“I guess it’s because it’s our last day here.”, I replied.

“That’s right. What are you going to do today?”

“Amy wants to see some more of Santa Fe. So I figured we’d run down, see grandma for a little while. Then go to Santa Fe for a while. Then go back and say so long to grandma.”

“Kids.”, Aunt Ruth said. “We have a great Southwestern barbecue every Friday evening. And since it’s your last night here, I thought it would be a good way to say goodbye.”

“Aunt Ruth.”, Amy said, “We never say goodbye, but only so long. Goodbye is too permanent. By saying so long, it means that we’ll be back.”

“Damn.”, I said. “Our flight leaves at six in the morning. If we stay here, we’d have to leave here at three in the morning.”

“That’s not good.”, my mom said. “I know it might be a lot of driving, but how about if you do this. You go down and see grandma. Come back here for the barbecue, then go down to the hotel that’s just outside the airport for the night.”

“But what about grandma’s car. I couldn’t just leave it at the hotel, and have you guys pick it up.”

“Why not?”, Uncle Paul said. “I know the manager of the hotel. And I'll call him, make your reservation, and guarantee it, so you don’t have to be down there early. Then I’ll tell him that you’re leaving the car there until we pick it up on Saturday. Then your mother, aunt, and I will go down to see grandma on Saturday, and pick up the car.”

“That sounds good. What about getting from the hotel to the airport?”

“They run a shuttle service that starts, I think, at five. But I’ll check to make sure.”

“That may work, Uncle Paul. That would give us time to be with grandma. Then we could come back here, pack, go to the barbecue, and then drive to the hotel. But, we’d miss Santa Fe.”

“Honey.”, Amy said. “I’ll miss Santa Fe to spend more time with grandma and here.”

Right after breakfast, Amy and I headed down to Albuquerque, to see grandma. We knew that her spirits were high, and the nurses had told us that she was making significant progress. But I was worried about telling her that we were leaving and this would be the last time that we would see her. And, I shared my thoughts to Amy.

Amy said, “She’s tough. She’s improved while we’ve been here. And I think that she’ll continue to get better. She’s a tough lady.”

“I know.”, I said. “But I'm worried about her.”

“I know you are. And so am I. But, she’ll have your mother here for a while. And your aunts and uncles are here. And they’ll take care of her.”

“Yeah. I'll try to stop worrying.”

“Please be upbeat when you see her.”

“I will.”

We walked into the hospital and to her room, her bed was made, and she wasn’t there. I immediately panicked. What’s happened? Where is she?

We found a nurse and asked. The nurse picked up on my concern, and said, “Don’t worry. She’s down in the solarium getting some sun.”

The nurse gave us directions, and Amy and I went and found grandma. She was sitting in a wheelchair and talking to some other people. Some patients, and some not. All of these people appeared to be Navajo. Grandma saw us, smiled, and said, “There’s my girls. Everyone, these are my granddaughters, Tammy and Amy. They’ve been here for a week, and sadly they have to leave early tomorrow. I'll miss them, but just seeing them has made me feel so much better.”

Then Grandma introduced us to everyone, and the last man she introduced us to was in every sense of the word a Navajo. He was about my grandmother's age and looked like he’d been out in the sun all of his life. He looked like a Navajo warrior that you’d see in photographs. And he’d been curiously staring at me since we’d walked in. Grandma introduced him as Chief Nastas Todachine, the Chief of her clan.

He smiled at me, as I said, “Chief Todachine it’s very nice to meet you.”

He looked at my grandmother, and said, “ Haseya. Is this the beautiful girl that you’ve been telling me about?”

“Yes, Nastas, she is.”, my grandmother replied.

“She is special. Isn’t she?”

“Yes. She is.”

“Is she the one that has spoken with Naainish?”

“Yes.”

“I thought she might be the one he was telling me about. The half-woman half-man person.”

It was strange, he was talking about me, in front of strangers, and it wasn’t bothering me. Did I feel that these people understood me? Did I feel comfortable around them?

He looked at me, and said, “Young lady. Our medicine man and your grandmother have told me a lot of interesting things about you. You are special aren’t you?”

“I don’t think so, sir.”, I replied.

“Young lady. I can sense that you are.

“Now I’ve heard of a girl called Kai Nez that was at the mineral springs resort. And, I have never heard of this girl before. Was that you?”

“Maybe.”

“I understand that she presented herself very well to the guests of the resort.”

“I guess she might have, sir.”

“I also understand that she presented herself in such a way that she portrayed the Navajo people in a very positive way.”

“Maybe she did, sir.”

“I also heard that she might be a half-woman half-man person.”

“I ... I don’t know about that, sir.”

“Everyone sitting here is a member of the Navajo Nation, and understands the half-woman half-man person.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Now. Are you that person?”

I looked at my grandmother, and she was smiling. I looked at Amy, and she was also smiling. And I said, “It appears that I am.”

He smiled at me, and said, “Young lady. I'm happy that you came to visit us. You and your friend brought a ray of sunshine to us.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“I wish you could stay here with us.”

“Honestly. I do too. But we can’t.”

“I understand. If you could have stayed, there was something special that I would have done for you.”

“Sir?”

“With what I know of you, I would like to have made you a member of our clan. But I can’t do it while I’m in here.”

“But I'm only one-quarter Navajo.”

“That doesn’t matter. You are of Navajo blood.”

“Thank you. I’d like that.”

“If you make it back here like I know you will, we’ll do that. And maybe we’ll also make your friend an honorary member.”

Just then a nurse walked up, and said, “Hi everyone. It’s lunchtime, and your meals are being delivered to your rooms. So if you don’t want a cold lunch, I’d scoot back to your room.”

Grandma said, “I’ll see all of you later. I want to spend some time with my girls before they go home. Girls, how about pushing me back to my room.”

Amy beat me to it and started pushing grandma, in her wheelchair, towards her room. The Chief stopped me, and said, “Tammy. I'm curious. And you don’t have to answer me. But, I can’t tell, are you a man or a woman.”

I looked at him, and said, “Chief. In spirit, I'm both. In body, I'm a man.”

He smiled, and said, “You do understand your gift. Don’t you?”

“I have a better understanding of it than I did before we came here. Thanks to the people here, talking to Naainish, and my aunt. Plus it helps to have a wife that is very accepting.”

“A wife?”

“Yes. The girl that was just here.”

“I thought your grandmother said that she was a granddaughter?”

“Maybe grandma thinks of her more of a granddaughter than my wife?”

“She’s special too. Isn’t she?”

“In my eyes. Yes, she is. And I think Grandma sees her that way too.”

“I’m happy that I was able to meet you. Now go after your grandmother before they worry about you.”

“Thank you, sir. I'm glad I met you too.”

I caught up with Grandma and Amy at the elevator. And grandma asked, “Did you get lost?”

“No.”, I replied. “The Chief stopped me, and we talked a little.”

“Oh?”

“He just wanted to talk for another minute.”

When we were back in her room, we sat with grandma while she ate her lunch, and talked.

After a little while, Amy said, “So they want to make you a member of the clan.”

“Yes.”, I replied. “And you an honorary member.”

“That’s a special honor for both of you.”, grandma said. “It isn’t offered very often.”

“I’d love to do it.”

“Me too.”, Amy said.

Then we chatted about other things for a while. And I knew that grandma was seeing that I was having problems with going home.

Then grandma said, “Tammy. Amy. I know that you don’t want to leave and go home. But girls, you need to. You have your lives and families. What you’ve given me by being here is more than I could have ever asked for, and I’ll be going home soon. And, Tammy, your mother will be there for me until I’m back on my feet.

“The two of you being here have lifted my spirits, and I feel that it’s helped me recover faster than the doctors thought possible.

“I love both of you. And I will miss you both. But you need to get back home.”

“Grandma.”, Amy said. “I know that Tammy and I both love it here. We met a bunch of wonderful, friendly, people, and this place is beautiful. And I know that we’ll be back.”

“I agree with Amy.”, I said. “And I know that we feel that we did help you by being here. And I’m going to miss seeing you, and my aunts and uncles. I love all the people that we’ve met. But you’re right, and we have our own lives to lead and need to get back home. But my family is also here, and it’s my second home.

“And we will be back.”

Amy and I spent another hour with my grandmother. Then as we were leaving, both Amy and I, with tears in our eyes, said, “So long grandma.”

We ran into my Aunt Ginny in the hospital lobby. She looked at me, and asked, “Tammy what’s wrong.”

“We’re going home early tomorrow morning. And we just said goodbye to grandma.”

“No honey.”, Amy said, “We didn’t say goodbye. We said, so long.”

“She loved having you two here.”, Aunt Ginny said. It's helped her.”

“I know. And it’s hard leaving her.”

“And the rest of your family here will miss you too.”

“And as I told grandma, we’ll be back.”

We said so long to Aunt Ginny and headed back to the resort. No, we didn't stop in Santa Fe on our way back. We just wanted to get back, pack, and talk with my mother, and aunt and uncle.

As we were packing, Amy asked, “Who’s going to the barbecue?”

“What do you mean?”, I asked.

“Is Tammy or Kai going?”

“I don’t know. Maybe Kai.”

“I think she should.”

“Why?”

“Because you and she are one in spirit.”

“And Tammy and I aren’t?”

“Not so much. At least not out here. I think your female spirit enjoys being Kai, at least out here. And she is happy with Kai and what she’s doing with you.”

“You think?”

“And I also think Kai would like to go to the barbecue.”

“Hmm. ... You just know me too well. And yes. She would.”

Amy smiled and said, “I thought so.”

So I didn't pack some of my Kai’s things. We walked over to my aunt and uncle's house and sat and talked with them and my mother. My uncle told us that he'd spoken with the hotel manager in Albuquerque and everything has been arranged. He also said that the barbecue would start around five and last until everyone left.

We told him that we’d like to leave the resort no later than nine so that we’d probably leave the barbecue around eight. And they understood.

We spent a couple of hours talking with my aunt, uncle, and mother, and then we headed back towards our room. As we walked, we saw smoke coming from behind the hotel, and we walked back that way and saw them preparing the picnic area for the barbecue. There were a couple of chefs preparing the meat using big barbecue grills mounted on trailers. It looked like they were slow cooking the meat. There were picnic tables for people to sit and eat at. And tables that looked like they would hold the side dishes.

We went back to our room, and I became Kai. I decided that I'd wear the red Biil dress, the moccasins, the Concho belt, and the turquoises loop earrings. I went with very light makeup. And, as Amy was doing my hair she went to put the butterfly barrette in it, I told her, “No. It’s yours. You wear it tonight.”

She looked at me, smiled, and said, “Okay.” Amy used the barrette to hold her ponytail, and it looked nice. Then she placed the thin woven leather headband around my head as she had for the photo shoot.

Amy surprised me, she undressed down to her bra and panties and put on the white Biil dress. It looked cute on her. She added some of the silver jewelry that I hadn’t used. I just looked at her and smiled.

We headed towards the picnic area a little before five, and there were already a lot of people there. There were also three men, all dressed alike, moccasins, white linen pants, a bright red shirt, a red head scarf, and various jewelry. One was playing the flute, one was playing a small drum, and the third, along with the drummer, were singers. Their music was very nice.

My aunt and uncle as always were dressed in native dress, but a little more formally. And even my mother was dressed like my aunt in a long skirt, white blouse, moccasins, and some nice silver jewelry.

My mother, aunt, and uncle were talking to a group of guests. And we walked up to them and stood there. My mother turned, looked at us, and said, “Kai what a pleasant surprise. And Amy, that dress looks beautiful on you.”

"Thanks.”, Amy replied. “I just needed to feel a part of my family out here, and this was the best way I could think to do it."

I added, “We could smell the food cooking, and it smelled fantastic, so we thought we’d come and eat.”

My Uncle Paul excused himself and walked over to where the three musicians were, and they stopped playing. He picked up a microphone, and said, “Yá’át’ééh alní'íní. And for those of you that don’t speak Navajo, that means good evening. And we, the staff of the resort, would like to welcome you to our regular Friday night barbecue. And we hope that you are enjoying it.

“Now if you wouldn’t mind. I would like our medicine man and one of our special guests, Naainish Yazzie, to say a short prayer.”

I hadn’t noticed Naainish before now. He’d been talking to some of the guests. But he was dressed very nicely. Moccasins, white linen pants, a dark red and black shirt, a headband, and a silver necklace.

He walked up to my uncle, took the microphone, and said a short prayer in Navajo. Then my uncle took the microphone back, and said, “The food is ready. Please help yourself.”

My uncle and Naainish then walked back over to us, and my uncle said, “Girls, go and help yourselves, there are a lot of good food.”

Naainish looked at me and said, “Yá’át’ééh alní'íní Kai. It is good to see you again.”

“Yá’át’ééh alní'íní Naainish. And it's wonderful to see you.”, I replied.

“I hear that you’re going home tomorrow.”

“Yes. And I hear that you talked with Chief Todachine about me.”

“I’m sorry. Let's walk, and I'll explain.”

I looked at Amy, and she said, “Go on.”

Naainish and I started walking away from the group of people. When we were out of earshot, he said, “I'm sorry. But I thought the Chief would be interested in knowing that there was another half-woman half-man person here and that they were a fascinating and special person.

“And after meeting you, he was excited that you were here.”

“I would have been fine with just him knowing.”, I said. “But he brought it up in front of some other people. I'm a private person, and the fewer people that know about me, the better. I'm somewhat comfortable knowing that everyone that we talked in front of are members of the Navajo Nation.”

“Again, I'm sorry. But you are a special person and important to your people. And you should know, that all of those people who were there, when you talked to him, are also members of the clan council. And one of them and the Chief are members of the Navajo Nation Council.”

“So you talked to him today?”

“Yes. I stopped in to see the Chief before I came here, and he told me that he’d been lucky enough to meet you.”

“Lucky?”

“Kai. Remember that you are a special person, or haven’t you accepted that yet?”

“I’m beginning too. But, it’s a lot to grasp.”

“It is. I've known I was a half-woman half-man person for a long time. And I'm still learning about it. I even learned things in talking to you.”

“The more I talk with people, the more I see this.”

“And it will be that way throughout your life. So please don’t be mad at me?”

“I’m not mad, Naainish. I just like people to know that I’m a private person. And, I’m cautious about who knows about me.”

“I understand.

“Now, please remember that a lot of people won’t accept you for what you are. And some can be very nasty if they find out. Keep your secret close to your heart. And you will know who you can trust.”

We walked back to the group, and my mother said, “We’d better get something to eat before it’s all gone.”

There was still a lot of food, and we filled our plates and talked with others as we did. Then our little group wandered over and sat at one of the picnic tables. While we ate, we talked about a number of things.

We also had some people stop by the table, and tell us how nice we looked. Of course, we thanked them.

At about eight, I said, “Well. We need to finish packing and get on the road. As Amy and I stood up, I said, “So long Naainish. It’s been a real pleasure meeting you. And hopefully, we’ll see you again sometime.”

Naainish said, “Hold on a minute you two. I know that the Chief wants to make you members of the clan. But he couldn’t arrange it in time. So he told me to give you these.”

He reached into a pocket and brought out two beaded chokers. He stood up, walked behind me, and fastened one of the chokers around my neck. Then he did the same to Amy. He then told us, “The Chief said that he wanted you to have these as an indication of your membership in our clan. And he said that the next time you are here that he’ll make it official.”

I looked at Naainish, and said, “Naainish. This is a great honor. And I know that both of us will wear them proudly. Please thank the Chief for us. And tell him that we will try our best to come back.”

Amy then said, “Yes. Please thank the Chief. And as Kai said, we will be back.”

“Kai and Amy. It has been interesting and a pleasure meeting you both. And I do know that you will be back to see us.”

“So long Naainish.”, I said, and we shook hands.

Then he said, “Hágooshi´i´ Kai and Amy.” And he walked away.

I looked at my uncle and asked, “What did he say?”

“Hágooshi´i´ means goodbye.”, my uncle said.

Saying so long to my aunt and uncle was a tearful one and took a long time, with a lot of thank yous for everything, and a promise that we’d be back.

My mother went with us to our room and helped us finish our packing. Of course, Amy and I changed out of our Biil dresses and jewelry, and into our regular clothes for the trip to the hotel. Amy checked that we had everything out of the room safe, the bathroom, and everywhere else.

We'd also removed the beaded chokers that Naainish had given us. As I gave mine to Amy, I said, “Honey. You’d better put those in your carry on with the silver jewelry.”

“Just what I was going to do.”, Amy replied.

Then just before we closed the suitcases, there was a knock on the door. I opened it, and it was my aunt and uncle. They walked into the room, and my aunt said, “Kids. Your uncle and I have something for you.”

And as she handed a box to Amy and then one to me, she said, “And you are not to open them until you get home.”

“Aunt Ruth.”, Amy said. “We can’t accept these. You’ve done so much for us already.”

“Honey. Your uncle and I have come to love the two of you. And these are just something to say thank you for being you. So please accept them as they’re meant.”

“Aunt Ruth.”, I said. “This is too much. But I know better than to argue with you. So thank you very much, and we’ll call you when we get home and open the packages.”

My aunt, uncle, and mother helped us carry our luggage down to grandma’s car. And after we'd placed it in the trunk, there was a long, long, so long with a lot of tears, hugs, and kisses.

I took my mother aside, and said, “Mom. The moccasins that grandma gave me are very old, and I'm worried that if I wear them too much that it will destroy them. I was going to try and find another pair but didn’t have time. Do you think you could find me another pair of wrap moccasins that are as pretty as those? And I'll pay you for them.”

“Sure honey.”, my mom replied.

“And find a nice pair of moccasins for Amy too?”

“I’ll be happy to.”

Amy and I drove to the hotel outside of the Albuquerque airport. We locked up grandma’s car, gave the keys to the hotel manager that my uncle knows, and took ourselves and our luggage up to our room.

* * * * *

At six Saturday morning, we were on a plane heading to Dallas, and Amy was quickly sound asleep. I wasn’t. I was thinking about everything that happened over the past week. And I realized that I had a better understanding of what being a person with two spirits meant, a much better understanding than I did before we came out west.

After a one-hour layover in Dallas, we were on the plane heading home. And this time both of us slept most of the way.

Just before we landed at the airport at home, I said to Amy, “Naainish said something interesting.”

“What was that?”, Amy asked.

“He said that there is a lot of people that won’t accept me as a person with two spirits. And to keep my secret close to my heart. And that I’ll know who I can trust.”

“Sounds like some sound advice to me.”

I figured that my dad would meet us, but we were surprised when Amy's parents were also there. After some hugs, my mother-in-law said, “Now that's a new look for you, Tammy.”

“I’ll tell you all about it when we have some time.”, I replied.

My dad then said, “How about we stop someplace for dinner, and you can tell us all about it?”

“Anywhere has to be better than the airplane food was.”

We first stopped at one of the pay phones in the airport and called my Aunt's house and told them that we had a good flight and were safely home. Then we stopped at a nice restaurant, and Amy and I filled them in on our week in New Mexico. Somehow we managed to finish an excellent dinner at the same time.

When Amy and I were done telling our story, my dad was shaking his head, my father-in-law just sat there looking at us, and my mother-in-law said, “So you became this Kai while you were out there?”

“Yes. It was an interesting experience.”, I replied.

“So, does she look like Tammy.”

“Mom.”, Amy said. “She looks something like Tammy, but more like a native version of Tammy.”

“This I have to see.”

I replied, “Okay. How about, after Amy and I get a good nights sleep, you come over for dinner tomorrow night. We'll cook up a good meal, so dad doesn't have to cook. Just do the dishes. And we'll introduce you to Kai.”

When we arrived at the house, Amy parent's car was there, and everyone helped us carry our bags into the house. We said goodnight to everyone and went to our room. I asked Amy, “Do we unpack tonight or tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow.”, Amy replied. “But I'm curious as to what’s in the two boxes.”

“I think we should wait until tomorrow.”

“No. We need to do it now.”

“No. Tomorrow.”

This became a short tickle fight, which I quickly lost.

So we opened the packages from my aunt. Amy opened hers first. She removed the wrapping, opened the box, looked inside, and sat down hard on the bed.

I asked, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”, Amy said. “But this is too much.”

“What?”

“Do you remember the bracelet and rings you wore for the photo shoot?”

“Of cour ... No! They didn’t?”

Amy showed me the box, and said, “Yes they did.”

In the box were the bracelet and rings that my aunt had loaned me the day of the photo shoot. And, I said, “I’m afraid to open mine.”

“Go on. Open it.”

I did. When I looked inside, there was the bone choker that I’d worn. I just looked at Amy, and she asked, “Is it what I think it is?”

“What’s that?”

“That choker.”

“Right on the money.”

“Why did they do this?”

“There’s a card in my box. Is there one in yours?”

Amy looked in her box and pulled out a card. We read them, and they said the same thing:

‘You are the best nieces or niece and nephew that anyone could ask for. You brought a lot of sunshine and fun into our lives over the past week. Not to mention what you did for grandma. We were afraid that she wouldn’t survive this, but you brought life back to her by just being here. These little tokens are to remind you of your week here. Love Aunt Ruth and Uncle Paul.’

“Little tokens! This is too much after what they did for us. I need to make a phone call.”, I said.

“I’m right behind you.”, Amy said.

We walked into the kitchen, I picked up the phone and dialed my Aunt Ruth's number. My dad had heard us and came into the kitchen. He saw the phone in my hand and didn’t say anything.

My Aunt Ruth answered the phone, and I said, “Hi Aunt Ruth. It’s Tom.”

“Oh hello, Tommy.”, my Aunt Ruth said.

“Aunt Ruth. What you gave Amy and me is just too much. We love them, but it’s just too much. We should have given you something.”

“Honey, It’s the least we can do. And you know their meaning to our people.

“And with your help, your grandmother has made an amazing recovery, and is coming home tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow! That’s wonderful!

“Aunt Ruth, give her our love. And, thank you and Uncle Paul for the gifts. Is mom there?”

“No. She and your uncle are getting grandma's apartment ready for her. And your mom will be staying with her.”

“Okay. Please tell her that we called. And we send our love to all of you.”

“We’re already missing you and Amy. Give her a kiss for me. Good night Tommy.”

“Good night Aunt Ruth.”

And I hung up the phone.

Amy asked, “Is grandma coming home?”

“Yes.”, I said. “Tomorrow.”

“That’s fantastic.”

“It sure is.”, my dad said. “Why did you call your aunt?”

“They gave both of us a gift when we left, and we were asked not to open them until we were back home. When we opened the boxes just now and saw what was in them, it was just too much. And, I wanted to thank Aunt Ruth, and tell her that it was too much. But she told me that grandma was coming home tomorrow.”

“What did she give you?”

“Come with us, and we’ll show you.”

We took my father to our room and showed him the two boxes. He was amazed that Aunt Ruth and Uncle Paul had given us these things. But I think he knew why they were given.