Masks Chapter 30

*Before…

I take out the box and…Oh em gee.

They’re Riedell’s…They’re Riedell’s Red ribbon ladies figure skates. I open them and they’re new and their white except for the sole/bottom of them which is red leather and red enameled bracing for the blades and they are so pretty.

I start tearing up and then Mom and Aunt Els and Mary Jane and Jen all hold up their skates and stuff and I can’t help it but bounce up and down. “Really!?, really!?”

Mom nods and has the biggest smile and she gestures upstairs. “Go get changed Steph we do have to keep or ice time y’know.”

I Squee! And hug her and grab M.J. and head upstairs at a run. “C’mon I need help!”

*And Now…

When he suddenly finds the house to himself, Sam is unable to resist repeating his experience.

Masks Chapter 28

*Before…

It takes me a minute to even get what she’s going on about until I realize she’s comparing me to Chi-Chi from *To Wong Foo* That’s actually a pretty rocking movie even if it’s really kind of T-meets Hollywood.

I think Amber gets it next because she’s laughing and the Mary Jane too and she starts to explain it to the others which is just hard since not many have seen it and stuff and we still have a good laugh and yell out. “Awwwww!!!” At Randy and Sarah as they have this whole smooch moment on the bleachers.

Yeah that could’ve been me…maybe and I’m still not sure if that’s what I want or I’m even ready for but here with my friends and starting the clean-up and me flush with all my princess points I’m pretty happy for now.

*And Now…

Images 54

Chapter 54

*Before…

It’s just perfect settling in with him and falling asleep with him in our bed right to where there’s this tiny little hand pinching my nose shut and I do the cough waking up bit.
Giselle blinks at me and does the sleepy eyed rub at her eyes with her hand. “Pot.”

I smile and take her hand and slip out of bed even though I was in that dead sleep thing.

I’m her mom…

It’s what we do.

And I love this feeling too…dry mouth and eye crusty gunk and all.

*And Now…

Fizzy

Love hearts have just a bit of that soda in them so when they are eaten they fizz. I love that feeling, even the taste I still do. I like those little ‘Lotsa-fizz’ candies too and pop rocks are fun and I even like those paper candy discs called UFO’s that were filled with fizzy powder.

But nothing beats my Love hearts.

Why?

It’s the first candy that I ever had that was something meant for me.

The real me.

Masks Chapters 22 and 23

*Before…

It’s tricky to get the white gauzy stuff to sit right and to fight with it on the sewing table but I just get it done around supper or rather when Mom’s watch goes off.

It looks good now…kind of this shiny blue top with a white gauze shirt that trails down to mid thigh and looks like Alice in Wonderland from like Disney and a little like the movie and at the same time sort of like a ballet costume too.

With the stockings and the slippers and the right way to wear my hair.

I’m grinning.

This, this will look awesome.

*And Now…

Masks Chapter 20

*Before…

Okay, I feel better now…I feel more grounded and more like myself than I ever had. We do facials and mani-pedi’s and I’m surprising them in just how much I know.

Hey when you’re a girl, you’re a girl and if you’re like me and actually like hair and make-up and the girly stuff the stealth or not odds are you’re going to know it even if it’s your first times. I’ve lived a hundred thousand little girl snippet lifetimes already.

I want the whole thing, I need it.

I’m going to…

M.J. comes in with popcorn and Aunt Els is putting on Season one of Gilmore Girls and we sip all together in this pile on the bed in the bag on the floor and pillows and comforters.

This…so much this…

*After…

Masks Chapter 18

*Before….

Mark’s there setting down tea stuff so we can make our own. “That’s the night that after the cops and Aunt Els got you home, you took the pills right?”

What?

“Oh…oh shit M.J…..” I’m freaked, floored and I’ve never heard any of this….

“It just hurt so much!” She wails. “They…they were supposed to be my friends! But they…they just turned their backs on me and called me slut and witch!”

......

That gets a sobby wet laugh from Mary Jane and I hug her tight, really tight and stay there. “M.J.?”

(Sobby-sniffle.) “Yeah…?”

“You never, ever fucking do that again you hear me? I can’t make it through this fucking curse with out you.” I sobbed out that last half of it.

She turns and she looks at me.

Yeah more tears are rolling down her face and she swallows a few times and nods. But instead of talking because we just can’t yet we hook pinky fingers again.

*And Now…

Masks Chapter 16

*Before…

She kisses my cheek before heading off at a quick pace with Rachel in tow and I’m like…huh…she kissed my cheek.

No girl’s ever done that outside of Mom.

Yay?

I’m feeling something, I just don’t know what.

M.J. Hip bumps me and mouths. “Lez?”

……………..!

I turn beet red.

Ohmigod my face is hot.

*And Now…

Masks Chapter 14

*Before…

“Mom…this…this is really cool.”

“Well there were some things that if you were going to do this Steph that a girl just needs.”

I nod kind of still stunned and right on the edge of happy tears but I’m trying to hold it in because I’m only playing at being me right now and stuff.

I want to tell them…but with stuff that happened already tonight with my brothers…but this, this is actually pretty cool.

Mom hugs me anyways. “Hey…there are clothes too, to get you started.”

“What clothes where!”

*And Now…

Masks Chapter 12

*Before…

We hug and right after that is our stop and her mom’s home because Aunt Elsbeth’s jeep is in the driveway and we head inside and it smells like laundry inside and there’s rock music playing. *Shoot to Thrill.* By AC/DC and Aunt Elsbeth is setting up stuff in the kitchen like it’s for like a salon or something and she looks at me and grins.

“Hey girls.”

Yay… (Smiles.)

“Hey!” We both carouse.

“M.J. can you lend your cousin some clothes and stuff to wear after she has a shower?”

“Sure!”

“Steph?” Aunt Els says/asks as she holds up two weaves…not wigs but weaves…. “Which one do you want to try first?”

*And Now...

Masks Chapter 10

*Before…

I’ll confess that I want to be that girl that these guys are singing about. I don’t say it out loud but I would love to be the girl getting sung to and just like holding myself in a happy hug while someone is playing something sweet to me.

I hold back on going full on girl with them and yet…yet I’m actually being included now thanks to M.J. and partway through the bus ride we end up lacing our fingers together and squeeze each others hand once in awhile.

It’s the best morning I’ve had in a long time going to school…maybe ever.

She looks at me and smiles and adjusts her hand and we hook pinkies together all the way until we get to the bus stop at school.

I can’t stop smiling.

*And Now…

Masks Chapter 8

*Before…

“You’re welcome honey…You’re my niece I love you.”

I squeeze her really hard and she does back. One of those hugs that gets right there inside of you right where you usually don’t get hugged but need it the most in.

I head home and it does really suck going back to being Steven but this time…this time it’s different.

The real me that girl sealed away in that drum curled up in the dark.

She got hugged, told she was loved.

And inside my dark place that’s like me suddenly having someone give me this emergency candle and I have a little bit of light there in this dark place.

Candles can be amazing right?

*And Now…

Masks Chapter 6

*Before…

I’m partly excited and I’m partly bracing myself to be jealous and I go with her upstairs.

I feel better than I did…opening up and helping each other even if it’s not all the way it’s helped, the clothes are helping heck being in an exclusively female home helps.

I’m not into the spiritual stuff that much because I can’t it’s guyboden but there is a female energy to the house.

I…okay M.J. bedroom door has these little tole-painted flowers around the old moulding for the door and she has a dream catcher hanging there in the middle of the door. It’s cool already.

*And Now…

Can Dreams Come True?…Part 7

I’m still trying to figure things out.

How he is, how that must feel.

I sort of get it but.

He’s a girl that’s never been a girl but she…he’s not transgendered?

Okay one thing’s pretty clear and that Ryan seems way, way more together than me.

It’s actually kind of nice in that way.

I lean back in the chair I’m in and sort of hug myself and think and I’m still doing that when he comes back and he looks at me.

“Josie? You okay?”

Masks Chapter 4

Chapter 4

*Before………..

I try a brave girl smile at her…yes girls can smile differently, they have this whole range of stuff that’s guyboden for me to do.

I’m scared actually but I say it anyway. “Girlfriends.”

Mary Jane shakes pinkies with me again. “Girlfriends.”

I really wish I could happy cry right now. It almost fees like my heart’s beating for the first time all over again.

*Now…………

Masks Chapter 2

Chapter 2

*Before…

He actually passes me a shopping basket. “Go and fill your boots we’ll make this a cool Halloween and a homecoming for them okay.”

“Anything?”

“Anything Bud.” ….Bud…there’s another one that just is…ick but I let it go. I start getting stuff there’s this little spark of an idea that’s forming in the back of my head about me actually being me this year.

Well not really me but not Steven.

I just need to convince my parents to let me go out by myself this year.

*Now…

A Different Kind of Prom

By Czolgolz

[email protected]

I wrote this in 2001.

Reilly woke up early that morning and quickly showered and dressed in his school uniform. He was a freshman at St. Mark's Academy for Boys, and, although his studies were progressing nicely, he was still homesick. It was November, and he had been away from home for over two months.

Summer Girl 3