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(aka Bike) Part 2038 by Angharad Copyright © 2013 Angharad
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The ice cream which had excited Trish so much was delicious although I had a very small portion and my main course was quite moderate as well–it being one of my favourites–I recognised the sacrifice if no one else did, except David; the rest had their snouts too far in the trough to notice much at all.
The main course was a goulash, which I love and David makes an exquisite one which we had with Jersey Royal potatoes, spinach and baby carrots. I’m not that fond of spinach, it always makes me think of Popeye, but it’s supposed to be good for you and it’s in plentiful supply at the moment.
While we clearing up David came back for something and said, “You tryin’ to lose weight, girl?”
“Could do with losing a bit, the hills are getting steeper.”
He laughed then left going back over to his cottage which he shares with Ingrid and her daughter Hannah. Unfortunately, it’s not just a little weight gain that I need to reverse to get fit again, I also need to increase my exercise levels.
The mornings are light by half past four, so if I were to rise at six, I could do a ride and be back in time to organise the kids and then get off to work. Not sure if I really want to sacrifice an hour of sleep to get fit, but I can’t see any other way of doing it. I don’t have time at lunch or after school, and besides the roads are easier in the mornings.
The weather hasn’t been good, we’ve had the coldest spring for yonks, migrant birds are in small numbers and the dormice are later than usual. I don’t remember seeing many butterflies, so if the insects are down, it might be just as well the migrants who feed on them stay away as well. The thought that many might be perishing on their migration crossing deserts and so on, went through my mind.
I see Dr Brian May of Queen fame is campaigning against the proposed badger cull. I don’t think the government will listen, they’ve decided that the farmers tend to vote for them, and it’s a sop to the farmers. My opinion is the same as that of the Mammal Society, it’s a mistake and could well rebound as well as being unnecessarily cruel.
I never understand why we aren’t vaccinating cows and badgers which is surely the only way to diminish or eradicate the disease, the same with foot and mouth. The enemy is the disease not the wildlife and what happens after they’ve killed all the badgers? Are foxes and deer next, then bunnies and whatever else they can shoot?
Why do we always do everything arse backwards in this country? The government are a laughing stock but sadly even clowns can be dangerous.
I set my alarm for six and somehow struggled out of bed. I dressed and set off on the bike by twenty past and did a ten miler with a couple of climbs and was back just before seven, where upon my normal day started.
“You been riding?” asked Danny as I called him to get up.
“Yeah, why?”
“Can I come next time?”
“If you like.”
“Yeah, oh an’, Mum, why are we getting up so early, it’s half term, innit?”
I went and checked with the girls and he was right. Damn, I still had to go to work, so I set them chores each to be done by the time I got home. Trish and Danny were to help David in the kitchen, Mima was to help Jacquie look after Cate and Livvie had some furniture polishing to do. They all grumbled but agreed they’d do what they had to do which included some homework to be done by next week.
The sun was actually shining as I dressed for work, then realised it was a bank holiday–what is happening to me? I went in to check the dormice only to find Neal there. He didn’t look very happy.
He’d already done the dormice and other animals so I made us each a coffee. Sitting down I asked him what was wrong.
“Ever since the baby arrived, Glo hasn’t been interested in anything but the baby. She’s worn out at night so our sex life is null and void and I’m getting tired of it.”
“Sorry to hear that, I know when I took on Cate, life was strained especially with Simon, and he’s such a patient type.”
“I try to patient, Cathy, but it’s so bloody hard especially as I don’t get any attention at all these days.”
“She does cook for you?”
“Sometimes, but then there are days when she says she was too busy or too tired and the house looks like a tip. Thank goodness you took on Phoebe for us or I’d be in a mental hospital by now.”
“Would you like me to ask Phoebe to come over to babysit for you–could give you an hour or two to yourselves?”
“Nah, nice idea, but Glo and Pheebs don’t get on, so she’d be the last one she’d ask to babysit.”
“Give me a shout if you change your mind.” I rose to collect my stuff and leave when Neal asked how Danny was. “He’s having a few problems in school. You heard about the other boy who was assaulted?”
“I heard something about him cutting off his todger–that’s just gossip though, isn’t it?”
“He did a complete clearance of the area.”
He winced, “Bloody hell, why?”
“I don’t know, but I suspect it might be because he ejaculated during the assault.”
“What–he enjoyed it?”
“I think rather that when he was raped pressure on his prostate caused it to happen. He was so ashamed, he cut it all off to stop it ever happening again.”
Neal looked quite pale. “But that’s crazy, especially if it wasn’t his fault.”
“My thoughts exactly, but obviously not shared by him.”
“Poor little bugger, so he’s what–a nothing now–is he?”
“No, he’s still a boy. Eunuchs don’t cease to be their original sex except in India where they form a sort of group of their own and I think are being officially recognised as a third sex.”
“Why can’t they be seen as women, I mean you...” he stopped suddenly and went very red.
“I’m not a eunuch, Neal, I’m a woman and legally female.” I felt hurt, I’d always thought he had crossed that little Rubicon and accepted me as I was. Apparently, I was wrong. I moved towards the door.
“Cathy, look I’m sorry, that was wrong of me. I never think of you as anything but a very attractive woman–a very attractive one.”
I moved away from him, “Yeah, for a eunuch.”
“I said I was sorry, look, I’m so messed up at the moment I’m not sure what I’m doing or saying. You haven’t got room for another lodger, have you?”
“Sorry, Neal, I’m sure things will get better as Gloria feels less tired. Give her my best wishes won’t you?”
I smiled and walked briskly away feeling a mixture of sadness and anger. Perhaps to those who know our histories, we never quite cross the divide, no matter what the government says or does to our status. Perhaps I’ve been lucky so far with my family, though I suppose they’ve never really seen me as a boy, even Tom said that and he had to put up with me for some time before my transition.
I drove home feeling all sorts of emotions wondering if I wanted to be at home or somewhere where nobody knew me and just accepted what they saw–it wasn’t going to happen.
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Comments
Neal's beign a bit selfish
Maybe he should volunteer to help more.
What's with these constant threats to Cathy's confidence.
Hope she can get into better biking shape. That would be a confidence booster. Going out with a young man like Danny should make the ride more fun and perhaps more challenging. (not to mention the help for Danny who seems to need Mum's attention right now.)
Having Danny along would add
Having Danny along would add an element of safety to Cathy's early morning cycling trips. I think two are always safer than one, and when Cathy headed out by herself, I had a bad feeling about what Bonzi might have in his devious little predator mind.
Kris
{I leave a trail of Kudos as I browse the site. Be careful where you step!}
That's the problem
The government can legislate but, no matter how we feel, the past never completely goes away. Unguarded remarks, however innocent, can hurt even after years of acceptance.
S.
Transitioning.
I seem to have no problem with friends transitioning. I can think of several reasons for this, the most plausible being,
My own gender identity is fluid thus to accommodate my own issues I try to treat men and women equally; that is I don't acknowledge any gender or sexuality identity at all. I've been electively celibate for 8 years now and thus do not relate to others on a sexual level at all, no matter what their sexuality or gender. It works for me but tends to make me appear as something of a cold fish or stand-offish when it comes to emotional issues. Though I do offer support and succour when things go wrong for them. The only thing I ask of my friends is that they tolerate my appetite for fun and extrovert narcissism when we go out.
In these two respects I suppose I'm a bit immature but at least I'm not aggressive or abusive.
The two main things all my friends like is that my celibacy makes them feel totally safe with me in all circumstances and my tee-total habit makes me a good companion for getting friends safely home. Additionally, I don't get jealous or possessive if any of my friends score while we're out clubbing. The only thing I do is double check to see if they still want a lift home.
I've also done the baby thing having fathered two children and I know what sleepless nights are. I don't know which is more demanding, a ship or a baby.
Good chapter Ang insofar as it shows that cracks are developing in Cathy's life. If she's having to rise at six to go cycling, she's probably doing too much.
Slow down; seems to be the best advice.
XX
Bevs.
What would happen if Danny
and/or Peter were to babysit for Neal and Glo?
May Your Light Forever Shine
Isn't this what Danny is feeling also?
"I drove home feeling all sorts of emotions wondering if I wanted to be at home or somewhere where nobody knew me and just accepted what they saw—it wasn’t going to happen." I can certainly see him wondering if he wanted to be at home, or somewhere else where nobody knew him. And of course, we all want to be accepted as we are seen by everyone else.
Don't let someone else talk you out of your dreams. How can we have dreams come true, if we have no dreams?
Katrina Gayle "Stormy" Storm
We think we are so strong.
The church I go to now absolutely accepts me, no questions asked. Still every once in a while something will happen to make my cloak of invisibility go kerfunkle. The vulnerability is surprising.
G
A tough day.....
Obviously, in many ways Cathy is in the same boat as Neal - she is so tired and overworked that she is losing track of the days.
Unfortunately, those who care about us are the same ones who know which buttons to push to hurt us the most. I don't think that Neal meant anything by it, but was simply unfeeling in his comment. Too bad that it hurts just as much even if it wasn't intentionally meant to.
I've been lucky in that I don't get many comments, except from my ex - like I said, the people who know you best also know how best to hurt you. She periodically throws out the nasty bigoted comments, and yes they hurt, but I try not to let it show. By not reacting to them hopefully I am taking away their power.
At least, that's what I like to think.
Dallas
D. Eden
Dum Vivimus, Vivamus
Neal your bigotry is showing and saying sorry is not enough
That is the price of living a less than stealth life though.
In that sense I am with Cathy in that I am more comfortable dealing with strangers than with people who know me. I do not hide what I am at community events and stuff and occasionally outside those events I run into them. I think even non-TS community folks do not really understand that we are not the same as they are and being outed casually to strangers is not my idea of fun.
Asshats.
I am just getting too old for this ... stuff and am getting to the point I just want to say, leave me out of it.
Kim
Where is the line.
Is there some line in the cosmos that when we cross it we can with out doubt or hesitancy.? I am a woman, full stop. Or are we bound by our female natures / training to stumble and fall over our needs to be consistently reminded that we are better than who or what we are fretting about. I arm wrestle with my self over this all the time. Only time and getting older and wiser has lessened it for me.
It is men with or with out what hangs between there knees, that testosterone allows certainty. Especially when they get lost , run out of gas, try to pick a fight and or start a war. [ note humors generalities are being used.]
So I guess we need to learn how to sooth our selves as infants learn to do so thus allowing them to fall asleep on there own. We as adult women need to sooth our own ruffled plumage when some one adds one or more, to many words to what they were saying. They need to remember Bill Engvall suggestion to know when to shut up.
We also need to have a few girl friends to unload with, and even then last month I had a friend tell me God Michele I never knew just how much a women you really are until to night. Discretion and maturity kept me from wolfing off her head I just thanked her for the complement. And moved on secure in the fact yes I am a women all women.
With those with open eyes the world reads like a book
I've heard...
I've heard Neal's complaint more often than I'd like to think about it. *sighs* I suspect my wife did as well. Perhaps that's another one of those "after the fact" things she was referring to when she said a lot of things made more sense. *sighs*
A stat I saw somewhere was that 1/3 of married men have extra marital sex while their wives are pregnant and/or just after the baby is born. Guess they go elsewhere if they can't get it. :-( *sighs* It's a sad statement that and indicates something about where their priorities are. (Guess the remainder are among the "good" catches.)
You do deal with interesting issues in this story.
Thank for keeping it going.
Annette
Cathy has to lose her
insecurities. I find that aquqintances that knew the man me have the biggest problem with pronouns & references to my female (yes - the government have labeled me "F") status. I met a cisgendered woman last week for a second time in 5 or so years & at one point she commented that all she saw was another woman while were finishing a second bottle of wine. It raised my spirits enough to consider a third bottle but time took its toll & we parted friends. She has insisted that I should write a book about my life - the second cisgendered woman who has suggerted that, on my 2 week trip to Northern BC & points between here & there that ended on Sunday. I was back in time for the AGM of the Youth LBGTQ group on Monday night that I am a resource person for.
I know that I probably upset many people but I am straight forward as to my history & if they have a problem, it is theirs not mine. One of the many advantages of being retired & living alone in my own house. When I went into full transition, I came out to all my aquaintances - family - business - personal - social - fellow past Jaycees - some 3-4,000 people. Those that cannot tolerate me, I ignore. Those that are accepting, I embrace. Those that decided that they could not take the chance of being seen with me, I have completely cut off from my world. I went to my neighbours & explained what was going on as one person living in one house but seemingly two persons, I decided needed an explanation before rumours could begin & I was thankful that I took that step as the accepance that I received was such that when we had to take on City Hall, I was welcomed into the cadré leading the attack. I was one of several women that took the microphone at open City Council meetings & lambasted the Council for what they were trying to put over on the residents - i am now well known by the Council & the City's administration & receive the respect due any resident without question.
We may have many problems in the jusidiction where I reside but lack of respect is not one of them.
Openly out & proud,
Ruth
May the sun always shine on your parade
As Cathy so rightly
points out, A badger cull does seem rather a stupid way to solve the problem , In most cases problems with wild animals are as much of our own making as they are caused by Mother Nature , Take for instance Mink imported into the UK for their fur, Inevitably they escaped aided in the main by animal rights activists , Because they are not native to the British Isles their appearance in the wild lead to many problems with native british species , Bigger stronger and ruthless killers they have no natural predators in the UK and have caused devastation amongst the small mammal and bird population.... Yet another example of (wo)mankind putting their hands where they are not needed!
Kirri
The answer to feral mink
is otters. Mink can't compete with their larger cousins and otters will kill them on sight. So the reintroduction/re-population of our rivers and streams by Lutra lutra is showing that nature can re-balance itself when given the chance. Pity the same isn't true of squirrels. Grey squirrels carry squirrel pox which they have immunity to, unfortunately the native red squirrels don't and it's killing them in significant numbers - there was a report in the Mammal Society's newsletter, and it's a horrible disease, causes massive ulceration on their faces, feet and genitalia and has been likened to myxomatosis in rabbits.
Angharad
The same...
The same kinda thing happened when Europeans came to the Americas.. (As what you describe with the Squirrels.)
Annette