The Daily Dormouse. (aka Bike) Part 1829 by Angharad Copyright © 2012 Angharad All Rights Reserved.

When we got back from the pub, Si immediately went on his computer about the pub landlord, as I predicted. Once the kids had been sent off to change into their playing clothes, I checked on David. He was sitting on his sofa looking at his mobile.

“Oh, hi, Cathy,” he said as I went in, “good meal?” he enquired.

“I’ve tasted better and actually cooked better myself–so it was rubbish.”

“I expect you have made better, you’re a very good cook.”

“Not compared to you,” I offered the accolade.

“I’m a pro, Cathy. I spent several years training, you’re just a housewife who picked up bits from her mum and other people. That fish pie the other night was t’riffic.”

I felt myself colour up, “How are you?” I enquired.

“I’ve felt better. Arthur has got the funeral arranged for tomorrow.”

“Gosh, that’s quick–how d’you know?”

“My niece let me know, she’s the only one who accepts me.”

I nearly said, solidarity amongst women, then blushed when I realised how dumb that would have been. “Okay, where and when? If it’s in Outer Mongolia, I’ll have to get someone to take the girls to school.”

“Our local church, St Mary’s at eleven o’clock.”

“I’ll be ready.” I said, but he wasn’t listening. He was somewhere else.

“I haven’t been there since I was a girl, used to sing in the church choir. I went to see the vicar when I first had feelings that I should have been a boy–or should I say, when those feelings crystallised–I’d felt different to other girls as long as I can remember.”

“What did he say?”

“She, it was a woman, she told me to go and see my doctor and she would pray for me.”

“At least it wasn’t negative stuff.”

“I hadn’t finished–she said she’d pray for me because I was obviously very disturbed and displaying an envy of my brother.”

“Ah, good ol’ penis envy.”

“In my case it was true, I suppose.”

I couldn’t understand anyone wanting one, unless it was to have fun with it while it was attached to someone sexy, like Si–well like–you know what I mean.

“I thought Freud was largely considered old fashioned and irrelevant these days?”

“I dunno–so you think we should go–to the funeral, I mean?”

“It’s up to you whether we go or not. If you want to say goodbye to your dad, then I would suggest we went, if it’s not important–we don’t have to. What you mustn’t allow to happen is for your brother to prevent you from attending when you want to go. He has no right to do that.”

“I know, I know, I don’t know if I feel strong enough to cope with him.”

“I’ll cope with him, if you want to go.”

“What if he turns violent again?”

“I’ll have him arrested on the spot. He won’t get out until he’s an old man.”

“Even you couldn’t do that.”

“I know,” I confessed–I had got a bit carried away. “But if he starts flinging punches round, especially in our direction, I’ll stop him.”

“How can you do that?”

“I have my methods.”

“You saw the size of him.”

“He’s not going to hit a woman in front of a load of witnesses.”

“He’s crazy enough.”

“Ah, but that doesn’t mean he’s stupid enough.”

“He is.”

“I’ll just have to be at my most persuasive.”

“He won’t listen.”

“David, you don’t know what will happen other than we’ll be there and he can’t prevent you attending your own father’s funeral.”

“I wish I felt as confident as you.”

Yeah, well that was mostly bravado and an unerring self belief that whatever happens, something will occur to me to do, including run away as fast as possible. Now, more importantly, should I wear heels or something sensible–like trainers?

“I’ll see you for supper–then?”

“I think I’m better on my own, Cathy, but thanks anyway.”

“Tomorrow, be ready any time after nine, I’ll take you to Eastleigh.”

“I don’t know, Cathy, I really don’t know.”

“Be ready, that’s an order–remember, I’m still your employer.” I left before he could dissent. Okay he could disappear, but I’d go to the funeral on his behalf and he knew it.

I decided I’d take the girls to school in jeans and sweat shirt then change when I got home. Jacquie can look after Catherine, and we should be back lunch time or shortly afterwards, depending upon how David feels.

My only misgiving about the way this is going is that David’s acting like a bereft daughter and I’m bouncing round like a demented boy friend. Oh well, in my book girls can be anything they want, and bodyguard/adviser/negotiator is just one of them–yeah, multitasking at its best.

I went back to the house just in time to see Jacquie making a cuppa. “You smelt the tea, Mummy, didn’t you?”

“Yep, that’s me, a tea hound.”

“Well you’re barking, so you’re probably correct,” Simon smiled as he came through for a bottle of beer.

“So that’s why he sometimes calls me a bitch,” I said loud enough for him to hear.

“The penny drops at last,” he said, taking two bottles with him, one for Tom–they were watching football on the telly.

“Just be careful, darling, some dogs are known to bite.”

“I know, babes, I still have the tooth marks.”

“How is David?” asked Sammi.

“He’s still upset, he’s lost his father and his brother is acting like a twit.”

“Is he going to the funeral?”

“Yes, it’s tomorrow, Arthur, his brother arranged it quickly, hoping to catch David unawares, but his daughter let David know.”

“David has a daughter?” Sammi said in astonishment.

“No, it’s Arthur’s daughter, David’s niece, she sent him a text. Anyway, I’m him taking to the funeral tomorrow.”

“What if the brother gets nasty?”

“He’s nasty already. It’s trying to prevent him getting abusive or physical that I’ll be there.”

“Good ol’ mum, in the thick of the action as always.”

“David is a much valued member of this household, so deserves our support.”

“Absolutely,” agreed Sammi sipping her tea, “So, you got room for another to come to the funeral?”

“I thought you were working up in town?”

“Nah, Vince, the guy I work with has a day off tomorrow and Daddy told me to have one as well.”

“But there are far nicer things to do than attend funerals.”

“True, but everyone here has been so good to me, it’s about time I returned the favour.”

“You don’t need to. David and I can cope with this by ourselves you know. Why don’t you just have a day out shopping?”

“If Pheebs had been available, I might have done, but I think some solidarity might help prevent fisticuffs. He’s hardly going to hit two women, is he?”

“If he does, I’ll see if the vicar does discounts on double funerals, because if he lays a finger on you, I’ll tear him apart.”

“Goodness, Mummy, you’re a real tigress when you’re roused.”

“You ain’t seen nuthin’ yet,” I smiled and went off with my tea to the study.