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Masks Chapter 13
*Before…
We’re just packing up when my phone rings.
It’s mom.
“Uhm Hi.”
“How’s the makeover session?”
Oh yeah she sort of…well she thinks I’m playing dress up.
“Good it’s all so different than what I’m used to.”
“Well tell your Aunt and cousin to come over with you we’re doing spaghetti.”
“Okay…. it might take me a few to get changed.” Dammit, just dammit …Yick.
“No come as you are we need to have a family meeting about this anyway.”
Gulp…
*And Now…
I shut down my phone and I take a big breath and look at Aunt Els and M.J. “That was mom she wants us over for supper and me as is.”
Aunt Els rubs my arm. “It’ll be okay honey, you were going to try this there remember at least she’s open to things this far.”
“I know but its scary…this is me…this is who I am really.”
“I know, but until you’re ready think of this as a way to ease them into it.”
“But….”
“But what honey?”
“But what if they don’t like me?” I’m right there between a cry and a whimper.
“They’re your parent’s honey of course they will.”
“That’s no guarantee Aunt Els and you know it.”
“That’s my brother and your mother is one of my best friends I think I know them.”
“But you don’t, you haven’t been around in like forever.”
“I’ve known them all my life Steph.”
“People change…”
“Sometimes…let’s just play it by ear until you’re ready.”
(Sniffle.) “Okay…”
We get our things together and me my books and my clothes and we head over and I have my heart skipping several beats when we’re walking.
I mean it’s really taking those town path short cut things and we only live like five or six streets apart from each other but this is me outside.
Gulp…and a case of the shakes.
M.J. holds my hand as we walk over and as scared, as terrified as I am there’s this moment when we’re crossing this empty lot that’s just grass and I stop and I feel the wind blowing my hair around and the tickle of it doing the same thing to my exposed calves from the capri pants and I can smell the way that I smell now and I close my eyes and just stop.
Mary Jane’s looking at me with a sort of head turned bemused smile and Aunt Elsbeth is just smiling at me and there’s this warmth there. She walks over to us and she takes off her shoes.
“Normally I leave my own beliefs to myself but you might like this. Here take off your shoes and socks. This won’t take too long or anything it’s just something nice.”
Uhm…okay.
We take off our socks and our shoes and she takes our hands and leads us from the worn path just a bit more off into the grass and she smiles. “Now just hold hands with me and each other like this in a circle and do the same thing.”
I do and it’s something wiccan I think and actually Aunt Elsbeth is from what I’ve always heard not just into this stuff but she like actually practices it. I’m not really sure about my take on this but I will say just holding hands in a circle like this my feet in the grass for just no other reason than just to feel that and my eyes closed and just feeling the wind and feeling my hands holding theirs it’s this kind of able to breathe moment and also this kind of girl bonding thing.
I mean if this stuff works or not I’m still feeling all of this and we stay like that for a few minutes. And it’s this very strong thing that right now is just ours.
Mine actually a real life Stephanie experience.
We break and get our shoes back on and I hug Aunt Elsbeth. “Thanks, that helped a lot.”
“Good that’s why we did it.”
“Wiccan?”
“Yes and no, like everything there’s more than one part to it.”
“Huh?”
“We stopped and had a moment, took the time to consciously stop and be with each other in that moment and we shared in it. By the way you could look at it we all got a bit better from doing that.”
“Okay…”
She smiles. “Whether Wiccan ideals or psychology we shared that time doing something that was just for us. You were included, you were doing something with us and that was and is good for you but good for us too kiddo if only for us helping you and taking our own pauses or the fact that in doing this we share a bit of that energy between us.”
“Ohmygoddess I think I actually got that.” I grin at her.
“Good, either way it’s just something that’s us ourselves and us as all three all mixed into one and that’s cool in my book I just think that living it through an ancient belief feels more soulful that plain old psychology.”
“Me too.” I do feel better and it’s sort of made the walk there a bit less nerve wracking right up until we get to that point of where we can see the house.
Oh Gulp…
It’s a thousand long hard paces to get home and I’m feeling every one of them. “You know as scared as I’m feeling this is a perfect mood for this time of year…all I need is a creepy sound track playing in the background.”
They both chuckle but M.J. laces her fingers in with mine and squeezes and that helps a lot.
We come into the yard and I see Dad. He and Mark are shooting hoops and he grin-pants. “Hey girls we’ll be right in I’ve got him on the ropes!”
Mark does that. “Pfft…as if Old man.” And he tries to get around Dad to score and as he does he’s looking at me for a second pretty intensely.
Oh my stomach…I have no idea what that look meant? And Dad said girls was that to include me too?
We head inside and take our shoes off and Mom’s there and she’s leaning on the kitchen door waiting for us and doing the nerved up two handed coffee cup clench.
She’s looking at me and I bite…no…that’s bad for the lipstick…I take a breath and look at her.
“Hey mom….”
“Wow…I mean…just…”
“Mom…?” Oh that came out a little worried and almost whiny.
“Oh honey it’s not a bad thing it’s just you really took me off guard with how you look.” As she says that she crossed the hall to come over and hug me.
(Sniffle.) “Really?”
“Yes really your Aunt did an awesome job.”
“Yeah though the hair’s kinda complicated.” (Sniffle.)
“Well she can show me after supper and we can practice.”
“Really?” (Sniffle.)
“Yep, they really aren’t going to have any idea what hit them this year.”
“Good winning would actually be really cool.”
“You know what would be pretty cool?”
(Sniffle.) “What?”
“If you’d be into learning some of the stuff that I grew up with learning from my mom and my grandmother.”
(Sniffle.) And I hug her a little-lot tighter. “I’d really like that.”
“Good, I tried to pass some of that on to your brothers but they’d rather do their own thing that hang with their mom and do girl stuff so I hope you don’t mind that I’m going to take advantage.”
“No…that’d be so cool.”
We hug some more and then we all head into the kitchen and Aunt Els and Mary Jane follow and there’s hugs shared all around by all and Mom looks at me. “You want to start now?”
“Okay like what?”
She takes out this book that’s like one of those old time cloth bound accounting books and she turns through until she finds a recipe. “You want to help make the sauce?”
“Definitely!”
You have to understand my mother makes the best spaghetti sauce I’ve ever had. And getting to learn how is a seriously cool thing.
Mom and Aunt Elsbeth open a bottle of wine and they’re drinking and supervising and there’s some serious steps to this. Dicing celery, onion and carrots up and holding green and red peppers in tongs until we roast and burn the outer skins and the put then in a Ziploc bag. The skins actually come right off them as you let them sit for a bit.
The it’s cooking the veggies first in olive oil and then when they get soft adding the garlic and while doing that cooking Italian sausage meat…just the filling in the main pot until it browns and gets all crusty and crunchy and then we add the veggies and break that up and then several cans of tomatoes and a can of tomato paste and stir and stir and stir and then the peppers go in after we cut them up fairly fine and then we add extra lean ground beef.
We use the extra lean so there’s very little fat to come out since there’s enough coming out from the sausage and according to Mom we don’t want to muddle the flavor to death of the sausage since we want that fennel seed and spice flavor.
We’re stirring while mom does the rest. One of the things that we do and this is from Dad is we have mushrooms with our pasta buy not in the sauce but pan fried and sliced thickly and they get tossed with flour and dried basil and garlic powder before they’re friend and browned off and when we serve it all up there’s a lot of mushrooms and it’s tossed right in with the cooked spaghetti.
Mom only stumbles on my name three or four times in the whole conversation that we’re having as we’re cooking otherwise she calls me Stephanie more and more and even Steph a few times.
It is as amazing as it sounds to feel that accepted and that things might not completely fly apart at the seams.
Then its supper and it’s a bit late at that close to seven by the time we sit down and I’m helping take things into the dining room and I’m settling out the ricotta and the roasted cloves of garlic in olive oil for eating with bread when I see the twins and they see me.
Billy stares. “Steven!?”
God I want to say no and correct him.
“Yes, but dressed call me Stephanie.”
Bobby. “Steph-fairy.” And he laughs.
Billy is still giving me the squinty eye. “That’s just fucking weird.”
Bobby nods. “Dude, M.J. better fuckin appreciate you doing this.”
Yick…don’t call me dude.
The Billy hit’s Bobby with a punch in the arm. “Ass shut it.”
“What?” Bobby…
“You know what.” Billy….
“Huh?” Bobby…
They do the twins telepathy thing and it’s more like watching two chimps trying to get a message across only I’d put my money on the chimps figuring it out sooner.
Then Bobby’s like. “Ohh…”
I’m trying to figure out what they’re not saying and the Dad and mark come in and Dad gives me a one armed hug. “Lookin good kiddo so you think that you’ll be able to do this on your own?”
“With practice, I’ll need some help though.”
“You’ll get there; I almost didn’t recognize you when you three walked up.”
“Good start then Daddy?”
Dad and Mark and the twins are all staring at me like I just grew tentacles.
Ow…just ow…
The others come in and the twins are sort of being restrained assholes and they’re hitting each other now and them and Mark hasn’t really said too much to me or about me looking like this but just sort of stares at me every once in awhile and it’s sort of scary.
I mean he’s three almost four years older than me him kind of ignoring me or being an ass when he’s bored is the norm. I’m really, really not used to the scrutiny.
We talk about school though and Mom sort of started it by asking if Liz had started up anything during lunch at it went from there to the stuff about the dance and I’m slipping into girl talk as that comes out and the make over and the costume ideas.
Mark gets up as the makeover stuff starts up and grabs Billy and Bobby. “I’ll make coffee and we’ll do the dishes.”
Bobby’s like… “What! Hey they’re the girls let them do the kitchen stuff!”
Mark… “They cooked, we clean.”
Billy… “Since when?”
Mark… “Since right now.”
And I’m kind of watching in a little bit of whoa as he uses knock off of the Mom-Fu Vulcan ear pinch called the big brother back of the neck clamp and leads them into the kitchen.
I blink a few times. “What was that?”
Dad grins. “New girlfriend.”
“And she’s a wild animal trainer?”
Dad nods. “He’s not going out with the guys this weekend he’s staying home to help and she’s coming over here.”
Mom perks up. “Good! About time.” She has had issues with some of Mark’s girlfriends before and he’s never brought on home.
Aunt Elsbeth is chuckling. “He’s found that one then.”
I look at her. “That one?”
“That first girl that really makes being with a girl more than about getting into her panties. This is the girl he wants to like him.”
“Oh so is he mad because I’m doing this?” I look at Dad.
“If he is he never mentioned it to me.”
Drat, dammit!
We get back to the conversation and Mark brings out the cups and the whole pot of coffee and the sugar and creamer for all of us and some of the sweets from the kitchen and there’s another look from him to me and I almost hunch and then he’s gone and it takes me a few brooding minutes to get back to the conversation.
Mom actually takes command of the dining room as we go over the thing with my hair again and a few times after that and then she smiles at me.
“I have a surprise for you.”
“For me?”
“Yep, let’s go to your room.”
“Okay…can M.J. come too?”
“Sure.”
We all head up to my room and I’m not sure what to expect but when we get inside my room is a little different. One they changed the shade on my room light and it’s kind of pretty it’s one of those glass tray looking ones that’s frosted white but now it’s been painted with violets and daisies and blue roses.
It’s something pretty in my room.
And it’s not the only thing.
My room is still the same but there’s one of those standing full length mirrors and my desk is now a vanity with a mirror and it’s old and looks second hand and then some but it’s there and it’s mine and there’s sort of girly sheets on my bed…not girly but plain solid colors only it’s this pastel cross between blue and a soft purple.
“Mom…this…this is really cool.”
“Well there were some things that if you were going to do this Steph that a girl just needs.”
I nod kind of still stunned and right on the edge of happy tears but I’m trying to hold it in because I’m only playing at being me right now and stuff.
I want to tell them…but with stuff that happened already tonight with my brothers…but this, this is actually pretty cool.
Mom hugs me anyways. “Hey…there are clothes too to get you started.”
“What clothes where!”
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Comments
Well, it does seem that
Well, it does seem that Stephany is being led out of her hiding place with some parental mind-fu and far more acceptance then she'd ever have thought. And it seems the boys have been educated. And warned. :) Nice!
I wonder when she'll realise the adults are all in cahoots.. And in a way I hope MJ isn't part in the 'conspiracy', because I believe this would somewhat diminish the bond of trust and friendship.
Eagerly awaiting new chapters each day, Bailey, this is a nice and loving story for which I will -a little grudingly- shelf my demands for new Jem chapters :)
Thanks for sharing, Jo-Anne.
In a way this
feels very much like Jem, I feel the same dynamic in that MJ and her Mom are bringing Steph to life as Jem brought Angel(Yes the same person), Raven, Brooklyn, and Kimmie to life.
Also it helps with all the cooking tips continuing. Sure only about a tenth of the music but I hear the songs as I read the words of this tale The Goddess sings sweetly with both Joy and Sadness in the song. Life is here and we are better for the words of this Master(is a title) Story Teller
Goddess Bless you
Love Desiree
That's a wonder comment/compliment.
Even with this I want to give a little bit of music and well it's one of my stories so yeah food.
*Blessed Hugs*
Bailey Summers
Mind-fu I like that.
There has been some behind the scenes story action with things that have happened that may yet come out in the story.
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey Summers
That interesting turn of phrase...
...only playing at being me. Gets confusing after a while, but I imagine that somehow the real 'me' will emerge completely. Thank you!
Love, Andrea Lena
It gets tiring playing a role that you never asked for.
Steven's a mask that gets heavier everyday.
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey Summers
“What clothes where!â€
“What clothes where!†Awesome, I seriously think Stephanie has underestimated her parent's. If they haven't figured it out by now Steph's reaction to her new room decor and clothes are bound to have told them who she is.
I have a feeling they have been sort of expecting something like this for a while, I think her aunt might be right and Steph's parents will be supportive.
Billy and Bobby might be a different matter, I'm a little concerned about their plans.
Great story so far, looking forward to more.
Big hugs
Lizzie :)
Bailey's Angel
The Godmother :p
The reaction was definitely female over male.
While some People though it's not that hard to come out of a closet especially when that's been your safe place all your life.
*Great Big Angel Hugs*
Bailey...the Godfather;)
Bailey Summers
OHMYGODDESS
and Mom dad, and Mark seem to get it as well.
I know it will not be perfect and I am sure Steeph knoiws that as well, but
Had to be a joyous noise coming from her mouth
Goddess Bless you
Love Desiree
I'm not a practicing Wiccan so I hope this was right.
I think it's called "a pause"? But the thing seemed in character for Elsbeth who has been into it since her gothy high school days had led her to actually joining a circle in college.
*Blessed Hugs*
Hopefully I got the psychology bits right too.
Bailey Summers
Did someone say TENTACLES?
I have lots of inappropriate mental images now. = )
Okay Steph would be all Eeeew! "Yick!"
But I'm having a good laugh that someone went there.:)
*Squiddy huggles.*
Bailey Summers
looks like..
little steps are getting just a little bigger. Mark, its amazing what the right girl can do to tame the beast.
well done, thanks
Well there's girls and then there's those girlfriends.
A few more steps forward.
*Hugs and Howls*
Bailey Summers
“What clothes where!â€
giggles. I'm going out on a limb and say that Mom is okay with this. We'll have to see how the brothers deal
Well she already said she was.
But even with her thinking Steven's trying this out to be closer to his cousin and win the contest and maybe...doing some exploring she'd still be all for having another girl in the house.
*Great Big Angel Hugs*
Bailey a proud big brother.
Bailey Summers
I would say....
That mom suspects that there's more to this than just Halloween.
It sounds like dad will be able to deal with Stephanie too. The part about Mark, well, I think that Mark is just getting around the idea of a little sister and is liking it. Sounds like he is growing up pretty fast.
Dallas
D. Eden
Dum Vivimus, Vivamus
Yes at the very least she might think he's experimenting.
But she'd rather support this than not and it'd be safer if they had a safe spot at home to do this. This and she's sort of getting at east another girl in the house. As for Mark, the right girl can do a whole lot to change a fellow.
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey Summers
Reactions
Out of all the reactions, Mark is the enigma. It's clearly measured and tempered by something. A maturity that comes with the cusp of adulthood or is it practical experience (i.e. does he know of someone who is trans?) It's going to be interesting to find out the answer I suspect. Mum and Dad... well very clearly there's at least a suspicion there given the effort they've gone to with the room and how accepting they are being. Perhaps the two sisters have talked even?
I guess the twins are the problem if there is one. They've already impacted on Steph a couple of times just by being teenage asses who speak before they think. I loved the chimp telepathy line. :-)
An enjoyable chapter Bailey.
"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."
Elsbeth is sister
to Steph's Father. But gets along well with her sister inlaw. Though I am sure she would keep her promise that it was between The 3 of them MJ, Elsbeth and Steph.
Goddess Bless you
Love Desiree
There was a continuity Glitch I had to fix.
Strike that up to writing in the wee hours of the AM.
But the Dad is Els brother, sorry for the mix ups.
*Hugs to both*
Bailey Summers
There is one major grammer error.
The mother most likely DOES the rest of the cooking.
If she DIES the rest, the story is then about tg and death.
I have come across that a bunch in the last week, death in tg stories.
Sorry was on my mind, because of the above statement.
That or she was coloring the food which can be fun.
I once had a a blue and green (neon), meat loaf.
"Sometimes you need a little space to grow up or start over"- Me
Well it's bedding and a lampshade mostly.
But there's the clothes too and while Nancy and Elsbeth have talked it's not stuff that would have outed Steph. Mind you that the timing and things are sort of suspect to the parents.
Mark though might just have something going on.
Chimp telepathy.
*Snerk, Great Big Hugs*
Bailey Summers
CLOTHES? where where where?
Just as I suspected! Mommy's "COOLNESS" is shining through! But almost better than that is Daddy's"COOLNESS" is starting to kick in!
I can just imagine what the conversation with the three boys was like. I'm thinking Daddy's "Coolness" was really shining through that conversation! If the terror twins can curb their tongues, this might just be a pleasant experience for Stephanie. I wonder if by the time November rolls around if any of them will expect to see Steven again. Wonderful chapter li'l Miss! Big Hugs, Taarpa
Steph's parents have a rule.
#1 Just love your damned kids.
No if's and and's or but's....no conditions.
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey Summers
Family
Given mum's attitude and shopping, I wouldn't be surprised if Els has dropped some not-so-subtle hints in her direction other than the rather deliberate gender neutral pronouns used the other day. She's certainly gearing up to spend some time with the daughter she wishes she'd had, but will probably keep publicly insisting it's only for the costume contest unless/until Steph actually broaches the subject of continuation with her.
Dad and Mark will probably be OK if / when Steph eventually comes out - it may take a bit of getting used to and a few slip-ups, but from what little we've seen of them, they appear reasonable.
The Terrible Twins, on the other hand...
As the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then only left-handers are in their right mind!
You're right Mom won't likely broach the subject.
But she will definitely try to enjoy some mother and daughter time if she can get it. Eslbeth will likely have dropped a few subtle clues just sort of like you said but nothing overt.
And Mark and Dad will likely be more okay than the twins.
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey Summers
...
okay I haven't finished this chapter yet but I have to stop and say something. with each new chapter i relate to this story more and more in a way that you wouldn't believe. It's almost as though you know me and you're writing the ending that I have yet to see. I am Stephanie, I've worn that mask and still wear it to this day, I sacrifice my own well being to protect others, and those pagan beliefs are something that have persisted in my head and heart despite my christian upbringing.
I love reading because it makes it easy to get inside the minds of the main characters, but this is something I have never experienced before. Stephanie is not just someone I can relate to, Stephanie is me to the very core. words can not express what I am feeling right now, Bailey you are an amazing author, that's all I can say.
~hugs tightly~
Gwen
Oh Thank You so much Miss Brenner.
Steph's very easy to relate to for a lot of people. I'm soooo glad that you're enjoying this!
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey Summers
cooking
i love your stories escecially jem,but ithink you should write all the recipes on a seperate page too help all those people that can,t cook.looking forward too reading a lot more.
many thanks to you .