The Weekly Dormouse. (aka Bike, est. 2007) Part 3438 by Angharad Copyright© 2024 Angharad

---

This is a work of fiction any mention of real people, places or institutions is purely coincidental and does not imply that they are as suggested in the story.
~~~~~~~~~`

So Trump's little friend, the utterly disgusting Nigel Farage is to stand for his Reform Party, which I learned is copied from a Canadian one that caused havoc there, destroying the conservatives. I have no concern about something wiping out the nasty party but when it turns out to be the British equivalent of the Nazi Party, I have worries. The rise of the right tends to mean the brainless bullies look for minorities to persecute and apparently, it's our turn this time. There is so much anger and hate about, worse since Covid and Brexit, both of which we can blame some of the mess for both on Johnson's government who could lie for England or perhaps the conjunction should be to, rather for, because he certainly lied to England and many of the idiots who live here suddenly became xenophobic and several obvious foreigners were attacked and assaulted or abused verbally. Unfortunately, it is still ongoing and the country is in quite a mess. After 14 years of corrupt Tory rule, it will be good for a change though Keir Starmer isn't radical enough for me but he's trying to get elected before he can do anything. Like many, I rejoiced in his being elected to lead the Labour Party; I've not been impressed so far but he is a barrister, so perhaps we'll have better coffee.

The next Monday's mail brought me another handful of applications for my housekeeper job. So Danni and I will have another difficult meeting tonight. She appears to be in the wilderness as regards England selectors so I think she may well turn them down if they ask her again. She made her point collecting two hat tricks against London-based teams which are packed with England players, and they had no answer to her skills except to foul her and she was off again with injuries the other week. Despite the way she is treated by so many, she remains very good-natured especially when looking after her younger sisters. They all have a very positive relationship, which is perhaps my only triumph in family terms.

After our difficult selection meeting we had narrowed it down to six, who if they were as good as their applications purported, they could walk on water, cook like a Michelin chef, speak about seven languages, and fly like Superman. It wil be interesting to meet them, I'm just amazed that they haven't been recruited by the government to sort out the troubles in the Middle East or Ukraine.

Diane was in sparkling form and only embarrassed me about ten times before our first cuppa, she'll have to go. Our only pukka aristo, Lady Surrey, or Laura de Court to you, is no longer wearing a technician's coat in the laboratories and hiding from the TERFs because they seem to have forgotten her. I'm pleased to say she is dressing more like an ordinary student than someone who shops at Harvey Nicks and she looks better for it, more authentic in my humble opinion, well opinion, though the term humble may prove to be incorrect. I was obviously born to an aristocrat insofar as my arrogance factor always scored high enough to make the Royal Family seem wanting.

"How's the housekeeper recruitment going?" asked Diane over a quick cuppa.

"We've had in excess of 25 applications, so hopefully one or two should know what they're doing. According to Danni my fellow selector, most could make Superman or Mary Poppins look inadequate." Alas I said this as Diane had just taken a mouthful of tea which she snorted over my desk, thankfully my copy of Snodgrass was out of her range.

Snodgrass wrote the 'Principles of Insect Morphology,' which he published in 1935, nearly a hundred years ago, but it is still mentioned in textbooks and papers very frequently. He worked for the US Dept of Agriculture and his dissection and drawings are amazing and this was before SEM*s were available, so are even more incredible.

My copy is a new version, as it's out of copyright now, so it was printed off by an Indian company and I've just ordered a copy of his 'Arthropod Anatomy', which I hope will be equally good, and it wasn't that expensive either. I saw it on Abe books but by the time I tried to order it I was told it was no longer available. I tried again and got the same result, so I tried eBay books and got exactly the same book, free postage for a pound cheaper. While I was on eBay I ordered some magnifying 'glasses' that you wear like a jeweller's loupe and you swap lenses round to magnify things x10, x15, x20, and x25. How accurate the magnifications are I can't say but it certainly did magnify, except like a hand lens and a microscope, the higher the magnification the smaller the depth of field, it may be stereo but beyond x10, it has to be so close it practically has to sit on your nose. But it worked and for a tenner, I think it is possible to recommend to students who were working without access to a microscope. I actually have a field stereo-microscope as well, but most students haven't got a spare hundred quid hanging round, so if they miss paying for one round of drinks, they can possibly buy the stereo magnifying-glasses or pay something towards a decent x10 hand lens, which we advise them to get before they start the course, and also a lanyard to use to wear it around the neck. So as long as you don't plonk it in your soup, it should be ready and available whenever you're doing fieldwork, so going loopy for a good loupe, is a good investment for about fifteen quid and upwards depending on the quality you want. I know paleontologist Richard Fortey, always has one with him as do most entomologists, and probably most ecologists too. When you need to see the fine detail of something, a hand lens is so useful which I'm sure most of you know already so I'll shut up about it now.

I know Danni and Sarah have nice ones because I bought them for them as soon as they applied to study biology at our uni, as I knew they'd come in handy, or would if ever Danni remembered to carry hers around with her. But as they say, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it swim (Trish's version of the saying).

My own loupe is one my father gave me when I went off to Sussex, so it's special for sentimental reasons as well as being a nice one with my name engraved on the casing. It also came with a leather case but that broke eventually and I sewed a leather pouch for it, all by hand when I was in my room at Sussex. It just has C. Watts etched into the stainless steel case, so it was usable in all my manifestations. I think he knew that but we never discussed it, "So thanks Dad, I'm still using it.

It lasted longer than his car did if you remember, someone put a bomb in my own car and the blast damaged the Mondeo as well. I seem to get through cars like nobody's business, even my Jag was damaged by that schoolkid, Peregrine something or other, and the headmaster only took notice when the kid scratched his trademark sign, which he'd put on my newly resprayed car on the headmaster's antique desk. Well, I thought it funny anyway, the boy was oblivious that he was doing it so suffered from some problem or other, I'll leave that to the educational psychologists.

My mother had taught me the rudiments of sewing, for which I'm everlastingly grateful, though at the time I felt anything but as she instructed me on hemming Dad's trousers after shortening them, turning a collar on a rather well-worn shirt, I asked her why he couldn't just buy another but she insisted I do it for the practice and she meant practice on real items. I'd done several things Including cushion covers so was quite competent in simple sewing, but that included replacing zips, inserting darts, in dresses or blouses, so it was relatively comprehensive and she watched me like a hawk. When I was tempted to cut corners she pulled me up by adding, "I'll bet Charlotte would do it properly." When I enquired who this Charlotte was, she told me that I knew very well who she meant. I was left red-faced every time. But it meant I was able to make my drawstring pouch quite easily, running the lanyard string through the drawstring so I wouldn't lose it when It was in use and my attention was taken elsewhere. Debbie saw my pouch on my hand lens and asked where I'd got it and I told her I'd made it while at uni.

"Why doesn't that surprise me?" she voiced when I told her. The upshot was that she wanted one of her own and I told her if she got a piece of soft leather I'd show her how to do it, but we'd do the seams on the machine because it would be stronger. She seemed amazed that I'd sewn it by hand. Once you've done all the seams and turned over the top for the string to run through, you then had the fun of inserting it usually feeding a safety pin all through it with the string attached to it. It's fiddly but not rocket science, the seams are all sewn and then the bag is turned inside out for a nicer finish, I'd had to do some pockets for my dad's trousers, so I knew what to do for my own project.

While Debbie was making hers, I did a slightly larger one as a coin purse for Hannah with which she was duly impressed and she had something the others didn't so she was well pleased. It only took us an evening to make from start to finish, so it left me a few spare minutes to sort Meems sewing and the new skirt Danni was making, with Cindy of course in attendance.

Danni and I set a date for the housekeeper interviews and I got Diane to do the letters for me; we'd chosen six candidates and would do them all on a Saturday morning, giving them a week's notice to attend and also offering expenses for travel for unsuccessful candidates, something they tend to do at universities and the NHS.

Otherwise, things were much the same as normal, I offered interviews with students who we were discharging as not having made the grade. It was rather like a last chance saloon; hardly any of them took up the offer, knowing that it was very difficult to change the university's mind, so they gave it up as a lost cause, however, we were obliged to offer them the service. I did them with a reader in biology or a senior lecturer, just the two of us. It was a horrible job but someone had to do it.

On the two occasions, someone actually availed themselves of the opportunity, I was able to help the unfortunate student to see that it didn't preclude them from trying another university and that not everyone prospers from the university experience. However, it's becoming a rite of passage these days, but the first year is the most disturbed as they have mostly not been away from home before and have to get the freedom out of their systems. Some never do although we warn them all the time and we have to let them go. In fact I had a letter from a rejected student who'd gone to another university, Leicester I think, got a degree and was gainfully employed doing a job she loved. She told me that my interview advice gave her the incentive to try again, this time without the partying. I wrote back wishing her well and thanking her for letting me know.

Once in while it all seems worthwhile and you ignore the bruises on your forehead and dents in the wall are forgotten, until next time.

* Scanning Electron Microscope, which has revolutionised physical science.