The Weekly Dormouse. (aka Bike, est. 2007) Part 3427 by Angharad Copyright© 2024 Angharad

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This is a work of fiction any mention of real people, places or institutions is purely coincidental and does not imply that they are as suggested in the story.
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Writing a biography was not something I fancied at all. Over the years I had read so many of trans people and only April Ashley's had made me remember it, partly because her story was so larger than life, mine paled to insignificance by comparison and all the male film stars she had bedded by comparison to my one and only Simon. I wouldn't swap him for anyone, not even Colin Firth, or Colin Farrell for that matter, who I wouldn't kick out of bed either - well not until after... After what I hear you say, and I have to ask if you are serious or have you not heard that women have needs as well? Nah, I'm not serious, I couldn't do that to Simon, could I - no I damned well couldn't, I love the man and besides, what would my girls think of their mother - not a lot.

My time discussing a sabbatical with my kids had descended into what they wanted to do or go, rather than my needs. But then that is partly my fault, in putting their needs first. I had also given them a lot of my time whenever I could which caused them to perhaps be a bit selfish. When they were young it was expected, now they are older perhaps they should have a broader view. May be I am wrong.

I was waiting to talk to Simon about my future as he is my partner and he would discuss it with me if it was him, I think although I'm not sure. We see so little of each other these days, both workaholics and always short of time to do things that weren't essential, but that depends upon what you deem essential. In my case family or my department/ university. In his family(I hope) then the bank, then anything else and finally me. I know he trusts me implicitly and I do him, but otherwise I don't know where I lie in his list of priorities and I'm half scared to ask him because it implies I don't know and could that show a betrayal of trust. Oh goodness, why is it always so complicated.

Diane brought me a cuppa and I was deep in thought, she put the mug down and banged on my desk and I jumped out of my skin. "You are awake then?"

"Of course I am, I was just thinking about what Tom said yesterday about a sabbatical."

"Well, that's less permanent than resigning."

"True, but once someone has got their feet under my desk, reclaiming it may be difficult."

"Take it home with you, then they'd have to buy a new one."

I sighed, "I didn't mean literally."

"Well, stop talking in metaphors then."

"Why, it shows intelligence."

"That may be a moot point," she threw back at me and sniggered. "How's the autobiography coming?"

"What autobiography?"

"The one you're going to write."

"I don't remember saying I was going to write one, only you telling me to."

"What more do you need? It's the ultimate accolade."

"Since when?"

"Look, we all know you only appointed me for my extremely good taste."

"Oh, of course, and there's me thinking it was because you could type faster than me, your spelling was reasonable and you made a good cuppa. I'm sure those were the reasons you were appointed and the fact that you were available at short notice as my previous secretary had left to become a student."

"Ha, you delude yourself."

"That was what my father used to say, he being a an evangelical type of Christian. I wasn't sure if he was taking the piss when he said it, because talk about the pot calling the kettle had nothing on him. It was only because my mother had died suddenly and he'd had a severe stroke and he actually needed me, that he came to accept my gender as female."

"You never talk about you parents, other than Tom."

"What's there to say, they were both fundamentalists and I was an atheist, fed up with them ramming their religious beliefs down my throat, especially as I was thinking for myself and rejected them all as pure mythology. I see nothing in the scriptures, let alone feel they were written by a god that doesn't exist and a man, who if he lived, was killed by the Romans, and was then elevated to the godhead about two hundred and fifty years after he died. It was political. Nothing in the gospels is necessarily true and much of it is propaganda including which became the canonical version, many were excluded supposedly by other disciples including Thomas and Mary Magdalene. The one by Thomas is incomplete but is rather nice but doesn't match the Matthew, Marl Luke and John which were written to support the then hierarchy of the Catholic church who had eliminated the all the other sects, like the Gnostics and the Cathars. The Christian church has a long history of being unChristian towards other Christians and other faiths as well."

"You don't believe in compromise do you?"

"Not over fairy tales, no and they are all myths and legends that people accept as gospel."

"Very droll."

"It's like fundamentalist Muslims believe that god dictated the Koran to Mahomet while he sat in a cave for so long. They don't take into account that he was a camel driver, so probably couldn't write too well. In a way it also why we have no original writings of Jesus, because he couldn't write. He may have been able to read, sort of, but writing is a much more technical skill that requires lots of practice to hone the motor skills and set up the muscle memory or pathway. If you remember when you first learned in school, if you can remember that far back, they had you practice writing nearly every day to set up the pathways. It takes about a thousand hours."

"You have really thought about this, haven't you?"

"I wanted to see what I was missing, so did lots of reading and thinking, I was fascinated by the beginnings of Christianity, not the poor guy on the cross, but the machinations in the following centuries, even to some extent nowadays. It's still run by conmen and politicians, who if they believe in Jesus would have a hard time explaining many or their actions. If we give Jesus the benefit of the doubt and allow that he lived, was a polemical preacher and possible Kabbalist. Some believe he was murdered by the Jews to stop him revealing too much about Kabbalah, which they kept strictly secret. However that's speculation but we know nothing else about him that wasn't written by others some time later, nothing is contemporary.

"Also, even St Paul, who initially persecuted Christians, and is the nearest to a contemporary writer we have, never met the man he would claim to worship and he disobeyed other early Christians a Hebrew sect, because he chose to include Gentiles in his religious teachings. So Paul was very unpopular in lots of ways but like many converts really ran with the message. He also died expecting Christ's second coming in his lifetime, so was rather wrong.

"Of course, if you look at all scientifically, all of it is rubbish or old wives tales, and how could Jesus have been born without Mary, his mother, having had sex with a man. If she gave birth as a virgin, it would have parthenogenetically, meaning she had no male chromsomes available, so Jesus would have been female."

"If you said that in the wrong quarters, you'd never get out alive."

"I have and people laugh at me. Why because the myths and lies are brainwashed into them from childhood. Look at Trump, he says the most outrageous things and people don't challenge him, even though they know he tell humungous lies. They choose to allow him to spout untruths and let's face it the Church of Rome had had nearly two thousand years to have the myths crystallise into peoples' core stories which many never question. They just believe, faith triumphing over critical thinking because the latter is sometimes painful. I know it was for me but I just couldn't believe what my parents took at face value. I was only fifteen or sixteen but had learned enough science to challenge them, my father didn't like it and attacked me several times - very Christian."

"Quite," added my secretary.

"It was, in the mediaeval period Christians murdered thousands who wanted to argue, the first Crusade was against other Christians, the Cathars in the south of France, although it wasn't France then, which was part of the plan, so much of it was political, which describes about half of organised religions. It's about power not theology.

"At Acre, Richard the first ( afterwards called Lionheart) ordered the murder of hundreds of Moslem prisoners in front of Saladin and his army. A very Christian thing to do, but other religions can do it too, you only have to look at twenty eight or so thousand killed in Gaza by the IDF."

"Wow, I've never thought about it like that. I'm nominally C of E but now you have me thinking about it."

"That's all I ask of people, that they think about it before they accept it. Most won't because it means exploring core values and that is always painful. Transgender folk have had to do so about their gender and how they see themselves and present what they feel to others, who often reject them, sometime because they are told so by their religious teachers. It's all bigotry because those who are transgender aren't so because they wanted to be so, it something they are born with. So in other words God made them that way, except there is no proof of god, nor will there ever be, because there isn't one.

"However if it helps people to get through the day, believing the fairies will support them, who am I to spoil their delusion but in order for me to do so, I want them to support mine, that I am female, a quid pro quo, but they always want my acceptance without giving anything themselves. Religion is very selfish demanding things of others but giving them nothing in return."

"Sounds like a politician."

"Of course, it does because it's all politics, theology ended when they couldn't decide how many angels could balance on the head of a pin. Just think what they could have concluded if they'd had quantum physics in those days."

"Well, there are lots of things that are smaller than a pin head," said Diane.

"Remember you are talking to a biologist, so I won't disagree." At that we both laughed lightening the atmosphere by several degrees and then Tom phoned to tell me I was going to lunch with him and to be ready. I mentioned I was going with Diane and he invited her too - okay I shouldn't really manipulate him like that but it's so easy and he likes it really - so I keep telling myself. I offer to pay every now and again but he objects because, men always pay for women, he's left me all his money so he may as well see me enjoying it while he's alive, and he always jokes that the inside of my purse contains photophobic bacteria, I just thought it applied to the coins therein, but perhaps he's right - he's a biologist too, as he reminds me every so often.