“I should have paid them!”, I said. “Why?”

“You had fun doing it. Didn’t you?”

“Yeah. I guess I did.”

“It looks like the girl that received the donations to her scholarship fund appreciated it.”

“I think she did.”

Then Amy started looking through the photo album. And every once in a while you’d hear a “Hmm,” or a “Cute,” or a “Love it” out of her. When she was done looking, she said, “These are fantastic. Mary did an excellent job.”

“Yes, she did.”, I replied

“Can I take one of the brochures into work and show Patty?”

“Sure. But why?”

“I told her about our trip to the resort, and she said that it might be something she and her husband might like to do.”

“Sure. Take one. But you’re through with the emergency room rotation aren’t you?”

“Yes. Patty comes in at four, and I'll be there till five. I'll just stay over on Monday for a bit, and see her if she’s not busy. If you don’t mind?”

“Why would I mind?”

“I didn’t think you would. Now, what does your dad want to do?”

“He wants to get a copy of the one with Kai, the tree, and the storm, in color, and hang it on the wall in the den.”

“That would be cool.”

“Yeah. A picture of me dressed as a girl.”

“No. A picture of a beautiful girl in a desert scene.”

“Okay.”, I said a little sarcastically. “I guess a picture of a girl.”

“Honey, what's wrong?"

“Nothing.”

“Wrong. What’s bothering you?”

“I guess it’s Kai wanting to come back.”

“So. You liked being the dark haired girl.”

“You know I did.”

“Yeah. I know. So, just do it.”

“I know. But I don’t want to dye my hair again.”

“What about the wig?”

“I’ve talked to Helen a little, but haven’t given her the wig yet.”

“We could do that in the morning.”

“We could. But Saturdays are their busiest day. But I guess I could give her a call in the morning, see if we could drop off the wig, and maybe talk to her for a minute."

“That may work.”

Amy ate the light meal that I made for her, and we headed off to bed.

When we walked into our room, we noticed her uniform that had been blood-spattered was laying over the chair. And it was spotless.

Amy said, “Your mother is a magician. How did she get the blood out?”

“I don’t know.”, I said. “I thought it was ruined.”

“I have to find out how she did this.”

Later Saturday when we were up, without hesitation I dressed as Tammy. The padded panties, a pink bra with my forms, a pair of shorts, and a pink blouse. And I chose a pair of flats. I then did my makeup, some foundation, light eye makeup, and pink lipstick.

I brushed my hair into a high ponytail, and I used a cute ponytail barrette to hold it in place. Then I replaced my studs, yes my ears have healed, with the silver feather earrings. I also added a few rings. I slipped on my glasses, looked in the mirror, and I saw Tammy looking back at me. I smiled, and she smiled. I could feel Tammy. Today was going to be a girl’s day.

Amy looked at me, and said, "Missed you, girlfriend."

I looked at her, smiled, and said, “Missed you too.” And we kissed.

We went to the kitchen and put together a late breakfast. As we ate, I asked Amy, "So. What do you want to do today?”

“No. It’s what do we want to do.”

“No. Today is your day. It’s up to you.”

"Okay. Let's see. Do I want to go downtown shopping? Or maybe go to the park for a walk and a picnic? Or spend the day in bed with you?"

“Stop being bad. We can do the last one tonight.”

“But it’s my day, and your parents won’t be home.”

"Okay. Whatever you want."

She grinned, and said, "Let's go downtown, and then we'll see what happens. Besides, I want to get some new earring since my ears are pierced.”

I called Helen, told her that I'd like to drop off my wig, and she said to stop in, and she’d find five minutes for us.

Forty-five minutes later we were walking down the main street towards the department store where my mother works. Of course, as we walked past the peanut shop it called to me. But we didn’t stop.

We walked into the department store, went to the beauty shop, and told the receptionist that Helen was expecting us. As luck would have it, just then Helen walked out with her last client. She saw us and said, “Tammy. Amy. I'm happy to see you two again.”

I smiled, and Amy said, “Hi Helen.”

“Come on back. I have a few minutes.”

We followed Helen back to her workstation. When we were there, Helen turned and gave Amy a big hug. The said, "So Amy. How are things going at the hospital?

Amy replied, “It’s going great.”

I was standing behind Amy, and I knew Helen saw me roll my eyes, as she was looking at me. But she didn’t react.

Then Helen said to me, “So, Tammy what are we doing? Wait. Those earrings. They are amazing. Where did you get them?”

“My great-great-grandfather was a Navajo silversmith, and my grandmother gave them to me.”

“So these are real silver and turquoises?”

“Yes.”

“They are just amazing. Just be careful not to lose them. Now. What are we doing?”

“I’ll be careful with them. I thought that we could dye my blond wig black.”

“So you look good as a girl with black hair?”

“Does she ever.”, Amy replied for me.

“Do you have the wig with you?”

As I said, “Of course.”, I pulled the wig out of the bag and shook it out.

She took the wig from me, shook it out some more, looked at it, and said, “If I remember correctly, this is long on you.”

“Yes. It hits the middle of my back.”

“What about a style?”

As I handed Helen a magazine, I said, "Here's a magazine that mom brought back from New Mexico. It has some good pictures of typical hairstyles, from straight to braids, and some that I never want to see on me."

Helen glanced through the magazine. Then said, “After we talked last time I thought that we might need a longer wig, but I think this one will work for most of these styles. And if you wanted to go with longer braids, we can always add extensions.”

Helen again looked through the magazine, stopped at one page, and said, “This article is interesting. It shows how they do some of the fancy hair braiding. Can I keep this?”

“Sure.”

“So I’ll dye this black. And you can pick it up on Tuesday if that works for you.”

“That’ll be great. I'll be in on my lunch hour.”

“Could I try a style that I think might look good?”

“Helen. I’d love to see what you come up with.”

“Oh, Helen.”, Amy said. “Have a look at this.” And Amy handed her a copy of the new brochure for the resort, which I didn’t know she had with her.

Helen looked at it, and asked, “Is this where you guys stayed in New Mexico?”

“Yes. It’s great. Thermal springs and pools, beautiful places to hike, good food, great people. But look at the girl on the front. Does she look familiar?”

Helen looked at the picture. And I was ready to kill Amy.

Helen shook her head no, and said, “No. But I’d assume that she’s a native girl from out there. Isn’t she?”

“Is she?”, Amy asked.

“I’d say so.”

“Look closer.”

Helen looked closer, then said, “I still don’t see it.”

Amy turned to the close-up picture of me, then said, “Now look.”

Helen looked at the picture, then at me, then back at the picture, then back at me, then said, “No. Can’t be.”

“It is. Look at the earrings. There’s not another pair like them.”

“Wow! Tammy, you looked fantastic at that fake wedding that we did. But this is just too much. You look so much like you belong there. Like you’re a native girl. And the dress and jewelry are amazing.”

I was blushing, and I said, "You know something, Helen. At times, while we were out there, I felt like it was where I belonged and that I was Kai.”

“From what I'm seeing, I can believe it. Kai? Who’s Kai?”

“That’s the name her uncle gave her.”, Amy said. “Kai Nez. And it stuck.”

We left Helen and went to the jewelry department. They have a lot of adorable earrings for pierced ears, and with the help of my mother's store ID card, Amy and I did our part of buying them out. But we only purchased six pairs each.

It was past lunchtime, and we decided to try one of the small downtown restaurants. We stopped at one of them, and since it was after the regular lunch time, it wasn't busy. We were seated and started looking at the menu. All of a sudden we heard a woman call out, "Amy!"

We both looked in the direction that we heard the voice coming from, Amy jumped up, and said, “Patty!”

The woman walked over, and she and Amy hugged.

They broke the hug, and Amy said, “Patty. What are you doing here?”

“It looks like the same thing as you're doing.”, Patty replied. “Shopping and stopping for lunch.”

“Why don’t you join us?”

“I’d love to.”

"Patty this is my cousin-in-law, Tammy. She's Tom's cousin, but I look at her as more of a sister. Tammy this is my friend from the hospital, Patty."

Patty and I exchanged greetings, and Patty sat in one of the empty chairs. Then we started chatting like three girls. Patty was very easy to talk to, and we soon were talking like three old friends. We did finally make up our minds as to what we wanted to eat and placed our orders.

Amy then pulled out the resort's brochure from her purse, and set it in front of Patty. And Amy said, “This is the brochure that I told you about, it’s where Tom and I stayed in New Mexico.”

“Great.”, Patty said as she picked up the brochure and started looking at it. Then she asked, “Can I have this?”

“Sure. We have others. Besides, if we want more, we know the people that run the resort.”

“You do?”

“They're Tom's aunt and uncle. In fact, we were there when they were taking some of the pictures for this brochure.", Amy said. "The picture on the back page, of the hosts, are his aunt and uncle."

Patty turned the brochure over. There were my aunt and uncle in fancy dress. Under the picture was a caption of, ‘Your hosts Paul and Ruth Biakeddy.’

I thought, ‘Amy. Don’t go any further.’

“You did tell me that Tom is part Navajo.”, Patty said. “Those two in the picture do look like natives.”

“They are.”, Amy replied. “Tom’s Uncle Paul is a full-blooded Navajo. And his Aunt Ruth, like Tom’s mother, is half Navajo.”

“That girl on the cover is apparently Navajo and is very pretty.

“My husband will love the picture on the cover. He works for the weather service, and loves thunderstorms.”

“They do have some big storms out there.”

A waitress delivered our lunches, and the talk changed to other things. But I noticed that Patty kept looking at me. So I asked, “Patty is something wrong?”

“Oh no.”, Patty replied. “I’m sorry. It’s that your earrings are just beautiful.”

“Thank you.”

When we'd finished eating, Patty said that she had to run. We said our goodbyes, and Amy and I were alone. I said, “I was worried that you were going to tell her that I was the girl in the brochure.”

“Honey.”, Amy replied. “I would never do that.”

“I know. But I’m still kind of worried. These are the same earrings that Kai wore for the pictures. I hope she doesn’t put two and two together.”

“She won’t.”

I thought, 'I'm not so sure.'

Amy then asked, “Can we stop by the uniform shop?”

“Sure.”, I replied. “What do you need?”

“I want another uniform. I was surprised that your mom was able to get the blood out of that one uniform. Then we can go home.”

“You want to go home!? There aren’t other things that you’d like to do while we’re out?”

She gave me a sly smile and just said, “No. I just want to go home.”

And, I knew what she wanted to do.

Sunday I had to work for my uncle. So it was an early up and a late home.

Starting on Monday, Amy’s rotation was in surgery. And her first day went well. She told me that it was fascinating. And that she’d been in on five operations, and I'm glad she didn’t go into details.

On Tuesday I took a long lunch hour and ran over to see Helen. When I walked into the shop, I told the girl at the front desk who I was and that I'd like to see Helen. She asked me to have a seat, and she would find Helen for me. I sat down in the empty waiting area, and the girl went to find Helen.

The girl and Helen were back quickly, and Helen quietly said, “Tom. Just wait until you see the wig.”

“So it turned out good?”

“Oh yes.

“And Tom. There’s someone that would like to meet you.”

“Oh. Who?”

“I know that you are a private person. But Reverend Miller has wanted to meet you for a long time. I’ve just finished with her hair. And I wanted to ask you before I introduced you. ”

Thinking back to what Naainish had told me about being cautious. I said Helen, “I appreciate you asking. But who is this Reverend Miller? How does she know about me? And why does she want to meet me?”

“It’s Reverend Mary Miller. And she’s the pastor of the church where my husband, Ray, is an associate pastor. She’s heard about you, actually Tammy, from Ray. He just can’t say enough about you, and she’s wanted to meet you for a long time.”

“That fake wedding was a long time ago, and he’s still talking about it?”

“Yes. You, or actually Tammy, impressed my husband so much that he’s still talking about you.”

Something wasn't feeling right. It wasn’t bad. But I didn’t like what I was feeling. This woman may be okay, but I was feeling that she might not be a good person to tell. So I said, “Helen. I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to say no. There's beginning to be just too many people that know about me.”

“I understand. And I won’t tell her that you’re even here.”

“So she’s here and doesn’t know that I’m here?”

“Yes. I’m working on her hair. And she doesn’t know that you’re here. I figured that it was better to ask you first.”

“Thank you. I appreciate that.”

“I’ll be through with her in about five minutes. Why don’t you go to the break room, and I’ll meet you there?”

I went to the break room, and Helen went to finish with the Reverend. About five minutes later Helen walked into the break room carrying a wig box. And I said, “I’m sorry that I said no to the Reverend.”

“Tom.”, Helen said. “Don't worry about it. I know how you try to keep your feminine side private.”

Then she opened the box, pulled the black wig out of it, held it up, and said, “What do you think of this?”

She had dyed the wig black and then styled it. She’d put it into two fancy braids. At the top of each braid, she had some fancy beadwork and small feathers. The braiding stopped a few inches from the end. Then she’d woven two strips of red leather in a crisscross pattern down the braids and placed beaded leather wraps with feathers attached to them at the ends of each braid.

I looked in a mirror, smiled, and said, “Helen. It’s beautiful.”

“Thanks. I’m happy that it turned out so good. We can put it into any style that you want, including other braid styles or straight styles. I started putting it into a single braid in the back, then I remembered that we needed to cover your blond hair, so I went we two braids that would cover your ears. And actually, some of the straight hairstyles with a pretty feathered hair band would look wonderful on you.”

“Helen.”, I said. “You outdid yourself. And I think Amy is going to love it.”

"I saw something like this in the magazine that you gave me, and I just had to try it.

“Now speaking of Amy. When you were here with her, she said everything was going well at the hospital. Why did you roll your eyes?"

I told Helen about the little girl that died in Amy's arms. And I thought that she was going to cry. Then Helen said, “That poor little girl. Is Amy all right?”

“I think so. We've talked about it. And I know that Amy has talked to the people at the hospital about it. So I hope that she’s okay. She seems to be.”

“I sure hope so. Would you like to try on the wig?”

“I sure would.”, I replied.

Helen took me to a private room. I sat in the chair, she slipped a wig cap over my head and tucked my hair under it. Then she took the wig, carefully placed it on my head, and fussed with it a little. I looked in the mirror, grinned, then said, “I just love it!”

As Helen was removing the wig, she said, “I think that you would look great with straight hair and a fancy headband.”

“You may be right. We have a couple of headbands.”

“I’ll bet you found those out west. Didn’t you?”

I smiled, and said, “Yes. Made by the mother of the lady that made my Biil dress.”

“Biil dress?”

“It was the dress that I was wearing in the picture on the cover of the brochure that Amy showed you.”

When I picked Amy up later that day, she was in a good mood. She told me all about her day in surgery, and she went into more detail than I wanted. I then told her that I'd stopped to see Helen and that she had said hello.

Then Amy asked, “So you have your wig?”

“Uh huh.”, I replied.

“So how does it look?”

“Fantastic.”

“Going to show me?”

“Of course.”

Then I told Amy about Reverend Miller wanting to meet me, and my telling Helen no. She thought that I’d made the right decision.

When we were home, my mother was already there and had just started working on dinner. We exchanged our usual greetings, then Amy said, "Mom. I'll go change and help you fix dinner."

“That would be great, honey.”, my mother replied.

Amy and I headed back to our room, and as she closed the door, she said, “Okay. Let me see the wig.”

“No.”, I said. “Get changed, and go help mom. Then I'll come out when I’m ready.”

She put her hands on her hips, and said, “Brat.”

I grinned, and said, “You know it.”

Amy changed and went out to help my mom. And I went to work finding Kai. Of course, there was the padded panty and the bra with forms. But what was I going to wear? I could wear one of the Biil dresses, but I wanted this to be a comfortable look. The Biil dresses were comfortable but dressy.

I started looking through the closet. Hmm. Amy has a gorgeous, long-sleeved, dark blue blouse. That’ll work. Of course, I just had to wear the long cotton skirt that mom had brought back from New Mexico for me. Shoes? Hmm. The wrap moccasins. Maybe. They’re a little dressy. But they’re comfortable, and I like them. So I put on the blue blouse and long cotton skirt.

I took the wig out of the box, sat at Amy’s vanity, put on a wig cap, then carefully put on the wig. I adjusted it until it looked right, then I fussed with it a little until it was perfect.

I opened our shared jewelry drawer and looked for things. The first thing I took out, was one of the beaded chokers that Naainish had given us and fastened it around my neck. Then, I took out the loop earrings that grandma had given Amy and replaced my studs with them.

Then it was a little light makeup. I used the darker foundation that we’d purchased. Then a light eyeliner to bring out my eyes. Some mascara. The eyebrow pencil to darken my eyebrows. And just a light touch of pink lipstick.

I took a good look in the vanity mirror and felt that Kai was here. I smiled, and whispered, “Hi Kai.”

Then I dug the new moccasins out of the chest of drawers, sat on the bed, slipped them on, and wrapped the wraps around my legs and tied them.

I walked over to my mom and dad’s room and looked in the full-length mirror on their closet door. I loved what I was seeing. But something was missing. The Concho belt. That would make this look great. But it was downstairs. I think I could probably sneak downstairs and get it without anyone seeing me before I was ready.

I quietly snuck down the hall towards the door to the basement, slowly opened the door, and carefully crept down the steps. I retrieved the Concho belt out of the safe, put it on, then snuck back upstairs.

As I walked into the kitchen, mom and Amy were still working on dinner, and my dad had just walked in the back door. He was the first to see me, and at first, he just stared. I smiled at him. Then he said, “Jean. I know what you mean about those pictures not doing her justice.”

My mother looked at dad, and said, “What are you ... “ Then she saw me, smiled, and said, “Oh. Kai. Honey. You look fantastic. The wig is beautiful. And that long skirt makes the outfit. Turn around and let me see the total effect.”

I did a slow turn, and when I was back facing everyone. Amy was smiling at me, and said, “Honey. Your hair looks amazing. And the outfit you put together is great.”

I smiled, and said, “Thanks. Helen did a great job on the wig.”

“Those braids look great.”, my mother said. “We’ll need to try some other looks too.”

“Anytime.”

Shaking his head, my dad said. “I can see why they wanted to use you for the brochure. You look prettier than when you did the photo shoot for the wedding dress brochure. Or even when you introduced Kai to me and Amy’s parents when you came home.”

My dad had a strange look on his face, so I asked, “Is something wrong daddy?”

“Nothing. It's just that there are three women in this room. All of them very pretty. But one of them is my son.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“No. I guess not. It’s still just a little strange. Having a son that can look, act, and talk like a daughter, and enjoy doing it.”

“I’m sorry dad. I'll go change.”

“No. No. No. I didn’t mean it that way. I know that this is a part of you, and you and a lot of others openly accept it. And so do I.

“What I mean about strange is, it’s strange that you can go from being a boy to a girl so easily. Have fun with it. And be accepted either way. How do you do it?”

“Daddy.”, Amy said. “I think I can answer this. Naainish, the medicine man that we met, explained it to us. He told us that the people that have been around Tommy as he grew up, and his spirits also grew, saw it as just a part of him. And even people, especially those with open minds, which have met both sides of him, like Detective Thomas, have seen his feminine side and have accepted it.

“I know back when he was in the car accident, I saw something special in him. And I love what I see in him or her even more now than back then.

“I’ve also learned over the past few years that I can feel his feminine side. And when she’s here I just naturally treat her as a girl. But when the boy is here, I deal with him as a boy. He can easily go from the boy to the girl, and I’m amazed when he does it. But I see him or her as whoever he is.

“I think that the Navajo have hit it on the head by calling people like he is Nádleeh. And Naainish told us that Tommy is changing all the time from one spirit to the other and back.”

“Daughter.”, my dad asked. “Just what does Nádleeh mean?”

“Sorry, daddy. It means 'the one is changing.' And to me, it means that Tommy can change from the male spirit to the female spirit, and back again easily. And in doing so, he becomes as much of that gender as he can.”

My dad sat there and looked at Amy for a minute, then he looked at me, and said, “It’s hard to grasp something like this when you're a man of science. But remembering back to when your mother and I talked about you dressing as a girl to go to the museum, it makes sense. For some reason, I didn’t get upset or angry. It was like I accepted it first as you being curious. But later on, I accepted it as it was just a part of you. But it’s still interesting.”

“Dad.”, I said. “It took me a long time to fully accept this whole thing. And it was the trip to New Mexico that finally did it. Out there, I found myself. I accept myself. I accept that there is indeed a male and female spirit in me. That the female spirit is the strongest one, but that the two spirits can live in harmony, and that the female spirit enjoys being either Tammy or Kai.

“And I’ll bet that there is no scientific reason behind it.”

“You may be right.”, my dad said. Then with a big grin, he added, “And I’d bet that if you were part of a study that you’d throw the statistics way out of kilter.”