The Daily Dormouse. (aka Bike) Part 2010 by Angharad Copyright © 2013 Angharad All Rights Reserved.

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After letting our lunches ‘go down’ and a fresh pot of tea, we went back to Sammi’s office. I apologised to Sonia for the delay in her delivery and thus wouldn’t accept any payment for the roll–not that I’d noticed what the price was anyway.

The air had felt warmer as we walked back and my red Armani suit with its tight skirt had felt a little overdressed. While I chatted with Sonia, Sammi went off to see the progress on my computer. She seemed to be gone rather a long time so I sat down at her desk and began doing the Guardian crossword, Sonia having popped out to eat her beef roll in private. While Sammi was out the phone on her desk rang and rang. It finally stopped and my heart rate began to ease before it started up again and kept ringing. I felt like picking it up and asking how I was supposed to solve a crossword by ‘Paul’ when the blessed phone kept ringing. It eventually stopped and once again I relaxed and actually got a clue, but not one which gave me any first letters–bah.

Next thing, Sammi’s phone went off again. Its insistent ringing really irritated and I picked it up. I was tempted to do a mock of a recording, you know...please speak after the tone... however, I didn’t. This was hardly the place for jokes.

“Hello?”

“Is that Sammi?”

“No, this is Cathy, may I take a message for Sammi, she should be back shortly.”

“Cathy who?” asked a male voice.

“Cathy Watts, who are you?”

“Neville.”

“Neville who?”

“Neville you mind, tell Sammi to call 297 as soon as she can.”

“Your jokes are worse than mine, Neville.”

“I don’t do jokes, Cathy.”

“That’s what I meant, Neville, or whatever your name is.”

“The last girl who gave me lip got her cards the next day.”

“Is that so, bit of a bully-boy are you, Neville?”

“I don’t take lip from anyone.”

“You will from me, Neville, if you have any sense.”

“And why is that?”

“Because I shall crap on you from on high.”

He laughed. “I don’t think you know who I am, Cathy.”

“I have no idea who you are and care even less.”

“Prepare to collect your cards, girl.”

“As I don’t have any, that might be difficult.”

“What?”

“Shall I repeat it, I’m not an employee here.”

“What are you doing answering a phone for then?”

“Because some moron keeps ringing it.”

“Security will be up there in two minutes to escort you from the building–I shall enjoy that.”

“How much would you like to wager on it?”

“I wouldn’t like to take your money.”

“You won’t, don’t worry.”

“So you don’t intend to pay?”

“I don’t intend to lose–but were I to do so I would pay up. A lady always pays her debts of honour.” Never quite understood how is was honourable to gamble away the family fortune.

“A likely story.”

“I’m going to put the phone down now, Neville as you seem scared to gamble.”

“A hundred pounds says you’re out of here in ten minutes.”

“Make it payable to the Mammal Society, Sammi will collect the cheque for me.”

He laughed and put the phone down. I returned mine to the cradle just as two men in security uniforms entered. “There she is,” the one pointed to me.

“Come on, Miss, let’s be ’aving yer.”

I showed him my pass. That caused an element of head scratching.

“Who asked you to escort me out?” I enquired of the increasingly red faced security guards.

“Mr Norman. Thing is Dr Watts, you don’t really ’ave a pass to come in ’ere–these offices is off limits to visitors.”

“I’m merely waiting for my daughter to return with my computer which she was having repaired for me in your IT department. Which department is Mr Norman in?”

“Um–accounts innit, Fred?” he asked his colleague.

“Nah, salaries innit?” replied his friend.

Just then Sonia returned, “What’s happening, chaps?”

“Mr Norman just asked us to escort Dr Watts ’ere out of the offices, as her pass don’t give ’er access, like.”

“Tell Mr Norman to sit on it,” she replied smirking.

“I don’t think so, Ms Cooper.”

“D’you have any idea who this lady is?”

“Yeah, Dr Watts, that’s right innit, madam?”

“That’s my professional name, yes.”

Fred looked a bit confused. So Sonia continued to enlighten him. “Have you ever seen Lord Henry or his son really mad?”

The two guards looked at each other and nodded, “Just once, when he fired that bloke in personnel.”

“That would be akin to a sparrow farting compared to the thunder escorting this lady would generate. Do you get my drift.”

Fred looked even more confused, “Um–not really.”

“You know Lord Simon?”

“Yes,” they both nodded.

“This is his wife, the Lady Catherine.”

Fred’s colour dropped from red to ashen in seconds.

“Is this right, your ladyship?”

“It is, Fred, and I’m waiting for my daughter, Sammi.”

“Well technically, we could ask you to leave but seein’ as MsCooper ’as verified your identity, I think we can trust you not to conduct any negative business while in ’ere.”

“Technically, Fred, I suspect you’re right, but as it would piss off Mr Norman no end and a charity stands to gain a hundred quid from him, I think you see my viewpoint.”

Fred didn’t. So I explained it and Sonia roared with laughter, then Fred chuckled and so did Bill, his mate. Seems Mr Norman can be a pain in the bum and has few friends.

After seeing the two flunkeys out, Sonia asked me if I was game to make Mr Norman’s life more interesting. I nodded. She then rang Henry’s secretary and outlined her plan. Then repeated, “Twenty minutes–fine.” She replaced the phone and said to me, “Tea or coffee?”

Feeling a little sleepy, I opted for coffee and she went off to make some. She’d just come back when a young woman from personnel rushed in with an envelope. Sonia opened it and held out a new ID pass, ‘Dr Catherine Watts, Director, Environmental Department. SL 9.’

“What does SL 9 mean?”

“Security level 9, one below the boss. Theoretically gives you access to everything except customer records–for that you’d need a special clearance–but everything else, including staff records will bow down before you, as long as you have that on.”

“But it looks as if I’m in charge of drains or drinking water?”

“It had to be vague, you’re the ecological adviser, he’d never have bought a director of ecology so I went one wider.”

“And you reckon if I go down to his office and demand my payment, he’ll be so embarrassed he’d be quiet for the next few days?”

“Oh I think anyone who witnesses such an event will remind him of it for weeks or even months to come.”

“Until he finds out it was a sham?”

“He’s unlikely to ever find out.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Hilary, Lord Henry’s PA is involved–it will all stop at her desk.”

I drank my coffee, had a wee and refreshed my lipstick. I then let Sonia escort me to Mr Norman’s office. He was tapping away on a computer when we entered his office. “Yes?” he asked as Sonia tapped on his door and strolled in.

“Dr Watts is here to collect her cheque for the Mammal Society–that’s right, isn’t it?”

“It is.” I smiled back to her and at him.

“Who the hell are you?” he stood up and looked at my ID badge. His demeanour changed immediately, if not quicker. “I’m sorry, I didn’t even know we had an Environmental Directorate. I stand corrected–um–Dr Watts.” He reached into his jacket and withdrew a chequebook and made out the cheque.

“If you put your address on the back they can claim tax back on it as well,” said Sonia turning the screw. He did as she told him and handed it to me.”

I received it and offered my hand, “No hard feelings, eh, Neville?”

“Neville?” said Sonia, “His name’s Arthur.” We left after I’d placed the cheque safely in my handbag. When we got back to Sammi’s office she was back with my computer which was now working better than ever.

“Gramps is looking for you, Mummy.”

Oops–looks like I’m going to get my comeuppance. “Where’s his office?”

“His suite,” emphasised Sonia, is the whole top floor, they’ll be expecting you.”

“I see you later, kiddo.” I picked up my handbag and my laptop in its carry bag gave her a hug and a peck on the cheek, shook hands with Sonia who pointed me towards the lift and wandered towards the flashing display. I pressed the arrow for up and a couple of moments later a nearly silent cabin arrived and I got into it and pressed level thirty. What seemed like seconds later the door opened and I stepped out and faced a security guard. I showed him my original ID and he waved me through with a nod.

I went through a large office where I was met by Judy, the chairman’s secretary who shook my hand and led me through to Hilary’s office which was even larger and had several computers and flat screened televisions or display units on the one wall along with several clocks showing different times and names of various financial centres over the world.

“Good to see you again, Cathy,” said Hilary shaking my hand warmly.

“I hope our prank hasn’t caused you any problems with his nibs,” I nodded towards Henry’s door.

She shook her head, and escorted me through to his office, he was standing at the window watching the view of the river and its activities. “Lady Catherine, your lordship.”

Without turning round he said, “I love this view, there’s always something happening–it’s a bit like you, isn’t it?”

“I try to keep busy, Henry.”

“So I hear–accepting a directorship–isn’t going to be too onerous then?”

I blushed and felt a rivulet of sweat run down my back. “I can explain, that Henry.”

“I’m all ears,” he said turning round, his face impassive.

I explained what had happened and he nodded. “So whose Idea was it?”

“I have to take the blame for it. I’ll resign of course.”

“Will you now. Who are you protecting, Cathy? Let’s see, Sonia shares with Sammi, so it’s odds on her, plus you’d need the help of an accomplice from this office–such as Hilary or Judy. So once again, I ask who you’re protecting?”

“No one, I stand alone as the guilty party and have offered my resignation with immediate effect.”

“Please sign this form.” He asked his hand hiding most of the text, “And this one.” It was the same.

“Does this count as my resignation?”

“What d’you think?”

“I don’t know, Henry. I’m sorry if I’ve offended you or upset the system here.”

“You really don’t know what has happened, do you?”

“I’m sorry?” I felt close to tears, “What more can I say?”

“You could offer to elope with me and leave that dozy husband of yours.”

“What?”

“Welcome, Dr Catherine Watts, Director of Environmental Affairs–you’re now a board member of this noble institution.”

I felt sick, “What?” I had left the director’s badge on his desk.

“You’re going to need this.”

“But this was a joke,” I said waving the badge.

“What you didn’t know was that the members were so impressed with you they proposed that we invite you onto the board to deal with all environmental aspects concerning the bank.”

“How can I do that, I can barely cope with things now?”

“Don’t worry–once you set up two managers, one with a biological background like yourself and another to deal with more mundane things like building maintenance, all you’ll need to do is attend the odd meeting and receive briefings.”

“But I don’t have time, Henry, touched though I am by your invitation.”

“You’ve already signed on the dotted line.”

“Only because you hid the forms from me with your hand.”

“Would I do a thing like that, Cathy. Come let me introduce you to your PA, Cynthia, though she uses that awful American diminutive of Cindy.”

“Is she American?”

“Canadian I believe, come with me.” Shaking my head I followed him out of his suite and down to the lift. I had no idea how I was going to deal with this but I’d talk it over with Simon tonight and explain why I was resigning. I’m sure he’ll understand.