CHAPTER 59
Catching up. That is always the thing that can delight or appal you, as you work through the mail and the gossip that has piled up on the doorstep.

It was always nice to see Alice, though, because it warmed me every time I saw how completely she had settled into her real life. That was the key, the missing word; this was no ‘test’, she was simply out and being herself. The test, the trial, had been the years she had hidden away from the world.

Mam, of course, had the kettle on as soon as we hit the edge of Dover. What is it about the French that they can’t make tea? Before unpacking, we sat with our cups and answered an unceasing flow of questions from Jim as Pie rolled round the floor with a squeaky toy. Jim kept asking, though, so we plugged the camera into the telly and played the memory card through for him. As I set it up, I noticed the picture frame standing on the TV: my parents had taken a print of our wedding photo and had it framed. I almost didn’t recognise myself, but I knew every inch of the man standing by me.

Mam also had a roast for us that evening, good Welsh lamb, and Enid called round to join us for a true family meal. I had an odd thought, ‘I could get used to this’, before realising that I already was. My own real life.

Once Jim was packed off to his bed, we were able to start the real gossip. Alice dropped the first bombshell.

“Bev’s pregnant” she said with a grin. So typical of her, just to drop that one on us with no build up, but I was thrilled.

“How long has she…?”

“She confirmed it a couple of days ago, but she was cheeky about it”

She started to giggle. “Walks into the shop when she knew Andy would be out front, asks him if she can get staff discount and hands him the test kit and the cash!”

It was clear from the unspilled drinks that the others already knew.

“What would she have done if it had come up negative?”

“Ah, we had already done the test together the day before, and it was a clear positive. So, Andy just stands there with his mouth open, then grins, and says ‘Church or Registry Office?’ and off he goes on his break to look for a ring with her”

Mam was chuckling now. “Well, I have heard of more romantic proposals of marriage!”

I gave my husband a Look. “Yes, so have I, but if I remember correctly, mine was ‘I suppose I better give you this’ “

Tony looked embarrassed. “Well, I was nervous. Turns out I was right to be, I still haven’t fully recovered my hearing”

“Having second thoughts, are you?”

It is still an odd feeling getting a sloppily passionate kiss in front of my parents. They didn’t seem to mind, though, and neither did I, especially when I saw my Dad take Mam’s hand for a squeeze.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Work was a shock, of course, back into uniform and trying to remember how not to kill the paying customers. I was greeted by the Spelling Sisters as I came in, and had to show them my tan and my ring, and then I collared Andy for congratulations.

“How do you feel, butt?”

“To be honest, Sar, apprehensive. It’s what I want, you know that, but…”

“You not sure about you and Bev?”

“Oh, no, I love her to bits, she’s more than I ever hoped for. It’s me, though, I don’t know if I am up to this”

“So you are going to let her down, Andy?”

“That’s just about it, Sar, but not quite like that. I don’t mean that I want to run away, I mean that I don’t know if I‘m good enough to be a dad”

I could hear my father’s speech then, his fear of being unworthy of the woman who loved him.

“Andy, how do you think my Dad learned how to be a father? Or Tony? They just got on with it, because that is what fathers do. What about your own dad?”

“Er, he fucked off when I was four, with some woman he met in a supermarket. I think they moved to Torquay. Not the best of examples, Sar, but I take your point.”

“Andy, look at how you are with Jim, with your brother’s kids. You are a natural, you so clearly love children!”

“Yeah, but as an uncle you can give them back when you get bored with them”

“Andy, you are not your father”

“Yeah, but what if I am?”

“Your brother isn’t. Look, this is how men learn, it lands in their lap and they work at it. Children bring their parents up as well, you know”

There were customers waiting, so I simply gave him a hug, and a kiss on the cheek.
“Go and ask Bev what she thinks; there are three of you in this. Let her judge how fit you are to be a dad, and just remember that any man can be a father, the dad is the hard bit, the best bit”

I caught Suzy looking at us, and she gave me the slightest of nods. She had his back, and I realised how much he had grown in the last year. That other Andy, the nice one, had lain hidden behind the tosser for so many years I had to ask myself if he could ever walk free of its shadow. He was just like Alice, I saw, a bundle of dreams and hopes walled away behind fear. It was like a gaol break, one escaper releasing others. I wondered if Anne had had any joy from her ‘earnest young man’, if she would ever be able to join the run to freedom.

It was Suzy’s turn next, to share her little secrets, and I realised I had become the default shoulder for the team.

“What’s it like over your way, Sar?”

Hywel, it had to be. I had no choice…

“Er, I was in the ladies’ at the reception, you know…”

She went white, then red, then grinned. “Are all the men in your family so…blessed? He’s asked if I want to come across some time, and he’ll show me the sights”

I had to laugh. “If your idea of sights is the bedroom ceiling, you should be OK, but I have to say there are some lovely areas near us, great coastline. Just get him to keep his trousers on some of the time. You ought to take Alice with you, she seems to get on well with his dad”

Suzy looked surprised. “You don’t think the two of them are…you know…”

“Shagging in toilet cubicles? No, I just think they clicked as mates, nothing else. There’s a lot more to my Uncle Arwel than he lets on. Same with his son. Seriously, take Alice, it’s a long drive and you can share the duties. If you want, I have another option for you. We want to go across again with Jim and the dog in a few weeks. There’s enough room, and if we take a couple of cars we can have our own little convoy. What do you think?”

She perked up at that. “Sounds like a plan! I could do with some allies out there”

“I’ll let Mam know, then, and Elaine. Jim will be off in July, so that’s when we are looking at. That suit?”

“Yeah…how cold’s the sea then? Hywel said something about the beach”

“Well, it’s not the Med! Fine once you’re in, but don’t expect Barbados. Beaches are good though, really clean”

“Hmmm….new cossie then! Got to make the right impression”

That was going to be some expeditionary force, then. I already had my own new costume, of course, but it might be a bit skimpy for my parents. I had a fleeting vision of my parents covering each other’s eyes.

“Don’t look, Twm, she’s not decent!”

Later that day, someone else was positively indecent. Alice wanted a word, and one in private. She called me into the little office and locked the door.

“I have something to show you, love” she said, and began to remove her blouse She stood before me in her skirt and a rather pretty if all-enveloping bra, over the edges of which I could see the tell-tale shine of silicon chicken fillets, which she pulled out before undoing the clasp.

“Look….”

Very small, but unmistakably there. Puffy plump nipples crowned what were undeniably small breasts. She was glowing with pride and delight, and as I hugged her I could actually feel them give at my embrace. My little girl was growing up.