The Daily Dormouse. (aka Bike) Part 1830 by Angharad Copyright © 2012 Angharad All Rights Reserved.

I was up early, the adrenalin flowing saw to that. I’d showered and dried my hair pulled on jeans and button up shirt, and slapped on some makeup all by seven o’clock, which was when I roused the various offspring.

After breakfast when it seemed as if the girls were deliberately tardy, I felt my blood pressure rising and I tried desperately hard to keep my temper. Danny went off to school and I had to practically drag Trish to the car as she was telling Sammi some elaborate tale. Finally, I got them to their place of education and dropped Phoebe off at the local college where she looked quite anxious.

“Want me to come in with you?” I offered.

“Would you mind?”

“C’mon, kiddo, give ’em hell,” I said and she took my proffered arm. Ten minutes later she was chatting with two other girls and all her nerves seemed to have vanished. I jumped in the car and crawled home–the traffic was abysmal. I think they should all walk their kids to school, so the roads are clear for me. I chuckled at my megalomania.

Once home, I dashed upstairs and changed into a skirt suit in black silk with small black beading and black embroidered flowers. The skirt was mid calf and swirly, and I wore it with a white cashmere cowl necked jumper and black knee high boots. To this I added a long necklace of black obsidian and simple diamond stud earrings. My watch and a gold bangle completed the outfit and after a squirt or two of Coco, I descended to see if Sammi was ready. It was half past nine and we needed to get a move on. I called and she appeared wearing one of her new work suits in a deep red colour which she teamed with a plain grey blouse and her raincoat. I grabbed mine and my black shoulder bag and went in search of David.

We knocked and entered his place and saw him sitting on the sofa. He didn’t look well. “I don’t think I can do this, Cathy.”

“You could always sit in the car.”

“None of us have to go,” he said. “My dad would understand.”

“It’s not your dad who’s the problem,” I said, trying to remain calm.

“Quite, it’s that bastard of a brother of mine.”

“Okay, you’re obviously not up to it, so we’ll go instead,” I was aware of the time.

“No, I can’t let you do that.”

“Why not?”

“Because I can’t–it’s not your fight–or even your dad.”

“So, you know me, always up for a lost cause.” I smiled at him.

“Okay, I’ll be with you in two minutes.” He went into the bathroom and combed his receding locks and pulled on a tie, which I immediately undid and retied for him. I know–bad habit–but I had to learn how to tie one properly. He looked at my retied knot and thanked me.

We left the house five minutes later and I chanced it with the speed cameras to make up some of the lost time. Eastleigh is between Portsmouth and Southampton and we were approaching it about half an hour later. David took over the navigation and steered me towards the church. It was ten twenty.

I spotted a little cafe up the road and suggested we get a cuppa to calm us down and if necessary a piece of toast or equivalent. Somehow despite my early start, I’d not eaten anything–thanks to Trish and her obstructive behaviour.

The place was quiet and the owner friendly and we ended up having a bacon sandwich each and a mug of tea. After a wee and respray job on the lipstick, I was ready for anything. We returned to the church at ten minutes to eleven.

Arthur, the bothersome brother was standing by the church door with presumably his wife and daughter, all three looked suitably sombre. Sammi walked in front of David and I held his arm and we passed with me between the two warring siblings. Arthur gave us a daggers look and his wife looked shocked. The daughter gave us an anxious smile. Nothing was said or done and I breathed a sigh of relief. We took our places near the rear of the church, Sammi and I sandwiching the grieving David between us.

Arthur came in with the vicar and pointed at us, then went out again. The priest came up to us. “Are you friends of the deceased?” he asked knowing full well who we were.

“He’s my father,” said David standing up.

“Oh, so it’s true then?” The cleric said, and stepped back in case he caught something.

“And you are?” he said addressing me.

“Does that matter?” I asked.

“Well, yes, I don’t want any trouble and the chief mourner is distressed enough.”

I stood up and quietly said, “I’m his counsel, and we don’t want you to have any trouble either. It’s a bugger to sue a priest, they can rarely cover their costs.”

“This is a house of God,” declared the priest.

“In which case can I call him as a witness or a correspondent?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” he snapped at me.

“I’m not,” I said trying to convey a little menace in my tone, “I’m here to see that my client is allowed to mourn his father as well, so I’d be grateful if you keep the eulogy accurate and talk about two brothers not brother and sister.”

“Accurate? How would that be accurate?”

“David is legally a man. Anything which you say which contradicts that might be seen as slander, and I specialise in defamation cases. My last client retired at age thirty on the damages last time.”

“This is a place of worship not usury.”

“I agree, it’s also a public place and full of witnesses, I’d be neglecting my duty other than to advise you of any unfortunate consequences. We don’t want any trouble either, just to allow the whole family to be allowed to say goodbye to their loved one.”

The priest looked at his watch and strode away muttering under his breath. David and I sat down and he let out a huge sigh. “That wasn’t true, Cathy,” he hissed.

“Yeah, neither will all the stuff he’ll be saying in a moment, about sky fairies and things.”

David sat back in his seat and we watched a fair number of people enter and half fill the church. I won’t comment on the service, it served its purpose of a focus for the grief of the mourners and to give the old man a send off. The priest obviously believed I would sue him over his eulogy because he mentioned only children and his reference was fleeting.

We followed the coffin out of the church and into the church yard for the committal. We stood at the back of the group which formed ready to leave as soon as it was over.

I handed David the small white rosebud I had in my bag and at the end of the ceremony he dropped it in the grave and paused for a few moments, then we turned to leave. It was on the path back to the road, we encountered the enemy.

“How dare you, you freak?” said his brother confronting us. I stepped in front of David and asked Arthur to move. “Not until I’ve given this creature a piece of my mind.”

“I think, sir, given your current attitude, you could ill afford to lose any of your mind,” was my retort.

“Who are you?”

“His counsel, now if you’d just let us by, I won’t need to issue any writs.”

“That’s right, let a woman do your fighting for you. Some man you are,” he said in disgust.

“No one will be fighting here. If there’s any to be done, it’ll be in a court of law.” I kept up my pretence.

“Look at it, pretending to be a man,” jibed Arthur.

“Sir, I’d be grateful if you’d confine your remarks to yourself. My client is as legally male as you are.”

“Well that shows what a fool the law is then.”

“It must be, to allow bullies like you throw your weight about without consequences.” I kept up my polite menace.

He stepped forward and shoved at David, who sidestepped and let Arthur fall flat on his face over a gravestone. He jumped back up, his trousers with mud on the knees. He swore and charged at David, who sidestepped again and this time Arthur came past me and accidentally fell over my foot, sprawling this time into a bush.

“You bitch,” he yelled at me and came at me.

“Let her alone, Arth,” said David quietly.

“Why, you gonna make me?” replied his larger sibling.

“Yes.” David stood his ground. Arthur swung at his brother, David parried and planted a right hook on his brother’s nose. He stood still for a moment swore and then fell over, blood rushing down his face and on to his shirt. The congregation were gasping in astonishment at the David and Goliath contest.

I led David away with Sammi bringing up the rear. We got into the car and I drove away before anything further happened. David was still trembling as we got back onto the motorway.

“I didn’t mean to hit him, but I wouldn’t let him hit a woman.”

I patted his leg, “Thank you for protecting me. I think you acted like a gentleman today, and you didn’t start any violence, but neither did you run away, you stood up for your values. I’m proud of you.”

“I was gobsmacked by both of you, Mummy,” said Sammi. “The bluff with the legal stuff was brill.”

“He claimed to have God on his side, I claimed to have the law. If we’d gone to court, I know the law would have come in the form of barristers and judges, I’m not sure he had quite the same conviction in his team.”

“Couldn’t they have charged you with pretending to be something you’re not?”

“No, I’d have told them I was his legal representative. To defend someone in a court of law doesn’t require you to be a qualified lawyer. Some people defend themselves and do quite well.”

“But it was telling untruths, Mummy.”

“Not quite. It was allowing them to believe untruths–a bit like religion. Let’s get home I’m dying for a cuppa.”