about Uriah Heep and ‘ow ‘umble ‘e was, all accompanied by the appropriate hand-wringing and bowing. Humble my arse, I thought, but I was doing my best to keep up my vows of abstinence, or at least of non-interference.

I had to keep reminding myself, as well, that this was the first time father and son had met Steve, because they seemed to meld immediately into that odd hard-man companionship, where all three shared the mutual recognition of hard men who have absolutely nothing to prove to each other. From a few of the comments I overheard, it was clear that Steve had a little more to his background than either Arris or my husband had let on, and when he was deep in one particular anecdote and I caught a fleeting facial expression, I wondered which face Joe had seen and shuddered.

Odd thoughts. So easily it is that the ‘hard man’ becomes the bully, rather than the rock for his family to cling to. There was a common thread, it seemed, in my family and friends’ experiences, where that truism ‘the love of a good woman’ had channelled the overdose of testosterone from nastiness to nurturing. As I sat there musing, and slightly squiffy, I thought it must be like alcohol. Some people merely have to sniff the label and they want to fight the world, others giggle and fall asleep. It was like male hormones. Testosterone had made me leggy and tall, for which I thanked it (that’s enough now, boys) but I had never felt any great interest in invading Poland, or even Glamorgan.

That thought set me giggling, as the archetype of macho aggression and violent evil was allegedly monoglandular, and of course I had to try and explain all that to Bev, who was a little wobbly herself and started to sing THAT song, and I got my first ever Paddington stare from Arris, while Suzy (who HAD to come along, of course, after court) treated Tony to the old-fashioned version. In between fondling her beau, of course.

I had indeed overdone my celebration after such a stressful day, and even so I was able to assemble enough mental coherence to realise I had proven my own alcohol-based hypothesis.

Just next time, Sarah, try using someone other than yourself for the experimental verification. Thank god Arwel was doing the driving.

One big tip from me: don’t drink too much early evening. You fall asleep, and wake up at stupid o’clock in the morning, and can’t get back off. You miss making love to your beloved as a result, and when you fall asleep just for that half hour you miss seeing him off to work. And your little boy really, really takes the piss out of you the next day. And your Dad. Mothers just look disappointed, and that is the worst thing life can offer. Not angry, not sad, just…disappointed.

The other thing about flying high in the liquid-fuelled research area is that you can never remember what your huge insight was the next day, just that you may well have cured all known diseases and brought world peace in return, if only the Old Peculier barrel hadn’t needed changing.

Oh dear…I hadn’t drunk that stuff since college. I had forgotten why I hadn’t. I knew now.

Mam did sit me down the next day.

“You were really frightened in there, weren’t you, love?”

I nodded. “I hadn’t realised how scary it is, Mam. Bev told me what to do, and how to do it, but you really are on your own, and if you make a mistake it has such awful consequences. Not just for me, but for Alice. I was just so relieved…I’m sorry, I overdid it, and it’s not fair on you and Jim.”

“Not to worry, love, not to worry. Your Dad has taken the dog and his boy out for a run on the seashore, with Alison and her husband, and then they will pick up the rest of the crew over there for a fish and chip lunch here. Oh dear, did your stomach just make that noise? I have some cawl for the fragile”

She was grinning now, disappointment almost gone as motherness stepped in again. I do love my parents, deeply and completely, but it is always nice when they remind me that it goes both ways. She was still mothering me, though.

“I see you have decided to leave your uncle and Alice to their own devices at last, cariad. That can only be a good thing. Children must make their own mistakes.”

“Neither of them are exactly children, Mam”

“How old is Alice, exactly? A year? Two? You have lived more than half your life now as the woman you needed to be, and you have done it with the support of your sister, and Alison, and me. Alice is new to this, she must find her own feet. We will still be there for her, she is family, and you know we look after our own”

Family. What a compliment. I hugged her, hard, tears in my eyes.

“What’s that for?”

“Being such a wonderful Mam”

She hugged me back. “You know, my darling, that you are a good mother yourself. Twm says you remind him of me”

I laughed. “And Uncle Arwel says I remind him of Nana Powell! So I can blame two of you now if I get it wrong”

She leaned back from me. “I don’t think you will, my lovely little girl, if anything you love too much and too deeply. Let them find their way, just this once”

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A couple of hours later a busload of reprobates surged in with vinegar-reeking parcels and a large tray of fizzy drinks. Jim stage-whispered to Dad “Do we still need to be quiet around Mum, Bamps?” but the dog made that a little redundant until Jim sorted him some treats. Steve was grinning, until Arris punched him in the arm.

“Sorry, love, but it just reminded me of when we first met”

I gave Arris back her Paddington stare. “And just remember what I can say about THAT, girl!”

I didn’t get the blush had hoped for, just a happy grin of old memories, followed by a sigh, “Ah, whatever happened to that…healthy man I married?”

Steve laughed out loud. “Three kids and no privacy, love!”

Alice was giggling at this. “Privacy…oh yes, so I heard. Something about brains wasn’t it, Sar?”

The buggers were ganging up on me, so I pouted, and that just made them even sillier, so I stole some of Alice’s chips instead. She made it worse by telling me that she couldn’t chew too many anyway, so even that little moment of triumph was spoiled. Sods.

Alice was sat next to Arwel, and I noticed she was in full female conversation mode, all little touches to his arm and rapt attention when he spoke, and I had to rewind myself a little, horns pulled in. Their business, not mine.

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The boys were off home the next day, along with Arris and Steve, and it was an emotional farewell after all the drama. Jim wanted to know when we would next have the brood across, and when we could next go West, and when the next camping trip was and…I had a moment of sober inspiration. Once they were out of the door, I rang Bev.

“Home pharm calling Brown Cow”

“Hiya, Sar, how’s the head?”

“Better now…some of my mother’s soup and some stolen chips helped. I’ve been thinking: before you do the Registry Office two-step, were you planning on having a hen night?”

“I was, but it won’t be a traditional one. I’m sort of preggers, so I can’t do the stilts and piss-up bit”

“That was my thought. I’ve had an idea. Why don’t we have a sort of girls and mothers weekend? Find somewhere nice, camp out with the kids, have a bit of a barbie and a drink together. With the kids there’ll be no temptation to get too wrecked. If Alice is healing OK, and we find somewhere with chalets or something for her, what do you think?”

“That sounds ideal, Sar! You should stay sober more often!”

Oh you bitch! “I think I know just the place. I’ll make some checks and get back to you. Somehow, I think our two shop girls might not be interested in this one.”

I did indeed have just the place in mind. The on-site brewery did sort of help settle my choice, but I’d mention that later.