CHAPTER 79
All vehicles loaded, they were off to the West at last, and of course I kept a close eye on the older two.

There was no goodbye snog, not even a peck on the cheek from either, but she got a hard one-armed hug before he climbed into his bus. Both seemed to be smiling, though, so things seemed to have reached some sort of equilibrium. I still had no illusions that he was going to launch into some great romantic escapade with her, but at least he wasn’t lashing out so far, either at her or himself.

It was a tribute to Alice’s reality that he seemed, in the main, to see her as herself rather than, as he put it, a bald man in a dress. She was so naturally herself that I was finding it hard to remember Alan, and that showed how much something as simple as his beard had closed off her soul. Even at that moment of horror that still played itself out in slow motion in my dreams, as she rose up over the bonnet of Ripley’s car and her wig flew off, she was still herself. Her personality shone through any physical limitations, and those were lessening with time.

She had lost a lot of muscle mass in hospital, as well as a lot of excess flab, and never having been anything of an athlete she didn’t have that breadth or top-heaviness that comes from hard physical work. Her new breasts were never going to grow that big, but they were definitely there, and they were all her. Long sessions with Andy’s friend had removed the stubble the man himself had commented on (how well I remembered that particular bit of fun) and one unexpected benefit of that beard had been the avoidance of years and years of shaving, so that her skin had come out even better.

No, she was dumpy, she had a minimal figure, but she was looking better and better as the months went by. The one thing she had been blessed with was small extremities: her hands and feet were very small for a ‘man’, which definitely helped. If only that bugbear of new girls, male pattern baldness, had skipped her genetics.

Pie had, of course, come with us, so as Tony quite deliberately took tow hyperactive youths for a stroll I had some time with Enid and Alice to catch up. I had already tried for a quick situation report from Enid in the kitchen at a quiet moment, but she had refused to break confidence. Once we had cleared the decks, I bearded Alice, so to speak.

“I take it the two of you have talked.”

“Yes, we have. To be honest, I don’t know if it is really something I can be fully open about, Arwel is a very private man in respect to this sort of thing”

I thought for a while…no, I had to be as open with her as I could. I would and could deal with any consequences from Arwel, and I needed them both to be safe. Enid just sat quietly listening.

“Alice, he was crying on me the other day. I am scared for my uncle, and I know this is between you, but all I want is to know he is OK. If he gets angry, he lashes out, and when he gets confused or frustrated, he gets angry”

“Arwel would never hit me”

“No, but he might hit Alan, and if he gets confused he might forget who you really are”

“Sarah, even so, do you think a man so proud in his strength would lower himself to beat up a pathetic shrimp like Alan?”

I looked sharply at her. She smiled, slightly sadly. “Love, I always felt that ‘Alan’ was an act, a role I played. He died when I was in hospital. I just sort of thought that as I had to be resuscitated it would be a rebirth as well. Can you understand that?”

“Oh you silly woman, of course I can. You’re missing the point, though. I don’t want you to think I’m forgetting you, but it’s him I worry about?”

“Who? Alan? He’s dead, I told you!”

“Will you be serious for a bit? You know full well who I mean. I’m worried that he will do something, and to himself. He’s a stiff-necked old bugger, and you have knocked him sideways. You have moved all his goalposts around.”

I paused. She seemed in too good a mood. “Have you….you know, been, well…”

She started to laugh “Have I had my wicked way with him? You are being just a little previous there, my girl! I don’t have the equipment, for a start!”

“Well, I sort of managed rather well with Tony before, you, know, em…”

“Ye gods! For someone who has been heard, and I quote, screaming to have her brains fucked out, you are coming over very bashful!”

Enid giggled at that. I snapped back.

“Yes, but that’s me, and I am talking about my bloody maiden aunt and my aged uncle!”

“Very well-aged indeed…”

“Will you please be serious for a minute? It is a serious matter, and I am fucking worried, because I love both of you and I AM FUCKING TERRIFIED!”

She looked down at her hands, sighing. “I don’t know what I can really say, my dear. I must admit, from my side of the fence, it is simple. I love the old thug to bits. He has a real mind behind all that spiv acting, beneath all that ‘who ate you looking at?’ posing. He can argue, really debate, and he cares”

I thought of his reported conversation with Joe. “Yes, he cares, but that is generally for family. You are either in or out”

Alice looked sharply at me. “How long were you out of contact with him? Rather a while, wasn’t it? Here’s a hint: next time you see him, watch the news with him. And listen. He has very strong views, and the one common thing in there is fairness. I am beginning to think I know my Arwel better than his niece does, and she should remember one simple fact: his brother is her father, and they are stamped from the same die.”

She sighed again. “I’m sorry to snap at you, love, but it isn’t exactly easy for me. He is everything I could ever have dreamed of, and that makes it harder on both of us. If, IF, I’d been born the way I should have been if this world held any justice, he’d be on me like a shot.”

I stared at her. She made another sigh, this one of exasperation. “That is not the be-all and end-all of all relationships, you know. Even people your age get happily married where one has lost the ability to do what you seem to be fixated on.”

She grinned. “It would still be rather fun, though! No, there is no prospect of anything like that. I know I am looking a lot better as the weight comes off, but he still sees me as a bloke in a dress. To be honest, he does make me wonder if I should take that extra step, but I don’t know if I would pass the necessary fitness test, and, to be honest, I’ve had rather too much of hospitals recently.

“Look, Sarah, Arwel will make his own decisions, with or without our input. Just be aware that I am getting to know him rather intimately, if not quite like that. I know, in my heart, that he would never, ever harm me, just as he would never harm you, or Hywel, or any other member of his family. As far as he is concerned, I am part of that family”

“Yes, but-“

“And I know your fears, I worked that bit out myself. I have his promise that he will never do anything like that, not without talking to me first. He has also asked me a favour in return”

She seemed as if she were preening a little.

“What is that?”

“He asked, very simply, that if I was going to get, in his words, ‘it all fiddled about with down there’, I would promise him that I wasn’t doing it for him. He had already worked out the risks, you see, and he said:”

She adopted a truly atrocious Welsh accent. “Look you, don’t you be getting something so dangerous done, see, old woman bach, and be putting your life at risk for me, look you, for such a meaningless little maggot”

“He didn’t say that.”

“Yes he did.”

“Nope, he wouldn’t call you male. ‘Bach’ is masculine when you use it like that; and he doesn’t say ‘look you’, he says ‘aye’ “

“Well, those were almost his words. I just can’t do the accent. Seriously, and without revealing any more secrets, he is confused about a lot of things, but he knows that he cares for me, in some way that he needs to sort out in his own mind”

She drew a deep breath. “And he knows that I am in love with him. I told him that to his face”

“And how the hell did he take that?”

She grinned. “I think he was quite flattered, and I was rather chuffed at that”

Enid finally spoke. “Chuffed? She was in bloody tears of joy when she told me! Look, Sarah, I have tried to keep silent here, but I have been watching my friend here very, very closely. I am not letting her get away from me a second time because of someone’s stupidity. Trust me, and her, for now. Please. This could work, if two people are left a little room to find some way of their own. Let’s all take a step back and see what happens, can we?”

The door banged, and there was the sound of man, boy and dog. Both humans seemed a little worried about my tears, but Enid shushed them.

“Just woman’s things. Nothing to worry about.”