CHAPTER 45
Alice was pensive as she drove us home. Bev had agreed to call at the office the next day to have the deed poll sworn, and we would make the round of the banks as necessary. Margaret already had things in hand with head office, so it was now a matter of making a list for Alice to work through, starting with her driving licence.

Tony had taken Pie out to meet Jim from school, and then on to the park, so I had to make my own cuppa. He returned with Janet in tow. I was pleased to see that he seemed to be getting over his initial mistrust, but I could still see where it came from. I had made a pot, so we were soon settled down with a brew as Jim sipped a hot chocolate, Pie asleep at his feet. Both adults wanted to know how it had gone, and after the recitation, Janet looked at Alice. I sent Jim off to do some homework, and Janet spoke.

“I am not going to ask you what you two discussed in private, but she’s losing it, isn’t she?”

“Yes, Janet, I think she is. There is a lot going on in that mind of hers, and a lot of it is not pleasant.”

“She’s not likely to do anything silly, is she?”

Alice sighed. “That depends on what you mean. No, a lot of what we talked about was our friendship. She’s a real believer in hating the sin, not the sinner, which is usually such a trite phrase, but she sticks to it, or tries to. By doing something silly, I don’t mean lashing out at me, I mean with herself. She really bought into that purity before God stuff, and yet she remains an ordinary woman”

Tony snorted. “You’re not saying she just needs a damned good shagging, are you?”

“Sort of, Tone, sort of. She’s scratching that itch by seeing that Father Mulcahey isn’t distracted from his holy work by the needs of the flesh, but she doesn’t know that we know that. She’s getting some jollies by seeing to him, but it’s not just sexual frustration. She’s actually like a mirror image of Andy. Both of them want kids”

She paused for a while. “It is really as simple as that, and as complicated. All her life she has been devout, and as a girl she got really into a Marian ‘perfect virgin’ mindset. I suspect that if things had been only slightly different, we’d have seen her in one of those Opus Dei commune things”

I was intrigued by one thing there. ”What’s brought about the change then, Alice?”

She smiled. “You have, Sar, you have. With Jim, in particular, and Arris’ lot when she calls by, she gets reminded of what could be. Then Andy, of all people, starts talking about settling down and breeding his own little offshoots…”

Janet was nodding. “Pat has some good things to say about Charlie, as a worker, but the kindest thing he can find about his shagging was ‘thank fuck it’s not kids’. He’s a user, he says.”

Tony was frowning. “Janet, don’t take this wrong, as I know you are fond of Pat, but how does a good bloke like that manage to keep on with his calling when there are so many arseholes working with him?”

“That’s just it, Tony. It is his calling, his vocation. How others do it is irrelevant, he does it because he sees it as right and proper. Remember, he said to you that if he couldn’t be true to his vows or his vocation, he would leave immediately. Well, how others deal with theirs is irrelevant to what he does.”

Janet paused, and took a sip of her tea. “What he says about his vows is rather relevant to me, though. Tony, I’m not ‘fond’ of Pat, I actually believe I am falling in love with him. How he sees his vows is rather important to me.”

I caught Alice’s eye, and it was clear we had both suspected something like that. I reached across and took Janet’s hand.

“We don’t have the simplest of lives, do we, any of us?”

She smiled, wanly. “Just stick with the argument we are using on Anne, and make the best of it. I have a good and intimate friend in Pat, I don’t need to rip his clothes off; although some cuddles would be nice”

There was a hint of tears at the corners of her eyes, and they were fulfilled when I pulled her into a hug. She kept talking.

“All these years, and I never found a man who could challenge me, and when I finally do, he’s off limits. Alice, we are supposed to be sorting you out, not me, I’m so sorry”

I had been thinking. “Alice, Tony, would it be all right to share Jim around a bit? Perhaps let Anne babysit if she fancies it? I’m certainly not going looking for a bloke for her, but it might help break her out of the self-harm stuff”

Tony nodded. “She’d need a few ground rules, though. I don’t want him going down the godbothering route. If he wants to do that, he can decide himself when he’s old enough.”

I spoke softly in her ear as I held her. “Does he know how you feel?”

She gave an odd little laugh. “Oh yes, and he feels the same way. But he has taken vows”

What a world. Janet stayed with us for tea, and between the four of us we disposed of a decent quantity of wine, in celebration and commiseration. That night, I lay with Tony and thought once more of how I was becoming the care giver, rather than the victim I had once been.

“Tony, love…”

“Mmmff?”

“I was just thinking of how I seem to be doing all the caring and supporting here at the moment, compared to how I used to be”

“That’s because you are such a loving person, you can’t do anything else”

“Well, could I have some loving of my own, please?”

“Do you mean…?”

“Yes, it’s as healed as it will ever be, my love”

“You sure it will be OK?”

“It better be a bloody sight better than ‘OK’, Tony!”

And oh yes, it was.

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I was very sore the next day, but every time I moved the ache reminded me ,and I smiled as I gingerly got into Alice’s car.

“Ah, you had a test drive last night, then”

My blush answered her. She grinned. “I don’t need to see you walking like John Wayne, love, you are very, very vocal. Perhaps a few less graphic requests while Jim is at home?”

Oh shit. She was on a roll, though.

“ ‘Make me come’ could be explained away to him, I think, but I’d find it a bit harder to deal with ‘fuck me, fuck my brains out’ “

I was wishing for the car seat to swallow me by now. She stopped her teasing, and squeezed my knee with her left hand.

“I am so happy for you, Sarah, you give an old tart like me real hope. My time will come, though. And a part of it is coming today. Now, I need to choose a name”

“Alice Hill, of course!”

“Yes, but I have a middle initial, from ‘Martin’ “

“Then you have a choice. Either after the boss, or as a good Catholic….”

“Margaret or Mary, hmm?”

“Or Millicent, Myfanwy, Megan, Mata, Maureen, Marcella…”

“Enough! We shall ask the crew”

Anne was in early, for once, and she flashed us a smile. “Morning, Sarah, morning Alice”

Alice gave her a quick hug and peck. “I have a question for you, Anne. I am altering my name legally from today, and I need a middle name. It has to start with ‘M’ as that is my current initial.”

“Simple, Alice. You are a good Catholic girl, and there is only one name you could choose for that”

“Mary?”

“Not quite. I believe Sarah has been a prime source of help and support for you here, so perhaps the Welsh form, whatever it is?”

I smiled at that. “It’s ‘Mair’ “

So, when Bev appeared, and Anne didn’t rush off to whip herself, we gathered in the office, the six of us, and Alan Martin Hill became, for all legal purposes, Alice Mair Hill.