(aka Bike) Part 2050 by Angharad Copyright © 2013 Angharad
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I’d just finished feeding the five thousand, oh it’s been done already hasn’t it, and the guy had a better publicist than I do. Anyway, I’d fed the brood and was going up to shower when the post arrived. The one in a large brown envelope addressed to, ‘Dr Catherine Watts,’ took my eye and I popped the rest of the mail down while I opened what looked like a quite thick load of paper. It was, it was the plans for the re-jigged study cum visitor centre in my woodland reserve. Boy, artist’s impressions, energy saving devices, wildlife friendly–you name it they seemed to think of it. If I read it all correctly, it was only requiring my signature to become real. They would do the ground work in October and have the main part of the shell up by Christmas with it being ready to be used sometime in late March early April.
I showed it to Simon and Tom. He’d stopped showing any resentment and was pleased to see the improvements I’d suggested, so the Billie King woodland centre was just four months away from becoming manifest. I was so excited I burst into tears and Simon had to hold me for several minutes until I calmed down.
Jacquie made a fresh pot of tea and I drank some before I went up to shower. Trish decided she wanted to shower with me and perhaps I ought to say no, I don’t. As we stood there dripping wet, it was obvious that the small dose of oestrogens she was taking were having an effect and her body was beginning to form a waist and hips. She hadn’t noticed but I certainly did.
She’d be nine soon and if the changes continued at the same rate by the time she was fourteen or so she’d have quite a body. Was I jealous? Yes, to a small degree. I’d been lucky in not responding to androgens so developed a female shape a bit later. She’d have one from her teens and the chance to grow into the role that life projected me into kicking and screaming.
Looking back over my life, from nursery to junior school and through high school there were so many times when it should have been obvious that I was gender troubled; but no one picked up on it except those with negative views who used it to pick on me or as grounds for teasing or physical assaults. I’d kill before I’d let that happen to Trish.
After dressing, it was time to feed little Lizzie and by the time that was done it was nearly lunchtime. I was playing with the girls when the phone rang and Jacquie handed it to me.
“Hello?” I said unsure of who it was.
“Cathy, it’s Gloria.”
My heart sank and I hushed the girls who were squabbling. They carried on making a noise so I went to my study. “How are you now?”
“Being discharged tomorrow, I hope.”
“Oh good, let me know what time you want me to bring over the baby.”
“Um–could you hold on to her a bit longer?”
“You sure?”
“Yes, if you could.”
“I could, but I thought you were worried I’d try and keep her.”
“Cathy, I have things to sort out with Neal. Did you know he tried to kill himself after we rowed?”
“Oh, did he?”
“You called the ambulance, didn’t you? You saved his life.”
“If I remember correctly, you asked me to go round there. So perhaps you did as well.”
“Cathy, I’m the one who caused it to happen–the suicide attempt. I don’t deserve anything but scorn.”
“That’s a shame, I’m fresh out of it.”
“Neal told me what happened and how you’d brought him back from a very dark place...”
“Well it was night.”
“Cathy, you know perfectly well what I mean, stop trivialising both it and what you did. You saved two lives that night because without my Neal, I wouldn’t have wanted to go on so you might have ended up with another baby.”
“Simon has told me to collect something else.”
“Cathy, can you be serious for a moment?”
“Why?” I asked.
“So I can tell you what’s happening with Neal.”
“Go on.”
“Your hotshot lawyer seems to have got the police to drop the charges against him. I refused to press any against him, anyway, he’s not someone who would lay a finger on me anyway.”
“Gloria, you fell off the bed–you were trying to fix a bulb that was flickering.”
“How d’you know that?”
“I sort of picked up on it when I collected some clothes for the baby.”
“So how come I can’t remember?”
“It might have something to do with banging your head on the wall as you fell.”
“Fell? I don’t understand.”
“You were standing on the bed, got a small shock from the light fitting and overbalanced bashing your head against the wall as you fell.”
“Can’t you tell that to the police?”
“No because they wouldn’t understand or accept it as anything more than conjecture.”
“But if you saw it?”
“I saw it in my mind, not for real.”
“Oh, are you pretty psychic then?”
“Pretty isn’t a word I’d use to describe myself, Gloria.”
“Neal thinks you’re beautiful, when you changed over he was a bit shocked but said it made sense when he thought about it. I felt threatened.”
“You felt threatened–by me?” I was surprised by this revelation.
“Yes.”
“But why?”
“You were prettier than I was, I wanted Neal but he fancied you.”
“You’re joking?”
“I wish I were.”
“How could he fancy me–he knew about my past?”
“Because you’re beautiful, and in those days had a sort of naíve vulnerability about you which some men find very attractive. Neal was one of them. We had quite a few rows about you then you took up with Simon Cameron and I felt so glad, now I had Neal to myself, except he only had eyes for you and stayed that way until you married Simon.
“He was heart-broken, I thought it absurd that a boy could become Lady anything.”
“Oh,” was all I could say.
“I was clearly wrong, and I’ve spoken with a psychiatrist here today who was seeing Neal. He didn’t know you so I asked about people who have gender problems, he was quite well informed saying it was probably caused by hormone exposure at the wrong time in the womb or possibly some genetic origin. He said your brain was wired up like a female not a male one. I realised I’d made a huge mistake and wanted to say I’m sorry.”
“Okay, Gloria, I accept your apology but please concentrate on getting you and your husband back to full health and come and get this babe of yours back, she’s sucking my chest inside out.”
“Is she a problem then?”
“No, I’m only joking–she is sooo good, so you take as long as you need–and don’t worry, I’ll be happy to give her back just as soon as you’re ready.”
“Okay, I’d better go–I’ll be in touch when I’m ready, if that’s okay?”
“Of course it is.”
“Bye, Cathy.”
“Yeah, take care.” I said back.
It was apparently the last thing anyone said to her, she hanged herself in the stairwell using a bandage she stole from a nurse’s trolley. She wasn’t missed for half an hour and incredibly no one used the stairs while she did it.
Comments
You're mean
Everything was just turning out nicely, then you had to add that last paragraph.
Jolt
That last paragraph was an unexpected jolt!
What?????
I don't get it. Gloria seemed to be recovering and improving her outlook. What happened? That conversation looked so normal.
What?????? a reply
Such action is not unusual from what little I have read about suicides. Once the decision is made, the person is often upbeat, cheerful, and appears to have a positive attitude towards the world. There is nothing per se wrong with feeling good, upbeat, and so on, but when it directly preceeds a suicide attempt, whether successful or not, it becomes an entirely different matter. Parents and partners need to learn the signs of an upcoming suicide attempt so they can do all they can to prevent it. Suicide is a serious thing and affects all concerned, whether or not it is successful.
Any other ideas, or corrections? Please feel free to add your 4 cents worth (inflation, ya know!).
Don't let someone else talk you out of your dreams. How can we have dreams come true, if we have no dreams?
Katrina Gayle "Stormy" Storm
Poor woman
Gosh, what will Neal do now and what of his baby? Maybe Cathy will have to get an orphanage license? Well, I assume that Cathy will take the baby, or not?
Perhaps Neil will run around and find another wife?
Sigh !
Gwendolyn
Not one, but two attempts
Neal and Gloria have both attempted suicide in about 24 hours of their time. Neal survived his attempt, Gloria didn't survive hers.
What will Neal do now? Will he try again, and perhaps be successful this time?
It is looking more and more as though there will be another baby added to the Cameron household, which Cathy doesn't need at this time. Is it time for one of the older girls to take her? If so, who?
And how is Glorias' death going to affect Cathy? Will she get any help from Shekinah, or be left to resolve this on her own?
These last few episodes and the next few coming up appear to be real intense. I hope I am wrong and all works out so Neal live, and has custody of his daughter, who he takes very good care of. This of course assumes Neal will get out of the hospital, which I think will be postponed for a period of time because of Gloria's suicide.
Don't let someone else talk you out of your dreams. How can we have dreams come true, if we have no dreams?
Katrina Gayle "Stormy" Storm
Wow!
Here I was happiley reading along, thinking things are getting back to something like normal... and then I find out what Bonzi had in mind by playing so nice...
Well, it looks like Cathy is well on the way to having yet another wee one. You've gotta wonder though, what effect being surrounded by so many deaths does to her emotional state and whether that's a part of why she's so snippy with Simon sometimes.
Thanks!
Abby
doh, my bad
nevermind,put on wrong post.
Teresa L.
Looks like cathy is getting a new baby
Well looks like cathy is adding another child to the brood cause I don't think neal would beable to handle the baby alone.
Oh, no! Not again!
Everyone was recovering. It looked like everything would work out.
Then, you hit us with that last paragraph. DAMN!!!
Simon will be aggravated. And what of the little ones? And, how will Neal survive this crushing blow?
Cathy had wished for a big family ... a house full of kids. Well, she got her wish. She'd better renegotiate her contract with the Goddess!
Red MacDonald
contract with the Goddess?
I might be misremembering but wasn't it Cathy's Mom who "predicted" she would have lots of kids? was that something that was mentioned in one of Cathy's encounters with the Goddess and i don't remember?
Teresa L.
Angharad--
I thought that you only threw us cliff hangers but this was a real mean curve ball. I feel for the child that has been left without her maternal mother. While not yet weaned, she most surely had bonded with her birth mother. Neal in his current condition is not capable of caring for the child & when the news of Gloria's death hits him, I see him descending into a long depression. You are most cruel to certain of your characters.
As usual, your extreme skill with the written word is shining through. Thank you again for your dedication to your craft and everyone's enjoyment.
Ruth
May the sun always shine on your parade
I think i got
Whiplash from that last paragraph.
WOW.
I think Neal, based on what Gloria said, will not be that upset, some of course but if he was that disillusioned with her already, and had such a crush on Cathy, Gloria was in love but was Neal??? or was Gloria a "rebound" girl???
I see several possibilities, either Cathy assumes Maternal duties, or Phoebe steps up and goes on the pills to lactate and moves in with her brother. or will one of the older girls like Julie be blessed by the goddess as Cathy was???? Might Neal develop some feelings there?
All we can do is stay tuned, same Goddess time (or there abouts), same Goddess Channel!!!
Terri
Teresa L.
Gratuitous Violence
I'm not sure that suicide is adequately supported in the story-telling leading up to it.
Of course, in a typical serial soap-opera, this sort of thing is a regular occurrence, as characters get written in and out and the writers change. Television needs to stun/enrapture the audience enough to sell the soap in the commercial breaks. Of course, this isn't that.
Uhhh...
Uhhh... Cathy, you agreed to take that tyke indefinitely... That's kinda dangerous.
Though, I do understand Gloria's "envy" of an attractive trans lady... I've seen a few I've been more than a little envious of myself. But, when I set back and think about it I realize all the blessing I have and feel better. LOL
That said, sounds like yet another who had a crush on Cathy... Oy.
Annette
P.S. Now I wish I'd not read the other comments... My mind decided it wanted to skip those last two lines and I missed them until I went back and re-read them. :-( I'm not going to speculate on what comes next. *sighs*
I certainly didn't see...
...that last paragraph coming.
Interesting how in just two sentences the author can change the direction of a story so dramatically.
Plot Switcheroo
Bike Resources
!WOW! With Gloria now gone,
what will Neal do about the baby? Will he and Phoebie now form a family so that the tyke can have parents? Neal and Phoebie are siblings, and she would make a great surrogate mummy.
May Your Light Forever Shine
It is so foolish
To solve a temporary problem with a permanent solution. I guess this might underline the fact that people who are so hurting inside do not always realise what forever means. Gloria must have had a lot going on before this accident happened to her, it is realy sad to think her child will not know her own mother as she grows up.
I do agree that the Glory needs to remove some of high and mighty barriers between her self and Cathern. Cathy is to down to earth for the upper crust sales job. And it is Cathern's humble views of her self that the Goddess needs.
Great news about the nature center being a go, and in the proper way as well.
Great chapter
Huggles
Michele
With those with open eyes the world reads like a book
Like many other
readers of Bike, I was so not expecting that last paragraph, It was just so .... unexpected !
So what now for Cathy, Will the death of Gloria mean another baby joining her ever growing family? Will Neal be able to cope? And given he had attempted suicide a few days ago, Might he just try again?... Life is certainly difficult for Cathy and it shows no signs of getting easier , Maybe now its time to listen to Shekinah, Seems like it is Cathys destiny and once she embraces the goddess perhaps everything will become clearer..
Kirri
'Why?
I have read this series nonstop since I found it. I begin to see that it is having a negative affect on me and will probably stop reading it. Although it is a story and meant to be entertaining, it seems to have ceased to lose its entertainment value. I is getting more negative as it progresses. Every time things seem to be getting better, someone else dies or gets killed off. Needless to say, Neal will now go into a major mental melt down and soon follow in the steps of his wife. I just can't take it anymore! Thanks Angharad but I'm getting off the bus. I've read each and every story you have written, on every site I can find your writings, but this wonderful story has now found my limit.
That's the hurt for the survivors Ang!!!
It frightens me how everything can seem so normal, so safe and then, like nuclear explosion in the middle of one's existence, a friend just goes and does it.
After my friend Airie did it, I was traumatised for months because I was looking at my friends and wondering 'Who's next'? And of course we were all looking at each other and wondering the same thing. It makes everybody seem doubly fragile and then triply solicitous to a point where it can become invasive for some who've walked the walk alone.
After living a life where you think you've got your 'stuff' together you begin to wonder and then doubt yourself. Then you become clingy and needy and it takes a long time to get back on a balance 'normal' path.
Extremely powerful chapter Ang because it so portrays the devastating suddenness and unexpectedness of suicide!! Sometimes the survivors are too numb to be hurt or angry for weeks if not months afterwards.
Thanks for reality check.
Bevs.