Absinthe, Opium and Honor… Chapters 37 & 38.

Chapter 37

It was too long after Alex joined us at Sasha’s that I knew she was the person Jeff was seeing instead of Dina. I actually liked Alex the first time I met her we talked.

It was after a few glasses of absinthe and Alex giving me long lovingly slow blow jobs.

(Smiles) I can tell right now that Alex like me has the cocksucking gene just by the smile in her eyes as she’s blowing first Sasha then myself.

I still say really that if you don’t love sucking cock don’t bother…go ahead and try but really if you don’t enjoy it, don’t do it. Neither person really has fun with it.

It’s a lot more fun too for me with the lessons. I get another person to lovingly suck myself, to sink into me or ink into her…and then there’s times when it’s the three of us together and while Alex is a bit too new for it. She is very excited bit the times we’ve been sharing and me.

Well I love cock and getting it two ways is just amazing….It’s better when Sasha’s sinking into me and I’m sucking Alex because frankly Sasha is incredible and loving and talented from her years of experience.

But I guess you can see what the bulk of the lessons are like.

Well it is and it isn’t, there’s a lot of sexual mechanics too…orally, how to use your lips there’s nothing just there…tongue, pressure, tactile tricks, suction….just like anally…breathing, reactions…loosening hen tightening…how to move, how to roll you hips and with both sensuality.

Making the sweet sexy sounds, wordplay, erogenous zones, it’s learning how to be sexy and slutty but sweet and powerful too…it’s work as much as it’s fun.

And it is fun too once you’re past the sex. It’s really high level dress up and pretend where you practice moving and walking and swaying, dressing and make-up and a thousand little things. Really even GG’s can’t just pop into lingerie and be anywhere close to someone that’s used to wearing it.

Aside from that Alex is here on her parent’s dime and a hockey scholarship and is riding the cliffhanger edge of her family finding out. She a gamer and she’s very into video games and some of the computer ones it’s really interesting stuff once you get past the jargon.

I was enough of a guy to still get most of that stuff since I was an art/horror/comic geekette myself. Though with my limited knowledge of video games I’m more of a Nintendo 64 and Mario and Zelda person really I think other than the odd time I stopped playing video games in favor for being a sort of angry preteen around thirteen and fourteen years old.

The stuff Alex has talked about sounds really complex but sort of fun. I think I’d enjoy watching them play more than playing. I’ve done that with Noel and her WoW stuff with the undead guy that lich king guys or whatever.

Though we’re all wondering what the result of Alex changing will be with the coach and the faculty and her scholarship status. She’s started squirreling away cash now just in case and for her boob job.

I can really just see how much she want’s them though in her eyes but both Sasha and I are telling her to take her time and be careful. It’s a journey not a race and you tend to burn a lot of bridges when you do.

Though mine I’m kind of good with.

I don’t Hate my mother and sister but they are people that honestly I don’t want anything to do with anymore in my life. It sucks losing family in a way but I’m building my own. Like Rick and Tommy…we might have been and still might be lovers but really we’re close as it gets sometimes it’s like I have two brothers.

So like I’ve said it’s been sort of a busy week with my classes and my lessons at Sasha’s and that’s sort of a good thing since Jax had called me and he’s going to be out at sea awhile longer than we thought. He’s had a job handed to him to help out on another fishing boat and he has to take the work and the pay when he can and him being available like that and a hard worker builds his reputation up and in that business it’s your name way more than your resume that’ll get you hired or in his case starting to get people asking for you.

Okay that kind of sucks since we were just starting to see each other and he’s a very nice guy and a magnificent lover no matter the fact he’s blessed with an incredible cock.

Like I just said he’s a nice guy and I was looking forward to spending more actual time with him.

And Ian’s still off working so…

I’ve been sort of left on my own except for my times with Sasha and Alex. But with school and my classes along with the shop I’ve plenty to do. Thankfully I’ve been feeling better and better and my ribs are still bruised and still sore but they’re hugely better in comparison to how they used to be. But I’m still wearing my corsets and even tightened them a little more.

Hey every little bit helps, I’ll admit to being kind of vain enough to want to look good. I’m not a GG and I have a whole other list of things that I have to do and keep doing if I want to keep looking good. Oh I know that GG’s don’t have it remotely easy either given the way people expect us to look as women and I am a woman.

So I want a trim waist even if I have to train it and I want nice abs because they’re sexy and nice hips and everything else and I’m willing to work at it.

But I’m not going to use it like a lot of other women do.

And I’m not talking about my mom or sister this time but the good looking girls that won the genetic lottery. XX and all the bonus features to go with it and just going to classes and stuff I see them and how they sometimes behave.

Honestly yes mean self absorbed bitches.

And it’s not just the fact they’re good looking and they have all the parts in the right places and use that to string guys along and squeeze them for stuff.

Well there is that but they are mean, really, really mean to girls that are actually very pretty but aren’t on their level of pretty…and the worse it gets the more unperfect or plain that a girl is when they set their eyes on them.

And the other thing that gets my blood up about these people? It’s that it doesn’t even register.

They will be scathingly mean to some poor girl just because they’re in their way…seriously like in line in front of them or something just as inane and the break out the super bitch powers on her and say shit or do shit and then she’ll leave in tears or on the edge of tears and they will totally forget about her once she’s out of eyeshot.

Meanwhile some of these girls are the type that have screwed up their courage to come to university out in the really big and scary and effing cruel world to try and get a degree and maybe, just maybe find some people that didn’t treat them like trash, it was supposed to be better than high school not worse.

Shit like that hurts, it hurts people really badly and really deeply and sometimes if the person has been bullied and put down enough it can really…

So when this little miss bottle blondie omigawd sipping on a Slavebucks coffee is starting to make these comments in the food hall about this girl in front of them. Apparently she didn’t move out of their way when she and her two twitterhead friends came up so they think that it’s fair game to start hassling her about her weight.

So I go and get a tray and I cut in line right in between this girl and them.

“Oh! He…llo…like fucking excuse me who do you thing you are like cutting in line in front of us?”

Nasal and not even like valley girl but more like MTV jersey whore kind of talking.

I look at the girl ahead of me. “Hey thanks for holding my spot.”

She looks at me wide eyed a bit and nods. “Y..you’re welcome…”

The girl behind me reaches out and grabs my arm. Not hard but she grabs my arm and I use my tray and whack her fingers.

“Like ow!”

I look at her. “Look but don’t touch didn’t your parents teach you any manners?”

I raise an eyebrow staring at her.

“You hit me!”

“You grabbed me.”

“You cut in line!”

“So you should be thanking me.”

“Thanking you! Waffor?”

“Stopping you before you do something really stupid.”

“Like what?”

I lean over to her but all three of them. I put on my mean face myself the one that I do have and usually keep to myself. It’s the face that I have when I think about my sister or when I get mad over the fact those other girls thought it was okay to “Flight test” me.

“Like you saying any more shit about my friend…three stories on concrete didn’t stop me and you three won’t be a problem either if you keep acting like the entitled little cunts that you are. This is college, no one gives two shits about who you were in high school…and frankly nobody cares.”

She looks like no one has talked to her or the other two like this in their lives and I wasn’t lowering my voice either so you know what happens? All the unperfect kids, some of the girls and some of the guys well they’re tired of their shit to and I guess they just needed an excuse to tell them off.

Old high school fears die hard but they do die sometimes. The look on their three faces as people actually started to clap was amazing. It got louder as they turned red and made little bitchy piggy squealing and addle brained hen squawking sounds at me and about all of this as they beat a hasty retreat.

The applause followed them out.

Then some is for me and I take a bow with an extra flourish of my tray and I start recounting. “This be the winter of my discontent….” There’s some boo’s and people throw wadded up napkins at me but it’s in fun and I’m not letting it get to my head.

It helps to show that too and just go with it.

I turn back to the girl who’s looking at me a little but she’s sort of wiping at tears with the back of her hand.

For the record she’s really pretty, five four maybe and likely a hundred and eighty pounds. Yes a big girl but to be fair a whole lot of that is breasts and those are really nice and she does have these wide hips and a big butt but honestly not that huge and she has a very pretty face. Shoulder length brown hair and these really big doe like brown eyes.

Like I said she really pretty.

I offer my hand. “Hey, I’m Jamie.”

“Uhm Emily.”

“Nice to meet you.”

“Really?”

“Sure.”

She looks at me and she blinks and while she’s trying to get whatever’s going on in her head worked out I get my lunch. The food here’s actually not bad really for a food hall. There’s all the usual stuff like mac and cheese, cheap pizza and burgers and fries and hot dogs. Tater tots seem a big thing here and I don’t really get that but they seem a popular trendy on campus thing.

Me I get a salad or rather make one from the salad bar which is really well stocked so I make a salad of baby spinach and arugula with baby tomatoes and slices of cucumber and zucchini and I add a lot of feta cheese in it and some yogurt drizzled over it as a dressing they have some decent looking baked white fish so I get some of that too then I get a granola cup with a honey crisp apple two bottles of water and a chocolate milk.

Emily is looking at me. “What no desert?”

“No not here they have much better baked good out at the coffee kiosk.”

“I was kidding; you’re actually going to eat all of that?”

“Yes and maybe more if I’m still hungry.”

She’s looking at me. “Really…”

“I burn it off.”

“How?”

“Lots of exercise and lots of sex.”

Her eyes get wide. “So it’s true?”

“Depends on what it is?”

“That…they say that you sleep around a lot…”

I shrug. “Not really not compared to some, I’ve been with around…seven people in my entire life compared that to some here on campus and…”

She looks at me and sort of nods and we get to the cash and I reach past her to give my food card to the girl at the cash. “Both please.”

Emily looks at me. “You didn’t have to do that but thanks…”

I smile. “No problem I usually just grab the odd snack or something here on campus and eat at home.”

“Still thanks every bit helps y’know I’m kind of broke all the time.”

“I hear that it’s why I’m trying to make my own money even though I’m lucky enough that my dad left me some money when he passed away.”

“Oh…sorry about your dad.”

“Thanks, I appreciate that.”

We head over to a table and we’re getting a few looks and Emily is blushing and sort of hiding her face behind her hair. We sit and I add a little salt and some pepper to my salad just because I like both in my salad and most people never think of it.

I’m sort of seeing people that aren’t my usual talk about me’s checking us out. I look at Emily. “So…what gives we’re getting some looks.”

“You…you’re here sitting with us and with me.”

“So?”

“You’re from the popular tables.”

“I am?”

She gives me this look like Duh… “You’re Jamie Blake you’re the poster girl for TG here at school, you’re an actually makes real art, art major. You look effing amazing enough that even as a trans girl you rate in most of the campus’s top hotties lists, you broke through some of the lesbitches and made friends….they don’t get why you’re even over here sitting in nobody land.”

“There’s no such thing as someone being a nobody Emily.”

“Really? Well not everyone thinks that Jamie, I mean…not even us…or me.”

I look at her and she’s sort of blushing and sort of staring at her food and is getting quieter.

“So…I take it that you don’t have a problem with trans-girls?”

“No…I mean Jamie look at me where could I really stand giving anyone crap about their body?”

“You’ve got a nice body.”

“Pfft…yeah right…” She has this bitter old hurt look and trust me I get it I wasn’t heavy as a guy but I was the do not apply you’re nowhere near cool enough metal head geeky teenager home.

“I’d go out with you.”

Emily stares at me and for a good long time.

“Look Emily you’re pretty and you look healthy and healthy is different from athletic…people put way too much emphasis on that kind of thing. If you don’t mind going out with me I’d love to take you out.”

“Like a friend right?”

“No…well yes I like you like I said even though we just me and I’d like to take you out on a date and honestly…?”

I raise my eyebrow and she’s blushing but she gives me this go ahead nod.

“Honestly I’d like to get to have that good kind of night sometime where we do end up sleeping together.”

She coughs on her forkful of fried rice and I smile and let her get composed as I open my chocolate milk.

“You’d sleep with me…?” she doesn’t seem to believe that.

“Emily, I’m the gender queer person here shouldn’t that be my line?”

She blushes and smiles a little it’s cute but it’s a nervous smile. “I’d sleep with you too Jamie…I mean like if we got to that point and stuff from dating not like just right away and stuff.” The second part of that came out fast in a nervous rush.

“Cool, so do you have plans tonight?”

She’s blinking all shocked again.

“No…I never have plans just watching TV…or something.”

“Supper someplace and a show?”

“Okay…” She does a visible swallow and lick of her lips nervously.

“So what looks good playing right now I never really get to see that stuff these days?”

Emily shrugs. “I’m not sure but we can look up where the theaters are and see what they have playing where.”

She takes out one of those computer tablets which are really cool and I don’t have one yet but I sort of want one. I’ve never been the tech toy guy as a kid with my mainstay being my music and the comics and graphic novels and stuff.

I get up and I move to sit right beside her so we can look things up together and we’re sort of looking at places to eat at for our date and we’re taking our time and eating together which is great since it sort of is breaking the ice between us with the whole being in each other’s personal spaces. It’s actually fun because we’re looking at some of the movies and playing the trailers for them which has us talking and laughing.

She’s a dyed in the wool geekette and we’re going to see The Sorcerer’s Apprentice with Nick Cage in it. Which is fine by me because I might be me but there’s just some movies that the supposedly market for the female audience that’s just…retarded…no plot, no sense and just all whining and drama and romance….without a storyline.

I like girly movies too but to me any movie has to have a point to it and not be a bunch of random stuff. That’s just lazy.

“So well go out to the Richmond Mall?”

“Okay…I’ve never been on the train yet.”

“Well I was thinking I can drive us since they have a parking garage.”

“Uhm…okay…” She’s giving me a funny look.

“It’s better for me to part my motorcycle inside where it can be looked after better.”

“Oh…oh uhm…motorcycle?”

“Yeah is that okay?”

Emily stares at me and she bites at her lower lip and she nods but says shy and quietly. “I’ve never been on one before.”

“Good, can I get your address?”

She writes it down blushing and sort of smiling too.

“So around six thirty? Gives us time to get there and have supper before the movie?”

“Okay…” She still looks I don’t know in shock at us going out?

I lean over to her as I’m getting up since I do have afternoon classes. “I’ll see you then.” I give her a soft sweet kiss on the cheek and smell her a little. Yes enough to know that I did and I’m smiling as I pull away from her and get my bag and then my tray.

And because I know she’s watching I do a nice full measured sway as I’m going.

Chapter 38

*Alex…………

I guess things really started when I rolled over the next morning and nuzzled into Jeff and said. “I’m saying yes.”

“Mmmm…yes to what?”

“Sasha…I want to…I need to learn from her.”

“That’s the woman that’s like you and that Jamie girl right?”

“Yeah.”

“And you’ll be with her?”

“Yeah…are you okay with that?”

He just layed there awhile then nodded. “I can’t really get why you need to be you Alex, I mean like the whole changing to be you thing and she does…I think I’m good with it.”

“Okay…thank you.” I reached down and stroked him until he was hard.

“Oh….oh no…no problem.”

I smiled at him as cute as I could make it and slid down and helped myself to his cock for a dose of Jeff’s special shake.

I’m still sort of trying to process things too really with that I mean I was raised in a house that wasn’t like total bigots but at the same time you just weren’t gay…or trans…or Mahu as Sasha likes to say.

So I’m still kind of emotionally huh over the fact that I’m sucking Jeff’s cock and I love doing that these days.

It’s visceral and sexy and powerful to me. To hold him in my fingers and taste and to suck and lick and make those sounds come out of him turns me on so much. And I’m a greedy girl too because after we’ve had sex by the time I’m swallowing his cream with a happy Mmmm sound I want him inside of me.

I have to give him time to get hard again but I still got that to that morning and Jeff left well laid and with a bounce to his step. I’m kind of proud of that y’know. His ex never had him acting like that.

……………………….It’s sort of needless to say that during my days at Sasha’s were filled with sex is kind of an understatement. I showed up at her place and she opened the door and let me in and I looked her in the eyes and said. “It’s who I need to be, teach me.”

And we kissed long and slow and I went down on her and that’s how that started again.

Jamie came in on things the very next day.

And as much as I love the sex, I’m being taught to love the sex.

Taught…yeah to slow down and to savor the feelings of being filled, to let the feelings of sexual pleasure push me into even deeper levels of lust and want but control too…like imagine feeling so horny that while someone is making sweet love to you filling you and hitting all those amazing sexual places you have a cock in front of you and you want to suck it so bad…you’re so turned on that it’s just something that you need.

Well I’m being taught to handle that lust and those feelings and to show just how much need I have as I’m doing it…moans and savoring it and thanking them…always thanking your partners in sex…and not just after but before you even take your first taste…as their sinking into you…you take that lust and turn it out as emotion…grateful to be filled , to suck, to tell them how good they taste or feel to be grateful and humble and wanton all at once.

It sounds all sorts of Stepford wife like doesn’t it but also being on the receiving end of Sasha looking at me so sexy and so eager and so pleased and wantonly and sexily saying… “Oh…Alex…such a pretty cock…nice, sweet…thank you…thank you for letting me suck it.”

It’s such a turn on.

And make no mistake about it she only gets cock shoved down her throat if that’s what she wants with her hands there and her mouth she is in control…but it sure doesn’t feel that way.

And Jamie’s even better when it comes to getting her face humped…she has no gag reflex and I’m slipping in and out of her throat and she’s acting like I’m actually fucking her and making these happy muffled super sexy sounds…I want to learn that but it’s going to take a lot more time.

Both of them just seem to be able to wield their sexuality so powerfully that I ache to be able to be like them.

And heaven help me the sex is like only like a small part of it. Kissing…how to kiss the different ways to kiss and how to put feelings into them and practice and practice and more practice and posture and manners and corsets and…

Oh…oh yes it’s all in with them it’s this is me…if I said that this is really who I want to be then I made my choice.

And all in apparently includes a butt-plug and living with it to start teaching my body. Jamie even went back to using hers as like a show of solidarity and to sort of cheer me on.

And there so much more coming…no pun intended. Mannerisms and not just manners the way to move and clothes and heels and lingerie are all going to be part of what’s in store for me.

I’m kind of excited.

No I am excited.

Jamie took me around to the LGBTQ rooms on campus and we talked and met people and we talked to some of the councilors there I’m coming out, there’s no other way to really do this and be who I really feel that I am inside but that…that’s got problems of it’s own for me.

I’m a hockey player, I’m here on scholarship and while I’m second string I’m in goal and that’s switched out a lot. I do see ice time. I see ice time and I’m coming out. And who I’m coming out as isn’t like being gay where they can just sort of ignore it I’m going to be changing inside and out.

It’s a good thing actually Jamie brought me here because I’ve been meeting with some of the councilors and some of the probono legal members of the LGBTQ here and helped me get all the I’s dotted and the T’s crossed.

As long as I perform to the standards of play that I established by getting my scholarship and how good I can play they can’t legally discriminate against me any more than if I was just gay. And they can’t do that.

It was actually anti climatic as far as the coaching staff went and the administration. I have to change in the women’s locker rooms and stuff but they almost seemed like they were prepared for this kind of thing to happen.

And if you think that’s all too easy well it was a lot of work and it was nerve wracking with the whole build up to it and everything but the scariest stuff for here is yet to come.

One… I have to talk to Jeff and let him know that I’m going to be officially out soon and that I’ll be sort of stopping being fake Alex.

That’s…we’re not out and he’ll have to choose to either come out sort of with me or we’ll be done if he can’t do that…or won’t do that.

Two…until I can move or something I need to keep living where I’m living and that means if I’m going to be me I need to come out to the house. And who the hell knows what will happen there. I mean we’re on a LGBTQ friendly campus but that’s only for the most part…I mean look at the things that’ve happened to Jamie.

And Sasha has said very seriously to me a few times that I will get hurt by being me. That it will happen sooner or later. It sucks to think that way but I’m not stupid either…I’m walking into the world where there are people who are violent towards women, add in homophobia and then transphobia and yeah…I’ll have enemies just being myself and some will be people that don’t even know me.

Three…I have to come out to the team and the best way will be just to be honest with them about this. And that could still scrub my scholarship. See if there’s enough of the players that refuse to play with me after that they can’t suspend all of them, heck legally they likely can’t go after them for not wanting to play on the same team as me.

So…so if enough players walk then I’m a liability to the team.

And…and if it’s only a few or even one if the matter can’t be resolved and it comes to him losing his scholarship because he refuses to play with me on the team I have to resign.

Sasha said so.

Yeah unfair?

No…I mean yes but not. (See I really am girl brained.) I made this choice and I can’t make someone feel better about me being me if they’re set against it and if I’m standing by my rights to play and ignoring his rights I’m in the wrong because I did something that had changed everything for everyone of the team.

So to be fair and honorable I have to offer to walk if it comes down to that.

If it comes down to it…I will.

It’s so strange how much that I want to be that kind of girl that has that kind of code. I mean it’s scaring me that I could lose so much with all this at stake but just look at Jamie…I’m her lover and I still see those yellow and ick looking bruises there from what had happened.

I’ve seen her need to stop and take a deep breath before going up or down those steps and that’s…that PTSD kind of stuff and she actually fought to not have the book through at those girls because she believed that they were young and stupid being our age.

Just like I seen her stand up to those three girls just now and be open and wonderful and making a new friend to the girl those three were making fun of.

There’s so much to be scared of and yet there’s so much that I want to be now.