CHAPTER 44
Anne was back after lunch, and as Pat had suggested we let it slide for a while.

Alice was ecstatic, though. She had come through her first day at work without incident, as the staged meetings also seemed to have overridden any adverse reactions from the public. Margaret rang in late in the afternoon, wanting chapter and verse, and pronounced herself pleased with the outcome, though she echoed Pat’s note of caution. I realised that while we had had enormous fun, Anne needed bringing in rather than driving off. I had a quick mental image of Pie chasing her round the garden…

I asked Anne to step into the office at the end of the day, and noticed her wince at the sight of Alice.

“You can’t keep this pretence up. I know that’s Alan under that wig.”

“Sit down for a bit, Anne. Alice, can you do the honours with a cuppa?”

As she busied herself with the kettle, I spoke gently to Anne.

“Anne, love, what would your reaction have been to an announcement beforehand?”

“Announcement of what? That my boss is a pervert?”

I smiled. “No, she’s not a pervert. Her doctor thought she might be a lesbian, but we cleared that one up”

“So why is she…he…wearing women’s clothing?”

“Because she is a woman, Anne.”

She looked close to tears. “But she isn’t a woman! HE’s a man in a dress and a wig!”

“That’s not what her doctor tells us, Anne”

“But God made him a man!”

“Did God make you a blonde with highlights, Anne?”

“That’s different. God set out rules, and one of them is that men and women shall not cross dress.”

“That uniform blouse of yours, it’s polycotton, isn’t it?”

“Yes, but what has that to do with anything?”

“Mixed fibres. Where do you want your stoning?”

“You’ve been reading that stupid list of Bible quotes, haven’t you?”

“Yes, Anne, I have. Why do you call it stupid?”

Alice put the teas on the desk and sat by me. Anne murmured a ‘thanks’ and continued. “Because they have picked out all the silliest bits to poke fun at God”

“Anne, they are the word of God, so how can they be silly? You pick out one instruction to condemn Alice by, and ignore the ones you think of as silly. You wound a good boss, and a friend, with that. Why do you do that, Anne?”

She was in tears now. “Because it’s not RIGHT!”

I paused, and Alice found her a tissue. “Do you remember that sermon when we came down to your church, Anne, about Man being set challenges by God? This is Alice’s challenge. What else should she do?”

“She should live as God made her. I mean him”

Alice stepped in. “Anne, if I had had to keep pretending any longer I would not have been here. You know that I am a good Catholic, don’t you?”

Anne drew herself up, control returning as she got back onto familiar ground.

“Yes, I do. You don’t always act as well as you should, but you are faithful, and I often wish I could get you to join me at the Sepulchre. I value the friendship of true Christians, there aren’t many of us about”

She thought for a second. “Where would you have gone, then?”

“According to doctrine, to hell. I can’t remember which circle is reserved for suicides; can you?”

She sat open-mouthed. “You would have done that? All because of some silly clothes?”

I interrupted. “You seemed ready to condemn her to hell because of wearing some clothes, Anne. Is that because you see hell as some time off in the future, but here, now, her death would be worse? She’d end up in the same fix, either way”

Alice put her hand on my arm, to calm me. I was bristling just a little with that idea, that as long as it was out of sight, in her imaginary inferno, she could condemn, but when faced with the idea of a friend’s broken body turning in the waves she lost it. The fact that it was her condemnation to the imaginary that brought the real pain angered me. I let Alice take over.

“Anne, it will come as no surprise that I have done an immense amount of research into my condition. There is all sorts of evidence coming out now that suggests that brains are physically different in people like me. There are others who have chromosome oddities, such as three sex chromosomes instead of two, though that’s not true in my case. What is true is that I have a female mind, a female soul, created by our Lord, but for some reason He put it into a male body.

“What should someone like me do, Anne? God has made me in such a way that life is too painful to continue. He has, at the same time, given surgeons the skill to release me from that pain. What should I do, Anne? Should I slap my Creator in His face by destroying what He made, or let others glorify Him in their own work?”

Anne went to interrupt, tears flowing, and Alice held up a hand. “Just listen, Anne, please. I have no plans for surgery of that sort just now. I am getting on, and it has risks. I am on a hormone replacement regime, and Sarah here has been kind enough to do the necessary. I am changing, slightly, but pleasingly, but all I am asking for is the chance to live out the rest of my days as myself and not some sham. I have cross-dressed all my life, and it stops now”

She was holding Anne’s hand now, and I felt slightly ashamed of my hard line towards the woman. Anne looked up, and Alice just asked “Shall we pray together?”

Anne nodded, and Alice gave me a glance. “Sarah, be a dear, a little privacy”

I stepped out, leaving them to their prayers. Suzy and Andy were waiting, having a coffee, and wanted to know the score.

“The situation? Alice is about as true a Christian as I have ever met. Talk about turning the other bloody cheek, she’s apologising to Anne! The daft thing is that it seems to be working.”

I took a long breath. “I had a really good line stored up for her, as well, all about the sin of Onan”

Suzy turned pink, then red, then burst out laughing. “Oh, you bitch!”

Andy looked puzzled. “Isn’t that wanking?”

“Not necessarily, it’s ‘spilling seed on the ground’ “

I paused. “I meant to ask her if she spat or swallowed”

Andy did neither. He sprayed.

I waited for him to wipe himself, and then asked where Bev was.

“She’ll be around as we lock up, Sar. We’re going to an early showing at the cinema”

“Can I have a word? She could help Alice with her deed poll. That’s if she s still talking to you after ‘Brown Cow’ “

Andy laughed, and it was a happy sound. “I am sure she would love to help, and that name was her suggestion”

“Toothbrush in bathroom, hey?”

He blushed slightly. “And tights hanging over the bath as well, unfortunately”

I smiled. “Welcome to a proper relationship, I hope, Andy. Now, you two, I have my own announcement. Get your gladrags ready. Tony asked if we could set a date”

Suzy squealed. “Magic! Why weren’t we told immediately, woman?”

“Well, two of the till girls worked it out from looking at me, so why couldn’t you?”

Just then, the office door opened, and Alice came out with Anne, arm around her shoulder.

“Anne has something she would like to say”

Anne shook herself, and pulled back her shoulders. “It would appear I have been rather rude to my friends here, and I trust you are my friends. I cannot condone what Alice here is doing. it goes completely against Scripture and God’s laws, but we have talked this through, and it is clear that the alternatives are too dreadful to contemplate. So, while I will continue to pray with and for my dear friend here, I shall accept her as she wishes me to. If I stray from this, I ask you to remind me.”

She looked down, and then there was a hint of a smile. “How long did it take you to organise this morning?”