The Daily Dormouse. (aka Bike) Part 1857 by Angharad Copyright © 2012 Angharad All Rights Reserved.

I’ve always thought that Bonfire Night, 5th November, Guy Fawkes Night would be the ideal time to shoot someone providing the body wasn’t discovered too quickly. In fact one could probably dispose of several people before anyone found them.

We’ve had bangs, flashes and whizzes for the past couple of weeks as people send their hard earned cash up into the air. Given that fireworks are expensive and dangerous I really can’t understand how folks can afford them, except to pay to go to watch a display.

Given our experience with Julie a year or two ago when she nearly got turned into a human guy (as in Guy Fawkes, whose effigy is still burned on November 5th), I’m not particularly in favour of them in any variety and I have a horror of bonfires too. It strikes me as crazy that we still celebrate the execution by hanging, drawing and quartering of a known terrorist. It’s a particularly horrible way to die, which was why they used it–to hang someone, ie strangle them on a gibbet until they nearly pass out, then, castrate them and disembowel them while they watch, then chop of the head and cut the body into four pieces for boiling in salt and cumin seed and displaying on pikestaffs until they rot, to act as a deterrent.

Fawkes and his fellow conspirators were Roman Catholics who wanted to overthrow the Crown to reinstate Catholicism as the state religion, as opposed to Anglicanism which had become the religion of the monarch for over sixty years under Elizabeth and continued under James I. It’s difficult to make judgements based on twenty first century sentiments, because we’re very different, but I suspect the public would be equally upset if a group of jihadists attempted to turn Britain into an Islamic state, though they might stop at hanging, drawing and quartering them, except perhaps the readers of the Daily Excess and Daily Wail.

I find it ridiculous that we celebrate the execution of the conspirators some four hundred years ago, when things like the overthrow of Hitler are only celebrated on big anniversary dates. I also find it absurd that any sort of religion should dominate a state, especially as we all know they all preach myths and nonsense, but it doesn’t seem to prevent rational people from going along with it, including heads of state. Our own much loved and respected queen, is head of state and state church, which puts her in a very powerful position. Thankfully, she’s got a level head on her shoulders but looking at countries where the same happens, it does seem a recipe for poor government and possible religious intolerance for other beliefs.

Personally, I think intolerance to other’s beliefs is unacceptable provided there is no harm done to others, so I tolerate them all while not believing in any of the variations of sky fairies they preach, so long as they live in harmony with others, and know several people who claim their belief or religious observance makes them better humans.

I watched a documentary that Trish wanted to see about the search for Noah’s ark, where groups of Christians, usually American have searched for the remains of this mythical vessel for many years. One of these was an ex-Apollo astronaut who’d walked on the moon and was convinced he’d find it–the ark, not the moon–oblivious to the irony that believing in it was similar to the equally fallacious one that the moon is made of green cheese.

When Trish and I had discussed it later, I was able to suggest that the whole concept of a single vessel carrying two of each species for forty days was total rot, to start with, how would they save animals they’d never heard of, and would they keep the zebras in with tigers or lions? What did they feed the various animals on? How big was the ark? Even something the size of Ark Royal or the USS Nimitz would be too small, and the smell of poo would have had most of the humans jumping overboard in a couple of days.

Clearly, the story, which is taken from Mesopotamian myths such as Gilgamesh, and it’s double ironic that in many places evidence of flooding, probably from melting of the ice cover from the Ice Age, occurs in many countries but not Israel, is an allegory, a warning to those who don’t obey religious laws–which of course are written by men. Personally, I’d prefer to take my chances with a heavenly induced deluge to being stoned to death by humans.

I had a horrible feeling that once she got back to school there’d be hell to pay for suggesting such impossible things and what’s frightening is that mention of a rainbow or of Noah’s ark would likely bring about such a denunciation from the pint sized genius. I did ask her to be careful as to with whom she discussed it, but she is only eight and thus her discretionary skills are not yet honed.

I’m surprised I haven’t had a snotty comment about my car bearing a ‘Darwin fish’ sticker going to a school where they still teach creationism as another theory alongside evolution. I suppose, my feelings on the subject are well known to the headmistress, who respects them but still has to teach what she’s told. Darwin like Shakespeare has to be high on the list of all time great Britons.

Apart from struggling with evolution, I presume the school won’t have a bonfire party tonight but for that matter, neither will we. Julie’s experience, as I said before, has put fireworks and bonfires into a whole new context, all of it totally negative and that’s before I add frightening the kitten and the dog, who have acted strangely when various bangs and flashes have occurred.

We did however have bangers tonight, as in bangers and mash with onion gravy and baked beans. The kids wolfed it down, I was less committed and only ate a couple of the sausages–they’re not my favourite food, though Simon and Sammi ate their share. David has butcher friend who makes his own sausages and David suggested some varieties which his friend made. They were delicious, if you like sausages–I don’t.

Sausages brings to mind another query, did Noah take pigs on the ark? Probably kosher ones.

Simon came home early to offer to take the youngsters to the rugby club for a firework display. Julie and I stayed at home with Catherine and Fiona; the rest of them went.

“You know Phoebe’s picked up with some kid at the college?” Julie informed me.

“That’s okay as long as it doesn’t affect her studies.”

Julie chuckled.

“What’s so funny?”

“She finds it all so easy, she knocks off from the theory stuff half the time and still comes top of the class. She’s with Bodie.”

“Bodie?”

“Yeah, that’s his name.”

“Surname I take it?” I hoped his first name wasn’t Cheyenne.

“Yeah, Clint Bodie.”

I felt somewhat nauseous at this, I mean it’s stranger than fiction. “Are they having intercourse?”

Julie laughed, “Sex you mean–yeah.”

“I hope they’re using protection.”

“Yeah, she’s on the pill an’ he uses condoms.”

“Well at least she’s being responsible about it.”

“Except the three times she’s needed the morning after pill because she forgot to take her daily pill. She’s getting her end away and I’m still hoping to meet someone and road test fanny.”

Oh boy, no wonder they say ignorance is bliss. How do I talk things over with Phoebe without destroying our relationship? What joy!