On Friday I’d had a problem going into the funeral home, but once I was in there, I was okay. A lot of people showed up for the viewing, including our friends from Albuquerque. Then Chief Kinlicheeny and some members of the Navajo Tribal Council took me aside and asked me to fill grandma’s position on the Council. I had told them, no.

When we were at the resort and in bed, I couldn’t sleep. At about midnight, I gave up. I quietly got out of bed, slipped on some clothes, woke Ajie up, and said, “Honey, I can’t sleep. I’m going for a walk.”

Ajie mumbled, “Okay, honey. Be careful.”

I put the room key in my pocket, walked out of the room, and to the lobby. Shila saw me, and asked, “Miss Kai, is something wrong?”

“I just can’t sleep, Shila.”, I answered. “And I thought I’d go for a walk.”

“You know your way around the resort. Just be careful, Miss Kai.”

“I will, Shila.”

I walked out of the lobby and started walking around the grounds. I walked over by the pools, the area was closed, but you could still hear the water. I wandered over towards my aunt and uncle’s house and noticed that there was a light on on the patio. I walked over that way to see if someone else was up. I saw my mother sitting on the glider. I whispered, “Mom.”

“What! Who!”, my mother said.

“Mom, it’s Kai.”

“Oh, honey! You frightened me.”

“Sorry.”

I walked over to where she was sitting and sat down with her. Then I said, “I’m sorry I frightened you, mom.”

“That’s okay, honey. I was lost in my thoughts.”

“I couldn’t sleep either.”

“Thinking of grandma?”

“Who else.”

“Me too.”

“You’re troubled by all of this. Aren’t you, Mom?”

“Honey, I think that you know I am.”

“Yes, I could feel it in your spirit. And I wanted to sit with you before you went back home. And I guess now is as good as any other.

“Mom, Naainish has told me that I have the power of the wolf. I can bring harmony and peace to people. Like I did grandma.”

“You helped grandma pass on. Didn’t you?”

“Yes. I’ve also done this with an old sheepherder. Naainish’s father. I helped him be at peace with passing on.”

“Oh. Naainish. Naainish couldn’t help his father?”

“No, he doesn’t have the power of the wolf. I can’t do it with everyone. It’s just something that happens.”

“What about me?”

“Mom how can I be any closer to you then I am. You gave birth to me. And I’m hoping that I can bring you peace over grandma’s death.”

“How?”

“By sitting here with you.” I then reached out my hands, and added, “Holding your hands.”

Mom put her hands in mine, and I held them.

“And, chanting.”, I said. Then I started a soft chant.

Shortly, I heard the door to the house open. I ignored it and kept chanting.

When I finished the chant, I let loose of mom’s hands, looked towards the door, and said, “Dad, it’s okay.”

Mom looked at my dad, and said, “Honey, I was having problems accepting mom’s death. Kai knew I was, and she couldn’t sleep either, so she found me here.”

“I was worried about you.”, my dad said. “I woke up, and you weren’t in bed.”

“I’m sorry. But I needed to think. Then Kai found me, and we talked. And for some reason, I now feel better, and I’m sleepy.”

“Mom.”, I said. “I’m glad that you feel better. Dad, take her back to bed, and we’ll see you in the morning.”

“What about you, honey.”, my mother asked.

“Mom, sitting here with you has helped me too.”

“Really?”

“Yes, now I’m sleepy. And I’d better get back to our room before Ajie comes looking for me.”

I kissed my mother on the cheek, got up, and walked back to the hotel. As I walked in, Shila looked at me, and said, “Your spirits are at ease now. Aren’t they, Miss Kai?”

“Yes, Shila. They are. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Miss Kai.”

As I climbed into bed, Ajie rolled over, looked at me, and asked, “Is mom okay?”

“Yes.”, I said. “Now go back to sleep.”

The following morning when we woke up, I asked Ajie, “Honey, how did you know that I saw mom?”

“I had a dream.”, Ajie said.

After we’d had breakfast on Saturday, Ajie and I went to our room in the hotel to change. She braided my hair into two braids with the strips of colored leather intertwined in the braids, and then she added the fancy wraps at the end. And I wore the braids over my shoulders. I braided Ajie’s hair into a single braid and worked strips of black leather into it. I finished it off with a fancy wrap. And it hung down her back. Then we both added the braided leather headband with the Eagle feather.

Ajie put on her red Biil dress, and I wore the new black Biil dress. We added our Concho belts to the Biil dresses. Then we both put on wrap moccasins.

We hadn’t brought the camera bag with us, because we knew that there was no way that we could take it into the funeral home with us. So all the jewelry that we’d brought was in our purses.

We kept the jewelry somewhat simple, I wore the Concho choker, and Ajie wore the new choker. We wore the matching silver feather earrings. Each of us wore a single bracelet and a few rings.

We walked out of our room and through the hotel lobby. There were a few guests there, and they watched as we walked through the lobby. We continued to walk from the hotel to my aunt and uncle’s house. When we walked into the house, everyone else was there including two men that I’d never seen before.

My Aunt Ginny saw us, and said, “Girls, you’ve outdone yourselves. You look fantastic.”

Amy’s mother looked at us, and started to say, “Amy … ”

Ajie interrupted her with, “No, mom. Today it’s Ajie.”

Then her mother said, “Ajie, you and Kai look so good in those dresses.”

“Thanks, mom.”

Then Aunt Ginny said, “Boys, come over here and meet your cousins.”

The two men walked over to Aunt Ginny, and she said, “Kai and Ajie, these are my two boys, Sani and Hok'ee. Sani and Hok'ee, these are your cousins, Kai Nez and Ajie Nez.”

Sani asked, “Kai, she’s the Nádleeh. Isn’t she?”

“Yes, she is.”

We exchanged greetings. Then my Uncle Gaagii said, “We’d better get going.”

We walked out to the cars, and as Ajie and I were getting into the Chevy, Hok’ee said, “That cherry Chevy is yours.”

“Yes. Do you trust a woman driver?”

“Yeah. I guess. Why?”

“Want to ride with us?”

“We were going to ride with mom and dad. But, … why not. Come on Sani.”

“No.”, Sani said. “I’ll ride with mom and dad.”

Hok’ee got in the car with us, and on the drive to the funeral home, we got to know each other. He was a nice guy and works for the Border Patrol in El Paso, Texas. We found out that Sani was a criminal lawyer in Las Cruces.

He did tell us that Sani was afraid of me. I did ask him why? And he admitted that it was because I was a Nádleeh. Then I asked Hok’ee if he was afraid of me, and he said at first he wasn’t sure about me, but after watching how the rest of the family interacted with me, he thought I was all right.

We were at the funeral home at nine-thirty, and this morning it was easier to walk into the funeral home. We went into a large room with a large number of chairs set up. I wondered how many people would show up?

We walked to the front of the room where grandma’s casket was. We stopped by the casket and looked at her. Ajie and I were holding hands, and she whispered, “Honey, it’ll be fine. It’s almost over.”

“I know.”, I whispered. “I’m really going to miss her.”

“Me too, love. Me too.”

We went and sat with the family in the front row of chairs, and waited. I kept looking towards the back of the room and was surprised as to how many people were beginning to arrive. It really surprised me because of the old Navajo beliefs of death. Maybe things are changing.

At ten o’clock the funeral director did a short service. Then they partially closed a partition between us and the casket. The funeral director said, “Would those who are going to the cemetery please go to their cars and then follow the limousines to the cemetery.”

Then he walked over to us, and said, “If the family would care to say your goodbyes to Mrs. Devereux, please come with me.”

We followed the funeral director behind the partition, Ajie and I were the last in line behind Aunt Ginny’s two boys. As Ajie and I walked up to the casket, we looked at grandma, I bent down and kissed her cheek, and whispered, “Hágoónee', Amá sání Devereux. Ayóó anííníshní.” (So long, Grandma Devereux. I love you.)

Ajie then bent down, kissed her on the cheek, and whispered, “Hágoónee', Amá sání Devereux. Ayóó anííníshní.”

When we walked out of the building, I noticed that we had a police escort. There were two Navajo Nation Police cars out there. And Santa Fe isn’t within the reservation. I guess Uncle Gaagii called in a favor.

The family got into one or the other of two limousines that were for the family. And then we followed the hearse to the cemetery. When we arrived at the cemetery and had gotten out of the limos, I looked, and I couldn’t believe how many cars had followed us. It seemed like everyone that was at the funeral home was at the cemetery.

We waited until everyone was out of their cars and had gathered around the hearse. Then they removed the casket from the hearse, and my two uncles, my two cousins, my dad, and Chief Kinlicheeny were the pallbearers. As they carried the casket to the grave, we heard flute music. They played a soft, soulful, song.

Everyone followed the casket to the grave site where a canopy was set up. The pallbearers carefully placed the casket on something that would lower it into the ground. Everyone then gathered around.

Naainish moved to the head of the casket.

I got a quick look at the headstone, and it said, Colonel James Thomas Devereux – U.S. Army Air Corps. And the dates were May 12, 1880 – June 2, 1940.

Ajie and I were standing between her parents and mine. And when Naainish began the service, it was in Navajo. So Ajie moved between her parents so that she could translate. Through the whole service, there was flute music.

Naainish started the service with a prayer. And I heard some people follow along. Then he said some beautiful things about grandma. He followed that with a chant, and I chanted along with him. How do I know these chants, this one I’d never heard before.

After the chant, there was another prayer. And then the casket was lowered into the ground. When it was in, Naainish picked up a handful of dirt, said a short prayer and tossed the dirt on top of the casket.

The family walked by the grave, picked up a handful of dirt, and tossed it into the grave. Ajie and I were the last of the family to do this. Then everyone else that wanted to toss in a handful of dirt could.

After Ajie and I had tossed our handfuls of dirt into the grave and walked away. Naainish walked up to us, put his arms around us, and said, “I sense that both of you are at peace with your grandmother passing.”

“Yes, Naainish we are.”, Ajie said. “Being with Kai has helped me, and I know that Kai has helped his mother.”

“That is good.”

“Just being with Ajie and talking with my mother has helped me.”, I said.

“This is also good. The two of you are special to me, and I was worried about you. But I know that you both are strong.”

Then Naainish walked away.

We found our families and went back to the limousines with them and got in. They took us back to the funeral home, and then we headed back to the resort. Ajie and I were alone as we drove. My Cousin Hok’ee had chosen to ride back to the resort with his mother and father.

Ajie and I were alone with our thoughts. And it was an unusually quiet hour-long ride back to the resort. Everyone was back at the resort reasonably close together and we went into the house. I whispered to Ajie, “I need to be alone with you.”

She whispered back, “I never thought you’d ask.”

I told my mom that Ajie and I were going for a walk. She smiled, and said, “I know honey. Be back for dinner.”

Ajie and I walked out of the house and headed to the cliff trail. We walked up the trail, and to where the little tree is. We stood there hand in hand looking at the tree, then Ajie said, “You know what one of the things that I’m going to miss about grandma?”

“What?”, I asked.

“She was so cute. Every time she saw us, she always said, ‘There’s my girls.’”

I looked at Ajie and saw the tears running down her cheeks. Then my tears started. We held each other and cried. I know, the spirits might be angered, but I couldn’t help myself. I needed to release my grief.

We finally settled down, and I said, “Oh, Great Spirit. Forgive our grief, but grandma was so special to us. Please care for her.”

Ajie looked at me, smiled, and we kissed.

When we broke the kiss, Ajie asked, “Any better?”

“A little I guess.”, I replied. “It’s just going to take time.”

“Yes, it will.”

We stood there looking at the little tree for another minute. Then we slowly walked back down the cliff trail and eventually to my aunt and uncle’s house. When we walked into the house, there was no one there. Then we heard voices coming from the patio. We walked out there, and my Aunt Ruth saw us, and said, “There you two are. Can I get you anything?”

“No thanks, Aunt Ruth.”, Ajie said.

“So where did you go?”

“Up on the cliff.”, I replied.

“Is the tree still good?”, Uncle Paul asked.

“Yes. How did you know we went there?”

“Just knowing where you like to go made it an easy guess.”

“Sit and join us.”, my mother said.

With a grin, my Cousin Hok'ee said, “But, Aunt Ruth, we’ll have to stop talking about them.”

I looked at him and asked, “Was it that bad?”

“Oh yes. We heard all the dirt.”

“Oh. And what dirt was that?”

“That you're a boy.”

I looked at my mother, and she just smiled.

Then I said, “Getting a little personal for just meeting us, aren’t you cousin?”

“It’s all in the family.”, my Cousin Hok'ee said.

“You do you know what a Nádleeh is. Don’t you?”

“I think. Isn’t it a medicine man with two spirits.”

“Close. I am a Nádleeh. But I’m not a medicine man. I do have two spirits, a male one, and a female one. And Nádleeh means, the one is changing.”

“Back to my original question.”, Cousin Hok'ee said. “Are you a boy?”

“Yes, I’m a boy.”, I replied. “But in spirit, I’m a girl.”

Cousin Hok'ee just looked at me, but he had a little smile. Then I looked at my Cousin Sani, and said, “Sani, I understand that you have a problem with a Nádleeh?”

“Kind of.”, Sani said.

“Why?”

“I just can’t understand a guy wanting to dress like a girl.”

“Most Nádleeh don’t. In my case, it’s not dressing like a girl. It’s being a girl. My female spirit is a Navajo girl, so I dress as she would, a Navajo girl.

“My female spirit is powerful. And here in New Mexico, she’s even stronger. She feels her ancestors, and their spirits are very strong. And here at the thermal springs area, which is sacred, the medicine is strong.

“She likes to be out. I still feel my male spirit, but he’s in the background. Especially out here.”

“So you believe in the spirits?”, Sani asked.

“I more than believe in them. I feel them. I don’t know if you want to hear this or not, but Ajie and I were with grandma when she passed. I was holding grandma’s hand. And as I can do, I helped her to be at peace with her passing. And when she passed, I felt her spirit leave her.”

Sani looked at Aunt Ginny, his mom.

Aunt Ginny smiled, and said, “Boys you remember that I told you that Kai was special. And when one of the most respected Navajo medicine men says something like that, you need to believe it. Kai is special.”

“Sani.”, I said. “If it bothers you we’ll go to our room.”

“No, Kai.”, Sani said. “I took Hok'ee’s advice and watched how others interacted with you. And he was right. Everyone from the Chief of the Navajo Nation down treats you almost like they treat everyone else. Except I noticed it was also with a lot of respect.

“Mom says that you’re special, and from what you just told us, you are. But you don’t show it. I'm seeing a beautiful girl. Who is a two spirit person and is actually a boy.”

“Sani. Thank you.”

“Kai, I like you. And I’m glad that I’ve finally met you.”

“I like you to cousin.”

No one said anything for a minute. Then Aunt Ruth said, “I need to talk to the four of you about something.

“And, I don’t want you to think that this is morbid. But did you see all the jewelry that grandma was wearing?”

Ajie and I said, “Yes.”

The two boys said, “No.”

“Well, in her wishes, she wanted to wear the jewelry, but not be buried with it.”, Aunt Ruth said. “So before her casket was closed, all the jewelry was removed, except for her wedding band and engagement ring. And she wants the four of you to divide it up.”

“Mom.”, Sani said. “I’m not into jewelry.”

“Sani.”, I said. “I think that grandma wanted us to have something to remember her by. Why don’t we look at it, and you might see something that you’d like to have.”

“I guess we could.”

“Why don’t we go in the house, I’ll lay everything out on the table, and you can look at it.”, Aunt Ruth said.

We all followed Aunt Ruth into the house and to the kitchen. Aunt Ruth picked up a bag and set it on the kitchen table. Then she started taking things out of it. She took out a Concho belt, a squash blossom necklace, two bracelets, and four rings.

I asked, “Can I look at them, Aunt Ruth?”

“Of course, honey.”

I started by picking up the Concho belt and looking for something. Yes, I was looking for a maker’s mark.

Hok'ee asked, “Kai, what are you looking for?”

“Most good silver jewelry has a maker’s mark on it. It shows who the silversmith was that made the piece.”

“Is it important?”

“Yes. Our Great-Great-Grandfather Kilchii Nez was a silversmith. And we’ve heard him called an old master. And the current silversmiths love to see his work. He made most of what Ajie and I are wearing.”

“So, what are these marks.”

I’d found one on the Concho belt, and as I pointed to it, I said, “This is a maker’s mark.”

“Do you know whose mark this is?”

“Yes, it’s Kilchii’s mark.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. Let me show you.”

I took off my Concho belt and showed it to Sani and Hok'ee, who were looking over my shoulder. Then I pointed to the maker’s mark on it, and said, “See, it’s identical.”

“You’re right.”, Sani said.

“She usually is when it when it comes to this.”, Uncle Paul said.

One at a time, I started looking at the other pieces of jewelry. And they all had Kilchii’s mark on them. One of the bracelets had his mark engraved rather than stamped on it. So, I said, “This piece is older than the rest. His mark is engraved by hand instead of stamped.”

Aunt Ruth then arraigned all of the jewelry on the table. Then said, “Boys, you’re the oldest, so we figured that you should get the first choice.”

“Aunt Ruth.”, Sani said. “It’s all very nice. But, I’m not into fancy jewelry.”

“Well, your grandmother wanted you to have something. But, if you don’t want it, I guess Hok'ee can choose.”

“I’m not really into jewelry either.”, Hok'ee said. “But grandma did want us to have something to remember her by.” Then as he picked up a ring, he said, “So, I guess this ring would be nice.”

“Well.”, Sani said. “I guess if Hok'ee has something I should too.” And he picked up one of the other rings.

Aunt Ruth then said, “Well girls it's your turn.”

“Mom. Aunt Ruth. Aunt Ginny.”, I said. “Are you sure you don’t want a piece of jewelry to remember grandma by?”

“Honey.”, my mom said. “Your aunts and I talked about this. It’s grandma’s wishes that you four share it.”

I said something to Ajie that I know that I’ll pay for later. I said, “Age before beauty. You first, Ajie.”

If you could have seen the look I got from Ajie you’d be worried for me. She glared at me, and said, “You wait until I get you home.” Then she picked up the bracelet with the engraved maker’s mark.

Then I picked up the other bracelet. Then Aunt Ruth said, “There’s still four pieces. It’s your choice Hok'ee.”

“I’ll pass, Aunt Ruth.”, Hok'ee said.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“I’m going to pass too, Aunt Ruth.”, Sani said.

“Well, girls. I guess it’s up to you?”, Aunt Ruth said.

I looked at Ajie, and said, “If Ajie agrees. I think the squash blossom necklace and the two remaining rings should go in the display case after they’ve been appraised. And she and I can share the Concho belt like we do the other jewelry.”

“I think Kai has a wonderful idea.”, Ajie said.

“Sounds good to me too, girls.”, Aunt Ruth said.

“Display case?”, Sani asked.

“If you go into the hotel lobby, there’s a display case of your Great-Great-Grandfather Kilchii Nez’s work, his tools, and a picture of him.”

“I’ve got to see this.”

“Me too.”, Hok'ee said.

“We’re going to the restaurant for dinner.”, Aunt Ruth said. “So, we can stop and look at the display on the way.”

We all headed out of the house and headed to the hotel with Uncle Paul in the lead. He led us through the hotel lobby to where the display was. The boys, my parents, Ajie’s parents, Uncle Gaagii, and Aunt Ginny hadn’t seen the display. And all of them were impressed with what had been done. Aunt Ginny was happy that the picture was there.

As we stood there, Sani asked, “Kai, you mentioned something about having the jewelry appraised?”

“Yes.”, Ajie said. “You’d be surprised as to what it could be worth. It’s not so much the silver and turquoise, but also the artistry and artist.”

“I’d hate to tell you the value of the jewelry that Ajie, your mom, my mom, Aunt Ruth, and I are wearing.”, I said. “Plus what the men are wearing.”

“That much?”

“Yes. Ajie and I have a safe in the apartment just for the jewelry.”

“Aren’t you afraid to wear it?”

“Not really. It’s insured, but irreplaceable. Plus both Ajie and I are studying Karate.”

“I’m a black belt.”, Hok’ee said. “Picked it up in the Marines and have just kept at it.”

“We’re both working on our green belts. And when we find a good sensei out here, we’ll start lessons again.”

“You live in Albuquerque. Right?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll ask my sensei if he knows someone in Albuquerque and let you know.”

“Thanks. That would be great.”

“Girls.”, Aunt Ruth said. “I’ll get the squash blossom necklace and the two rings up to Taos and have Mr. Tsinajinnie appraise them. And if you like, I’ll take all the silver that grandma had up there?”

“That would be nice Aunt Ruth.”, I said.

“Boys, do you want me to take the rings with me?”

“Sure, Aunt Ruth.”, Sani said.

Okay by me, Aunt Ruth.”, Hok'ee said.

Then Ajei got back at me a little as she said, “Sani. Take a look at the picture on the wall to your right.”

Both Sani and Hok'ee looked at the picture. Then Hok'ee said, “She’s beautiful. Who is … ” Then he looked at me, then back at the picture, then back at me, and said, “No. Can’t be.”

“It is.”. Ajie said.

“Kai, I don’t believe you.”

I just shrugged my shoulders. And everyone else had a little laugh. It was good to hear a little laughter today.

After we’d finished looking at the display and the picture, we went into the restaurant and had an excellent meal. When we finished eating, we went back to the house and sat on the patio for a while.

While we were talking, Hok'ee asked, “Kai. Ajie. Could I ask you something a little personal?”

I looked at Ajie, she shrugged her shoulders, so I said, “If it’s too personal we just won’t answer.”

“Fair enough. Kai and Ajie what is your relationship with each other?”

I smiled, and said, “Everyone else here knows, so I don’t see a problem with you knowing. Ajie or Amy is my wife.”

And Ajie said, “Kai or Tom is my husband.”

“Wow.”, Hok'ee said. “I asked.”

“Yes you did, son.”, Aunt Ginny said. “Your Aunt Ruth and I were at the wedding, and Amy made a beautiful bride and Tom made a handsome groom.”

“Kai.”, Hok'ee said. “You and Ajie are very interesting. And I’m glad that I’ve finally met you.”

I looked at Sani, and said, “Sani, what about you.”

“Before I met you.”, Sani said. “I was very unsure about Nádleehs and what they are. But after meeting the two of you and seeing how everyone treated you, I’m comfortable with you.”

“Thanks, cousin.”, I said. “I’m glad. I may need a criminal lawyer some time.”

“Kai, I don’t ever think you will. At least I hope you never will.”

I think the stress of today started to tell on us, as our parents excused themselves early. I did find out in the morning that my parents and Ajie’s parents had relaxed in one of the thermal pools before retiring for the night.

The boys were next. They had left southern New Mexico early this morning to be at the resort by eight this morning. It’s about a four-hour drive. And they were heading home in the morning.

Ajie and I weren’t far behind. And as we were cuddling in bed, I said, “Honey, do you think your parents heard too much?”

“Too much about what?”, Ajie asked.

“About Kai, the spirits, and stuff. I couldn’t read either your mom or dad’s expressions. And they didn’t say much.”

“I don’t know. But I’ll try and talk to mom in the morning.”