CHAPTER 31
We followed the congregation into the church hall, where I laid out the fruits of my visit to the supermarket, the traditional mix of mince pies, sausage rolls and blueberry muffins for Jim. Anne spotted us, and came over, all smiles and sharp-dressing.

“You made it, then! Did you enjoy the singing, Jim?”

He seemed a little nervous of her as she gushed, and I wondered if that was a hint of how he had previously been around women. Then I realised, as she stood up from talking to him, and the wave of her perfume hit me. It was like chemical warfare.. Now, I like my smellies, but this was a bit much.

“What’s the perfume, Anne?”

“Oh, just some Armani thing I got at the airport. You like it?”

“It’s…striking. Jim, tell Anne what you thought of the singing”

“It was nice, they have a bigger organy thing than we have at school, and all those people in dresses were good singers, weren’t they, Mummy?”

Bless you, Jim. Anne’s eyes widened slightly, just for a moment.

“In dresses? Oh, you mean the choir, Jim. They are always looking for new boys to sing with them. Would you like to do that?”

Not in a thousand years, Anne. My boy makes up his own mind. Tony saved me from slipping into a rant.

“Jim already has a very full life, Anne, for starters with his mini-rugby, and while this is a nice evening out for the family, it’s actually a bit far for him to ride to. And with me on shifts, I can’t commit to things like that”

She missed the obvious flaw in that argument, which was the fact that he did manage to get Jim to his mini rugby.

“What did mummy and daddy think of it all, then? Oh, Alan, I didn’t spot you there”

“Hello, Anne, I thought I’d drag these heathens along for some education”

“Dead right, Alan, never any harm in hearing His Word. Though I thought Father Bill was a little off his normal line tonight.”

Time for some input of my own. “I was surprised, too, Anne. Speaking as a non-believer, I thought he made an awful lot of sense. That stuff about common humanity regardless of the wrappings was wonderfully put, though of course I don’t really go with all that bit about souls and salvation”

Tony gave me a little nudge, before I could get into my stride.

“Sar’s right, there. If all Jim got from tonight was a bit of an idea about love and tolerance, plus some fun singing, I will be happy. What did you think, Anne?”

That was her, on the spot. In a crowd of people, all of whom had just received a very clear message from the big man upstairs, would she fall in with the herd, or? In the end, she made no clear statement, just a few platitudes about trying to live better. I stopped pushing. This was, after all, just the opening salvo.

I deliberately didn’t corner Father Bill, but as a good vicar would, he made a point of speaking to strangers, so we got the usual anodyne “Hello, I am, you are, come again”
I wondered what Pat had on this man, he didn’t seem to match the sermon. Perhaps Pat would let us know, though I doubted it.

In the words of a certain shitty newspaper, we made our excuses and left, Jim managing to hide four muffins n his pockets, which I found on getting him ready for bed. Tony and I were not far behind; it had been quite a draining day. Alice changed, and sat downstairs knitting and watching some rubbish on the TV as I settled into Tony, and asked him what he was thinking.

“Pat did bloody well there. That was a devious sermon, for our purposes”

“Watch and wait, love. All we can do”

I sleep so much better when he is home.

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Tony did the school run the next morning as Alan (keep that thought) ran me to work.

“What was all that about last night with Anne, Alice? The perfume bath thing? My mam always said that if you have enough on that you smell it yourself, it’s too much. She called it ‘old lady scent’ “

“It was a bit strident, yes”

“I thought poor Jim was going to run away from her”

“I was thinking about that a lot. She doesn’t normally ramp up the make up so much, either. Has she got her eye on someone?”

It had come to me in one of those stupid moments in the small hours, where after spending all day trying to remember a name or solve a puzzle, the answer you already knew you knew surfaces, usually waking you at about two thirty in the morning. Anne had not only been dressed particularly smartly, she had also, for the first time I had ever seen, been wearing blusher. Looking back at it in my mind’s eye, she had had a rather careful make up job that just screamed ‘Addison’s beauty counter’, where the girls with the fireproof skin and impossible eye brows will give you a make over to let your true inner beauty emerge….

I use make up, it works for me. With my hair colour, my lashes would be almost invisible without a bit of black (blue looks silly), and some lippy adds focus to my smile. If going out I will use a bit more, it goes with dressing up, but I tend to be a bit ‘more is less’, while the counter girls use so much foundation and other preparations that I am surprised they can actually move their mouths. They certainly never smile, it would be like Dr Phibes.

I started laughing as we passed the Aylesham exit, and Alice gave me the “what’s funny?” look.

“I was just remembering an old comedy horror film, Alice, the one where Vincent Price wears the plaster heads and eats through the side of his neck. You understand, plastered on make up!”

There is a lay-by on the road just after that point. She had to use it before she crashed the car. Once she was under control, she made me promise not to do it again.

“Sarah, my dear, I will have to avoid the cosmetics section today. It would not be good for my image to be seen letting out a bit of wee in the aisles. Now, seeing as you have noticed this fact, I will leave it up to you to tease it out of her, but I have a feeling there might be rather more going on than our friend is letting the world know.”

She started to chuckle again. “I’m sorry, just had a vision of her taking a fishbone out of the side of her neck!”

That did it. I was off too.

Anne was late. Only by ten minutes, but that was definitely out of character, and all morning she seemed distracted. It was an odd mix, alternating between a dreamy look, and then a nervous fluster. It was Suzy who put it all together.

“Somebody got lucky last night, then”

Of course. I suddenly saw myself in her shoes, back in Swansea, back in the days of Joe and our little trysts, the ones where he got a gobble and I–well, I got used. It was that same mix of happy little memories and guilt, or perhaps shame. Anne was fornicating. If not actually doing the dirty with someone, she was thinking about it.

Matthew 5:28. That was the verse. I still have hangovers from my parents, and being staunch Chapel is one of them. “Whosever looketh on a woman to lust after, he hath committed adultery with her already in his heart”

Yes, I know it says ‘he’, but if I ever had a god he would be an equal-opportunity smiter. That was indeed what was going on with her, but whether she had taken the biggest step was moot. Perhaps Pat could make some gentle enquiries.

It was starting to come together in my mind now. Anne was one of those people who park on footpaths, because “I’m only going to be a minute”, while condemning anyone else that does the same. The reading from James must have cut her to the bone, if she had actually listened. I had a way into her, if I could find the lever to crack it open.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UUAVqWuP_Sc&feature=related The Phibes fish bone scene. Very silly.