The Weekly Dormouse. (aka Bike, est. 2007) Part 3407 by Angharad Copyright© 2023 Angharad

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This is a work of fiction any mention of real people, places or institutions is purely coincidental and does not imply that they are as suggested in the story.
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The weekend wasn't all UN Peacekeeping duties, we actually had some fun as well as a spot of rain and thunder and lightning. David produced a wonderful meal on Saturday - a paella and Sunday - a wonderful roast lamb with mint sauce and the rest of the trimmings, he also does Yorkshire pud, which is supposed to go with roast beef, because Simon likes it and he pays the house overheads. Simon also got his wicked way with his wife, viz. moi. So what walking funny doesn't mean I can't eat my share of roast lamb. As a vegetarian I'm a total failure, I could be one if I didn't have to give up meat and fish but I don't think there's much call for carnivorous vegetarians. However, if they read their biology more closely they'd realise that many so-called herbivores ate animal protein whenever they got the chance. I keep telling people that even cuddly things like dormeece will eat small animals and eggs if the opportunity arises and wood mice will attack and kill dormant dormice and eat them if the chance arises.

We tend to over-categorise at times putting things in pigeon holes that aren't exactly correct. Politicians are doing so now on both sides of the Atlantic seeming to think there are only two forms of sex and gender when there are umpteen, even chromosomal sex isn't as simplistic as they try to suggest as a significant number of people don't fit into the binary model, but then since when did politicians tell the truth, they're all liars and if they are on the right, they tend to ignore the truth and promulgate only lies. The Orange Thing, currently being sued is probably the worst offender and he of all people accuses others of lying - the irony is breathtaking, but most Americans don't do it; they also collectively seem more stupid than Britons, something I nearly didn't believe after they voted in Boris, Truss and Sunak, but in all fairness, only a few thousand in the Tory party voted them in, the rest of us didn't get a say in things. In some respects, I suspect anyone who votes Tory is either deluded or dishonest, if they are politicians perhaps both.

So in a week that has seen both Republicans and Tories declare trans people as public enemy number one because we are easy to hate. Why they never tell us, but I suppose except those who transition very young, we do tend to stand out somewhat, although surgeons can do amazing things these days, except put brains in Tories or Republicans.

So I went back to work on Monday having had not too bad a weekend, once I'd locked all the kids in the cellar with bread and water. I was in my office before Diane seemed present and actually had to make my own first cuppa - honestly, what's the world coming to? I made her one as well then had to revive her from the shock.

A wee while later, I was knee-deep in spreadsheets again when she came to tell me that my ten o'clock was here. I had no knowledge of an appointment and was annoyed at being disturbed, spreadsheets are easy for some people but I'm not one of them.

"Who is it?" I asked her.

"Um, Tanya Hardiman."

"Who is she when she's at home?"

"I'll send her in, she can tell you herself. I'll make some more tea." That sounded like a cop-out to me and she disappeared very quickly, I grew more suspicious.

I switched off my computer saving any changes I had made and the door opened and in walked a rather short-haired dark woman wearing jeans and a jacket, it looked as though she could use one of those waxing strips designed for top lips, or was she cultivating a moustache? Whatever, it transfixed my attention and I spent most of our meeting fixated on her 'tash.

"We have been informed by colleagues in Sussex that they have exported one of their weirdos here."

"What do you mean exactly by weirdo?" I asked, it suddenly seemed it could be a long morning, but I was determined that I wasn't going to lose my temper, whatever she said. No, I should be able to use my scintillating wit and superior debating skills, except that people like her don't listen, just spout.

"One of those he/she things."

"Since sex isn't exactly black and white, that could apply to most of us."

"Speak for yourself, I know I'm 100% female."

"As a biologist, I think I'd have to challenge that as no one is 100% anything and nature does like to experiment."

"Alright, 99% then. I know I am biologically female and the thing Sussex sent here is pretending to be one but is male."

"I can't comment as students' records are confidential but we have a policy that allows difference and diversity, so even if such a person exists, we allow them to express themselves in whichever gender they feel is appropriate."

"No wonder the country's in such a mess," she said vehemently.

"That's rather a simplistic statement as the cause of our problems is multifactorial," I threw back not even using the Tories are twats one.

"Men are men and women are women, they can't change over just like that."

"I don't think I've ever met a transgender person who did it without enormous thought and possibly even a sense of desperation, no one would contemplate such change lightly."

"Yet they do, I'm sure I could tell one at a glance. I mean women like us are just different to men who pretend to be us so they can spy on us in toilets or pretend to be women to attract lesbians."

"I think most people use toilets because they need to micturate or defecate, occasionally to sort out hair or makeup don't think I have ever seen anyone hanging around to spy on me or other users of the loo."

"You've been lucky then."

"Seems like I have, have you caught anyone trying to spy on you when you go for a pee?" She looked a little bit surprised by my question.

"Not yet," she began to go pink and just then Diane came in with some coffee. She placed one down for each of us.

"Have you noticed men disguised as women hiding in the ladies trying to get a view of us in a state of undress?" I asked Diane who laughed.

"If they did I think I'd spot it and they'd be out a moment later, why is this lady accusing someone of doing so in the university?"

Tanya blushed some more as her threat was being ridiculed by another woman.

"Um, no, it's more she's worried about a hypothetical case," I offered Diane who roared with laughter.

"That's like my Gran who used to cover all the mirrors and hide all the cutlery in a thunderstorm. It bore no scientific logic and my mother used to try and reason with her to no avail."

"I'm afraid fear is an emotional thing which is rarely based on fact hence the fact that millions of Millennials are terrified they'll miss something if they aren't plugged into their phones. If they check them after a lecture, I think they are usually fine and haven't missed out."
"I fail to see why you older ladies are making fun of me."

Diane blushed and beat a retreat. "We're weren't ridiculing you just simply the notion that men become women to spy in the loos. I'm not aware that anyone has ever been charged with that as an offence."

"What about that case in Scotland where a rapist was sent to women's prison even though they still had their genitals and could do the same again."

"That is the only case of its sort and shows how unlikely it is to happen again."

"Ha, the bloody Scots are going to allow anyone to change sex overnight just by saying so." She was becoming slightly hot under the collar of her jacket.

"I suspect there's more to it than that and I think they have to wait so long anyway, probably the process will take longer than that but if that becomes the law then we have to abide by it."

"Shows the law is made by woke legislators."

"Is that any worse than in the States where you can't have an abortion if you need one, women having to carry full term even if they know the foetus is dead?"

"They don't do they?"

"I'm afraid they do, that is men trying to legislate control over women's bodies, I wouldn't worry about problems with the toilets because any transgender person is going to be more scared than you and is likely to be in and out, just doing whatever business they need to."

"That isn't what women are saying in America."

"America is a different place, to start with it is a relatively religious place, which is being manipulated by very cynical individuals, often with lies. As far as I am aware there is no record of a transgender person causing trouble in a ladies loo, there is however one of two women beating up a trans woman who went to have a pee. Which just shows bigotry, don't you agree?"

"I don't know, that's America and I'm trying to represent other women to stop it happening here."

"Just which women are you representing because I'm not aware of other women's groups having any problems with toilet use?"

"Portsmouth University Sapphic Society, PUSS for short."

"So you're gay?"

"Out and proud."

"Well, that's your business, how many members do you represent?"

"We have eight members but expect to grow, I'm trying to get Professor Stock to come and address us."

"Why?"

"Well, us radical lesbians don't want to let men undermine us by pretending to change gender."

"Wasn't that idea shown to be false in the 1970s in America."

"As far as I know it's still in force."

"My daughter did some gender studies and she found that it was a load of cobblers then as it still would be now. It's based on poor thinking and no evidence.

"You're just saying that." She was becoming red again.

"I'm not I watched what she was reading and the essays she wrote, they were quite good. The book is still in the library but it is very poorly written and arguments don't hold air let alone any water. It's just a rant.

"So you're anti-lesbian."

"I'm not but I am anti bigotry."

"So I'm a bigot now am I?"

"I haven't called you anything. I want us all to get on in this university and that includes your single-sex group as well as any transgender students we may have. We have a policy which has been adopted by the university council to which we all have to adhere."

"So you're supporting that pervert?"

"I am supporting an individual against what seems like an unnecessary prejudice, yes. Have you ever thought about what it must be like for someone to change their gender, how frightening that is, how men or women may beat them up for no reason, may shun them for just expressing how they see themselves? I've never had a problem with trans women but I have with radical bigots."

"Ah, now we're coming to it, we can see that you're a traitor to your sex, supporting this pervert."

"I am supporting the policy that we have in the university and you are in danger of breaking it, which may have consequences."

"Blow your consequences, we women will prevail." She stood up and threw the mug she had been using on the floor breaking it before storming out of my office.

"Oh dear," said Diane, "have we got a problem with a TERF?"

"Looks like it, Why can't they just go and play with their dildoes and leave the rest of us in peace?"

"Oh that'd be no fun now, would it?" she waltzed out of my office laughing and I thought I had a bit of a headache developing. I thought I'd better tell Daddy we may have some trouble and before I could say much at all he invited me to lunch. Why can't everyone just leave me alone to do these spreadsheets? It's going to be one of those days, I can see it now. Oh, bugger!.