We arrived in Albuquerque in the early afternoon, mid-afternoon our time, and were met by Aunt Ruth. She gave us a very warm welcome. And she didn’t seem surprised to see Tammy. She told us that she’d been with grandma for a while this morning, and she appeared to be doing a little better. But they were still very concerned about her. And that if we'd like we’d stop and see her before going to the resort. Was there any doubt.

I loved the way my aunt was dressed. She was wearing a long loose red linen skirt with a silver belt of some kind, and a black short sleeved blouse. She explained that she and my uncle wore native clothing every day, as did most of the staff of the resort.

We met up with my Aunt Ginny, and she didn’t act surprised that I was Tammy. And just like my Aunt Ruth, she treated me just like she would a girl. She hugged me and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

Grandma was still in the intensive care unit, and we could only see her for a short time every hour on the hour. We talked the nurses into allowing the five of us to go in together by telling them that we’d just flown in from out of state.

When we walked into her room, grandma looked at us, smiled, and said, “There are my two favorite granddaughters, and Tammy you are so pretty.”

The mom, Amy, and I walked over, and each one of us kissed her on the cheek. After she had kissed me, she looked at me, and there was a sparkle in her eyes. Then she said, “Tammy. Honey. I just knew you’d come.”

“Grandma.”, I replied. “I just had to. I was worried about you.”

“With you, Amy, and your mother here I know I'll get better faster.”

“How did you know that I'd be coming?”

“I had a dream that Tammy would be here. Plus Ruthie said that your mother had told her that you’d be coming.”

“A dream about Tammy coming?”

“Yes, honey, even before Ruthie told me. How long are you going to be able to stay?”

“Amy and I have to go home next Saturday because Amy has clinicals for her nursing program starting on the following Monday.”

“Oh, that's right.” Then looking at Amy, she said, “Amy's going to be a nurse. That so nice.”

“Yes, grandma.”, Amy replied. “If I graduate in two years I will be.”

“Honey. From what I hear, you are doing very well. Aren’t you?”

“Yes, grandma. I guess I am.”

We chatted for another ten minutes. Then the nurse came in to chase us out. As we were leaving Aunt Ruth said to Grandma, “Mom. They’re tired after their flight. So I’m going to take them to the resort, so they can eat and get some rest. Ginny is going to stay, and we’ll all see you tomorrow.”

“Okay honey.”, grandma said. “Drive carefully.”

We all kissed grandma as we left.

On our two hour drive to the resort, I was amazed at how pretty the countryside was. Amy and mom fell asleep, or so I thought. And I kept Aunt Ruth company by talking with her. We chatted about a number of things. One thing that I learned was that the people who lived out here are used to the long drives, as New Mexico is a big state.

We’d been talking for a while when Aunt Ruth said, “Tammy. Honey. I want to thank you and Amy for coming with your mother. And especially you. I think grandma’s spirits are higher than I've seen them. And I feel that you being here, if only for a week, will help her recover.”

“Thanks, Aunt Ruth. I'm glad that we could come for her.”

I just watched the scenery roll past for a few minutes, then I asked, “Aunt Ruth. What do you know about the people with two spirits?”

“You mean like you are?”, Aunt Ruth asked.

“Yes. If I am one.”

“You don’t think you are?”

“I've finally realized that there is a good chance that I am.”

“As you should have. Look at you. Right now you are a pretty girl. But in reality, you are a boy. And you have no problem being either one. You have a fantastic wife that accepts you. Your family accepts you. You, if you haven't, need to accept it.”

“I think that you’re right Aunt Ruth.”

“Honey, like your mother, I’m half Navajo. And most, if not all, native tribes accept the people with two spirits. And we understand them. You need to remember that people with two spirits are unique. It's believed that they see the world through the eyes of both genders at the same time. They hold highly respected positions, such as Medicine Men, visionaries, keepers of tribal oral traditions, jewelry makers, and other things. And it's felt that they received this gift from The Creator.”

“I keep reading all of this stuff that points to them being homosexual. And I’m not.”

“A few are, but most aren’t. The white man, by calling them berdache lumped everyone that wasn’t, in their opinion, a masculine man or feminine woman, into one category. Berdache is a very derogatory French term that means “passive homosexual.”

“You seem to know a lot about people with two spirits?”

“When we were at your wedding, and I found out about you, I was curious. And I found a medicine man here who is also a two spirit person and very knowledgeable in its history. And he's like you, he appears as a normal masculine man but has a feminine side.

“At times he dresses as a woman. But unlike you, he says, he isn’t passable as a woman. We did talk about you, and how good you could look as a woman. He told me that there were a few that could do that, but it was rare.”

“Interesting. So, I’m not alone in this?”

“No, not at all. He told me that you should embrace your gift. And learn to enjoy it, as I think you have. Seeing you today, I see a very confident girl. She appears to enjoy who she is. And she knows who she is.”

“I think I’ve become very comfortable with this part of me. In fact, when I went to bed last night I was Tom. And this morning I was Tammy. I did things this morning as a girl would. And I felt very comfortable walking through the airport, on the flight to Dallas, the flight here, and being here.”

“You have nothing to worry about.”

“You say the two spirit people were jewelry makers. Was my great-great-grandfather a two spirit person?”

“I don’t know. Maybe your grandmother does.”

“Thanks, Aunt Ruth. You’ve given me a lot of things to think about.”

“My pleasure honey.”

I glanced over at Amy, and she was sitting there looking at me and smiling. I said, “Just how long have you been awake?”

“I wasn’t sleeping.”, Amy replied. “I was just resting my eyes.”

“So you heard all of this?”

“Uh huh. Haven’t I always told you to believe in yourself?”

“Yes. And I think I’ve reached the point that I do.”

My mother turned her head and smiled at me. And I said, “I suppose that you heard all of this too?”

“Of course.”, my mother replied.

A short time later we arrived at the resort, and as we drove in, Amy said, “This place is gorgeous!”

“We do love it here.”, Aunt Ruth said.

“I can see why.”

“I have two rooms in the hotel reserved for you. And you’re our guests while you’re here. Everything is covered.”

“Ruth!”, my mother said. “You can’t do that.”

“Yes, I can. Remember we run the place, and it’s one of the perks of doing that. So I want you to enjoy the pools, the mineral springs, and the spa. Paul and I want you to eat with us at the house. But, tonight we want you to enjoy the restaurant with us. And no arguments.”

Mom just looked at Aunt Ruth and shook her head.

We stopped at the front desk of the hotel to register. And I just loved the Southwestern architecture. The use of adobe and the way they decorated it. It appeared that everything at the resort was done this way. And standing in the middle of the lobby was a large black stone.

Our room had a king size bed, a fireplace that they call a Kiva fireplace with nice leather chairs and a leather couch around it, a full bath with a large shower, a table with very comfortable chairs. And of course, it was decorated in a Southwestern theme.

Aunt Ruth had told us to meet them at the restaurant at seven for dinner. I'm glad we'd grabbed something to eat at the airport as it would be nine in the evening back home by the time we ate. We unpacked our clothes and figured that we'd lay down to take a short nap. The next thing I knew, there was a knock on the door. I shook off the sleepiness and answered it. It was the room clerk, and he said, “Miss Young. Your aunt is wondering where you are. You're late for dinner.”

“Oh no.”, I said. “We fell asleep. Could you tell my aunt that we’ll be right there.”

“Yes, ma'am. I'll be happy to.”

Amy and I rushed around getting ready and our makeup fixed. Then we headed for the restaurant.

After making our apologies, we sat down to a nice meal. I hadn't seen my Uncle Paul for a long time, and Amy met him for the first time. Like my aunt had explained, he was dressed in white linen pants, a dark red shirt, and cowboy boots. And it appeared that seeing Tammy instead of Tom didn’t bother him. In fact, he treated me just like I had always been a girl.

We talked about our flight, seeing grandma, and how beautiful the resort was. Uncle Paul told us that we should hike up the cliff trail and watch the sunset.

Later Amy and I did hike up the cliff trail, and it was well worth the hike. The view of the sunset from up there was fantastic, and there were other guests there. When we walked back to the resort, there was a bonfire burning in the fire pit in front of the hotel. We stood for a while and watched the fire. Standing here I was feeling something, something strong, what was it? I didn’t know.

* * * * *

Sunday morning Amy and I were up early, at least by New Mexico time. And we took a walk around the resort before going to breakfast at my aunt’s house. As we were walking, we saw the mineral spring pools and said we should have brought our swimsuits. Amy said that she thinks that the shop in the hotel might have some.

The three of us had breakfast with Aunt Ruth and Uncle Paul at their house. And like everything else here, the house was done in a Southwestern style. Aunt Ruth told us that they did have swimsuits in the shop. So after we finished breakfast, we had an hour before we were leaving to see grandma, so we went to the resort’s store.

This store had a lot of nice things at a nice, read expensive, price. But, we liked what they had in the way of swimsuits. They had a cute one piece that looked like it would hold my forms in place. And Amy found a cute bikini. So now when we made it back here later this afternoon, we could enjoy one of the four geothermal pools or the mud pool.

It was fun to be able to wear shorts, sandals, and a light blouse for our visit with grandma. And we found her in wonderful spirits. We had arrived in time to sit with her while she ate lunch. Then she told Amy and I that we should go and do some shopping. I joked with her that she was just trying to get rid of us.

My Aunt said that we could take her car, and she gave us directions to the best place to go shopping. She said it was a group of shops, that catered to the tourist trade, but had some nice locally made items. I was a little apprehensive about driving Aunt Ruth’s car in a strange city. But she assured me that it would be okay.

Amy and I followed Aunt Ruth’s directions to the shops, and she was right, the shops did have some nice things. Amy found a very colorful hand beaded butterfly barrette hair clip that she fell in love with, but decided that it cost too much. We continued to look through the shop, and I wandered away from her. Then I snuck over to the counter where the barrette was and purchased it. I told the clerk that it was a gift for my friend and that I needed to hide it in my purse. She didn’t have a problem with me doing that.

We wandered into a number of other shops and saw a lot of nice things. Then we found a shop that had a number of dresses that were handmade from handwoven cloth. And there was a woman there actually weaving cloth, and we watched her for a long time. It was incredible watching her hands fly, and the pattern and colors change.

We looked at some of the dresses, I just loved them, and one, in particular, called to me. But like the barrette, these dresses were very expensive. So I didn’t buy it.

Though we did buy two headbands, one was a narrow beaded strip that tied with leather ties, and the other was a simple braided leather headband with feathers attached to the loose ends that hung down. The woman at the store told us that her mother had made them. We thanked her and told her that knowing that they were made here, made them special.

We found a shop where a silversmith was working. He was doing some intricate work, and it looked to be very nice. We looked at some of his work that was in a case, and his artistry was excellent. And the prices reflected it.

We continued to wander through the shops for a while, then headed back to the hospital. We met up with my mom and aunt just as we were able to go in and visit grandma. As we walked into where she was, she saw us and gave us a big smile, and asked, “So. How was the shopping?”

“It was fun grandma.”, I replied.

“So what did you buy?”

“Oh, just a couple of headbands. What we liked was too expensive.”

“That’s a shame. What were you looking at?”

“Amy saw some beadwork that she loved. But wouldn’t buy it.”

“What was it?”

“A beaded butterfly barrette.”

“Those can be expensive. What did you see?”

“Oh, nothing much.”

“Nothing much?”, Amy said. “We watched a woman weaving, and in that same shop, they had a number of, I think they're called Biil dresses. Tammy fell in love with one of those. But she wouldn’t buy it.”

Grandma looked at me, and said, “Those are also called blanket dresses. And the good ones are made from hand spun and dyed wool, that is then woven into fancy patterns, and sewn into the dress. Honey, why wouldn’t you buy it?.”

“It was just too much.”, I replied.

We talked for a while, and just before we were supposed to leave, Grandma said, “Ruth. You know that Biil dress that’s in my closet?”

“Sure mom. The black and red one.”, Ruth answered.

“Do you think it would fit Tammy?”

“It should. I remember you telling me that you wore it when you were around twenty.”

“Yes. And back then I had a build like Tammy's. Why don’t you see if it fits her? And if it does, she can have it.”

“Grandma!”, I said. “I can’t accept that.”

“Honey. Don’t argue with a sick old woman.”

I looked at her, and said, “You’re not old. And you’re getting better. But I won’t argue with you.”

She smiled, then said, “Ruthie. There’s also that pair of deerskin wrap moccasins that she should also try on.”

“Grandma! No.”, I said.

“There you go, arguing with me again. Besides, I haven’t worn the moccasins in a long time, and someone needs to get some use out of them.”

After we’d said so long to grandma, and started walking out, she called my mother and aunt back for a second. I couldn’t hear what they said, but they looked at me, smiled, and said something to her.

As we walked down the hall, I asked, “Okay. What was that about?”

“Nothing honey.”, my mother said. “Nothing at all.”

I knew better. So I just shook my head.

As we drove back to the resort, my aunt commented on how good grandma was doing. And that she’d talked to the doctors and they were surprised as to how much she had improved just overnight.

We had dinner at the resort's restaurant again. It's something my aunt and uncle did every Sunday. Then my aunt, mother, Amy, and I went to grandma's apartment. She was in the original hotel's resident manager's apartment, and since the hotel no longer had a resident manager, she could use it. It's a nice apartment. It had a nice living room with a fireplace, a big kitchen, a dining room, two bedrooms, and a large bathroom.

We walked to grandma’s bedroom, and my aunt went into her closet. She came back out carrying a garment bag. She laid it on the bed and unzipped it, and took out a beautiful Biil dress. The dress was black with the same red pattern around the chest as was around the bottom of the skirt. For being around fifty years old, it was in excellent condition. Aunt Ruth held it up, and said, “So what do you think?”

“It’s beautiful.”, I said. “But I can’t accept it.”

“Honey.”, my mother said. “Grandma loves you and wants you to have it.”

“Maybe it won’t fit.”

Well, I was wrong. It fit like a glove. The skirt hit me about mid-calf. And the three of them looked me, and Amy said, “Honey. That looks fantastic on you.”

“Really?”, I asked.

“Yes, it does.”, my mother said.

“Now let's try the moccasins.”, my aunt said. She walked over to the chest of drawers and took out a pair of moccasins. The moccasins part was red, and what must be the wraps were a bright white.

My aunt had me sit on the bed, and she helped me put the moccasins on and wrap the wraps around my legs. At first, the wraps around my legs felt strange. My aunt then had me stand up, she stood back, looked at me, and said, “What do you two think of our new Indian maiden?”

Mom smiled. Amy also smiled, and said, “Her blond hair and blue eyes just don’t go with it.”

“You’re right.”, I said. “And there isn’t anything we can do about it.”

Mom grinned, and said, “The blue eyes, no. But the blond hair, yes.”

“What?”, I asked.

“Hair dye.”

“No way.”

“Why not?”, Amy asked.

“I don’t know.”

“Well, there’s something else grandma wants you to have.”, my aunt said.

“This is getting to be way too much.”, I said.

My aunt walked back into the closet and took a box off of a shelf. She walked over to me. And as she set the box down and opened it, she said, “That dress needed a belt.”

I looked in the box and saw the prettiest silver and turquoise belt. As my aunt removed the belt from the box, she said, “This is a silver Concho belt with the Concho’s hooked together.”

She wrapped the belt around my waist and fastened it, so the belt was loose and rode on my hips, and the free end of the belt hung down my front.

Then she folded back a cloth at the bottom of the box and removed a pair of earrings. Again they were beautiful. Each earring had two silver feathers, one was about three-and-a-half inches long, and the other was about two-and-a-half inches long. Each had a small turquoise piece surrounded by dots of silver towards the quill end. And the workmanship on them was very detailed.

As she held them up, my aunt said, “Your great-great-grandfather, like with the Squash Blossom Necklace, made them. And like the belt and necklace they are made of sterling silver.”

“This pair of earrings was made for pierced ears, and mine aren't pierced.”, I said.

I saw Amy smile, as my mother said, “We can also take care of that.”

“What?”

“We can pierce your ears.”

“No! Amy doesn’t even have hers done.”

“I’ll do mine if you’ll do yours.”, Amy said. “Besides I saw some darling earrings today for pierced ears.”

I looked at her, and said, “You go first.”

“You won’t back out if I do it. Will you?”

“No.”

“You’d better not.”

“I won’t.”

My mother smiled, and said, “Good. We can have a piercing party. Mine aren’t done either so that we can pierce mine too.”

Amy grinned, and said, "A rite of passage for us. A piercing party."

“Mine are done.”, my aunt said. “So I guess I can be the piercer. Let's go back to the house, and we'll get things together.”

“Okay.”, I replied. “I’ll get changed.”

“Why?”, Amy asked.

“You want me to walk through the hotel and all the way to the house looking like this.”

“What’s wrong with it. You’re cute, look like an Indian princess. And the outfit fits in with our location.”

I decided not argue with her, and just gave in. We dropped Tammy’s clothes off at our room. Then we walked through the hotel lobby, outside, and to my aunt's house. I know people were looking at me, but I was used to them looking at me when I was Tammy, so this was nothing new.

When we walked into the house, my Uncle Paul saw me, and said, “I see Tammy has a new look.”

“Yes.”, my aunt agreed. “She does look good in this outfit. Doesn’t she?”

“Yes, she does.”

Then the four of us ladies walked to my aunt's bedroom. My aunt took out a large jewelry case, looked through it, and took out three sets of studs. Then she said, “Two of these are silver, and one is gold. How about if we let Tammy have the gold ones?”

Everyone agreed. Then we went to the master bathroom. And Aunt Ruth put together the things she needed to pierce our ears. In turn, she had each of us sit down, and she pierced each of our ears. After cleaning our earlobe, Aunt Ruth took a pin and pushed it through the earlobe. Then right after pulling the pin out, she worked a stud through the hole and put the back on it. As she worked, she told us how to take care of them.

As she was doing my ears, I asked, “Aunt Ruth. Why wasn’t Uncle Paul surprised to see me looking like a girl.”

“Honey.”, my aunt replied. “Remember he’s a Navajo and understands about the two spirit people. We did talk about you before you came. And we, and your grandmother, can feel a strong female spirit in you right now.

“When I saw you at your wedding, I sensed a female spirit in you, but I don’t think she was as strong at that time. I think she was allowing your male spirit to enjoy the wedding.”

“Hmm.”

When Aunt Ruth finished piercing our ears, the three of us looked at ourselves in the mirror, and I was the first to say, “These look nice.”

Amy then said, “Now you can wear the other earrings.”

“What other earrings?”, I asked.

“The ones grandma gave me when she gave me the squash blossom necklace.”

“Those are yours. Not mine.”

“Can’t I share?”

Amy and I wanted to go and sit in one of the geothermal pools, so we said goodnight and headed for our room. We changed into the new swimsuits, and they looked very nice on us. And the soak in the hot spring pool was very relaxing.

We stayed in the pool for almost an hour then headed back to our room. We were going to take the hike up the cliff and watch another sunset. But, we shared the shower, and that led to other things. So, we didn’t make the hike.

As we lay cuddled together on the bed, I said, “You know. This place is supposed to be sacred.”

“That’s what they say.”, Amy replied.

“I’ve felt something every time we’ve been at the resort, and it’s strongest in the area of the bonfire. And when we’re not at the resort, I don’t feel it.”

“What are you feeling?”

“I can’t put my finger on it. I just know that this is a special place.”

* * * * *

Monday started out the same way. Amy and I were up early and went for a walk. We hiked the cliff trail and listened to the coyotes howling in the morning twilight. Amy said, “Those coyotes howling send chills up my spine.”

“They’re just talking to each other.”, I said.

We stood there until the sun started coming up. Then we headed back to our room. A little later, with my mother, we had breakfast with my aunt and uncle at their house. As we were eating, I asked, “Aunt Ruth. When will I be able to wear the feather earrings?”

“You should wait until your ears heal.”, my aunt replied.

“How long will that take?”

“About six weeks.”

“Oh.”

“Why?”

“I was hoping to wear the other earrings.”

“Well. Maybe if you wait a day or two, and we can try to change them. But I’d be sure not to change them too often. And be sure to clean them before you put them in.”

“Okay. I’ll try to be patient.”

We drove to Albuquerque to see grandma. And she was happy to see us. And she asked me, “So did the dress fit?”

“Yes, grandma.”, I replied. “It fits perfectly. But all of the other things are too much.”

“Honey. Someone has to have them. And, all my other grandchildren are boys, and probably wouldn’t appreciate them.”

“But grandma I am a boy.”

“Are you? I don’t see a boy.”

“Grandma. You know what I mean.”

“Yes. I know what you mean. But you have a feminine side, a feminine spirit, that will appreciate the prettier things.”

“Grandma. I love you, and thank you very much.”

And I kissed her. Then she said, “Honey. You are very welcome. And I see that you pierced your ears.”

“We all did mom.”, my mother said. “She wants to wear the earrings that you gave her.”

“Your great-great-grandfather was a great silversmith.”

“I know grandma.”, I said. “I just love his things.”

She smiled. And said, “See I told you that you love pretty things.”

“Grandma.”, I asked. “Was my great-great-grandfather a two spirit person?”

“I’m not sure.”, grandma replied. “Why do you ask?”

“Aunt Ruth mentioned that some of the silversmiths were.”

“Honey. I’m sorry. But I don’t know.”

We visited for a while, then went and ate lunch in the hospital cafeteria. As we were eating, I said, “Aunt Ruth. Do you think I could talk to the medicine man that you talked to?”

“I don’t know why not.”, Aunt Ruth replied. “Want me to contact him?”

“Please.”

We went back up to see grandma, and I told her about wanting to talk to the medicine man that Aunt Ruth had spoken to. And, she said, “I think that would be a good idea. And Ruthie, why don’t you let the kids use my car while they’re here. It needs to be driven, and I won’t be driving it for a while.”

“Grandma.”, I said. “Are you sure?”

“You’re a good driver aren’t you?”

“Yes.”

“And, you’d probably like to see something of the area.”

“Yes, we would.”

“Just promise me that you will stop in and see me. I feel so much better after seeing you two.”

“No problem there grandma. We’re here to visit you. Site seeing is minor.”

Our ten minutes were up, so we had to leave the intensive care unit again, but we stayed at the hospital until we could see grandma again. When we could, we just sat and visited. Then as we were leaving, the doctors were coming in. They stopped us and asked us to stay for a couple of minutes. At first, I was worried that something bad was going on. But with what the doctors were saying to grandma I knew nothing bad was happening.

Finally, the head doctor said, “Mrs. Devereux you are doing so well, that later today we’re going to move you to a private room.”

Everyone smiled. And after the doctors left, we all gave grandma another little hug and kiss.

We were heading back to the resort when Amy asked Aunt Ruth if we could stop at a drug store? Aunt Ruth stopped at a large drug store, and Amy ran in. She was gone about ten minutes and came back with a bag. When Amy was back in the car, I asked, “Did you find everything?”

“Sure did.”, she replied. And, she said nothing more.

I was puzzled but figured that it was just girl’s private things.

As we drove into the resort, my aunt said, “Let's stop by the house, and I'll show you grandma's car.”

“Aunt Ruth.”, I said. “Are you sure this is okay?”

“Yes, honey. We want you to enjoy your time here, and having a car to use will make it easier.”

“But we came out here to be with grandma.”

“We know. And we know that you will go out of your way to see her.”

Grandma's car was a nice late model two-door Chevrolet. Amy and I decided to take it for a short ride before dinner. After I had started the car, I looked at the gas gauge, and it was all most on empty. So I asked Aunt Ruth, “Is there a service station nearby?”

“There is, but is not very close.”, my aunt replied. “But that small key on the key ring will unlock the gas pump at the maintenance building. Go there and fill it up. And if anyone questions you, and that will probably be Francisco, he’s in charge of maintenance, just tell them who you are.”

“Are you sure.”

“Yes, honey. And, any time that you need gas, just get it there.”

Amy and I drove down to the maintenance building and filled the car up. We did meet Francisco, and after we had explained who we were, he was good with what we were doing. Then we took a little ride through the Carson National Forest. And, it was beautiful.

We returned to my aunt and uncles house just in time for dinner. And after a nice meal, then we headed back to our room. I wanted to relax in one of the thermal pools, then maybe hike up to the cliff again, and maybe enjoy the fire in front of the hotel. But Amy had other plans.

We did go and relax in one of the pools. But when we were back in our room Amy said, “You know that stuff I bought at the drug store?”

“Yeah.”, I replied. “What about it?”

“It’s for you.”

“For me?”

“Uh huh. We’re going to dye your hair black.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Why?”

“So that you’ll look good in that dress.”

“What if I don’t wear it again?”

“I think that would disappoint your grandmother, and I believe that you liked it.”

“You’re right. But I could wear it without changing my hair color.”

“You’ve seen a number of the local people since we’ve been here. How many blonds have you seen?”

“None.”

“How do you feel out here?”

“Like a girl.”

Maybe a native girl?”

“I guess.”

“Think you might like to look more like one?”

“Yeah. I guess I would.”

“Then we need to do something with your hair.”

“Will it wash out?”

“Over time. It's supposed to be temporary. Whatever that means.”

“Okay. Let's do it.”

An hour later, I had black hair and darker eyebrows. Amy didn't dye my eyebrows but had also purchased a dark eyebrow pencil. When she was done, she looked at me, and said, “Now that is a different look. You look like your mom.”

I looked in the bathroom mirror and just stared, then said, “You're right. This is different. Let's find mom.”

We went next door to my mom's room and knocked on the door. No answer. We figured that she might be at my aunt and uncle's house, so we walked over there. We knocked on the door, and Uncle Paul answered it. He did a double take, and said, “Tammy?”

“Yes, Uncle Paul.”, I replied.

“That’s a different look.”

“I guess it is. Is my mom here?”

“No. She and your aunt went up to the thermal pools. They should be back soon. Come on in and wait for her.”

“That’s okay. We’ll walk up that way and see if we can find them.”

Amy and I started walking towards the spa. And just before we were there, I spotted my mother and aunt coming out of the changing rooms. At first, they didn't pay any attention to us. But as we walked closer to them, my mother started looking at us with a questioning look. Then she said something to my aunt, who looked at us and said something to my mother. I saw my mother shake her head.

As we walked up to each other, my mother looked at me and said, “Do you care to explain?”

I looked at Amy, and said, “You tell her. It was your idea.”

She frowned at me, looked at my mother, and said, “Mom. We figured that she’d look better in the Biil dress with darker hair.”

I said, “What do you mean. We.”

“Well. You did agree to it.”

“Actually.”, my aunt said. “She looks very nice with the black hair and darker eyebrows.”

“Ruth. I’m afraid I have to agree with you.”, my mother said.

“Oh great. Now I’m being ganged up on.”

“No honey. We just see how good you look.”

“I know. I saw it in the mirror too. Amy was right.”

“Why don't you go and put the dress on, and let's see how that looks?”

“Why not.”

The four of us walked over to our room. When we were there, I took off my shorts and top and slipped on the Biil dress. The three women looked at me and smiled. There wasn't a full-length mirror for me to look in, but I walked into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. I hate to admit this, and I won't to them, but it does look really good.

As I walked out of the bathroom, my aunt said, “Let's go for the full effect. Put on the moccasins, and I'll change your earring for one of the fancy ones.”

“Shouldn’t my ears heal before we change earrings?”, I asked.

“Yes.”, my aunt said. “But we’ll just be careful, and it should be fine.”

I slipped into the moccasins and did the wraps up my calves. Then my aunt carefully removed my studs and replaced them with the silver feather earrings. I stood up, and Amy handed me the Concho belt. I wrapped it around my waist and fastened the buckle.

My aunt stood back and took a good look at me. Then she said, “Very nice. Very very nice. Grandma would just love you.”

Amy looked at me, frowned, and said, “The glasses. They just don’t work with this look.”

As I usually do, I’d worn my glasses when I was Tammy. So, I took them off. Amy smiled. And so did my mother and aunt. Then Amy said, “Much better. But there’s one more thing.”

“What?”, I asked.

“You wanted me to bring the Squash Blossom necklace for a reason. And I think that this is the reason.”

“You brought the Squash Blossom necklace with you?”, my aunt asked.

“Yes. Tom didn’t know why he wanted me to. But this may be why.”

We had locked the Squash Blossom necklace in the room's safe. So Amy took the box out of the safe, took the necklace out of it, placed it around my neck, and fastened it in place.

The three of them looked at me again. My aunt said, “Tammy. That look is amazing. You’re picture perfect.”

Again I walked into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. Amy walked up behind me, and whispered, “A real Indian maiden.”

“Yeah. But how?”, I whispered back.

“Because you can, and because you look so good doing it. Let me brush your hair.”

Amy brushed my hair into a straight look with some over my right eye. Then she picked up the thin leather braided headband that we’d purchased, and placed it around my head so that the feathers hung down between my right eye and ear.

When she was done, I took the necklace with the heart-shaped pendant off and set it on the counter. Amy looked at me a little strange, and asked, “Why did you take that off?”

“Because it belongs to Tammy.”, I replied.

“Aren’t you Tammy?”

“I’m not sure. I'm feeling other things right now.”

Then we walked back out into the main room. My mother and aunt looked at me and smiled.

I asked, “Can we go and sit by the fire?”

“Sure.”, my aunt replied. “But why?”

“I just feel that I want to.”

“Okay. But be prepared to have your picture taken.”

“Why?”

“We have about seventy-five guests right now. Most of them enjoy the bonfire, and I think that there are some native singers tonight. And everyone will see you as a beautiful native girl, and want to either take your picture or have their picture taken with you.”

“Why?”

“Because you look so much like what they think a Navajo girl should look like.”

“They don’t look like this. Do they?”

“Honey. This is fancy dress, only worn for special occasions. If this were a special occasion, you would be perfect.”

“Oh. I’ll change.”

“Honey. Don’t you dare. Just seeing you will make their day.”

“What about my blue eyes?”

“It’s dark, except by the fire, and they won’t notice.”

“Okay. Let's do it.”

“Let's take the small blanket, and you can sit on it. And the three of us will sit with you.”

My aunt picked up the small blanket and handed it to me. I took it and draped it over my left arm.

Just as we were getting ready to walk out the door, my mother said, “Wait. I want a picture.”

As she ran to her room, I thought, ‘What next.’

She was back quickly with her camera and took a few pictures of me. Then we headed towards the bonfire.

As we walked up to the fire pit, I looked up at the Moon. And it was a full Moon and looked very big. I also heard the singers that my aunt had mentioned. They were softly chanting and someone was playing a flat drum and flute. It was very pretty.

I noticed that there were a number people, sitting in chairs or standing around the fire. I also saw Uncle Paul there talking to some of the guests. He saw us and excused himself, walked over to us, looked at me, and asked, “Tammy?”

“Yes. Uncle Paul.”, I replied.

“You ... You look wonderful.”

“Thanks.”

“This is grandma’s dress isn’t it?”

“Yes, sir. She wanted me to have it.”

“Have you come to enjoy the fire?”

“Yes. We’ve been here before, and have enjoyed sitting here and watching it.”

“Paul.”, my aunt said. “She wasn’t sure about coming here dressed as she is.”

“Why?”, my uncle asked.

With a smile, my aunt said, “She has blue eyes.”

“Blue eyes?”

“She's worried about everyone here seeing that she's not a native girl.”

“What about Johona. She has blue eyes.”

“I’d forgotten about her. She did have some white ancestors on both sides.”

“So, I look like this Johona?”, I asked.

“In a way. You both look like a Navajo girl with blue eyes.”

“Oh.”

I hadn't noticed, but I was the center of attention. I finally saw that most of the people sitting or standing around the fire were looking at me. I walked closer to the bonfire, laid the blanket on the ground, and sat on it. My mother, aunt, and Amy just stood there. And my uncle walked back over to the guests.