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Masks Chapter 26
*Before…
Nick…Ella…we kissed and it was…But kissing Nick on the cheek.
And Ella…
And even Randy a little…he was so nice and he was pretty handsome too.
There’s another cough and I see Dad.
“Can I dance with my daughter?”
Ohhhhhhhh.
(Sniffle.)
“I’d love to Daddy.”
*And Now…
Dad and I dance together and it’s really nice and we’ve done this in our lessons and stuff or rather lesson and stuff but this is different. It’s really different since it’s in public and it’s me and him and he really does the mannerly thing with taking my hand and stuff and he leads me out to the dance floor and he gives some one a nod and there’s a little skip in the music as something else starts and as soon as I hear those first few words there’s happy tears threatening to stream down my face.
I love this song and it’s one of those ones that you dance to when you’re alone and sing along with and you hope and you dream to….I mean it I could just listen to this and be me.
The real me because this is a Stephanie song.
*I Hope You Dance* By Lee Ann Womack
And Dad chose this just for him and me.
(Happy sniffle.)
We take our time with this one and I kind of soak it all up and when we’re done I stand on my tip toes and kiss his cheek and then I look over to the girls and to where Elle is sitting and she was watching me and my Dad with this sort of hurt and wistful look. M.J. and the other girls are up and dancing with themselves and a few with some of the guys.
I head over and sit on the chair beside her.
“So…I mean I don’t really have the right to ask but…”
“Why am I like this?”
“Uhm…yeah?” I try and sound like I’m kind of sorry for asking I mean it’s like really personal stuff when you get into stuff like this with girls like us.
“I’m part girl.”
Huh…what?
“I…I don’t get it?”
“I was born with uhm…both…well not both but…”
“But?”
“I was cleaning the attic out when we moved from our old house to our new one and I found papers Steph…they…they did some surgery stuff when I was a baby to fix me.” Elle does some air quotes. “I mean I was freaked out right?”
“Right, I sooo get that.”
“Well I tried to ignore this stuff but I just couldn’t get it out of my head.”
“I know that feeling.”
She nods. “And I…I just…I mean it’s Halloween right? I mean if there was any time to do this…”
“I so get that too, did it actually.” I lean over and hug her.
“I don’t think that I really feel, feel like a girl but I don’t know…I don’t really fee like a guy either.”
I nod. “I get that too sometimes. It’s the way I feel deep down sometimes and it’s always clashed with my real life.”
“Really?” Elle/Nick looks at me. “I thought…I mean with all this that you’re full on girl.”
“I am but when you live as a boy all the time…you always wonder. I mean if I do this guy thing this well aren’t I meant to be one and just all screwed up in the head.”
“Okay…I get that but Stephanie…”
“Yeah?”
“It’s like just sort of my opinion but this just seems so you.”
“It is, I’ve been kind of lucky my family gets it…I never thought they did but they do.”
Her shoulders slump. “Mine won’t.”
“Why?”
“I showed them the papers….Dad had a fit. He said I was born with the right stuff and that they fixed the screw up and that’s that.”
Oh…ouch.
“And your mum?”
“She actually said… What’s done is done Nick you’re better off.”
“Ouch…sorry…you want me to see if my parents can talk to them?”
“God no they’ve been edgy and miserable and stuff every time something even close to this comes up Steph it’ll only make it worse.”
“Oh…damn sorry…can I do anything?”
“No…not right now…I…I just gotta deal right?”
“No…yes…I get it, I do I’m not really out yet either.”
Elle/Nick looks around. “Well with the gay thing going around and this they’re going to talk.”
I nod and look around. “Kind of the plan. I’m going for the idea if they all think that when I come out it’ll be an oh…yeah…moment more than a lynch the freak one.”
She looks at me. “Good idea…and Steph…thanks.”
“For what?”
“You’re going to be first…I mean I don’t really know of anyone like us or any other of the LGBT kids out here in our school.”
“LGBTQI…you’re I think what they call intersexed Nikki, so don’t forget the I.”
“Really…I didn’t know.”
“I’ve read up stuff online and stuff…when you’re like us sometimes you kinda become an expert.”
“Can you show me sometime?”
“Sure, you can come over y’know I mean since I guess you’re cool with me being me.”
She blushes. “Yeah…I’d…I’d like that.”
I blush too because yeah I’m thinking about the kiss we had too and the other stuff.
“You’re folks know you’re here like this?”
“Oh heck no.”
“I guess they’re not here.”
“No, my older brother has a basketball thing they went to that.”
I look out at the dance floor.
“No one looks like they know or are going to tell…so…you want to go out and try dancing some more?”
She looks out at the dance floor and she’s on the fence.
I get up and take her hand. “If you’re risking it anyway then make it worth it right?”
She nods. “Okay…”
I smile and pull her out and into the little knot where the girls are at and are dancing. Nick/Elle/Nikki is kind of just standing there and I look at M.J. and she grins at me and she says.
“Hey…just start like this, watch my feet.”
We go from some just really basic kind of dancing moves and steps to how to do stuff with your arms and upper body. You know that’s usually the self conscious part Jenn said it’s not knowing what to do with your arms and torso.
It’s that and then some hip and slowly Elle’s worried-shy-and dance-bashful face begins to smile and we start having some fun. It’s like any teen dance really but it’s not really…I mean I was stuck behind the Guyboden before with dances and stuff but here it’s dancing mostly with the girls as a bunch of girls and occasionally with a few of the boys bold enough to ask.
Serious blush I get asked twice more by Randy to dance. Both are up beat stuff and or slow songs but there is still different and kind of fun about dancing with him than just with the girls.
I think it helps he can really actually dance some too, he’s not as self conscious. I’m having a really good time too and then something happens.
M.J. looks at me. “C’mon lets go to the bathroom.”
And Amber and Toni and Becky are going with us and I stop at the door…oh…oh this is big.
And scary.
I’m freezing up because dressing and dancing is one thing this, this is something else altogether.
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Comments
Yay! The continuing story.
Yay! The continuing story. It's great to see that Nick/Ella/Nicky has found someone to help them in Steph.
Thank you for another chapter of this story Bailey. It will be interesting to see where you take this post-contest.
"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."
I'm glad to return to Masks:)
I don't know where it'll go or for how long but it seems to be a fun write and I seldom write a Gen audience story so there's that too.
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey Summers
" this is something else altogether."
it kinda is, but I remember the day I got my "carry letter" so I could use the ladies bathrooms, and I stopped at a mall just for that purpose. It turned out to be kinda anti-climatic, as no one even gave me a second look ...
scary but
you weren't thirteen and entering the forbidden place, you were a mature Lady.
great to see more of this. and congrats on your win!
thanks
Thanks for the congrats LoneWolf.
That's very much part of the scary too. It's a night where a lot has happened already and this just makes it a lot more real.
*Hugs and Howls*
Bailey Summers
Right now Steph can't fathom this being anti-climatic.
It's the girls bathroom, it's that place where there's magic that happens right?
*Great Big Angel Hugs*
Bailey a proud Big Brother.
Bailey Summers
Yes, Love this Story
So glad to see the continuation begin.
Portia
Thanks so much Portia:)
Between the fan comments and PM requests It really made this a no brainer plus 25 chapters is a lot of headway to get into a story.
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey Summers
Great
Glad the story continues!
Thanks Patty G:)
Awesome to hear from a new commentor, every one helps us write.
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey Summers
Poor Elle!
Fixed? "What’s done is done" *groans* Aww gee, that's just so messed up. I think Steph and company will all support her though, and that has to count for something.
Go Stephanie! I hope there are no haters behind those big scary doors. she does have plenty of backup with her however.
Elle/Nick has all these messed up feelings.
What happened would do the same I think for most of us and thee's a good part of the whole topic that can/does need telling here.
Steph can get a whole ot of that with her own experiences in a close way. She will of course want to help her friend though as much as she can.
*Great Big Hugs for Pixie dust.*
Bailey Summers
More Masks
Its great to see the continuation of this wonderful story.
A great read and one that can be read more than once.
Gosh thank you so much UkRose55:)
That's a really great compliment and I love that people feel they can reread my stuff.
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey Summers
Unfortunately
The Doctors aren't always the only ones responsible for problems with 'sex assignment' for children who don't fit into our binary system. At Ellie has an understanding friend now. :)
Hugs
Grover
No not just the doctors Grover but the parents too.
Unfortunately there's way more of this that has happened than really gets talked about. I think I'll try to do some of this at east in this story.
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey Summers
I really feel bad for
I really feel bad for Nick/Nicky. Parent's should never make those choices until the child develops and can be part of the choice, unless there is a serious medical reason not just wanting the child as one or the other for their own comfort. They especially shouldn't try to pass it off as unimportant when the child questions the situation.
Great story, lets hope Nick/Nicky can get help to decide his/her life direction.
Big hugs
Lizzie :)
Bailey's Angel
The Godmother :p
I hear you Lizzie, and more parents wait now but it's still new.
There's still though a lot of parents that won't face up to gender issues especially those outside the norms.
*Great Big Angel Hugs*
Bailey...the Godfather;)
Bailey Summers
Thanks!
Yay! Thanks for continuing the story.
Koala
Inside every older person is a young person wondering what the heck happened.
Thanks for the thanks Koala!
All the comments that I get seriously help. Reads and Kudos are great but they don''t have a face as it were. They really give us a push when we need it sometimes.
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey Summers
Ooooooh! I know that moment.
Yes, I have used the ladies room before, but I have yet to face that point at work or with friends and family. I am not yet out at work, nor around my friends or family. Yes, my family knows about me - as well as an unknown number of others in the community in which I live, thanks to a few moronic relatives of my ex-wife making it public. However, I am not at the point in my transition yet where I normally present as female in public or at work.
Hopefully, by the end of next summer that will change - and I will then pass the rubicon of the ladies room at work. I am terrified of the reaction this will cause at work, yet at the same time I can not wait for that day to arrive. Once I cross that line, my life will be completely different. Hopefully in all good ways, but different one way or another - permanently.
Bailey, once again you have managed to tear my innermost thoughts from my mind and put them to paper - well, I guess paper doesn't really apply anymore, does it. As I told you some time back, you are so like the song Killing Me Softly. You are writing my life with your words.
Whatever you do, write a happy ending for me.
Thanks,
Dallas
D. Eden
Dum Vivimus, Vivamus
I think this will be a bright side kind of story Dallas.
There might be some cloudy or bittersweet things in it here and there but it just feels like it'd be more a happy coming of age type of thing.
I like that this reaches out to people in the ways we're far more alike than different.
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey Summers
Color me slow, but...
it is only with this chapter that I realized that everything is kept in the present tense rather than the past tense. I think this makes the story even more impressive.
I try to write a lot of "Stream of consciouess." things Snowdrop
or at least that's what I've heard it called a few times. I think it's a personal voice thing that I like I usually enjoy the character narrative stuff on TV like Veronica Mars/Magnum where they're talking about and to themselves but we can hear it too.
Oddly 3rd person is the hardest for me to write but it by far the most common way we see writing done.
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey Summers
I know VERY well how Nick
I know VERY well how Nick feels. And I have lived through his parents' reactions to things as well. I just wish I had friends like Steph and her group. But I am glad Nick has them in the story. :)
Samirah M. Johnstone
Stephanie will try and be there for Nick/Elle.
Since she has a feeling that all of this might be just as hard as the things that she's going through. I do want to touch on this stuff though since it's seldom talked about past a plot device.
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey Summers
Complications
So Nick(i) is intersex, but was "corrected" shortly after birth. Given the parents don't even want to entertain the possibility of Nick(i) exploring femininity, it looks as though that could become a new mission for Steph, MJ and the girls (especially once Steph's officially come out). The other girls' involvements may become necessary because associating with Steph might not play favourably with Nick(i)'s parents, but associating with the other girls may not be (especially if they don't find out it's a pretext to femininity exploration...)
(Cor it's hard trying to avoid using pronouns when discussing a character!)
As the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then only left-handers are in their right mind!
Like I've mentioned before.
The intersexed I've seen used in a lot of stories seems a stepping stone to bright and shiny girldom and there's a lot to it. Nick's folks don't want to go there and don't want Nick going there either but honesty it's never than easy.
Steph will help as much as she can because that kind of pain's something she unfortunately gets.
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey Summers
So love it when the mouse is so
fidgety ti double click on save button with only a single click touch but that's okay I love this story enough for 2 comments, great chapter Bailey
Goddess Bless you
Love Desiree
Desiree you're worth hearing from twice:)
I'm so Glad you're enjoying this.
*Blessed Hugs*
Bailey Summers
Not the only one
I'm really happy to see masks continuing, it's stuff like it that makes you my favorite author on the site.
Stories like masks and jem tend to make me cry in touching and awesome ways, while stories like squires always makes me feel good.
You seem to have a firm grip on my emotions, and I love it.
Thank You sooo much Thliwent:)
Hopefully soon there will be all three of each of those up soon:)
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey Summers
time is on my side.
Oh, I've learned to be patient with your writing. You have so many things going on at once that I love it seems that every day or 2 there's something I'm dying to read right away. I write a bit myself (finally started posting it on another site, going to post here once I've finished) and I totally grasp going where the muse takes you. I'm going to be honest and say that a few stories just don't resonate with me but every time I see something new by you I have to read it.
I mostly just follow stories but good writers like you and Julie O have been ones where following the writer leads to better results.
If I had to list my 5 favorite ongoing stories you'd be 3 of them on bc you'd be 3 of them.
But as someone who's rather stuck in the closet, as it were, your stories really get me.
P.S. I absolutely love Steph being happy, and the outing to the family scene had me shaking, wishing I could hope for that myself. Seeing the story continue makes me happy in all sorts of ways.
I might just have another song for Jem's playlist.
I'm super glad that you enjoyed the stories so far!
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey Summers
Dear Bailey you are so very nice
to us, a mask so soon in this new month, and 3 new Gems, um Jems oh it 4 new Gems now and thanks so very much
Goddess Bless you
Love Desiree
Yay more Gem puns!
I'm very glad that you're enjoying things so much!
*Blessed Hugs*
Bailey Summers
Oh I just loved the Father/Daughter dance and....
*I Hope You Dance* By Lee Ann Womack was a perfect selection Bailey! Stephanie's plan may just work giving everyone a sample of what's to come. Nick/Nicki is another sad story. Hopefully with support from Stephanie's circle Nicki to can be who she needs to be. Bailey dear, congrats on the contest win and thank you dear for continueing on, lovely story! Great Big Lovin' Hugs, Taarpa
I love that song too Taarpa.
I'm not remotely a country music fan but there are some songs that are just perfect. Thank you again for the congrats and all the lovely support with your great comments. They always mean so much and really do help us writers carry on.
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey Summers