The Daily Dormouse. (aka Bike) Part 2026 by Angharad Copyright © 2013 Angharad All Rights Reserved.

I asked David to keep some food warm for me as I had the meeting to attend. I wasn’t sure how to dress for it, so in the end wore a longish tablecloth type skirt, with four corners pointing to the ground–only it stopped mid calf, and I wore some boots with a three inch heel. The main colour of the whole outfit was black with bits of red here and there to take the sombreness from it and I wore a red scarf to lift the top as well, though my red coat would have done that in the first instance–until I took it off.

I had a folder of minutes from this committee and had spent two hours looking back over past issues and themes. It was going to be as boring as hell and as I walked down the corridor, to the committee room, peculiarly enough, I felt like I was condemned to trial by boredom.

I knew two of the others, John from Biochem and Steve from admin–apparently they have to be represented as well as they have access to stuff we don’t, like financial matters. I know Tom has to balance budgets but as his biggest costs are staff salaries, he has little actual control–he can’t just sack people because he wants to save money–he has to have a proper reason; which apparently doesn’t include incompetence–or we’d have quite a few less staff. I’m rather glad I don’t have to do that job, sacking someone would really mess with my head as I know it does with Simon’s.

We sat down with a cup of university coffee and I opened my notebook and began to scribble the odd note which I’d append to the minutes later, because let’s face it, minutes are well cleaned up before they’re circulated–I’ve done it myself as a secretary of a committee, albeit a cycling club one.

For the next two hours we talked round and round topics and once or twice I nearly stood up and screamed. Apart from the paid admin assistant who took the minutes, I was the only woman there, so was mostly ignored by the group of eight men, none of whom could make a decision to save their lives. I abstained, pointedly, at every vote to stop unanimity which I felt was rubber stamping some less than useful practice.

I also penned my resignation giving as grounds that I couldn’t spare the time to watch paint dry, or rearrange deck chairs on Titanics, as I felt the iceberg had been hit some time ago, I was, as a woman, albeit an ignored one, taking to the lifeboat and I wished them a happy swim home. I handed my note to the chairman, a Professor Kent, and left an hour before the meeting was due to finish. It was the only way I could stay awake.

My parting shot was, “As you’re all ignoring me and my views, I might as well leave now and put my children to bed.”

“Aren’t you supposed to ask the chair if you can leave?” called one of the men.

“If I talked to the table I’d get more response.” I pulled on my coat and grabbing my stuff, flounced out. They’d remember me in future if only for all the wrong reasons. Tom was furious when I got home early, though he did admit they were a bunch of stuffed shirts. I told him that every time I had something to say I was ignored until I stood up and walked out effectively telling them what they could do with their committee.

“Sae if thae Dean wis tae tak tae ye, ye’d tell thae truth?”

“Of course, I’m not in the habit of lying,” except when it suits me.

Which is what happened. I was sent for by the dean and He seemed rather concerned that my voice was ignored but also that no decisions were made about previous issues.

I showed him my notes which he asked what ‘BS’ stood for after several supposed discussions. I told him it was bovine excreta. He actually smirked at that for a moment, then stopped in case it indicated approval.

He gently chided me for leaving the meeting but said he understood my reasons and he hoped it wouldn’t stop me being nominated for further committee posts. “Scientific committees, yes; anything else probably not.”

“But you’re a director of High St Bank, you must therefore have a reasonable tolerance of committees?”

“A management board is hardly an ordinary committee is it? They’re mostly high powered types who may possibly be a bit too cut and thrust to make it comfortable for women, but I hope to have a civilising influence on them.”

“I’m sure you would, Dr Watts. So you’re happier with directorship level are you?”

What was that all about? “With the bank, perhaps.”

“Good, I’d like to nominate you for the university management board, please say you’ll accept the nomination.”

“What?”

“I’ve been trying to get someone from our faculty on the board for several years. We now have a chance. As you probably know, we have quotas of women on most committees reflecting the ratios of the teaching staff. Norma Harrington is stepping down next month and I’d like to have you replace her.”

“But shouldn’t that go to a professor?”

“Not necessarily, we have people from outside as well or like yourself people with joint positions here and elsewhere, besides, your bank has been very generous to us over the past few years–in fact, I’d hazard a guess, that about as long as you’ve been a member of staff.”

“I’m sure the bank would refute any such coincidence as simply that.”

“Quite, but I’d like to see the coincidences continuing, so please say yes.”

“D’you mind if I speak to my husband about it and with Daddy and my father in law. I don’t want any conflict of interest issues, personally or in the press.”

“But of course, please let me know as soon as you can.”

“I’m still bemused that someone with such a relatively lowly position as Senior Lecturer, would be appointed to the board.”

“Yes, did I not say we’re upgrading you to Reader status.”

“What?” I gasped.

“Professor Agnew is supportive of the promotion and we have funding for such a post.”

“But that means I’ll be supporting post grad research rather than teaching undergrads?”

“Normally yes. Certainly you’ll be supervising our ecology post graduates, but seeing as we only have one at present, I see your main focus in that area in getting a few more through the baccalaureates and on to masters.”

“The fact that I have the largest intakes isn’t a factor, is it?”

“Your harvest mouse film would be a very welcome addition to the reputation of this university, as well as to your own CV.”

“Ah, so now we’re getting to the nitty gritty, I bring in lots of students so you want me on the board, which hopefully would enable the bank to look more kindly upon us?”

“They currently hold our accounts for us.”

“Then I have to decline on the grounds of conflict of interest.”

“I don’t accept your refusal, please think again and speak to your father in law, who is I’m sure the oracle when it comes to such things.”

“If you’ll excuse me, Dean, I have to go and collect my children from school.”

“How are they?”

“Cleverer than half the intake of first years.”

“They take after their mother–it’s in their genes.”

I removed myself without correcting him, unless he meant jeans, in which case it could be true, though from a cheaper designer label.