Masks Chapters 22 and 23

*Before…

It’s tricky to get the white gauzy stuff to sit right and to fight with it on the sewing table but I just get it done around supper or rather when Mom’s watch goes off.

It looks good now…kind of this shiny blue top with a white gauze shirt that trails down to mid thigh and looks like Alice in Wonderland from like Disney and a little like the movie and at the same time sort of like a ballet costume too.

With the stockings and the slippers and the right way to wear my hair.

I’m grinning.

This, this will look awesome.

*And Now…

We go out to help Mom with supper and that’s us making a salad to go with everything and we dig through the fridge and I start chopping Romaine and cucumbers and we toss in some tomatoes that Mary Jane’s cut into like eighths and since we’re doing like chicken and stuff I grab a tiny little bit of fresh sage and fold a few of the leaves up really tight and chop it into fine ribbons.

And then some fresh thyme leaves and that should give it a sort of flavor and bite that will kinda taste like it should go with chicken. Mary Jane just dresses it with lemon juice and good olive oil.

Then we do the mashed potatoes while Mom makes her gravy off the stuff in the roasting trays from the Shake and Bake…she blots a lot of the grease off with paper towels and she then adds chicken stock to lift all the browned bits off of the roasting tray and she adds her secret stuff.

No seriously mom makes the best, best chicken gravy on the planet and maybe even the known universe and the stuff she adds is in a mason jar in the freezer of the fridge. I’ve tasted it and it’s floury and yet it’s super yummy too and I can’t place it exactly though some of it I’ve tasted before.

My mouth’s watering at the thought of that and the smell. I hope it’s a thing she…I grin.

“Mmm…that smell awesome as usual Mom, y’know that might be something that you really might want to think about passing on to your daughter someday?”

She bursts out laughing. “When you leave for college and not until then young lady.”

I grin. “Deal…that’s really cool Mom thanks.”

“Well there’s a lot more that I’d like to teach you so you can pass on to your kids honey.”

“Uhm Mom…?”

“Yes honey?”

“Uhm biology…”

“You never know who you’ll end up with Steph, you could adopt or even meet a guy or a girl that has kids.”

“Oh…”

“And they’ll still be your kids Stephanie.”

I smile and look at her because that was something I had thought about and stopped. I thought it was something I’d likely never have but she’s right.

On both counts.

We set the table and it’s actually almost a count down as Will and Rob get home first and they’re dribbling a basketball sort of playing one on one with each other or the moves at east up the walk then steps and inside the house.

“Guys not inside!” Mom yells and Rob bounces the ball trying to groin whack Will. “Got it Mom!”

Will catches the ball but soon after they’re racing past all of us and headed up the stairs. They’re so loud and there’s that definite guy thing that they’re giving off…sweat…and way too much body spray.

“Yick… I’m so dreading gym class right now.”

M.J. nods. “It’d be totes different if you were like into guys and stuff but I guess that’s kinda gross when you’re like surrounded by it.”

I nod. “At least I don’t gotta do it as me with then and stuff.”

“You’d be lynched.”

“Yeah likely but even still…bullied, teased…who knows what.”

I take a big deep sigh. “Man…school is not going to be pretty when I come out.”

Mom’s looking at me. “Are you going to be okay honey? I mean going back tomorrow?”

“Yeah Mom I’ll be okay I just am really not looking forward to it especially after last night and today being myself and everything.”

“We could pull you out until you’re ready.”

I think about it and kind of seriously for a few minutes there would be pros and cons to all of this but…One I’d be leaving M.J. so scratch that and two no matter what this would follow me there’s no private schools around here that they could send me and I’d be accepted…I’ve looked and the one’s girl’s school I could find close to here isn’t LGBT friendly…and there’s only one other middle school in town so word would get there just as quick.

“No…no mom it won’t really help things any. I mean if I hide and come out then it’s going to be worse probably.”

Mary Jane nods. “Maybe this way with the dance and stuff we can sort of do a break in the impact?”

Mom tilts her head. “I’m not following?”

“Well Steph does the dance and then the contest and then we look more about coming out and people will be like…ooooh I knew there was something up.”

“You think that will work?” Mom asks.

Dad comes into the kitchen and wraps his arms around Mom. “Should be maybe…people like feeling like they connected the dots and stuff.”

I grin. “I was just saying that too.”

“That’s because my girl is smart like her Dad.”

I smile. “Thanks Daddy.”

Okay that was kind of cool and I like the smile that he gives me and then he’s nuzzling into Mom’s neck while steering himself to get a finger swipe of the gravy.

Mom’s grinning like an idiot obviously liking what Dad’s doing and I’m not one of those your parents are intimate eeew people instead I can honestly look at them and think that one way or another that’s awesome and I would love to have someone someday be that way with me.

And Mom’s like… “Oh smart like her Dad huh well what about her mother?”

“Well that will depend on who she brings home when she’s dating…but she’s definitely got you beauty and your heart.”

Oh god…I’m actually half way between being embarrassed and blushing because that’s kind of cool.

I’m not even going to go to that whole thing about me bringing someone home.

Mom kisses him… “Good answer Bucko.”

Dad feeds her the finger with the gravy and she…

“Ahem…” I cough.

“AHEM…!” M.J. and I both fake cough loudly.

They break apart but they’re still smiling and there’s this look between them that just says there’s going to be stuff happening later.

Hmm…actually kinda sorta an idea there.

I look at Dad. “You were going to say that it might work and something else?”

He nods. “We need to get you to see someone between now and then and get you started in counseling and stuff and have a medical excuse to get you out of P.E.”

I sigh with relief. “Yeah I think I could handle stuff so much more without taking P.E.”

“My daughter’s not changing any more than necessary with a bunch of teenaged boys.”

“Daddy! Eww no it’s not like that! I know these guys and I’ve seen way too much gross stuff than I ever want to have seen.”

He nods. “Well it’s still where you shouldn’t have to be and we need to get that going.”

Mom nods but she looks at me. “If you think you’re ready honey I can make some calls and see if we can get an appointment?”

I nod. “It’s not going to go away and really…honestly I am just sick of facing down that hormonal doomsday clock.”

Dad looks confused.

Mom leans on him. “She means seriously hitting boy-puberty.”

It takes him a minute and he looks at me and I…

The...

The thing is I really know that this isn’t bullcrap or anything and he’s really looked into this and thought about it because I’m sort of doing that arms folded hug-myself-rub my arms thing and I can see him looking at me not with pitty or with like him being upset that I don’t see being a man as a good thing but there’s this look that just says.

He’s sorry, but not like a fault thing but like I’m seen him with people that have real stuff to be upset about. Like when we lost Aunt Kristen…Dad’s old secretary who died of breast cancer.

She was sick and he’s looking and then he’s hugging me like it’s a real deal for him. Like my transgendered thing is a medical condition.

I hug him back and I love this.

I love that I’m allowed to I love how safe he makes me feel right away and I love how strong he is.

God it’s as corny as heck but I remember when I thought my Dad was the strongest guy in the universe to me.

I like getting some of that back.

He kisses my cheek. “Well I’m going to go clean up.” He slips over to the fridge to get a beer. He’s not a big drinker so it’s not like that but a case a week is usually what him and mom and company might go through.

Mark’s the last one to get in and he actually does the one armed hug and cheek kiss to me and M.J. and Mom before heading upstairs and to shower.

The fact that mark included me was and is very cool.

Supper’s supper and it’s as usual the twins eating like they’ve never seen food before and Mary Jane and I both take a wing and a leg with a thigh before things are gone even though Mom cooked like two cut up chickens and normally I’d go a little lighter but we pretty much skipped lunch so I’m hungry bur I go for more salad than the potatoes though I have a scoop and some gravy.

I do my usual and I pull off the crispy skin off the thigh part and I stuff some of my mashed potato with the gravy into the skin and make like this little tacoey thing out of it and eat it that way.

I grin when M.J. copies what I did and the foodgasm look she had was pretty amusing. My brothers don’t really take the time to do it and Mark takes the other two wings and a little mashed potato and gets a plastic dish and he puts some gravy in first then the potatoes and then the wings on top. Mom’s looking at him head turned questioningly but smiling. She has her mouth full but he smiles and blushes. “I’m bringing Jenn some of this for lunch tomorrow okay?”

She gives him a thumbs up and me going with that I snag a chicken breast and make Aunt Els up a plate and set it in the microwave. Mom grins at me and we just kind of eat and stuff and then when we’re done M.J. and I clear the dishes and Will and Rob step up and start washing them without being asked or told.

I look at Will.

He looks at me. “You’ve got stuff to do; Rob and I swung by and got your homework and Mary Jane’s stuff too.”

“Really? Thanks Will, Rob.” I kind of tentatively give him a peck on the cheek and he squirms and blushes and Rob actually leans in for his and grins.

“You can kiss a little lower and back.”

I hit him in the arm. “Don’t be a jerk you were being really sweet till that.”

“Ow…shit, that’s not lady like Steffie.”

“It’s not Steffie, Ever…and you should be so lucky I’m not wearing rings yet.”

He snorts and I kiss his arm. “Baby…better?”

He grins and Mom cocks her head at me and she takes M.J. back in to work on the costumes and stuff and a lot of it’s the Mad Hatter coat getting it looking crazy and threadbare and then the hat which we spray down with spray can varnish before we plaster in with different kinds of red and purple glitter and set it to dry and I even go upstairs and get our homework from where the guys set it on my vanity and I get the roller skates and we sort of work on them and do our lessons at the same time.

Thankfully not a lot of homework and we get that done pretty easy and Mom is smiling as we go over it with each other and she even helps and she’s actually pretty smart when it comes to my Science questions and stuff.

I get stickers on M.J. skates going for a lot of bloody sort of stuff and lots of strawberries and there’s these red-pink balls of glow in the dark plastic I thread onto the laces so they are in the center of her foot and I do the same with mine but a lot more neon yellow and some of the other colors so I get the rainbow thing going.

Then I’m putting glow in the dark sticker on my pads and the helmet and M.J.’s decorating hers with more strawberries and like violent but cool looking stickers.

Mom even makes us a couple on loot bags for trick or treating with Rainbow Raver and Strawberry Hurtcake written on them.

We do that until about eight and then Aunt Elsbeth’s there and Mary Jane has to go and she and I end up getting all of her stuff too and I help her and Aunt Elsbeth load it all into her jeep.

Mary Jane looks at me and she’s getting all weepy. “Steph…I had the best day…I mean it…no one I knew would have done what you did and…”

I hug her too. “We’re family and we’re girlfriends, M.J. you’re my best friend. You missed out too on a lot of stuff with like the whole exception of like mailed in presents and stuff…they kinda don’t count and besides….”

(Sniffle.) “Besides?”

“It would be a really uppity and mega bitch thing to do to walk around and spend all that money when you were broke.”

She nods and we hug some more and I hug Aunt Elsbeth and I head inside and wave until they’re gone.

Sigh…

It just made tomorrow feel all that closer.

Mom’s there in the doorway when I get up the steps and she hugs me.

“Thanks Mom.”

“No kiddo, thank you.”

“Thank me?”

“Yeah, y’know as a parent you kind of wonder when stuff can happen what your kids will do and honestly I never thought of M.J. having some walking around money. I mean yeah I bought for you both but…like you said your own walking around in purse money that’s different.”

“I just did what was fair Mom.”

“Yeah Steph you did and I couldn’t be more proud.”

I hug her tight.

“Love you mum.”

“Love you too Stephanie.”

I’m smiling and I head to get ready for bed….

That’s setting out my books and Steven clothes and then I go downstairs and I make up my lunch. Yes I’m sort of procrastinating but it’s back to being me tomorrow.

No…Steven, not me.

I look through stuff and I’m planning ahead. I am pretty sure if I do like last time that I’m going to be sharing the food with the girls.

Hopefully I’ll get to sit with them and stuff.

I dig through the fridge and freezer and cupboards and I get a zip lock baggy with leftover salad in it. I add a folded paper towel inside so it sucks up some of the water. I unthaw and nuke six veggie eggrolls and I toss them in the over to just brown.

Yes I like cold eggrolls.

I cut up some apple slices and I toss in a capful of lemon juice. Dad told me that I guess it keeps them from going brown and I add a teaspoon of sugar for all three apples worth of slices and then I shake some cinnamon into the baggy I have them in and I pack a couple of those little Halloween bags of chips.

Yes I know chips aren’t good for you but I’m a girl I like chips.

Though I have to agree the whole UK thing of calling them crisps makes more sense. Chips should be like what we call home fries here like literal chips off of potatoes.

Yeah…that should be it and I even load the coffee maker.

Sigh…dammit it’s close to ten.

I head upstairs and I get undressed.

Hair too and boobs too.

Though I do stand there and stare at myself in my new mirror on my closet door for a long time.

I’m not even sure what I’m feeling y’know I just have to look.

See myself.

Then it’s off to shower and I do my rituals of Stevening tonight instead of in the morning because the morning and facing school well it’s just something I think I might need space for now.

Kind of like having to sort of psyching myself up for it.

*Chapter 23...

I think that I was right to do everything all early and stuff.

I slept better than I thought I would and the little bits of dreams that I did have were kind of shopping dreams.

I think I was all me in them.

I think I was alone too in the mall and barefoot.

But that’s about all I can remember.

But yeah, for a Thursday it’s remarkably like a Monday in how I feel about going back and being Steven.

I do stop myself from diving funky first into a mood and I look around my room as I’m sitting on the edge of my bed.

Okay…Close my eyes again and a deep breath, and another and another and just take it all in. My room, this is my room, the things in it are mine, this is really happening.

It’ll all be here when I get home.

Okay…that helped.

I head downstairs with my stuff and get some coffee and pour my thermos full and I get some breakfast.

Just juice and toast this morning for me. I had that big supper but still…two slices of homemade bread and I get out the jam. There’s an open bottle of my favorite and it’s one of Mom’s creations and it’s a dark plum jam or rather there some plums in it but its mostly strawberry jam. Dad likes big chunks in it and so do I and Mom will cook some down and then she’ll add a couple of boxes of berries pretty much still whole. Yeah you go through a lot of it because it’s chunky but it’s so good.

I make toast for everyone else that’s getting up and microwave the rest of yesterdays turkey bacon and I whip up some stuff for some scrambled eggs and Dad’s down first and I pass him his coffee and he gives me a kiss on my cheek and a hug.

“You going to be okay angel?”

“Yeah…I think I am, scared and it’s not really me even more than ever Dad but I’m okay…I’m on my way right?”

He gives me a booster squeeze. “Definitely.” He passes me a folded paper. “Your excuse for school.”

“Okay, thanks Dad.”

I make the eggs and he get’s another coffee and a small plate with eggs and the turkey bacon and he heads upstairs.

Sigh…They’re married all this time and he still does these little things like that for her. Well that and after that look from last night I’m pretty sure that he and she got lucky.

And that’s still kind of sigh to me because I think that those kind of relationships where you just go through the motions have to be pretty sad to be in.

Mark comes down and I make sure there’s enough for him and the twins and I get my stuff as mark’s piling on marmalade so think it’d choke Paddington Bear.

I loved those books when I was little and the old animated show too well not animated but the one with the teddy bear puppet.

Yep, I’m a total girl aren’t I?

I head out to go and meet Mary Jane which is sort of becoming a ritual and stuff but it saves me from getting on the same bus with the same people this year and my brothers which might not be so bad but still I kind of like the fresh start sort of feeling I’ve been getting from this.

“Aaah! Dammit!”

I’m just hitting the last stand of trees to get to M.J.’s and I get spiderwebbed right in the face!

Yick!

Yick, Yick, Yick and there’s nothing like a shot of pure adrenaline first thing in the morning to get the coffee in your system to go into over drive.

And you ever notice when you get webbed suddenly you instantly turn into like a kung-fu master.

Actually I think if anyone seen me failing around I’d look closer to Zoidberg having a freak-out.

(Self-snerk)

I get to Mary Jane’s place and Aunt Elsbeth is gone and I let myself in.

“Hey! You up?”

“Yeah, I’m in the bathroom.”

“TMI!”

“I’m doing my make-up!”

“You want coffee?”

“Yes please!”

“Breakfast!”

“No thanks!”

“You should eat!”

“No thank you it’ll just feed my boobs!”

“No it won’t!”

“Whatever!”

“Yeah like What-Ever yourself!”

I go into their kitchen and I make some toast and some peanut butter since I know she likes peanut butter and I do two slices and I take some granola they have and shake some into the middle to make a sort of crunchy peanut butter toast sandwich.

Okay that actually looks good, I might have to try that sometime myself.

I make coffee and I go for the instant since we really don’t have the time to make a pot and they have those boxed tins of that Café Sensation stuff and I put some milk in the microwave in her mug and heat it up until it’s hot and I make her a fake tinned cappuccino.

M.J. comes down with her stuff and I pass her the coffee I made for her and the sandwich on the plate.

“I said I didn’t want breakfast.”

“And you’re too smart and too pretty to be vain enough to get an eating disorder. We’ll work it off.”

“Huh?”

“Drink your coffee.”

She smiles around the mug and she gives me the finger but in that best friends way. You just got to know how to read it and she takes the sandwich and starts to eat.

“M’kay tis isbint bad.”

“I know, I made it.”

“Show off.”

I grin and I actually feel pretty good and we get our things and head to the bus stop.

And yes…I’m still jealous of her outfit.

Nice calf high boots with jeans that hug her really tightly and her hips took a rocking broad belt and a black Hard Rock Café tee-shirt that is really clinging to her upper curves and of course her over sized leather jacket and her hair and her make-up looks great.

Sigh…

She looks at me. “Sorry.”

“No…it’s cool but can I just sort of live vicariously through you some of the time today?”

“Sure!”

We meet the others at the bus stop and there’s the usual reactions the girls giving hugs and stuff and I’m included yay! And I get some smiles from hugging them without being a guyvert y’know and stuff and Becky tears off a chunk of M.J.’s sandwich in that girlfriend I’m stealing your food way that friends do and I grin at her.

And Ricky is still staring at Mary Jane’s chest.

“Dude you’re staring.” I slip in front of him. “Uncool.”

“Steven super boobs are very cool.”

“Well even if they are cool being a guyvert’s not.”

He looks at me like I’m the weird one. “Guyvert? Dude what the fuck.”

I sigh. “Look Rick, there’s looking and liking what you’re seeing and then there’s staring at someone until you’re making them uncomfortable and then add in the fact that we all know what you’re thinking and that’s just all sorts of sick Dude.” …yeah I emphasized the Dude just so maybe he’ll stop saying it.

He’s not a skateboarder or a surfer and stuff he’s just a perv.

He shakes his head but he’s now avoiding the girls and stuff and moves off to the corner. “Whatever dude.”

Becky and Holly are looking at me. “Thanks Steven that was pretty cool and guyvert? That’s kind of priceless really.” Holly says.

I shrug. “I’m weird I invent all sorts of like weird terms for stuff.”

“Well thanks for standing up for us. I mean creepy is creepy and yet a lot of guys just don’t get it.”

I smile and I actually lean on M.J. “Mary Jane’s my best friend pretty much. It’s not like I wasn’t going to say anything.”

“Especially after yesterday.” M.J. grumps.

“What happened yesterday? You two were like both absent?” Becky asks.

I look at M.J. and she does this hand gesture of after you as the bus pulls up and I know she means that it’s to talk. I might really be a girl but this girl might still be a gentleman.

You never know I mean if I end up liking girls it actually might come in handy.

“We took a mental health day; it was my Mom’s idea.”

Holly sighs. “Man…if only…”

Becky nods and we get in our usual seats.

I continue. “Well we went shopping and getting stuff for our costumes and well we both had some mad-money too and stuff so we went with Mom to Kitchener and the Fairview Mall and while we were shopping every now and then there were guys doing the whole scoping Mary Jane and Mom out and then there were some of them that were like old…old and pulling a Ricky.”

“Ick.” …Becky.

“I hate that.”… Holly.

And that’s kind of the conversation and well the places that we were shopping and stuff and I comment mostly about the stuff that M.J. bought and god…I mean really…I so want to share.

Mary Jane gives me this look and she slips close and she hugs me really hard but she looks at the girls. “You know we weren’t kidding about the best friend’s thing.”

She has their attention and Amber get’s sat down as we’re at her and Rachel’s stop and they’re looking at us.

“Steven came into a bit more than mad money he got five hundred dollars to buy stuff as like catching up presents.”

Amber tilts her head. “Catching up presents like missed ones?”

I nod. “It’s kind of a long story but yeah.”

Rachel whistles. “Five hundred is a serious pile of cash I could do a lot with five hundred dollars.”

M.J. says. “Two fifty.”

Becky’s like. “Huh?”

Ambers staring at me and her jaw drops. “You…?”

I blush and I shrug and I nod. “She’s my best friend and she’s never been around for any of the stuff I was getting the money for either so…”

I’m blushing more as they’re all staring at me.

I hunch and shyly look at them. “I just couldn’t okay? I…I’ve been going through a rough patch and M.J.’s been my rock and shopping with someone who has cash and you don’t would just be really sucky.”

Becky rubs my arm. “You’re okay right?’

It’s bubbling near the surface…and it’s really hard. My throat’s tight. “No…not really but I’m getting there.”

Amber crosses her arms on the back of her bus seat. (She’s sitting in front of me and M.J.) “You want to talk about it?”

I shake my head no. “No…I’m so not ready…but thanks for the offer…it’s really cool.”

Holly just looks at me and takes a drink of her coffee. “Are you gay?”

“What? Why would you say that!?”

And the other girls are all. “Holly!”

And she’s like. “What!? It’s like it’s not a big deal y’know.”

Amber swats her. “Yeah it’s not to you but peoples shit’s peoples shit y’know.”

“But we’re like friends?”

Rachel’s like. “No…actually Hall’s we’re friends we’ve just really known Steven a long time but we aren’t friends…not yet.” She looks at me and she gives me this sorry shrug. “That’s not saying I don’t want to be friends.”

Becky… “Me too!”

Amber… “I’m in too.”

Holly sniffles… “I already was in dammit that’s why I said it wasn’t a big deal.”

Mary Jane looks at the all pretty seriously. She’d been going from use sort of doing the side to side hug to hugging herself defensively.

“You girls really mean it?”

There’s some blinks and some surprised looks.

Rachel…not so much. “Yeah, hell yeah actually M.J. We’re nothing like those scunts you went to school with back in Lethbridge.”

Mary Jane and I are both looking at her.

“Elizabitch, she was all online about it. I guess she did like a Google search and dredged up a whole lot of shit about you last night and she was sharing the fuck out of it on her Facebook page.”

Amber nods. “And she’s going to have a rude awakening today too.”

We’re looking at her now.

Amber shrugs. “Friends or not that’s just a really shitty thing to do so I copy and pasted and set it to the principal and the vice principal and the guidance office and told them that these pages were carbon copied to the school board. That’s cyber bullying and it’s against the school’s TOS.”

I blink at her. “Really?”

Amber nods. “Bullying kills, and if it doesn’t it leaves scars for life. It’s why I went to go for student council in the first place. Some one does that and I will come after them.”

Mary Jane’s staring at her.

Amber stares right back looking M.J. in the eyes. “And doubly so if they go after my friends.” She leans over and she offers M.J. her hand.

Mary Jane’s still staring at her.

I give her a nudge.

She blinks and blushes. “Sorry…” she takes Amber’s hand and they shake hands.

It’s such a yay girl power moment.

Mary Jane stands up and leans over the seat and goes from a handshake to a hug and then we’re all hugging and I’m…I’m tearing up.

Dammit!

Rachel leans on me in the hugging and passes me a tissue. “Here you big Moe.”

Oh a Moe around here’s kind of slang for being a big girl…not in like size but being emotional without being EMO it’s like being emo without the black and the sad.

Yep, that’s me.

We stop at the school and Ricky shoots us a look and me a look and he goes. “Pfft fag.”

And there’s a couple of guys that he’s been sitting with saying the same thing too. I just…

Just great.

“Hey Rick?” Amber says as he’s leaving.

“What?”

“Knock it off or I’ll report you to the office.”

“Kiss my ass he’s a fairy.”

She looks at him. “Say that again, there’s witnesses.”

He flips her the bird and he leaves pissed off.

I hunch and she looks at me.

“It doesn’t matter what you are Steven you’re still our friend right?”

The other girls nod and even some of the ones not in our little pod but were on the bus anyways.

Holly’s like. “Besides he’s pissed that you called him out on him being a perv.”

I sniffle and laugh a little. “Guyvert.”

M.J. shivers. “Yick.”

There’s some laughter and then I’m getting hugged by the girls again and even just some of the girls on the bus as we’re getting all off.

And…

And I get off and the first thing that I see is the principal with Liz and company and the Guidance councilor and he’s walking her from the cab they usually arrive in into the front doors of the school and to the office.

She looks both pissed off and scared, her little trolly followers Sarah and Dana look kind of like they’re going to either pee themselves or drop a load in their panties.

And people are talking.

And some are looking at Mary Jane, and some of them are looking at Amber and I see her head off to the other kids on the student council there waiting for her like there definitely is something up and I hear Mary Jane sigh…

“You okay?”

She nods. “I’m feeling all Jurassic parky.”

“What?”

“All about the Amber.”

“Mary Jane!”

She grins at me and holds out her coffee travel mug for a refill. “I have such a crush right now.”

I can’t help but to grin back. “Yeah, it’s not that cold out.”

She looks around and there’s till people looking her way and they turn their heads like they got caught. She sighs.

“Fucking internet.”

“Yeah, you ready for today?”

“No you?”

“Hell no.”

We smile at each other and we head inside and start going to our classes.

………………………………By morning break it’s really obvious that it’s all getting around. The word about M.J. is spreading and the stuff that was said by those other girls had gotten around and there’s also the whole thing of what they all did to her going around from Amber and the girls and that the whole thing was investigated and stuff and it’s really a mixed bunch of stuff right now.

There’s a lot of kids that think that bullying and stuff like that’s not cool.

But there’s that other bunch that hit on gossip and the worst rumors about a person like sharks and there being blood in the water.

And then there’s me.

Crying on the bus.

All girlfriendy with the girls.

Adding to the gay rumor.

Which is feeding on the stuff with me hanging out with the girls the other day and stuff.

M.J. and I actually get called. “Will and Grace.” By some of the guys that are the guy jerky versions of the rumor-ho girls.

Mary Jane grins. “Okay, that’s actually smarter than I thought they could come up with.”

I nod. “Kind of surprised me too.”

We do end up in the cafeteria and hanging out with Holly and Becky who say Amber and Rachel are down in the office again with more of the whole stuff about Liz and her little online siege she tried to hurt M.J.

Then we see Toni with a Bristol board sign with really big letters. “I’m a lesbian and I’ve been bullied because I’m different!”

I…

She’s younger than me and she’s…

M.J. “Was she out?”

Holly… “Nope, news to me.”

Becky… “I thought she might be.”

I look at her. “Why?”

“Dunno, she’s different.” She shrugs.

“Different doesn’t mean gay.” I say.

“No It’s just….” She looks like she doesn’t want to be an asshole.

Mary Jane looks at Becky. “But It’s just like one of those ah-ha that’s it moments?”

“Yeah, that’s it!” Becky kind of looks relieved. “I’m like sooo not a hater.”

M.J. shrugs. “I’m Bi.”

“What!” Both Becky and Holly.

“I’M BI.” Mary Jane says it loud enough for everyone to hear it close by.

I look at her and she’s blushing and she has that shit did I really do that look on her face. I reach over and openly hook pinkies with her.

Oh yeah we’re both getting looks from those kids closest to us and the gossip whispers are starting.

She looks at me. “You sure this is okay?”

I nod even though there’s butterflies. “Yeah, it’s holding pinkies let them jump to conclusions and stuff.”

Holly… “Yeah they need the mental exercise.” She looks at me though. “So…?”

“Holly I don’t know. Honestly I’ve had way too much going inside of me that I have no clue that I like guys or girls.”

She strikes a pose. “Wadda about now?”

I smile. You’re insanely pretty and you’re a friend but I’m still just not ready to go there yet.”

She looks at me kind of seriously. “Man….that’s gotta suck being stuck I the middle.”

I give her a hug. “Yeah, it sucks and it really, really hurts.”

Morning break gets over and it’s back to classes and it’s all pretty much normal mixed with the odd look or ten but they’re kind of mostly from the same people.

Becky’s good when art class hits and we’re pretty much doing stuff for our projects with me making the little cardboard stands for the faerie stickers and painting them orange. The idea is a little jack-o-lantern paper mache with a sticker on a stand of a faerie or a pixie and I can drop in a little electric tea light and then some Halloween candies so it looks like the faerie’s camped out in one and is with her little candy stash.

Yes girly…but I can remember that there’s not a lot of really girl friendly stuff to get on Halloween. I mean stuff that people give out and I know that because I wanted some of that stuff.

Oh there’s another idea too. I’ll have to tell Dad because he’d actually love it.

Then it’s lunch and I’m kind of ready to meet up with the girls and I get my stuff from my locker and it’s surprisingly untouched and Mary Jane nods. “Me too, I was expecting some nasty stuff.”

“I was really expecting it.” I say. It’s true lockers are the prime sabotargets because you can get to them in off classes. And there’s slots that people can squirt or slip stuff through.

There’s notes there and I look at M.J. and she takes one.

It says “Cool.” and another has a heart drawn with “Hugs” Written in the center. And they’re all kind of nice. Mostly girls by the handwriting. Mary Jane looks at me. “I’ve been getting hug offers since like after break and stuff.”

“People get bullied M.J….I think there’s people that get it more now that it’s online and out there more.”

“My old school wasn’t this cool.”

“I think that’s part of it too.”

“Hmmm?”

“They’re trying not to be as bad as there. And we’re lucky…I mean as much as I hate to think it I’m a jock and stuff so I’m still kind of popular…and all that.”

“So there’s some we’re not as redneck stuff going on and sucking up?”

“Yeah, kinda and we’re tight with Amber and the student council girls and the dance stuff.”

“So, they’re not all yay happy fuzzy light and stuff that this is out?”

“Some…mostly I just think we’re really lucky too because not everyone has al this stuff going for them…It’s…”

M.J. nods. “I’d be different without all that stuff.”

I nod. “Yeah…sucks but yeah.”

“Doesn’t mean we can’t do some good with it though right?” She says.

“I’d like that really, we kind of don’t have an in school LGBT thing like the other school does.”

“Maybe we should ask Mark to ask Sonja and she can help us get ours going?”

“Yeah.” Okay…I’m kind of smiling now as we head into the cafeteria.

But….Then there’s Randy Sweet, the captain of my hockey team and he stands and he beckons me over where the other guys are at.

Where all the team is at for a change.

Gulp.

I head over and look at them and Nick asks.

“It true?”

“Is what true?”

“Are you gay?”

I look at them and I really don’t know what I can say, there’s some pretty fixed faces there.