(aka Bike) Part 1815 by Angharad Copyright © 2012 Angharad
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Picture from wiki: Lady Scotland forever - Scot's Grays charge at Waterloo.
“What are you laughing at?” asked Simon across the table.
“This clue, or rather the answer.” I was indulging in the Guardian crossword seeing as Tom had forgotten to steal my paper and take it to work with him.
“Go on then,” he urged.
“‘Like a wolf in sheep’s clothing*,’ five and seven.” I read out the clue and the number of letters.
“Um–wool something?”
“Nope,” I smirked I’d got it at first reading.
“Um–something killer–no, something disguise,” said Simon sure he’d got the second part right.
“Nope.”
Stella was grinning at him as she fed Fiona.
“If it’s so bloody easy, you have a go,” he told her.
“I haven’t got a clue, something sweater or jumper–yeah, woolly jumper.”
“Isn’t that what you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo?” I suggested vaguely recollecting a joke from my school days, the ones before I lost my innocence probably aged about seven or younger.
“Ha ha,” she said sarcastically, “I suppose you’ve got it, the way you’re looking as smug as pig in shit.”
“Yep,” I smirked back at her.
She rose from the table still holding onto Fiona and came to look at the grid. “You haven’t got it, there’s nothing written down.”
“Because I haven’t written it down doesn’t mean I don’t have it.”
“Yes it does, you always fill them in when you get them.”
“Stella, I haven’t got a pen or pencil.”
“So, what difference does that make?” She realised what she’d said when we all fell about laughing. “Well you knew what I meant,” she said blushing furiously.
I watched the kitten come into the kitchen sniff her dish which was empty because she’d let Kiki eat the contents. I got up and offered her some cold chicken, which she wolfed down.
David appeared to start the lunch. “Okay, what’re you all laughing at?”
“Cathy was doing the crossword and she started laughing at one of the clues,” Simon incorrectly précised.
“Not the clue the answer,” I corrected.
David came round and made the same observation as Stella. I explained because I was too lazy to go and get a pen, I hadn’t filled in any of the lights.
“Which one is it?” he asked.
“Nine down, ‘Like a wolf in sheep’s clothing,’” I read and pointed to.
“Disguise?” he offered.
“I said that, and she rejected it,” Simon complained.
“Disguise is eight letters, and wolf in sheep’s clothing is in disguise–it’s gotta be right.”
“It isn’t.” I insisted because I had a better answer.
“What is it then?” he wasn’t a crossword solver.
“You’ll love it when I tell you.” I preened.
“Well bloody well tell us then,” said Simon loudly.
“How come you’re not in work, today sweetheart.”
“I told you, Dad and I are going to look at a property on Hayling Island.”
“What for?”
“Another hotel, he seems to think property is a good investment at the moment.”
“Oh, is it?” I asked.
“I don’t think so–well maybe stuff for rental, but otherwise, nah.”
“Surely Henry isn’t that daft is he?”
“It comes as a defaulted mortgage, so in a way we already own it, or the bank does.”
“How big?”
“Not sure, twenty or thirty bedrooms.”
“Not that small either then, not round here.”
“Yeah, well–I still think he’s wrong–we’ve got one hotel with five star rating for the restaurant, and four for everything else–what do we need another for?”
“Perhaps he’s playing large scale Monopoly?” I joked.
“In which case why isn’t he buying Park Lane?”
“Hotels there are very expensive,” I suggested in response to my spouse’s question, “Ask Trish, she’s the Monopoly queen.”
“I don’t think I’ll bother.” Simon looked at his watch.
“What’s for lunch?” I asked David who was staring intently at the crossword.
“I can’t make hint nor hair of it,” he said sighing, “lunch? Oh yeah, macaroni cheese.”
“Mind if I pass on that? I’ll have a tuna jacket with some of the salad stuff. I’ll happily get it myself.”
“Me too,” said Stella.
“I’m out for lunch,” said Simon.
“Where’s Sammi?” I asked.
“Up in town, just because I’m down here doesn’t mean she doesn’t have to work.”
“Oh, so how did she go?”
“Taxi.”
“Oh, okay–just checking.”
“I’d prefer a jacket spud too, David,” said Jacquie.”
He looked around at us–“Looks like it’s jacket spuds then–dunno why you have a chef?” he said disapprovingly.
“Because we’re ostentatiously wealthy,” Stella growled.
“Speak for yourself,” taunted Simon, “I’m a poor working guy.”
“Can I challenge you on all but the last word in that statement,” she riposted.
“No,” he said and poked out his tongue at her, then blew her a raspberry.
“Tea, coffee?” called David switching on the kettle.
“Tea please,” I said while the others all wanted coffee. He waited until the water boiled and made me a pot of tea and then four cups of coffee.
“How come you got the paper this morning?” asked Simon.
“It was late arriving.”
“It’s only printed up the road, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, I think so,” I answered.
“So you looking for a chef in this hotel of yours?” asked David making my tummy turn over.
“I don’t know if we’re buying it yet, it’s a sort of repossession, so we might just sell it on and try to cut our losses.”
I thought that’s what Simon wanted to do anyway, yet there was a part of me which would like to make it work as a business first then sell it on. Some days I fancied doing something different, then I remembered I had to take Danny with me this evening to do the dormice cages. Perhaps I’d stay where I was career wise.
I accepted the cuppa and thanked David. He handed down a tin of cakes–how was I ever going to lose weight with him around? Oh joy–an almond slice–I snatched a piece before it all went. It didn’t take long–but then I did have two pieces.
Stella burped Fiona who’d gone to sleep while at her breast. The noise seemed out of perspective to the small size of her body.
“Bloody hell, you can tell whose daughter she is?” laughed Simon.
“What is that supposed to mean?” demanded his sister.
“Sounds like you after a couple of drinks,” he said with difficulty he was laughing so hard.
“Yeah, well, big bro, remember you taught me all I know.” She took a gulp of coffee and a moment later burped quite loudly herself, Simon roared and even little Fi giggled at her mother’s emulation.
“What’s this bloody clue again?” asked Simon.
“Like a wolf in sheep’s clothing, five and seven letters,” I reread the clue for them.
“Nah, no idea, what is it then clever dick?”
“Anyone else want to guess?” I asked.
They all shook their heads no.
“You’ll kick yourselves,” I teased.
“I’ll kick you if you don’t tell us,” threatened Simon.
“Okay, the answer is...” the phone rang and I jumped up to answer it, it was one of those cold calls telling me I was worth thousands through missold insurance. I shut it off in disgust.
“C’mon, Cathy, what’s the answer?”
“It’s one of those insurance thingy calls.”
“No, the frigging crossword clue thing.”
“Oh that, cross-dresser.”
*Clue appeared in today’s Guardian cryptic crossword.
Comments
five and eight letters
Seems I'm too tired to count letters, good night! ;)
Martina
Just love the banter
Well up to your usual standard, Ang. Only you could create a complete episode out of a crossword clue.
S.
agree
and it was fun too wasn't it.
We only do ...
... the so-called Quick Crossword together as we eat our evening meal and that's sometimes hard enough with very stretched definitions. I'd never heard of 1 across today - caress with ones eyelashes 9,4. SWMBO sometimes tackles the cryptic but I'm not clever enough.
Bit worrying for Cathy if she loses her ace chef to Simon and Henry's hotel but I'm wondering more what Ang has up her sleeve. She's clearly got a little plot hatching.
Robi
PS there was an anagram for 1 across - UK best, firstly. I'm sure you'll all get it.
Easy As Falling Off A Bike pt 1815
Like a wolf in sheep’s clothing, five and eight letters? Answer: Cross Dresser. Should that not be: Like a mad or angry wolf in sheep’s clothing, five and eight letters? LOL! :)
May Your Light Forever Shine
Meanwhile...
One day, Bramble will probably realise the meaning of the phrase "If you snooze, you lose" when it comes to food - from what I've heard, spaniels are almost as bad as labs when it comes to gluttony.
When we had Bessie (yellow lab), we quickly learned not to take her for walks just after the school run, otherwise she'd lurch for and munch (if she got half a chance!) sandwiches, crisps, chocolates (invariably bite-size milk chocolates from a box - so mercifully nowhere near the LD50 - the fact they were still in their wrappers may have helped...) and basically anything else the teens had discarded en-route home...
As the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then only left-handers are in their right mind!
Don't much like crosswords
Far prefer SUDOKU but each to their own I suppose. Cryptic stuff leaves me floundering, just a simple tranny me. Numbers and logic I can handle but cryptic crosswords means one has to think like the composer and somehow I just don't do psychology in any shape or form. Getting inside somebody else's head?!!! No thank you.
Still lovin' 'Bike' though.
XX
Bev.
A terrible play on words!
Cross dresser, indeed! :-D
Another 1815 reference:
Johnny Horton sang this song many years ago:
In 1815, we took a little trip
with Andy Jackson down the mighty Mississip.
We took a little bacon, and we took a little beans,
and we beat the Bloody British at the Battle of New Orleans.
We fired our guns when they begin a comin'
Warn't nigh as many as there was a while ago.
Fired once more and they begin a runnin'
Down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico.
We fired our cannons 'til the barrels melted down.
Then we caught an alligator and we shot another round.
Filled his head with cannon balls, and powdered his behind,
And when we lit the powder off, the 'gator lost his mind.
We fired our guns when they begin a comin'
Warn't nigh as many as there was a while ago.
Fired once more and they begin a runnin'
Down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico.
Oh, they ran through the briars, and they ran through the brambles
And, they ran through the bushes that a rabbit couldn't go.
They ran so fast the hounds couldn't catch them,
Down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico.
We fired our guns when they begin a comin'
Warn't nigh as many as there was a while ago.
Fired once more and they begin a runnin'
Down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico."
The Battle of New Orleans was actually fought in 1815, after the Treaty of Ghent had been signed, officially ending the War of 1812. The British had been soundly beaten. All three British invasions of the newly founded United States of America had been defeated, and American naval power had made the high seas dangerous for all but the largest of His Majesty's warships.
It took many years for Britain and America to return to friendly relations. Over the centuries, Britain has become the largest investor in the America economy to the great benefit of coth our countries. Yet, it was not until the end of World War II that the familial bonds were reestablished, and the friendship between our peoples was cemented for the foreseeable future.
Red MacDonald
Roundly defeated?
Washington burned, the US invasion of Canada well and truly knocked into touch... a reasonable person might consider it a draw. In simple terms, the war was fought over British assumptions of residual power over a former colony, but it was fought when Britain had much, much bigger fish to fry. Napoleon, in a word.
As for American naval power...well, you won some battles on Lake Champlain, plus a couple of skirmishes, but the US navy was definitely not a big threat. The Royal Navy was a bit busier, destroying the French and Spanish navies.
Pretty girl...
in crimson rose.
Eight letters.
I was never ...
much good at crosswords, And given i would most probably struggle with the Sun's crossword the thought of tackling the Guardian's higbrow word puzzzle is certainly a step too far, There is far too much thinking outside the box for my liking, And a clue like "Like a wolf in sheep’s clothing" is enough to have me scratching my head for a week... Thankfully Cathy does not have the same problem , Otherwise she would have little time for anything else in her day other than trying to beat the resident Guardian puzzle setter...
Kirri
The answer
...to my clue above, which is the title of a book on Guaedian compilers, is 'rebelled'.
Belle, a pretty girl, inside red. A rising is a rebellion.
this chapter
pure genius to produce a whole chapter just about a crossword clue.
I was thinking about the answer the whole way through and still didn't get it till the end.