The Daily Dormouse. (aka Bike) Part 1804 by Angharad Copyright © 2012 Angharad All Rights Reserved.

I must have fallen asleep because I awoke with my eyelashes all stuck together and my neck was stiff. I rose from the chair and moved around doing some stretching exercises until the exertion caused me to feel breathless. For a moment I thought about how long it would take me to get fit again–the way I felt–forever.

I began to think about the children and what they were doing, especially little Catherine–I hoped Stella was still sharing her milk with her. Trish and Livvie will be going back to school, so will Meems. We fought so hard to keep them, for us to be their proper parents. I hoped Simon would manage to cope with them. Then there was Danny, a nice kid who just needed an opportunity to prove it. The older ones, Julie, Jacquie and Sammi, it’s going to tax Stella and Julie but hopefully they will help Sammi become the woman she so desires to be. I wonder what happened with her date? I’ll never know now.

I looked at the time. It was two in the morning. I calculated I had four hours to wait before they started checking on people–it’s usually about six in most hospitals. If you’re lucky, you get a cuppa then. Damn, I could murder a cuppa but if I asked for one, they’d probably dose it with something–nah, I can wait another four hours.

I went and sat back in the chair and tried to sleep. It was difficult, I kept seeing my kids and then seeing them at my funeral–that was really hard, and I admit I did shed a tear. However, I was adamant, I’d had enough of this life and it was time to end it.

I must have nodded again, because I woke feeling even more uncomfortable in the neck department–oh well, some quick traction with a bit of rope would sort that. It was twenty to six. Time to put plan A into action.

I lay down beside the bed on the side farthest from the door. I was tucked into the base of it, so that someone looking over the bed wouldn’t see me. It wasn’t quite high enough for me to get under it–but then if it were, they’d look under it. I calculated as it was they wouldn’t.

I nearly went off to sleep again because it seemed ages before someone unlocked my door and then noticed I wasn’t there and my bed hadn’t been slept in. “Lady Cameron? Where are you, Cathy?” she said loudly and even looked in the wardrobe and my small shower room cum toilet. “Oh shit,” I heard her say and she dashed off, doing exactly what I wanted, leaving my door unlocked.

I scrambled up and out of the door and into a toilet across the way just in time to hear two or three nurses come rushing into my room they looked round it and then went tearing off to start looking around the house–the clinic is in a large old manor house.

It went quiet and I looked around the room I was in. It was the staff changing room–brilliant. I found a tunic and trousers that fitted me, and hey presto, I was a nurse, especially when I pulled my hair up into a ponytail.

I slipped out of the room and looked for the stair case–I had a new plan. I walked past two nurses who were racing about the place–you haven’t seen this missing woman have you?

“Me, nah, I’ll shout if I do,” I said and carried on up the stairs–my chest was really burning and I had to rest for a moment to get my breath back. My body was really letting me down–but not for much longer.

It took me twenty minutes but I finally found my way to the roof access and stepped out on to the flat leaded roof, closing the doors behind me. It was late August but it was quite cool for the time of year and I gave an involuntary shudder.

I had a little time before they came looking here and I could sit and get my breath back so I could jump off with a degree of elegance–well composure might be a better word. I sat on the top of some sort of air intake and rested. My chest was still burning but not for much longer.

I glanced about me, there were small puddles on the roof and quite few piles of leaves and even moss in places where presumably a leaf mould had built up enough to let things grow. The edge of the roof had a wall around it which was about three feet tall, so I wouldn’t be seen from the ground until I was ready to jump.

I walked to the edge and glanced over, it looked a long way down. I don’t like heights at the best of times–oh well, keep my eyes closed when I’m ready to go. I wished I’d had a piece of paper to leave a note for the kids. There was a pen in the tunic but nothing to write on. I should have done that before I left the room, not that I saw much in the way of paper there then. I suppose I could have torn a page out of a book or magazine and used it, but I didn’t.

I felt cold as I contemplated my next and final action. Oh well, Once I hit the ground the shock would stop me feeling anything ever again. The height was probably about forty feet, a couple of seconds and splat–I actually laughed at that–hysterically and it took me a few minutes to get back control of myself. Nerves–people often laugh at inappropriate places when they’re stressed and moments from killing ones-self does seem appropriate to feel a bit tense.

It was then I heard a mewing and looked down to see a kitten rubbing itself about my legs. “Hello, puss, how one earth did you get up here?” Naturally it didn’t answer me, except to purr and rub itself even more. Damn, I was counting on no witnesses–but then the cat couldn’t talk could it?

It reached up and pulled at the trousers I was wearing, wanting to be lifted up. I bent down and picked it up and it rubbed its little face against mine. I of course burst into tears. I don’t know why.

I sat on the edge of the air intake holding the cat and stroking it. Its little body felt warm and silky and it made an awful fuss of me, as if I was its life saver or rescuer. I wasn’t, I had other business to deal with and I thought I’d better get on with it.

I saw people out in the grounds at the back of the house, so I went to the front–sorry, this is going to stain your immaculate driveway. I put the cat down and walked to the wall. It immediately jumped up on the wall and into my arms.

I dropped it down and pushed it away–it did the same again, purring and rubbing against me. “For goodness sake, cat, piss off will you–this is hard enough to do without you interfering.”

She jumped back on the wall and then into my arms again. For a moment I felt like hurling her over the edge–how dare she interfere? But she didn’t understand and was just showing me her unconditional love. Once again I burst into tears and sank down behind the curtain wall, the cat of course came and sat on top of me kneading me as they do when they’re happy. She curled up and lay in my lap as I sat there sobbing, before tiredness overcame me and I fell asleep.

A little later I felt people standing around me, “Come on, Lady Cameron, back inside you must be freezing.” Two women nurses and a man helped me up and before I knew it I was back inside my room hugging a hot cup of tea and sobbing–I’d blown my only chance.

Simon arrived a little later and played hell with them. “What were you doing on the roof, babes?”

“I was going to jump, but a black and white kitten sort of stopped me.”

“We saw no cat,” said the doctor.

“She curled up with me and I fell asleep.”

“There was no cat.”

The matron of the home whispered something to him. “You don’t expect me to believe that, do you?”

“Believe what?” demanded Simon.

“About ten years ago, we had a woman patient here who jumped off the roof and killed herself. She had been allowed to bring a young cat with her. She had the cat in her arms when she jumped–the cat also perished.”

I felt goosebumps all over. I’d been cuddling a ghost cat. “Take me home please, darling.”

“Are you sure?” asked Simon.

“Yes, I’m sure.”