The Weekly Dormouse. (aka Bike, est. 2007) Part 3406 by Angharad Copyright© 2023 Angharad

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This is a work of fiction any mention of real people, places or institutions is purely coincidental and does not imply that they are as suggested in the story.
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I met with Daddy for lunch and he filled me on the gossip, "Ye ken why Edmond wis so keen to get rid o' her, it's that bloody professor wha resigned, there are an established TERF group at Sussex and there is an established trans group an' if they ken he haed royalty on his course he'd hae haed a load o'bother wit wan or ither o' them."

"So he dumped her on us?" I asked waiting for our meal to arrive.

"Aye, more o' less."

"Okay, as far as I know, there are only one or two trans students plus a handful of TERFS. If only they could see that transwomen are no threat to them and in fact there could be solidarity between them as we are all living as women and suffer at the hand of misogynists or macho men. They are the common enemy but they're all so far up their own arses, they can't see that."

"Aye , that's true but neether group wull listen tae ye."

"I'm not even going to try and speak to them except to warn them we have a policy, anyone who breaks it will face possible suspension or expulsion, which is where you come in, Daddy because you'll give them a fair hearing then expel them."

"That doesnae soond fair tae me."

"It is if we expel either of them if they transgress. We'll warn them first, then out."

"Best read the complaints system, I think it's a verbal then written warning, then oot."

"Ah, but if it's bad enough all three can happen at once. Harassment of someone because of gender identity or orientation, if bad enough can result in all three at once."

"Och, I think I'll gang an' check, don't want tae expel onyone wha disnae deserve it."

"I'm not asking you to but they also need to know we aren't taking any abuses of our policies as well."

"Aye, I'll send oot a reminder o' whit thae policies are."

"Good thinking, Daddy, why aren't all old people like you?"

"Whit, a' crabby auld gits?"

"Aye," I replied and he gave me dirty look and went back to his lair. He was a magical old man who really did look after his loved ones.

I settled back to my spreadsheet and did finish it this time and saw that Trish had made one very small error which was about a tiny amount of money that had appeared from nowhere. I removed it as petty cash and it all balanced. I felt elated then considered what could hit us in a few weeks. Our student wasn't really royalty, she just had a dad who was cousin of the old Queen Mother, but not in line to the throne any more than Simon was, thank goodness. He was second or third cousin of the Queen Mum too, but knew he was far away not to be caught in their fantasy world. My own feelings were that they had outlived their usefulness but we had no better system as an alternative, certainly, the mess in the Lords and amongst the government was probably a very good reason for staying with a monarchy and we were seen as the leading monarchy in the world - not that it's any recommendation as the whole thing is corrupt but not as much as politicians and lobbyists and the other real shapers and movers, who make things happen, profit hugely from it but are never implicated in the ensuing disaster. George Monbiot wrote an article about it in the Guardian this week, calling it 'Clientelism' or something like that as a form of corruption that pervades democracy and is perpetuated by all shades of government. We are all corrupt at a government level but at times I wonder if democracy is going to disappear in the States before much longer, especially if Trump gets in again.

I enquired of Diane if Laura had applied and was told and she had been accepted; another day later and she may not have been. Esmond knew his stuff and got her in just in time. I hoped she wasn't going to become a problem but only time would show that. It was mid-afternoon when Debbie came to my office and showed me the text of an email.

"You've taken on another Sussex reject I hear."

"That's confidential."

"Yeah, well, this was sent to our TERF group," she threw me the email and I saw that it revealed that Sussex had exported a master's level trans student to us because the TERFs in Sussex had driven him out.

"Shouldn't that be her, not him?" I asked.

"So it's true then?"

"I haven't denied it."

"So we could be in for a torrid time, then?"

"We could, but you shouldn't be involved you have female legal status don't you?"

"Yes, but I have an interest in the matter."

"So, we all have in protecting our students and complying with our policies including the one on difference and diversity. Everyone who is enrolled signs up for it amongst several other policies, staff or students. We are required by law to uphold it."

"So what's the new trannie like?" she asked.

"The new transwoman is attractive and passable, so as long as no one points her out, I'm not expecting any particular trouble."

"I was told she was titled."

"Yes, currently as Ms."

"Aw, come on, you know you can trust me."

"The only titles we use here are doctor or professor or academic variants on them, we also permit reverend but only for those who believe in fairies," as I said this she sniggered.

"Oh well, I'll spot her sooner or later, like you did me when I first came here, but you are pretty perceptive."

"Remember that I have been doing it longer than you and have a few at home to remind me, though most of those are imperceptible. Our trans student met Trish but didn't have a clue."

"Not surprising, Trish didn't have the problem with testosterone most of us do."

"Neither did I, but Trish will likely need further surgery one day." She nodded as if to acknowledge what I said. Once Trish stops growing, it's likely she will need to have a new vaginal opening created as scar tissue doesn't stretch. I suppose I ought to speak to Stella about it and if necessary get her into see Michael O'Rourke.

"Right, I'd better go. Let me know if I can help with the new student."

"I think that was a given; if we have any problems you are nearer her age than mine but I don't foresee any unless she comes in dressed in an evening gown and tiara, which I think is unlikely."

"Oh yes, ha ha, you've already told her about that haven't you?"

"Only because our insurance doesn't cover it, should it get lost or stolen."

"I thought it would."

"Not above a few thousand for individual possessions and hers is probably Victorian or something, so probably far more valuable, you'll have to ask her if she does wear it."

"She's doing a master's, right?"

"As that could be used to identify her, I'm not at liberty to say."

"And I'm due to teach some master's students?"

"I think you know that, ever since you got your doctorate."

"You made me sweat on that."

"I only wanted you to show what I knew you were capable of doing and you did it."

"So now I'm an expert on field voles, how come they aren't as cuddly as dormice?"

"You chose them."

"Only because they are relatively easy to find and barn owls love 'em."

"Look, you did a good paper, I second-marked it and it was good. We now know lots more about them and we have an expert on campus."

"I'd have thought you were the resident expert on rodents?"

"Depends who's asking."

"Like the BBC you mean." She looked questioningly at me.

"You never know, 'Springwatch.' may do a feature on them and invite you along to comment. Better get your PhD dissertation out as a book, then all sorts may ask you."

"You know how long that takes?"

"Yes. I've done two," I said and she shut up and bad her farewell. I'll need her as an ally if the brown stuff hits the rotating wotsit, but I'm not ready to tell her just yet, the poor girl only enrolled yesterday and we have to give her a chance. Besides I've decided I don't need to rescue everybody and realise that could seen as a boy trait, that and solving problems. Better to let people solve them themselves and student counselling have better qualified people than me to help.

At home, Livvie and Hannah were squabbling about something, I know I should be interested but wasn't and besides Sarah was supposed to be dealing with them. Danni and Trish were home and not getting involved. I made myself a cup of tea and went to my study, trying to hide myself away from the others. It didn't work, it never does and Danni came marching in and demanded I stop the squabbles as the noise was doing her head in.

I emerged from my study, at least I had drunk my tea while it was hot. I could have been like a bear with a sore wotsit but I wasn't. If the truth be known I was too tired to be grumpy. I usually leave that to the men or in this case, Danni. "Okay, what's disturbing you two?" I asked in a languid voice.

"It's all her fault..." started Livvie.

"No it's not I have to do an essay on David Copperfield and she won't lend me the book."

"I thought there was a copy in the library," I said to our warring sisters.

"There is, this it and it's mine," Livvie almost sneered at Hannah.

"It's not fair, I need it for my essay."

"I've seen how you treat books."

"It's not me, sometimes Lizzie gets them," Hannah answered.

"So if it's your book it should have your name inside the cover?" I asked Livvie.

"Yes, right there." She pointed her finger at her name in the book.

"Who's Charlie Watts?" asked Hannah who should have heard my old name by now. "It's crossed out, look."

I looked at the book, it's so many years since I read it, in middle school, I think. I didn't remember giving it to Livvie and the point of the library is so everyone can find if we have a certain book and borrow it to read or answer essays.

"Isn't that my old book?" I asked and Livvie blushed a good tomato colour.

"You gave it to me Mummy, don't you remember?"

I still didn't, "I think I may have told you that you could borrow it, why do you need it?"

"I'm doing a project on Dickens as he was born in Portsmouth." John Wesley was born in Bristol but I didn't want anything to do with any sort of preacher. "I need it."

"Show me your research and why you need it now."

"Um, I've left it in school."

"So you don't know if you need it or not?"

"I do, I'm making notes and it is a biographical novel."

"I'm well aware of that Liv, I read it before you were born which is why it has my old name on it." It was a practice we used to do to stop someone else trying to take it. Doesn't seem to work after all.

"Right, lend it to Hannah for tonight and tomorrow night and she must undertake to give it back to you, in good condition, at that point."

Livvie made sour-looking faces but handed the book to Hannah who jumped triumphantly and ran off to her bedroom. No one said thanks, one party was ecstatic the other morose and it was all over my book, not that I was going to make an issue of it because I don't like Dickens or Thomas Hardy for that matter. I can still remember having to read Tess of the D'Urbervilles in my 'O' level year. God, it was awful.

"She'd better give it back," said Livvie storming away and I suspect I was left standing there feeling like a UN peacekeeper, an exhausted one.