This is my take on a Native American boy, who finds, through his dreams, that he’s a two-spirt person, and has a very special Guardian Angel. How he and the Guardian Angel help each other. How he's treated by his people. And, how he also finds a very understanding and special partner.

 

 
When I was growing up one of my favorite books was a book about the Ojibway people, called "Ojibway Drums", and I still have the book, and like me, it's old, and I reread it from time to time. The following story actually came to me in a dream. It started out to be a short story, but kept growing into a novel. Not a long novel, but a novel.

About 1990 the term "two-spirt" came into acceptance to identify a third gender in the Native American culture. The term, two-spirit, shows the combination of the masculine spirit and the feminine spirit in one person. Two-spirit does not refer to a sexual orientation, but rather a gender, or your own sense of yourself. A two-spirit person could be straight, lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, or transgender.

The term, two-spirit is from the Anishinabe language meaning to have both female and male spirits within one person. Native Americans, or people of the First Nation, believe that a person that has two spirts is special, and that their identity exists beyond male or female. Two-spirit people were often regarded as suited to certain roles. They were the visionary leaders, the medicine people, the care-givers, the warrior, and others. And, it was considered good luck to have a two-spirited person in one's family.

A two-spirit person could sometimes be identified based on their dreams. Those dreams could also guide the two-spirt down their path.

 

 
I was sitting at the kitchen table eating breakfast. Well, not really eating it, but playing with it. My mom looked at me, and said, "Honey is something wrong?"

I looked at her, and said, "I don't know. But I had a really strange dream last night."

"About what?"

"Nora."

"Oh no! Honey. Are you all right?"

"Yeah. I think I am, but it was a really strange dream. She wants me to come to her bedroom."

"Nora does?"

"Yeah."

"Tell me about this dream."

Before I go any further, I guess I'd better explain some things. My mom and her sister, my aunt, are identical twins and full-blooded Native Americans. My Aunt Sheila is also married to a Native American. My father is a mix of English, German, and Irish. My name is Little Wolf, but most of the time I go by Luke.

Even though my dad was not a Native American, I still look more like my mom. I have long black hair, long enough to braid. My complexion is dark, and I have high cheek bones. My eyes are brown, but a little lighter than most of my friends. I'm skinny, somewhat tall, and even though I'm not a full-blooded Native American, I still don't have any body hair.

We do live on a reservation, but our tribe owns a very profitable casino, and the profits are shared equally with the members of the tribe. The casino is big, and here's an attached hotel. The casino also has a number of restaurants and food places. There's also two movie theaters, and other kinds of entertainment.

My father has been adopted into the tribe. He, my mom, and my aunt and uncle, are part of the casino's management team. My father is a lawyer, and the legal counsel for the tribe.

This all started shortly before my sixteenth birthday, and my cousin Nora, or Spirit Dancer, was seventeen. And, now this is the really sad part, Nora was raped and murdered. And, we had just had her funeral a week ago. My aunt and uncle are beside themselves. As is the rest of the family.

Nora was very pretty. She was tall, just as tall as I am, had long black hair, deep brown eyes, and was very popular. And, if a fifteen-year-old boy can really know about such things, she was sexy. She was also an accomplished Native American dancer, and was buried in one of her dance outfits. Her funeral was attended by a lot of people. The scariest part of this is, it happened on a part of the reservation that is supposed to be closed to outsiders. And, so far neither the tribal police, the county sheriff, nor the FBI, has a lead on who did it. All the members of the tribe have been ruled out in one way or another. And, most of the girls are afraid to go anywhere by themselves.

Her two older brothers want to extract blood revenge. And, my aunt and uncle are trying to keep that from happening. If they can.

Now, I had just told my mom that I'd had a dream that my cousin Nora had asked me to come to her bedroom. And, my mom asked me to tell her about the dream.

So, I told her, "In my dream, I was in a clearing in the woods. And, the trees on the far side of the clearing was obscured by a heavy mist. Then Nora walked out of the mist, in her dance outfit. And, she had wings. She sat with me, we talked, and she asked me to come to her room. That she had something important to talk to me about."

Then I asked my mom, "Can we go and visit Aunt Sheila? I feel that I really need to go to Nora's room."

My mom just looked at me for a few seconds, then said, "Fix some breakfast. I need to call your aunt. And, I'll be right back."

She walked out of the kitchen, and I fixed some breakfast. But, I didn't get to finish it. When she came back, she said, "Come on. Let's go."

"Now? I'm still eating."

"Now."

We were out the door and at Aunt Sheila's in less than ten minutes. And, after the usual greetings, my mom and aunt talked in our native language for a few minutes. Note to self. You need to become more proficient in your language.

Finally. Aunt Sheila looked at me, and said, "So. You had a dream about Nora?"

"Yes.", I replied.

"And, she was in her dance outfit?"

"Yes. The one that she was buried in."

"And, she had wings?"

"Yes. Like an angel."

"And, she wants you to visit her room?"

"Yes. Alone."

"Do you know why?"

"No. She just said that she wanted me to visit her room alone."

My aunt sat back, looked at me, and asked, "Have you ever had dreams like this before?"

"Nothing like this, but I've had a few strange ones. But, right now I need to go to her room."

"Down the hall and the last door on the right."

"I know. Thanks." How did I know? I've never been there.

I got up, walked down the hall, and stopped at the door. I just stood there for a few seconds, then opened it. I've never been in this room before, so I stood there and looked around. I saw a very feminine room. It was decorated in pink, with frilly curtains. There was a dressing table, a chest of drawers, and of course a bed. The door to the walk-in closet was open, and I could see some of Nora's clothes and shoes. And, there were some of her dance trophies on the top of her chest of drawers.

As I walked further into the room, I started to get very sleepy. I walked over to her bed, laid down, and fell asleep. When I awoke, I remembered the vivid dream I'd just had. I walked over to her closet, selected one of her dance outfits and a pair of moccasins. The outfit was very pretty dress. It was made of buckskin, and heavily beaded. The moccasins were also deer skin, and had a lot of bead work.

I took the outfit out and laid it on the bed. Then I undressed, down to my undershorts. And, picked up the dress and slipped it on. It fit, and felt really nice next to my skin. Then I slipped the moccasins on, and they also fit. I looked at myself in the dressing table mirror, and it was a little strange seeing a dress on my body. But, after what Nora had told me, it felt right.

I walked out of Nora's room, and found my mom and aunt still in the kitchen. They both looked at me, and my mom asked, "Why are you dressed like that?"

"Nora asked me to wear it.", I replied.

"Oh?"

"I had another dream just now, and she told me a lot of things."

"Are you going to share?"

"Sure. But, I'm hungry. How long was I back there?"

My Aunt Sheila replied, "About an hour. And, I'll fix you something."

"Thanks. Just some cereal and a glass of milk would be great."

After my aunt fixed me something to eat, she said, "Now. Tell us about this dream."

"When I went into Nora's room, I got very sleepy. I laid down on her bed, fell asleep, and started dreaming. I was in the clearing in the woods again, and just like last night the mist on one side of the clearing was thick. And, Nora walked out of it, still in her dance outfit. And, she asked me to sit and talk with her.

"We sat on the ground, facing each other, and she told me a lot of things. One of the things that she told me was that our forefathers had told her that I was a two-spirit person. That I had the spirits of both male and female in me, and that she is supposed to be my Guardian Angel."

"Can you tell me why you're wearing the dress?", my mom asked.

"Like I said, Nora asked me to. And, I wanted to."

"Have you ever wanted to wear girls' clothes before?"

"No. . . . That would be weird. But, I've wondered about it."

"If it's weird. Why are you doing it?"

"I guess because Nora asked me to. And, . . . I like how it feels."

"So, is it still weird?"

"Not really. Talking with Nora, kind of made it okay."

"But, you've wondered about wearing girls clothes?"

"Yeah. They always wear pretty things, and they look so comfortable. And, I love their dance outfits."

"I see. Do you know what a two-spirit person is?"

"I think. But, I'm not really sure."

"Well. A two-spirit person is someone who feels that their body has both a masculine spirit and a feminine spirit within them. They are very special in the Native American culture. They fulfill special roles, such as a medicine man, or fore-tellers. Some even dress in the clothes of either sex.

"And, you say that Nora asked you to dress in one of her dance outfits. Did she say why?"

"So, that I could be closer to my feminine spirit, and to help me see who she is. She also told me that my feminine spirit is a fawn."

Aunt Sheila asked. "Do you think we should talk to White Antelope?"

"White Antelope! Why White Antelope?", I asked.

"Honey.", my mom said. "He is the tribe's medicine man. And, he's also two spirited. And, he may be able to help you see what your dreams mean."

"I guess I'll go change."

"No. Go as you are. He’ll understand."

"What if someone else sees me?"

"Don't worry. Once they find out that you're two spirited they'll understand."

"They will?"

My mother called White Antelope, and talked to him for a few minutes. A short time later we were pulling up in front of White Antelope's home. We walked up to the front door, and White Antelope answered it before we knocked. He smiled, and said, "Please come in."

Mom, Aunt Sheila, and I walked in, he closed the door, and showed us into his living room. We sat, he looked at me, nodded, and said, "So. You've had a dream about your cousin Spirit Dancer?"

"Yes.", I replied.

"Tell me about it."

I retold my story of the two dreams that I had. And, when I was done White Antelope said, "Yes. I believe that there is a very good possibility that you are two spirited. Your dreams will lead you down the correct path, and your cousin will be a very good Guardian Angel for you. She is pure of heart and mind, as are you."

Then, looking at my aunt, then back at me, he said, "In time she may lead you to her killer. But, it will take time and you will have to embrace your female spirit. And, accept that it is part of you."

"I don't know if I can do this.", I said. "I don't know if I can embrace a female spirit. I love my cousin, and I want them to find whoever hurt her. But, I really don't know if I can.

“Doesn’t being two spirited mean that I’m gay or something? Because I’m not.”

“Not necessarily. How do you feel sitting here right now?"

"Like everything is as it should be."

"Even dressed as a girl?"

"Yes. I always thought that it would be strange to dress in girls' clothes. But, right now it feels right. Like I should be dressed this way. But, I also feel like it's wrong. A boy shouldn't look like a girl."

He smiled at me, and said, "You sound like I did when I was your age. I was confused about what I was feeling. I knew I was a boy, but at times I felt like a girl. There were times that my dreams took me to being the girl that was within me, and at other times I was the boy. No matter which I was it, felt right.

“Right now your feminine spirt is very strong. Maybe it’s a way for your Guardian Angel to let you see who your female spirit is. And, when I found my spirits, I understood who I was, and where it was to lead me. You may need to do the same."

I sat there for a minute, and then said, “How do I find my spirits?”

"There is a sacred place. You spend the night there, alone. And, if it's meant to be, by morning you will know the answer. They may appear to you in a dream, or the spirits may appear to you in a vision."

I looked at my mom, and she just nodded yes.

And, White Antelope continued with, "You are fifteen, and it's time for you to find your true spirit, or maybe spirits. To know who you are. To know where your spirit fits into the tribe. How it can help your people."

"When?", I asked.

"You will know. It may be tomorrow, or in a month, or in six months. But, you will know, and you will come to me. And, then I'll take you to the sacred place, leave you for the night, and return for you in the morning. And, by then you should know.

"If you have a female spirit, you will find out what it is. Also, you will probably find out what your male spirit is. It may be that the person that named you, felt your spirit. Who will be the strongest? Only time will tell. It could be your male spirit, or your female spirt, or neither.

"I do feel that your male spirit will be as you are named, Little Wolf. Sometimes your parents know who your spirit is, without knowing that they do, and name you after your spirit.

"We'll see after you visit the sacred place. Now. Go, and return when you know the time is right."

On the way back to my aunt's house, I was very quiet. My mom finally asked, "Honey. Are you all right?"

"Kind of.", I replied. "I'm kind of scared. But, somehow I know what White Antelope told me is what I need to do."

"Everything will be just fine.", my Aunt Sheila said. "Everyone understands what the finding of your spirit is. Not everyone will go to the sacred place. But, some will."

"Mom.", I asked. "How did you choose my name?"

"I had a dream just before you were born. I saw a small wolf. And, I knew what your name was to be."

"So, White Antelope might be right about my male spirit being the wolf?"

"He might be."

We stopped just long enough at my aunt's house to drop her off, and for me to pick up my clothes. I was still wearing the dress and moccasins when I walked into my house. My dad was home, he looked at me, and asked, "Just why are you wearing a dress?"

My mom answered for me, when she said, "He had a dream last night about Nora. And, another one at Sheila's house. And, we found that there is a very good chance that he's two spirited."

All my dad could say was, "Nora. A dream."

"We also visited White Antelope, and he confirmed that there is a very good possibility that he is a two spirited person."

"Dad.", I asked. "Do you understand what two spirited is?"

"Not completely. But, I know that it's something very special, and that it's someone that has both a male and female spirit. Now, are you all right with this?"

"It does scares me a little. Especially the dreams about Nora. But, I think with her guiding me that everything will be okay.

“I’m really concerned about what my friends are going to think when they find out that I’m two spirited.”

“Honey.”, my mother said. “I think that you will find that your friends won’t have a problem with you being two spirited. The Native American people take a two-spirit person as being special. Someone that can actually bring good luck.

“Outsiders, may not understand. But, your people have a long history of accepting two-spirt people. And, some have become very important.”

“Okay.”, I said. “I guess I’ll just have to see what happens.”

It took a while, but one day when I was with my friends at the park swimming, I told them that I might be a two spirit person. Thanks to the Native American heritage class that were offered at school, most of them already had an idea about what a two spirited person was. They were surprised that I was one. But, it appeared that they didn’t have a problem with it. I guess it was because I was still the same person that I’ve always been.

One of the girls, that we called Caley, but whose Native American name is Laughing Maiden, when she got me alone, told me that she'd always thought that there was something special about me. And, that if I wanted her to, she would help me in any way that she could.

 

 
Just before my sixteenth birthday, I had a dream about a small island in the middle of a lake, and spending the night there. I knew what it meant. So, in the morning I told my parents about the dream, and my mom said, "I think it was the sign that White Antelope was talking about."

"I guess I should go talk to him.", I replied.

My mom just nodded yes. My dad looked at me a little concerned. And, my mom said to him, "Don't worry. He'll be fine."

"I know.", my dad said. "It's been strange coming to the realization that he may be two spirited. But, I'll get used to it."

"Dad.", I asked. "Are you really all right with all of this?"

He smiled, and said, "When I married your mother and was adopted into this tribe, I knew there were things that I'd never understand. I somewhat understand the two-spirit thing. But, I never expected my son to be one of them. But, I can accept you this way without a problem."

"Thanks dad. That means a lot to me."

Later that night I was in a canoe, with White Antelope, heading to a small wooded island in the middle of a large lake. And, as he’d asked me to do, I was wearing only a loin cloth. And, I had a blanket, and things to start a fire, with me.

When we reached the island, White Antelope helped me gather enough fire wood to keep a small fire burning all night. Then as the sun set, we lit the fire, and he sat there singing. When he was done, without a word, he got up, took some of the cold ashes from the fire, and made marks on my face. Then he just walked down to the canoe, and paddled away.

I was alone with my thoughts. I sat there wrapped in my blanket and staring at the fire. And, I was careful to keep the fire burning as I sat my vigil. It was amazingly quiet. There was no animal noises. Just the crackling of the fire, and the quiet lapping of the waves hitting the shore. It was very relaxing.

Sometime during the night I had a vision or maybe a dream. A thick mist appeared, and I thought that Spirit Dancer was going to appear. But, a wolf appear out of the mist. Then a short time later a fawn also appeared. Each was holding an Eagle feather in their mouth. They stood side by side, and looked at me. Then, the fawn moved in front of the wolf.

I heard a female voice in my mind say, 'Your cousin was correct, you are a true two spirited person. Your male spirit is, as your name reveals, a wolf. And, your feminine spirit is the fawn. And, like with your male name your female name should be Little Fawn. Embrace both of your spirits in all things.

'Let Spirit Dancer guide you as your Guardian Angel. She will guide you straight and true. Learn the dances that she teaches you.

‘You will learn that you are a very special two spirited person. And, you will find the bravery that you need when you need it. And, you will need it.’

As the wolf and fawn disappeared, they dropped the feathers, and the thick mist disappeared. And, I was left with my thoughts. Something was feeling really good. It was like I now knew who I really was, and what I was going to do.

At first light, I saw a canoe come out of the morning mist, and approach the island. Shortly White Antelope was sitting beside me. We sat there silently for a while. Then I quietly said, "Spirit Dancer was right. I am a two-spirit person."

"As I knew you were.", White Antelope said.

"When one of the spirits stands in front of the other, it mean that they are the strongest. Doesn’t it?”

"You know the answer to that question. Just think about it."

I didn’t really have to think, and just said, "It does. It means that the fawn is stronger than the wolf."

Then I said, "The voice told me to let my cousin show me the way. Which I understand. But, why must I learn the dances?"

"Your cousin was a special dancer. She was exceptional. And, this may be her way to lead you to some answers."

"Answers?"

"You will know when the time is right."

I went on to tell him about my vision of the fawn and wolf, the two feathers, and what my name was to be. Then he said, "Have you looked behind you?"

As I said, "No." I turned and was very surprised by what I saw. There were two Bald Eagle feathers on the ground. And, I just looked at them.

He then said, "They are yours. Pick them up."

I did. Then I asked, "Where did these come from?"

With a smile, he said, "From the Bald Eagle and your spirits."

"But, two of them. I've never done anything brave. So, I don't deserve even one."

"You haven't done anything brave yet. But, you are very special. A two-spirit person. And, you will earn them."

"But, I can't wear them. Or, even display them."

"Yes you can. You will need to appear at Tribal Council, and they will approve of you having them."

"I’ve never been to Tribal Council."

"I will be there to present you."

I just sat there. Eagle feathers are very important to Native Americans, and usually only warriors could wear them after doing something brave. And, now I had two. Why me?

I carefully folded the two feathers in my blanket. We then extinguished the fire, and paddled the canoe back across the lake to the mainland. Then in complete silence we drove to my house. As I was getting out of his car, White Antelope said, "Tribal Council is this Friday. I'll present you as a two-spirit person, and then explain about the Eagle feathers."

I thanked him, walked into the house, and my mother and father were sitting at the kitchen table. I sat with them, and my mom just said, "Well?"

"Well.", I said. "I am two spirited. My feminine name should be Little Fawn. And, my feminine spirit is stronger than my male one. And, when you named me Little Wolf, you picked the right name."

"That's interesting."

"I know. And, I need to go to Tribal Council on Friday."

"Why?"

I carefully unfolded my blanket, took the two Eagle feathers, laid them on the table, and said, "Because of these."

My mother just stared at the feathers. And, my dad said, "Because of two feathers?"

"They're Bald Eagle feathers.", my mom said. "And, they're very special to Native Americans. And, it's very hard to receive one. Let alone two. And, he has two." Then she asked me, "Where did you get them?"

"When the fawn and wolf appeared, they were both carrying Eagle feathers.", I said. "And, when they left, they dropped the. Then, this morning, when I was talking to White Antelope he showed me that they were on the ground behind me. And, he said that they were mine. I know how special they are, and questioned him. But, he told me that they were mine because I was special, and they were given to me by my vision. But, I haven't done anything brave to earn even one."

"Did he say anything else?"

"Just something about me not having done anything brave. Yet!"

"I guess we'll have to wait and see."

"I'm tired. I'm going to try and get some sleep."

I walked up to my room, removed the loin cloth, laid on my bed, and was quickly asleep. And, I dreamed. I dreamed about Nora again. She seemed very happy that I had learned about my spirits, and then she started teaching me to dance. To dance in the way she, Spirt Dancer, danced. And, surprisingly, in my dreams, I did really well.

Just before my dream ended, she told me, “A girl has come into your life. Embrace her as a very special friend and confidant. Treat her like a princess. She will become very important to you, and you to her.”

That evening after dinner, I wandered down to a local park where I knew I'd find some of my friends. And, I did. There were about eight or nine of us, and we just hung out and talked until it started to get dark. Then everyone headed home. I just sat there, and so did Caley. I looked at her, and asked, "You're a dancer. Aren't you?"

"Yes.", she replied. "I've been dancing since I was really young."

"Could you teach me?"

"I don't know if I could teach you the guys stuff. But, I'll try."

"No. I want to lean the girl's dances."

"You're kidding?"

"No." Then I went on to tell her about my dream and how I knew I was really a two-spirit person.

When I was done, she looked at me for a minute, then said, "Little Fawn. Hmm. I like that. It fits you. And, you’re cousin was Spirit Dancer, and you say that she’s now your Guardian Angel?"

I just nodded yes.

Then she said, "Yes. This could be fun. Sure. I'll teach you. When?"

"You doing anything tomorrow?", I asked.

"No. Why don't you come over about ten?"

"Sounds good."

I walked Caley home, and then went straight home.

The following morning I was at Caley's house at about ten. When I knocked, her mother answered the door and I introduced myself. And, she invited me in.

Caley saw me, smiled, and said, "Hi Luke."

"Hi yourself.", I replied.

"Ready to learn to dance."

"Sure."

Then Caley's mother said, "Caley tells me that you're two spirited."

"I guess I am.", I replied.

"That must be exciting."

"It is. But, also a little scary. I'm still not sure what it's all about. And, how everyone will react to it."

"Just be patient and I think you'll find out that everything will be fine. And, that people will accept you."

"Thanks. I also found out that my cousin, Nora, is my Guardian Angel."

“Mom.”, Caley said. “She was Spirit Dancer.”

"Spirit Dancer!?”, Caley’s mother said. “The girl that was killed. She was your cousin?"

"Yes."

"We were all so sorry to hear about that, and it scares me that the guy is still on the loose. Having a special Guardian Angel like her, will be good for you."

I said, "Thanks." And, thought, ‘Maybe people do understand this two-spirit thing.’

"Come on Luke.", Caley said. "Let's get started."

I followed Caley downstairs to their recreation room, which was more like a dance studio. One wall was covered with mirrors. There were a number of trophies on the shelves, and certificates hanging on the wall.

I said, "So, you've been doing this for a while?"

"Yes.", she replied. "My mother started me when I was young. And, I love it."

"And, from the trophies, it looks like your good at it."

"Your cousin and I were always in the top five at contests. So, I knew her. She was better than I am, but she was older.

"So, you've had dreams about her, and she was teaching you the girl's dances?"

"Yeah. It seems that she wants me to learn to dance as a girl."

"I wonder why?"

"I don't know. But, from what White Antelope tells me, my female spirit is my strongest."

"Maybe your cousin sees that you would make a good dancer."

"But, a girl dancer?"

"Maybe she sees that you would be good as a girl dancer."

"I don't know. But, in the dream that I had, the one where she told me that I was two spirited, she also asked me to dress in one of her dance outfits. And, when I woke up. I did."

"Really!"

"Yes. Does that doesn’t freak you out that I wore a dress?”

“No. . . . Not really. It’s strange. But, it doesn’t freak me out. You did it because she asked you too.”

“And, in the dreams, it appeared that I was already a good dancer."

"Well. Why don't we see? Some of our dances are complicated. So, let's start with the basics."

Caley started with some simple moves, which I easily copied. Then she moved to some more difficult moves. And, again, I surprised her as I copied them step by step, and move by move.

She looked at me, and said, "You've really never done this before?"

"Just in my dreams."

"You do it so easily."

"I know. It's like it comes naturally."

"Did you learn these steps and moves in your dreams?"

"Nora did show me a lot of things."

"Let's try something. I'm going to put on some music, and I want you to dance what you feel."

"Okay."

Caley put on the music. And, I stood there for a few seconds just listening to the drums and singing. Then I started to dance to what I was feeling. It was like someone was guiding my body.

When the music stopped, so did I. But, I wanted to keep dancing.

I looked at Caley. And, she was just staring at me. Then I heard her mother say, "Luke. That was wonderful. Who taught you?"

I looked at her, and said, "No one. I just danced what I was feeling. I've had dreams where my cousin was teaching me."

"So, she wants you to dance?"

"I think so."

"But, the girl’s dances?"

"It's something about my feminine spirit being stronger than my male one."

"Mom.", Caley said. "He's a boy. He can't dance the girl's dances."

"Honey.", her mother said. "He's two spirited. He can dance either the men's dances or the women's dances. It would depend on who he feels he is."

"Caley.", I asked. "Dance for me?"

"Why?", she asked.

"I just want to see how good you are."

"Okay. I guess."

Caley put on the same music, and started dancing. Her mother and I stood there and watched her. And, she was really good. When the music ended, we both applauded her. And, I said, "Caley. That was wonderful."

"Thanks. But, I hope that you never compete against me."

"Don't worry. I feel that if I really do dance, that I only want to dance for ceremonies and fun."

"Your cousin was a great dancer, and I was always glad that she was older and danced in a different age group then I did."

"You are a very good dancer. I can see why you have a number of trophies. And, it was fun dancing with you, and I want to do it some more."

Caley and I actually got together again the next day, and danced together as two girls would. And, it was like we were one. Ours moves were identical. And, we had fun.

After we were done, Caley said, "I'm sorry about the way I reacted yesterday with you dancing the girl's dances. But, it was strange. We've known each other for a while. And, seeing you dance the girl’s dances as well as you did amazed me at first. But, then I realized that it was your girl spirt that was dancing, and that just made is seem right."

"That's all right,", I said. "It still feels strange to me that I'm dancing the girl's dances. But, I feel it's like what I should be doing. And, I can feel Nora guiding me."

"Actually it's been fun dancing with you too. You've actually taught me some things. And, I don't want to stop."

"Stop dancing?"

"That. And, being with you."

She gave me a quick kiss, and ran upstairs. I thought, ‘Is she the girl that Spirit Dancer was telling me about?’

Then, I followed her upstairs, and found her in the kitchen. She looked at me, then at the floor, and said, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

"Why?", I asked.

Looking at me, she said, "You didn't mind?"

"No. It was nice."

 

 
Not only was today my sixteenth birthday, but it was Tribal Council. I was nervous. Very nervous. I was going to go to Tribal Council with White Antelope. Normally the Tribal Councils were business meeting for running the casino and other tribal business, but today was a little different. I was going to be there.

White Antelope showed up at my house right on time. He asked me for the Eagle Feathers, and I handed them to him. He carefully placed them in a leather case with a number of symbols on it. We walked out, got into his car, and drove to the casino. That's where the Tribal Councils are held.

White Antelope and I walked into the meeting room, and there were ten men and four women there. Most were Tribal elders, but a few, my dad included, were younger. And, they were there mainly for casino business.

But, I was first on the agenda. White Antelope introduced me, then explained what had happened to me, from the loss of my cousin, to my dreams, to my visions that I received while I was on Island of Dreams, and that I was truly two spirited. That my male spirit was Little Wolf and that my feminine spirit was Little Fawn, and that Little Fawn was the stronger of the two. Everyone listened very intently, then they asked me a number of questions. And, I guess I answered everything correctly.

Then, he went on to explain that I'd learned that my Guardian Angel was my cousin Nora, or Spirit Dancer. And, that, for some reason, raised some eyebrows.

White Antelope then laid the leather case, with the two feathers in it, on the table in front of the Chief of our tribe. Then he carefully opened the case reveling the Eagle feathers. And, explained how I'd come to have them. There was a lot of talk among the elders, and finally the Chief silenced everyone. Then he said, "Little Fawn is two spirited. And, something important is planned for her. These Eagle feathers show that the spirits know she is strong and brave. And, deserves the honor of wearing the Bald Eagle feathers. I would like the council to grant her this honor."

The Chief had called me Little Fawn. It felt strange to be called by a feminine name when I was standing there looking like myself, or was it me?

The Chief then looked at me and said, "Little Fawn. Would you please excuse us so that we can discuss this and vote on it? I'll have White Antelope come and get you when we're done."

He'd called me Little Fawn again. I walked out of the room, and had hardly found a place to sit, when White Antelope came to find me. I looked at him, and said, "That was quick."

He smiled, and said, "There wasn't much discussion. Come with me."

I got up and walked with him back into the council chambers. The Chief stood, and said, "Little Fawn. The Council has voted and it's our honor to allow you to wear your two Eagle feathers. Do so with honor.

“Also, it’s really a pleasure to welcome a new two spirit person to the tribe. And, from what White Antelope has told us, and knowing who your Guardian Angel is, you will be very special to us. Accept your gift, and use it wisely.”

He placed the two feathers back in the leather case, walked out to me, and handed me the case. As he handed it to me, I looked, and my dad was smiling.

The Chief then said, "Now Little Fawn. We've also heard that you are a good dancer. And, I know that you know that tomorrow is the tribe's Pow Wow. We'd like you to honor us with a dance at the Pow Wow. And, we also know that you and Laughing Maiden like to dance together. So, we'd like you to invite her to join you."

I was about to panic. Dance in front of everyone at the Pow Wow. And, as a girl. I was ready to run, but the only that I could do, was say, "I would love to." But, was it me saying it?

I had White Antelope take me to Caley's house, and as I got out of his car, he said, "Little Fawn. You are a very special person. Believe in yourself. And, everything will be good."

I just smiled at him, and asked, "Why are you calling me Little Fawn, like the Chief did?"

"Because we feel her strong spirit."

I knocked on the door and Caley's mother answered it, and invited me in. Caley heard us talking, and found us in the kitchen. The first thing she did, was give me a hug and wish me happy birthday. Then, her mom also wished me happy birthday.

Of course, I thanked both of them, and then I asked Caley, "You going to the Pow Wow tomorrow?"

"Of course.", she replied.

"Want to dance with me or really Little Fawn."

"Huh?"

"The Chief asked me to dance at the Pow Wow. He also asked that I bring, and dance with you."

"You're kidding me?"

"No. He somehow found out how good we dance together."

Caley looked at her mother, and just said, "Mother!"

"Sorry kids. The other day when you two were dancing together, I just had to see. So, I snuck down and watched you for a little bit. And, you two are really good together. When you dance, it's like you were in perfect synchronization with each other. And, I just had to tell them."

"That's all right.", I said. "I like dancing with Caley."

"So, we'd be dancing as two girls?", Caley asked.

"I guess so. When he was asking me, he was calling me Little Fawn."

She thought for a few seconds, smiled, and said, "You know. That'll be fun."

I stayed at Caley's for a little while, and we talked about what dance we were going to do. And, we decided on the Buckskin dance. Which was the first dance that we'd done together, and is a very elegant and graceful dance. We should have practiced, but for some reason felt that we didn't have to.

When I got home, my mom said, "Come on. We need to go to your Aunt Sheila's."

"Why?", I asked.

"Aren't you and Laughing Maiden dancing tomorrow?"

"Yes. But, how did you know?"

"Your father told me. And, aren't you dancing as a girl?"

"I guess."

"And, don't you think you need a proper dress?"

"What about the one I have?"

"Not for this. I know that your cousin has a very beautiful dress that she'd never worn. She was saving if for a big competition where she was going to do the Buckskin dance. I talked to your aunt, and she was excited that you were going to be dancing. And, she said that you could use the dress."

"What dance did you say was she going to do?"

"The Buckskin."

"That's what I thought you said. That's what Caley and I are going to do."

"Oh! Really. Well, then I guess that this dress will be perfect."

A short time later we were at my aunt's house, and walking into Nora's room. As we walked into the room, I got a cold chill. My mom saw me shiver, and asked, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah.", I replied, "I just got a chill."

"It's warm in here."

"I know."

My aunt walked into the closet and came back out with a very pretty dress. No. It wasn't pretty, it was gorgeous. It was an ankle length white dress with long sleeves, made of buckskin, it was heavily beaded, and had a lot of fringe work. There was also a fringed danced shawl with it.

I could see the tears in my aunt's eyes, as she laid the dress on the bed. I knew she was thinking of Nora, and so was as I said, "Aunt Sheila. Maybe I shouldn't wear this dress."

She looked at me with a little smile, and said, "Honey. I think Nora would want you to wear it. She's your Guardian Angel, and I think it would make her happy."

"If you think it'll be okay."

"It will."

I stripped down to my undershorts, and my aunt helped me put it on. It fit like a glove. And, it felt wonderful. Then my aunt went back into the closet and came out with a pair of beaded moccasins with leggins and a box. The moccasins were also white, and they fit me.

She opened the box, and took out a very pretty red and white bone choker with a beaded rosette. And, there were two drops coming from the center of the rosette. She placed it around my neck and tied it.

Then she took a headdress out of the box. It was a completely beaded band that went around my head, and had a narrow tail that went down to the middle of my back. And, it had a single feather at the back. She fastened the band around my head. And, I placed the dance shawl over one arm.

She then went and took the dance fan out of the box, and handed it to me. This is a very fancy dance fan made out of feathers, with bead work, and fringe hanging from the end of the handle. I turned and looked at myself in the mirror. And, I couldn't believe how I looked. I didn't see me, but a Native American princess.

I could see the reflection of my mom and aunt in the mirror. And, I could tell by their expressions that they liked what they were seeing.

"Honey.", my mom said. "You look wonderful in that."

"Yes she does.", my aunt said. "She looks very pretty."

I turned and looked at them, and asked, "She?"

My mom smiled, and said, "Honey. What did you see when you looked in the mirror?"

I turned, looked in the mirror again, and said, "A girl. A girl in a very pretty dance outfit."

"I think both your aunt and I also see a pretty girl in a pretty dance outfit."

"I know I do.", Aunt Sheila said. "And, without her hair and makeup being done. Would you be willing to do something?"

I turned back around, and said, "Maybe. What?"

"Before every dance contest your cousin went to a woman who did her hair and makeup. Would you be willing to do that tomorrow before the Pow Wow?"

Again, I felt something, but I didn't know what it was. I was going to say no, but I said, "You know. I'll be dancing as Little Fawn. And, I don't know why, but I think that I would like that. So, yes. I'd be willing to do that."

I removed everything, redressed, and we took all the regalia home with us. And, on the way home, my mom said, "You're really getting into this Little Fawn role. Aren't you?"

"Mom.", I said. "I don't know why. But, I am. And, for some reason I also think that this might lead us closer to who hurt Nora."

My mom got really serious when she said, "Honey. I know you were hurt with what happened to Nora. We all were. But, I don't want you getting hurt doing anything foolish."

"I know mom. I don't think Nora would let that happen."

"Please be careful."

"I will. I promise."

 

 
At breakfast on Saturday morning, my mom handed me a package. I looked in it, took out the two things, and asked, "What are these for?"

"They're for you.", she replied.

"But, panties and a . . . a bra?"

"Honey what are you going to be wearing?"

"A dress. But, I don't have any . . . any . . . ", and I pointed to my chest.

She smiled, and said, "Breasts. No you don't. But who are you going to be dancing as?"

"Little Fawn."

"And, I noticed that when you had the dress on yesterday that it didn't quit fit right, and I know that it was made for someone with a girl's figure. So, . . . "

"But, I don't have anything to put in them."

"We'll find something. Now, hurry up and eat, you have an appointment."

"An appointment?"

"For your hair."

"Oh."

A short time later I was sitting in a beauty shop chair. And, Mrs. Redcloud was working on my hair. As she braided it, she worked strands of beads into it. Then she looked at my face, and said, "I know that you're a boy. But, you have the face and complexion of a girl. With a little makeup, I think that you will be able to be very pretty when you want to be. I just wish your ears were pierced."

"Why?", I asked.

"A lot of dancers wear some very pretty earrings, but they all require pierced ears."

"Did my cousin have her ears pierced?"

"Yes."

"Can you do mine?"

"I can. But, they really need to heal before you can wear some of the long earrings."

"Is there anything that I could wear that would look nice?"

"I have something at home that we could use.", my mom said. "They're small, and made of silver and turquoise. And, would look really nice with the dance outfit."

Mrs. Redcloud pierced my ears and put small studs in them. Then she did my makeup, and I wish I'd paid more attention to what she did. But, when I saw myself in the mirror, it wasn't me. I was seeing a teenaged girl who looked like what I thought Little Fawn should look like. And, I was even feeling more like her too. It was strange, I was starting to think like a girl. Was Nora trying to help me fit into this role? Or, what?

We had taken the dance regalia home with us last night, so when we got home, I went up to my room and started to get ready. I took the bra and panties out of the bag my mom had given me, and just looked at them. The panties, of course, I could figure out, so I slipped them on. But, the bra was completely foreign to me.

I looked at the bra some more, and figured that I had to somehow fasten the two ends of the strap together with the covers, or whatever they were, in the front. But how?

I finally figured that maybe I could fasten them in front, then twist the bra around so that the covers were in front. But, when I twisted the bra so that the covers were in front, there was a twist in the strap. I pulled the ends back to the front, and unfastened them. Straightened them out, re-fastened the ends, and pulled the strap around me until the covers were in front again, and everything looked okay. I slipped the straps over my shoulders, and looked at myself. The two covers just kind of hung there empty. How do girls wear these things?

I put the dress on. My mom was also upstairs getting ready, and a minute later she walked into my room. She was wearing one of her Native American dresses, and I said, "Mom. You look really nice."

"Thanks honey.", she replied. "I brought you a couple of things."

"What?"

"Well, I brought you the earrings that I told you about. Then, I have something to fill out your bra cups with."

As mom handed me a few pairs of nylons, she said, "Here. Put these in you bra."

I'd never touched nylons before, and it was interesting. And, I did as she said, and placed a few in each of the bra cups. So, that's what they're called.

She looked at me, and said, "Put a couple more in each cup and I think it'll work."

I did as she asked. She looked at me, smiled, and said, "That works."

"Mom. How do girls know how to wear these things?"

"If you mean a bra. Their mothers show them."

My mom helped me put on the dress, and then she placed the choker around my neck and tied it. I sat down and put on the moccasins and leggins.

"Now.", mom said. "I'll replace your studs with the earrings that I have."

After she'd finished I walked over, and looked in the mirror. I just shook my head. I looked so much like a girl that I don't think any of my friends, including Caley, would recognize me. Because, I didn't recognize myself.

Mom said, "Honey. You look wonderful."

"Thanks mom.", I said. "I just hope that no one will say anything."

"All of your friends know about you being two spirited, and the way the rumors fly most of the members of the tribe do. And, these people should all understand it, and how important it is. And, anyone else can just live with it."

I picked up my headdress, remove the single feather from it, and replaced it with the two Eagle feathers. It felt funny doing it, knowing that they represented bravery, and that I hadn't done anything brave. I didn't put it on, as I couldn't get in the car with it on. The feathers would hit the roof.

Just before we went downstairs, my mother said, “Honey. You need to freshen your lipstick like Mrs. Redcloud showed you.”

I took my lipstick, walked over to the mirror, and that girl was looking at me. I took the lipstick, and, like I’d done it all my life, I freshen my lipstick.

Then, Mom and I walked downstairs and my dad was there waiting for us. He was wearing his jeans, cowboy boots, a beaded shirt, and a ten gallon hat. He looked at me, shook his head, and said, "Luke. I can't believe it. But, I guess that you really do have a female spirit in you. You look wonderful. And, I'm going to have the honor of accompanying two beautiful maidens today."

"Daddy.", I said. "You're going to make me cry. But, it's Little Fawn today." Where did that come from? I haven't called my dad, daddy for a very long time. And, it takes a lot to make me cry.

"I'm sorry Little Fawn. I should have known."

"That' all right. Sometimes I don't even know."

We hold a Pow Wow almost every month. And, we use it as a way to not only help maintain our heritage, but have a fun time. It like a big party. And, we hold it at the county fairgrounds, which is just inside the reservation boundary. The Tribal Council had, a long time ago, leased land to the county for a fair grounds. And, it's one of the nicest fair grounds in the state. There is even a large exhibition building which can be used when it rains or snows. But, we all prefer to be outside.

When we arrived at the Pow Wow, my mom helped me put on my headdress. Something changed right then. I felt really good, and before this I was really nervous. It was like I was now really Little Fawn. But, I was still worried as to what people would think of me.

You could smell the food cooking. The tribe picked up the bill for all the food. If you were an outsider, and there was always a lot of them, you were asked for a ten dollar donation and you could eat to your heart's content. The outsiders enjoyed attending Pow Wows and watching the dancing. And, probably the good food.

We walked around together for a while, and I saw a number of my friends. They looked at me, and I don't think that they could figure out who I was. Then they would see my mom and dad, walk over, and ask where Luke was.

My mom or dad would look at me, I would smile at them, and most of them figured out that the girl was me. They'd walk over to me, and greet me as they would any other girl, the girls hugged me, and the boys stammered a greeting. As I would do, if I was Luke and was meeting a pretty girl. It was fun. And, all of them couldn't believe how good I looked.

I saw White Antelope. He looked at me smiled, and said, "Now it's as it should be."

His statement puzzled me for a minute, then I think I knew what he meant.

I was feeling really good being this girl. But, I still haven't found Caley.

We found a picnic table, where we could sit and watch the dancing, and where we'd meet for dinner. Then I wandered around. I was really looking for Caley, but I found a lot of other people. I recognized most of them, but I don't think they recognized me.

Finally I found Caley, her mother, father, and younger sister, Kimi, as they were walking from the parking lot. Caley actually looked wonderful in her dance outfit, and I knew I wasn't going to be calling her Caley tonight. On purpose, I let them walk past me. Caley actually gave me a good look, as one dance competitor would do to another. But, there was no sign of recognition. I turned and followed them for a short distance, and then said, "Hey. Laughing Maiden."

Caley stopped, turned, looked, and then I think it hit her. She stared, and her hands went to her mouth, as she said, "Oh my God! Little Fawn. Is that you?"

I grinned, and said, "Yes."

She ran to me, and gave me a big hug. Then, she said, "You look fantastic, I didn't even recognize you."

"I know. No one does. And, I don't even recognize myself."

"And, your buckskin outfit it is just beautiful."

"It belonged to Nora, and she never got a chance to wear it. And, you look beautiful too."

"It was Nora's?"

"Yes. I think she wanted me to wear it."

"And, that choker! That is so pretty."

"That belonged to Nora too."

"And, you got your ears pierced too!"

"Uh huh. I couldn't wear earrings like you do. But, mom gave me these."

Then, I asked her the big question, “Is seeing me dressed this way too much?”

She looked at me, smiled, and said, “I was expecting something like this. But, not this good. You look . . . Well, you look like a girl. A pretty teenaged girl. Is it too much. No. It’s not too much. I like what I see.”

Just then her family walked up to us, and her mother was all smiles. Caley introduced me to her dad, and he couldn't believe who I really was. And, her little sister, Kimi, was full of all kinds of questions. I bent down, so that I could look at her, and tried to answer all of her questions. Then she asked me, "Are you really a boy?"

I smiled, and said, "Yes. I'm a boy. And, you know me."

"Who are you?"

"I'm Luke."

"You're Caley's friend."

"Yes I am."

"But, you're dressed like a girl and look like a girl."

"I know. I'm two spirited. I have a spirit of a boy and a spirit of a girl inside me. Sometimes I like to dress as a girl, and I like to dance as a girl too. And, you can call me Little Fawn."

"Little Fawn. I like your name. Are you a good dancer, like Caley?"

"I don't know. She and I are going to dance together later tonight. Why don't you be the judge, and then you can tell us who the best is."

"I can?"

"Sure. I'll bet that you can be a real good judge."

"I can?"

"Sure."

"You're really nice."

We walked over towards where my parents were, and as we walked, Caley said, “That was really cute what you did with Kimi.”

“She cute.”, I said. “So, it was easy.”

We finally got to where my parents were, and Caley and I introduced everyone. Then it was time for the Grand Entry and the opening ceremonies. And, Caley and I participated in it, as did all of the dancers. We danced around the area showing the audience our outfits, and dance steps.

After the opening ceremonies and since Caley and I weren't competing we were able to sit and watch all the dancers, from the little kids up through the adults. I really love the jingle dresses, and the dance that the girls wearing them do. This was a fun competition, so everyone was only dancing for a score. We do hold a big Pow Wow once a year, and that brings people from all over. And, then there is some serious competition , and some really nice prizes.

Towards the end of the contest dancing, White Antelope came and found Caley and me, and took us to the announcer's area. Then, after the last dance of the contest, the announcer said, "We promised you something special today. So, I'd like to introduce you to Little Fawn and Laughing Maiden. From what we've heard, they are two very wonderful dancers. And, Little Fawn is a special person to the peoples of the First Nation. She is two-spirited. They are going to be doing the Buckskin dance for us. So, please welcome Little Fawn and Laughing Maiden."

To a nice round of applause, Laughing Maiden and I walked out into the center of the dance circle. The drumming and singing started, and we started dancing. As we danced I felt someone guiding me. Someone was helping me dance a very good Buckskin dance, maybe Nora, and Laughing Maiden was also doing a fantastic job. In fact it was like we were one. And, when it was over, we received a really nice round of applause.

As we walked out of the dance circle, we were met by a number of the other dancers, include both the male and female Head Dancers. They congratulated us on a great dance. They knew all about Laughing Maiden. But, nothing about me, so they were asking me all kinds of questions. How long we've been dancing? Where did you get your dress? Have you competed?

And, when I said that I’d never competed. They wondered why I’d never competed. Then I asked them, "Do you think it would be fair for a boy to compete with girls?"

I got some strange looks, until one of the girls finally asked, "Wait a minute. You're the two-spirited one. Aren't you? And, you're really a boy?"

"Yes, I'm two spirited. And, I'm a boy.”

Caley then added, “His cousin, Spirit Dancer, is his Guardian Angel."

"Spirit Dancer is your Guardian Angel!”, the girl said. “That's why you dance so wonderfully as a girl."

"I think so.", I replied

She smiled, and said, "We’ve heard some rumors about you. And, I'm glad you're not competing. If Spirit Dancer is your Guardian Angel, you'd be really hard to beat. But, you and Laughing Maiden dance wonderfully together.

"And, we were all saddened by Spirit Dancer's death. And, really do miss her."

"Thank you."

Then one of the older male dancers asked, "Aren't those Eagle feathers in your headdress?"

"Yes. When I went to the Island of Dreams to find my spirit, they were there in the morning. And, the Tribal Council approved me having them."

"Have you've done something brave?"

"No. And, that bothers me. I shouldn't have them. But, both White Antelope and the Council think that I will do something very brave. And, they wanted me to wear them."

"I've never heard of anything like that. But, if White Antelope and the Council think that you deserve them. Then there must be something to it."

When we were finally able to get away from all the other dancers, Laughing Maiden and I walked, hand in hand, back to where our parents were. When we got there, we got all kinds of hugs, and congratulations, even from our fathers.

Caley's little sister ran up to us, and said, "I couldn't decide who was best."

"That's all right Kimi.", I said.

"No. I'm not a good judge. I should have been able to pick the best."

"You're not a bad judge. It's that Laughing Maiden and I danced the same, so we tied. Neither of us is better than the other."

"Oh. Yeah. You're both good dancers. So, you both win."

"See. You were a good judge."

"Yeah."

The Pow Wow, as it usually does, had lasted a long time. And, after the closing ceremonies a group of dancer, drummers, and singers got together, and just danced for fun. And, Laughing Maiden and I joined in. This was the first time that I'd ever done something like this, and it was really fun. Laughing Maiden told me that this always happened. After that I took Laughing Maiden over to where they were serving drinks, and got her something. We had a number of people stop and talk with us. And, tell us how much they had enjoyed our dance.

When the Pow Wow was over, my family and Laughing Maiden's family walked to the parking area together. And, Laughing Maiden and I were walking behind the others, again hand in hand. I was feeling something but I didn't know what it was. But, it felt nice just being with her.

Laughing Maiden said, "You were really cute with my little sister,"

"It was easy.", I said. "She's cute just like her big sister."

 

 
When we got home, I went up to my room. I stood in front of the mirror and looked at myself. I could sense another presence and that they were happy. Was it Nora?

I placed the headdress on top of my chest of drawers. Then removed the moccasins and leggins, and the choker. My mom knocked on my door, and asked, "Honey. Do you want me to help you out of your dress and remove your makeup?"

"Sure mom. Come on in.", I replied.

She opened the door, stood there, looked me, smiled, and shook her head. I asked her, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing really. It's just strange seeing my son standing there in a dress, with makeup on, and his hair done like a girls. And, looking more like a girl than a boy."

"It's even funnier, when your son is feeling more like a girl than a boy."

"Really."

"Yes. And, what's even funnier is, I like it."

"Are you being honest?"

"I think. But, I'm also confused. I like Laughing Maiden a lot. And, I think it's in a boy and girl way. But, when White Antelope saw me at the Pow Wow and said, 'Now it's as it should be.' At first I wondered what he meant, but then I thought that I'd figured it out. I thought that he might have meant that it was good that I looked so nice to dance for the Council. But, now I'm wondering if he meant that I should be a girl."

"I see. Be sure of what you're feeling and thinking. Don't make a rash decision on anything. And, maybe go and talk with White Antelope.

"But, what I'm thinking is that you just tried something new. Dressing and performing as a girl. And, you did it with someone that you like. So, it was a lot of fun. Plus, I figure that Nora was with you. And, she was a very feminine girl."

"I know mom. Maybe I will talk to White Antelope. But, right now, I'm tired and just want to sleep."

"But, first we've got to get you out of the dress and your makeup off."

The next morning I slept in. And, when I got up, I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror, and said, "Maybe you're right Nora. I'll talk to mom."

I got dressed and went down stairs, dad had gone to the casino, and it was just mom and me. So, I sat down with her, and said, "Remember what we talked about last night?"

"Of course honey.", she replied.

"Well. I had a dream last night. I was with Nora again at the clearing in the woods. And, she told me to remember that I'm a two-spirit person and not a one-spirit person. That I was neither a boy nor a girl. But, that it was all right to feel feminine like I did last night, but it was important to still feel masculine. That I was a blending of the two spirits. Never fully one or the other.

"That it was also okay to dress fully as a girl, and even act like one. But, to never lose my boy's outlook. That someday I will find someone to settle down with, and that person will completely understand me and embrace my two-spirit person.

"She also scarred me when she said that there was a dark spirit around, and to be aware."

"So, she's worried that you were leaning too much towards your girl spirit, and forgetting about your male spirit?"

"Yes. But, there's nothing wrong with being the girl that is my feminine spirit. She was happy with the way things went at the Pow Wow."

"So, no more thoughts about becoming a girl?"

"No. But, I know that there will be times that I'll want to be her. To dance as her. To do things that girls do."

Mom smiled at me, and said, "I think you are starting to understand what a two-spirit person is, and how to live as one. Now, tell me about this dark spirit."

"She didn't say much, other than to be aware that they are around."

"Just be careful."

I started meeting with White Antelope once or twice a week, and he started teaching me about two-spirit people, and their role within the tribe. And, he also taught me the roll of the medicine man. Why?

Also, over the next few weeks Caley and I started becoming boyfriend and girlfriend. We'd do things together, go swimming, go to the park, go shopping, and dance together. And, I went to a big Pow Wow with her and her family. She did really well, and brought a trophy and a nice cash prize home.

One day, we were at the park, and it was just the two of us. We were sitting on a bench, and I had my arm around her. Finally I said, "Caley. Will you be my girlfriend?"

She turned and looked at me with a little smile, and said, "I thought I already was."

"I mean we've never said anything that way. We just do a lot of things together. But, I really like being with you and doing things with you. And, you're very special to me."

"You're special to me too. And, being with you is really fun. But, we're only sixteen, isn't that too young to be serious?"

"Are we serious? I know that there are other people that we could see. But, I haven't found anyone else that I'd rather be with."

"Me either. So, I guess we could be boyfriend and girlfriend until someone better comes along."

"Caley!"

"Sorry. Just kidding."

Hopefully she was kidding, and I guess it could happen, but I guess for now we’re officially boyfriend and girlfriend.

About a month later, all the scare about my cousin's rape and murder had died down. But, I've never forgotten about it. It would have been hard to forget it, having her as my Guardian Angel.

- End Part 1 -