The Daily Dormouse. (aka Bike) Part 2006 by Angharad Copyright © 2013 Angharad All Rights Reserved.

By the next weekend I had polished the report and had all the bits back I needed to add as appendices, including the legal view. It was twenty pages long with the add- ons but I emailed it to Henry for his approval and or distribution. A couple of hours later I got a response–he liked it.

So that was two of the board happy, Henry and Simon–I hoped the others would be so accommodating. Last time I’d saved them a million pounds by altering heating in their branches and HQ, this time I was spending their money but more wisely than had originally been suggested.

Monday I was busy back at university running tutorials for some of the students who were struggling. At the end of the morning I was struggling–with sanity. Why do we accept students who can barely read and write–and I don’t mean those with a word or speech problem, I mean just plain dim. I was teaching them things they should have learned at A-level if not before then. I mean, how can you teach degree level biology to someone who is supposed to have an A level in it but can’t tell the difference between meiosis and mitosis. If their bodies are as stupid as they are, they won’t live long enough to complete the course.

I went to lunch with Daddy and complained the whole time about the standard of the students. “We’el, it’s a’ these dormouse fondlers who’re messin’ it up, we didn’ae hae a problem before.”

“Hoy, I heard that,” I said as he chuckled into his curry. “Besides, ecology is only one module per year on the biology course, and it would appear most of the ones I’ve spoken to wanted to do the full ecology course,” which was two modules per year.

“Aye, perhaps we o’er-extended oorsel’s this time.”

“That’s not going to do much for our reputation, is it?”

“We’el, oor reputation seems to be a’ aboot some dollybird wha makes wildlife fil-ums.”

At this point I started choking on a piece of tuna.

“Hae ye got bones in it?” he asked, teasing me.

I took a sip of water and cleared my oesophagus. The rest of the meal went more normally and I thanked him for my tuna salad. He told me I’d earn it. I knew what he meant, I was tutoring all afternoon, Stella having agreed to collect the girls.

I stopped for a coffee break and complained to Tom again, “Daddy this is ridiculous! They don’t even have the basics–look I’m going to run workshops tomorrow instead of tutorials anyone can attend. They’ll both be the same so if necessary they can attend both if it will help them pass their exams.”

He agreed and I sent an email round to everyone who was booked with me for the following day for a tutorial to come to my workshop instead. I had a whole load of confirmations before I went home. I also emailed those I’d already seen for tutorials. It was last ditch stuff for most of them, but I was prepared to try it to see if I could give lifejackets to some of the drowning.

I spent most of the evening sorting out a teaching plan and saving a copy of the various handouts to a memory stick–amazing, my first computer was huge with a tiny memory, this thing is smaller than my lipstick with a sixteen gig memory.

I was early in, taking the girls early and dropping them off at school, but I needed Pippa to help me do print outs of the handouts–they really were in words of one syllable–well okay two or three, but no more than that. Biology for dummies, it really was that bad.

I had a hundred students turn up for workshop one, including one creepy looking kid who I felt was undressing me as I talked to the group. He gave me a look which to my paranoid state seemed to be saying, ‘I love dominant women.’ He probably wasn’t, he was more likely trying to understand the difference between DNA and RNA.

I kept them at it for two and half hours when Pippa arrived with an armful of handouts and put them down in piles at the back. She disappeared and was back moments later with another pile. By the time she’d finished there was half a forest at the back of the hall.

I was exhausted when Tom came to collect me for lunch. I didn’t know if what I’d done would work or not. The exams next week would determine that–then I’d have some marking to do. I used to like the spring once upon a time.

Partly refreshed by my lunch–I had a chocolate mousse as well–some quick access carbs, see if it gives me a zip–I returned to the fray at two o’clock and we ran until five when I refused to do any more–I was so tired I could hardly speak or stand. Neal had to come and shoo them away, then he took me round to the lab and made me a strong cup of coffee. It enabled me to get home without falling asleep.

It was as I was eating my dinner–I wasn’t very hungry–I recalled I had to go to London tomorrow and present my paper to the board. I felt like shit warmed up and after checking my outfit was okay, I packed what I’d need for the meeting and went to bed–I think I was asleep before the girls went to bed. However, I woke about three in the morning having had my six hours and I couldn’t seem to get back off so I lay there for an hour listening to Simon snore before I gave up and went down to make a cuppa and hope that would help me return to sleep.

I sat at my desk with the files of my report and began to read through it again just in case I saw any mistakes. The way my heart was beating, I was secreting so much adrenalin I couldn’t concentrate anyway, however I heard a funny noise and looked round just in time to see a furry body fly up on to my lap and start pummelling as she purred. I picked her up stroked her and gave her a kiss and she settled down to sleep on my lap, which was preferable to claws going through my pyjama legs and into mine as she pummelled me.

I settled back to my task and the next thing I knew was Simon was prodding me, “Wake up, Cathy–what are you doing down here?”

I’d fallen asleep at my desk, the kitten was still curled up on my lap and my head felt like someone was trying to make it ring like a bell by striking it with a big hammer. “What time is it?” I croaked.

“Half past seven, I overslept.”

“Oh lord, I need to get the girls up.”

“Get yourself up, Tom’s taking them to school, remember? You and I are off to the board meeting, so up you get and shower.”

I was about to pinch myself to see if I was having a bad dream, but the kitten stuck her claws in my leg before hopping off to get her breakfast–I was wide awake and this was real.