I would like to say that because of the IOC decision to remove wrestling from the Olympics that I will not be posting any parts of the story this weekend, but that would be a lie (but would make it sound like I have ethics).

Wrestling Against Myself is a different kind of story for me, one that I openly share my theology in. It is no secret that Tony/Tiny is modeled after my high school male self minus the TG and weight issues. I had someone who got upset about me sharing my doctrine, especially the belief who goes to heaven and who goes to hell.

I have to admit, I can't figure life out. I've tried, and every time that I think I know something life sneaks behind me, kicks me in the seat of my skirt and runs away laughing maniacally.

This isn't addressed to anyone in particular, but I do have several people in mind.

First off, the cheap plug that today is my birthday. I am 38 and 1 depending how you look at things. This will be my first birthday as Katie and that's something to celebrate in and of itself.

Last week my van broke while I was delivering Sunday's paper. Not a good thing to happen, but what followed was even worse (See JennC I used the right one). Someone from another center came to help me and he added to my frustration by driving extremely slow and talking negative the whole time.

I know I have been on this kick for quite some time (for me 11 days is an eternity), but I can't stress how much it has affected me that I've come out. I am relaxed, I am at ease, I am comfortable. I am me, and I am happy. I haven't been happy for a long time, so most of you might not know I have the emotion, but I do.

I know I have rubbed a few people the wrong way with my bluntness and the way I approached things in the past. Probably most of them have me on ignore and won't see this, but I will put it out there anyway. First off, I wanted to say that I am sorry that I offended you. I will do my best from here on out to be supportive and nurturing. It is not my place to criticize and it is certainly not my place to judge.

So I've been keeping everyone up to date and just maybe I can help people who are kind of in the same situation as I am. I came out to everyone, and I mean everyone. Were my problems solved? No. I find that my emotions are all over the place as I enter a world where I am no longer wearing the mask of my male self, a person who didn't really exist except for the comfort of others who tried to label me male.

As everyone is aware, about two weeks ago I received a phone call from a friend who was in dire straights and in need of a place to live. I had been homeless and wasn't about to let one of my friends suffer the same fate. The problem, he knew me as Tiny the wrestler and not Katie. Figuring I knew what his reaction would be, I decided I need to die to self and put being female on the back burner while I helped out.

As everyone who has been following my blogs lately knows, an old friend from high school has come back into my life and is living with me along with his fiance while they get back on their feet. In doing so, I had to sacrifice my life as Katie, mainly out of fear at how they would react to the fact that I was really a girl and had deceived him when I was in high school. I was willing to make that sacrifice. I wasn't thrilled about it, but I was willing. I deleted all my bookmarks that would have given any clue to my true nature.

It is with deep sadness and regret that I have to inform the Big Closet community that we lost another one of our members. I have just been informed that Wren Phoenix has passed away. I know she had been sick for quite some time with heart problems, but was eager to get back into the swing of things.

You will be missed, my friend.

I guess 2012 wasn't done with being extremely shitty.

It has happened again, so maybe it's time to stop thinking that it is a coincidence. This is the second time in 2 weeks and it still gives me hope that I can pass.

Criticism has a bad connotation to it, but it really doesn't have to be taken in a bad way. I will point it out using my own writing as an example.

I really don't know what's wrong with me. I wish I knew, really I did. It's the fact that I know who I am, I know what I am, but still I hide it from the world and even from myself.

I just wonder if other authors do this, and I find myself doing it often from time to time. When I get to procrastinating or lose my drive to write during the night, I go back and read comments from old stories. Also, since I got into the habit of leaving author notes at the end of my postings, sometimes I go back and read those too.

I really do miss posting stories. I miss reading comments and I miss seeing my kudo count rise as I click my story page 10 times an hours to see how things are progressing. I live for that sort of validation and I'm getting absolutely none. (Okay, maybe a little as one of my beta readers builds me up).

I didn't mean to do it. It wasn't my intention. In fact I didn't see it coming. But talking with someone last night they said they were reading over my work and it made them cry. I don't think there is a greater compliment then bringing tears to someone's eyes, especially when the scene isn't a sad one.

I have two new cover designs for God Bless the Child and wanted to get people's opinion on which one they like better. One is very similar to what is already up and one is completely new. If you don't like either that is a vote also, but you can't like both because that is unhelpful. I thank you .

I have mentioned the desire of doing this for quite awhile, but I finally had all my stories taken down from fictionmania. Normally I don't like to post what I do on one site on another, but I thought this was appropriate because I know of several authors who cross-post to both sites.

I wanted to explain my reasons and the final straw.