(aka Bike) Part 1891 by Angharad Copyright © 2012 Angharad
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The blank sheet of paper didn’t contain a hint of inspiration, it was blank, plain white with nothing except space to distract me. I was trying to write a management plan to deal with the control of the fungus in the ash trees, only I wasn’t writing very much.
I looked at the fountain pen beside my hand. I hadn’t even taken the cap off it. In what I suppose was an unconscious form of distraction, I took the lid off and unscrewed the barrel on the bottom half of the pen and checked the amount of ink in the cartridge–it was only a guess, but I’d suggest there was exactly the same amount in there as there had been an hour ago.
I put my Sheaffer together again and got up to make some tea. Tea always helps the creative processes interact with bits of paper. I spent no more than ten minutes in the kitchen talking with David and refilling my mug with hot and delicious fluid. I also half inched one of his little cakes which were still warm–make that hot. He laughed at me trying to juggle with it while holding a cup in the other hand.
“No work today?” he casually asked me pushing his mug towards me as the kettle boiled.
“Yes, I’m trying to work now, only my brain has gone into seize up mode.”
“Oh, anything I can do to help?”
“Not unless you know anything about forestry.”
“Funny you should say that.”
“You do?”
“No, I don’t.” He smiled and I glowered at him. “But I know a man who does.”
“This isn’t some shaggy dog story is it?”
“No–I used to work with a chap who did tree surgery–that any good?”
“Not really, this requires more than a surgeon, more a miracle worker.”
“I can see how you got it then.”
I looked at him in bewilderment then the penny dropped. “Um no that was an expression of predicament. You were there when they asked me to run these woodlands for the university?”
“Yes.”
“Well, like woodlands all over the country, there are trees infected with ash dieback disease, a fungal disease.”
“Yeah, I read about it.”
“Well, as director of these woodland reserves, I have to do something about them.”
“Why?”
“Because the government says I have to.”
“Yeah, but they aren’t exactly much good at doing things themselves are they? They play at pretending they do, but all they do is postpone things. That enquiry into the press–what are they going to do? Bugger all. This business with the lawyer shot in Belfast twenty years ago–the PM apologises but refuses an enquiry, presumably because it would show how involved the government were with terrorists in Ireland.”
“I heard it on the radio as I was getting up. The guy was shot fourteen times.”
“Well according to the papers, they say the military were naming the targets and the loyalist terrorists were killing them. I mean, how can the government pretend to uphold all these human rights things when we’re killing people or helping with it?”
“Governments can be very cynical and pragmatically so.”
“Cynical? It’s diabolical.”
“It’s double standards, I agree.”
“Did you know that if the army shot someone, they carried a spare gun with them and left beside the body or shoved it in their clothing, so they could so called justify the shooting?”
“I think I’ve heard something like it. It probably still happens in Afghanistan, but given the number of green on blue attacks the allies are experiencing, I can understand how they get very cynical and see everyone as the enemy.”
“Yeah what’s that all about, just followed bloody Bush into that blind alley.”
I shrugged, “Women aren’t any better off either according to my newspaper, so hundreds of British and American lives have been lost for what?”
“A total cock up, that’s what.”
“I wonder if they get ash dieback disease in Helmand?”
“Pity it isn’t poppy dieback disease, that’s what funds the Taliban isn’t it?”
“Partly, so do Saudi Arabia and Pakistan.”
“Talking of which, how’s that little girl from there who was shot for protesting about them closing the girl’s schools?”
“I don’t know, last I heard she was making good progress, though the Taliban said they’d shoot her again if they got the chance.”
He slammed his knife down on the counter, “What are these people, total bloody morons? They’re like, living in the sixth century, why don’t we just nuke the bloody lot of them?”
“Seen the price of nuclear bombs these days?” I said trying to lighten things up.
“Sorry, I suppose when you spend half your life living as a female you still have sympathies with those of you who are stuck with such a predicament.”
I nearly choked on my cake–yeah, I’d decided that eating it was the easiest way to carry it. “Predicament? I spent more than half my life living as a male, and you’re welcome to it, though I think most of the educated and intelligent men I know are all feminists, some more openly than others.”
“Oh, so do I get included in that category?”
“Of course you do, you’re a brilliant cook and that takes brains not just a second hand copy of Mrs Beeton’s.”
“Wow, I’m honoured and didn’t even know it.”
“Cut the sarcasm or I’ll have to revise my list,” I teased.
“Okay, sorry, I’m getting as bad as my brother.”
“Oh yeah, how is he these days?”
“I have no idea and what’s more I don’t really care.”
“That is so sad.”
“You wouldn’t say that if you’d lived with my brother.”
“I thought you’d sorted out your differences.”
“Yeah, we decided to inhabit different planets.”
“Fine, if that works for you, I’m not sure it would for me.”
“You’ve got Stella.”
“Yes I have, talking of whom, where is she?”
“She’s gone Christmas shopping.”
“On her own?”
“No, Jacquie has gone with her they’ve taken all the little ones with them.”
“She’s taken baby C with her?” I felt more than slightly angry.
“She did tell you, or try to.”
“Did she?”
“Yes, I suspect you were preoccupied with things arboreal.”
“I think things sylvan might be more appropriate but I guess I must have been. Have you done your Christmas shopping yet?”
“No–not much to buy.”
“Oh,okay but if you need time to go, just tell me–and make sure I take it on board, won’t you?”
“I doubt it–I mean I doubt I’ll need any time off–no one to buy for, doesn’t take any time at all.”
“I’m sorry, David, I didn’t mean to intrude.”
“You haven’t–I’m fine.”
“Men always say that before they get upset. I’m around if you need me.”
“You’re spoken for–it’s a woman I need.”
“Ah, can’t help you there but if I learn of anyone who wants the cook of their dreams, I’ll keep quiet, I don’t know how I’d manage without you now.”
“If that’s a compliment, I’ll take it.”
“My dear sir, it was meant as the highest praise, if a little understated.” I looked him in the eye and I’m sure he blushed. “Now get back to work, ya swab,” somehow what worked for Jack Sparrow doesn’t seem to do so for me. As I left there he was rolling about on the floor laughing.
Comments
I am guessing that Cathy
will do something about that tree problem that will surprise everybody.
May Your Light Forever Shine
"but I know someone who does"
Sounds like a good idea. Hope it helps with the tree situation and avoids bringing yet another person into the family.
trees - not my best subject
and considering how many times i had to backspace to correct errors in the subject line, maybe typing isn't either, although I have done much better this time -only 3 backspaces!
Stan and Woody seem to have the best ideas though, so I will go with their ideas.
And no one knows trees like cats! Except for perhaps Bonzi and Izzy, as I have no idea if they spend time outdoors or not, but their tails are still wagging!
Don't let someone else talk you out of your dreams. How can we have dreams come true, if we have no dreams?
Katrina Gayle "Stormy" Storm
Fun and peaceful...
That's a good way to describe things. Sadly, Cathy needs things a tad less peaceful I think - else that pristine piece of paper will remain pristine.
Thank you,
Annette
A suitable fungicide
40 years ago when I was a Pesticide sprayer, there were several different fungicides out there that would cure many infestations. Sadly, many of these ailments are resistant and all anyone can do is eliminate the food source in that environment.
Here in America we used to have stands of Dutch Elm that were more than 100 feet high. Somehow we got a beetle from Asia that carried a fatal fungus, and over the years, and my travels, I have seem this problem gradually decimate the Dutch Elm.
We used to spray Chrorodane, a Chlorinated Hydrocarbon pesticide to kill the beetles; unaware that the chemical would have a devastating effect on the applicators, the general population and the environment. In those days, Rachael Carson's, "Silent Spring" had just come out and many tried to say that it was a hysterical plea. We were so ignorant then. I doubt that the chemical is even used now.
Gwendolyn
Silent spring.
You're soo-oo right Gwen. Rachel Carson's book Silent Spring was required reading at our environmental course in College. Her please have been proven totally correct in Britain.
English Elms proved to be almost totally incapable of resistance to Dutch elm disease and all our hedgerows were descimated as trees died all over Britain. Virtually the whole population of English Elms were wiped out and even today the young saplings that try to spring up die after a couple of years of sapling vigour.
Then Oak trees (Yes English oak the hall mark of English courage) started getting an acorn infection and over the next thousand years there is potential for the whol Oak population to die.
Now the most common tree in all Britain is being attacked by this fungus, Ash Die-back fungus.
I wonder if this is nature's final warning that we are killing the planet. Once the trees are gone we're in for a pretty shitty existance.
Angharad's right, we need to keep hammering at the gates of greed, the inexaustible greed of bankers and politicians and lawyers that turn their blind eyes to the real issue. The destruction of our planet!!!
Good story Ang. Glad you're raising the issues of environmental destruction.
Bev.
XX
The enviroment was provided for the benefit of business...
... is the view of big business (and IIRC Homer Simpson).
I beg to differ.
In his play Lady Windermere's Fan, Bernard Shaw had Lord Darlington define a cynic as:
"A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing."
I have always felt that the description applied more accurately to most CEOs of megabusinesses and also to a certain breed of economist.
Rape is about the right word for the enironmental behaviour described by Gwen. I was worried about DDT and Chlordane back in the sixties, before I heard of Rachel Carson (though not that long before). Organohalogens, starting with the simplest molecules (Methyl Bromide & Chloromethane are very widely used) though the refrigerants (fluorocarbons and chlorofluorcarbons) and on to the larger molecules like DDT, are all persistent in the natural environment, particularly the zoosphere, because they are so biocidal; it usually requires UV and/or Ozone to break them down. (Except dichloromethane, which the human body metabolises very effectivel, apperently.)
Toxic and persistant...
... cheap (and, arguably, effective), but where's the value?
Xi
Too many tangents
It may be just me - but this remarkable character is almost too much. So many different super-skills and the story .............. no - I shouldn't complain, Since a bit is written every day and up-to-the-minute comments are a useful tie-in - but it's all getting a bit much. I enjoy Bike and will probably continue to read it but the smaller Angharad pieces are, for me, er, lets say tidier.
Ta Alys
I have to say
The last line of your comment makes no sense to me. As to the first part, Bike is in the grand tradition of serials from way back at the start of radio. Somebody is always in danger, the hero/heroine always manages to save the day. The shorts shown at the Saturday matinee were the same way. I have to confess, back in the 70's when we lived in Norway, my mother and I were addicted to "Wagner's Walk" on BBC Radio. If there is no action, then there will be no readers/listners/watchers.
"Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.”
George Carlin
Angharad's Cathy
isn't the only 'larger than life' character that we like to read about. (Batman, Superman, et al).
As has been said; no tension and no 'overcome all obstacles' usually equals 'no readers.'
I, for one, enjoy the repartee, like,
“I thought you’d sorted out your differences.â€
“Yeah, we decided to inhabit different planets.â€
S.
Maybe the time
has come for the UK to stop being involved in overseas problems we have no chance of solving, Many governments have tried in the past to sort out what they see as problems in Afghanistan, To the best of my knowledge none have yet succeeded , Given the cuts to services which are now so widespread now would it not be more sensible to spend what we have on our own problems rather than trying to solve a problem that will be there many years after we are all gone...
Time to get off the soapbox :) I do wonder if there may be problems on the horizon for Cathys super chef, It does seem he is a little in need of some company, Lets hope if he finds it that the lucky woman does not mind sharing her life with Cathy and her somewhat unorthodox family.
Kirri