(aka Bike) Part 1858 by Angharad Copyright © 2012 Angharad
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It was a day or two later when I got a chance to talk with Phoebe.
“How’s the course going?”
“Yeah, okay.”
“Oh good.” I paused wondering how to slip in the sixty four dollar question. “And you’re still happy staying here?”
“Yeah, I’m really glad you offered me a place–staying with Neal and Glo would have been, like, constrictive.”
“I hope you won’t tell him that.”
“No chance.”
“Why d’you think staying with him would have been constrictive?”
“Oh you know, big brother and all that, he’d have wanted to know the ins and outs of a cats arse.”
“Only because he’s responsible for you and he cares.”
“Yeah, maybe, but he can be a right pain.”
“In what way?”
“Oh just bossing me about all the time, do this do that, don’t do this and so on.”
“Is that what big brothers are like?” I asked trying to be sympathetic.
“You don’t have one?” she asked.
“No, I was an only child, at times I’d have loved a big sister.”
“Yeah, well I’ve got Julie for that.”
That took me aback a little, but thinking about it I suppose it was nearly that sort of situation, they were very close having bonded the first time Phoebe had stayed here before her mother died. She is a nice kid, I just want her to know that I trust her to be responsible but how do I do that?
“So the two of you are out on the prowl eh? Watch out all eligible young men.” I pretended to be shouting this to the world and she chuckled.
“Yeah, watch out boys, me an’ Jules are a-coming,” she pretended to shout as well.
We both laughed and afterwards I said, “Well if you do go chasing boys, just be careful–there’s a lot of nasty bugs out there as well as pregnancy.”
“I know, we like had a lecture on it in the third year.”
“Fine, just be careful–your mother had great trust in you to be sensible–I believe she was spot on.” There, I’d said it and she blushed.
“I will–how d’you know what Mum thought?”
“We talked about you the first time you stayed here–she loved you a great deal, and thought you would do great things because you had so much potential and so much common sense.”
“Eh? Mum said all that?”
“Pretty well, and I agree with her. I knew because of your common sense you’d be safe to have stay here.”
“Oh,” she blushed even redder.
“Sorry have I said something wrong?”
“Um–no, it’s just you talkin’ about my mum, that’s all.”
“Oh, I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, okay.” She made excuses and went up to her room. I wasn’t sure if I’d said the right or the wrong thing, I’d have to rely on feedback from Julie. I suspected I’d come across as being heavy. I’m not trying to spoil her fun. I know I missed out on so much, so I’d like her to have fun but to do so responsibly, which is a bit of an oxymoron to many teenagers.
I must sound like my granny, but I don’t mean it like that–I just want her to be safe and not get saddled with some horrible disease or a baby, which is exactly what I’d want for my own kids.
I went to see how dinner was progressing. David was doing a roast turkey dinner with all the trimmings. Why you might ask, this close to Christmas, but he’s not going to be available at Christmas, he thinks he’ll be staying with his cousin for a few days in the New Forest. He’s so good, I can’t dissuade him, but I have a feeling he might be looking to get himself a girlfriend. He hasn’t said as much it’s just a feeling I have.
That night, I told Simon what I’d done, re Phoebe. He wasn’t impressed. “You what?”
“I told her that her mum had told me she was responsible.”
“Responsible for what?”
“For herself, she behaved responsibly.”
“Oh, so why didn’t you say that?”
“I did, you weren’t listening.”
“I was, my whole being was hanging on every word.”
“You silly bugger.”
“I was, now did her mother say that?”
“No, of course not, but she doesn’t know that.”
“You hope.”
“No, how could she know what we talked about.”
“By asking her mother after you’d gone.” I didn’t like Simon when he got all logical.
“Her mum was hardy likely to tell her that, was she?”
“How do I know, I’m not a mum am I, haven’t got child bearing hips like some people we know.”
“What?”
He chuckled.
“Who are you on about?” I had no idea, unless it was Stella and as she’s popped a baby twice, a bit implicit.
“You, ya dummy.”
“Oh very funny, point out my failings why don’t you?” I felt a mixture of anger and sadness and didn’t know whether I wanted to hit him, burst into tears or be hugged by him. In the end the tears won and despite my best efforts the wet stuff started to escape my eyelids and rolled down my cheek.
“I didn’t mean it like that. You have child bearing hips, some old lady said so one day when she passed me in the street, we were shopping I think and she spotted you waving to me and she said something about you giving me lots of kids and when I said we couldn’t have kids, she said it wasn’t you, because you had child bearing hips.”
“So much for the wisdom of old wives,” I said and wiped my eyes, “silly old bugger.”
“Well she didn’t know, did she?”
“Obviously.”
“Cathy, please don’t let’s do one of your woe is me I’m a transsexual things, or you’d better find a real woman.”
“I wasn’t going to,” I lied sniffing back the new set of tears which threatened to flow in ever larger quantities.
“Oh, well that’s alright then: haven’t they done a womb transplant, maybe we should make enquiries.”
“What for?”
“Seeing what it would cost to get you a womb transplant.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, no surgeon would agree to do that.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m not a biological female, am I?”
“So, if I offer enough money, I’m sure we’d find one.”
“I don’t think you would, not an ethical one at any rate.”
“Why’s it got to be ethical? All we want is someone who’s a near tissue type and whack it in and hey presto, borrow a couple of eggs and some of my sperm and away we go, bob’s your uncle.”
“I don’t have the wherewithal inside, do I?”
“How do I know, I’m not a bloody doctor.”
“It would be too dangerous not to mention expensive.”
“In what way?”
“It could kill the baby.”
“Well they shoved one in that young woman a few months ago.”
“That was from her mother, they’d be very close tissue types.”
“So?”
“Even if they could do it, and I have my doubts; and even if you found a surgeon who was prepared to do it, it would cost millions.”
“Babes, if that’s what it took to stop you feeling inadequate to all these real women–and to whom–I’d prefer you any day, I’d willingly spend it.”
“What?”
“I said...”
“I know what you said; I just can’t believe you said it. You’d do that for me?”
“Yeah, why not?”
I burst into tears with the emotion of how much I loved this man.
“Now what did I do?”
Comments
Men
Don't try to analyse female logic; we're ruled by our hormones and will just confuse you. Let's face it, the hormones confuse us...
S.
Womyn !
Yep Cathy's got the act down. When I was still married, never could keep the X afloat and pitty party proof. She was so burdened with doubts that it was like kickin the ball and dragin Harry. Shoulda tried harder I guess.
Awww!
Poor Si! He means well, but as Susan indicated above, he'll never understand the female mind.
As also exemplified by his confusion over Cathy's very tactful approach to discussing Phoebe's dating...
As the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then only left-handers are in their right mind!
It's a constant ache.
That feeling of 'emptyness' even for transexuals who have previously 'fathered' a child. The extra need, that extra wish, that extra urge to somehow carry a living, growing, dependent life inside you and then bear it to parturition. The final act that would make it all complete.
Surely some day a womb transplant will viable.
I hope so for those to come after us and carry the torch to that ambition and finality.
Very moving chapter Ang.
XX
Bev.
It's easy to sometimes
end up crying for Cathy.
Sometimes?
I'm crying half the time, it seems.
No Doubt About It, Simon Just Said Exactly What Cathy
Needed to hear. He may be a bloke, but he does love his wife and adopted kids. But I hope this won't cause her to ponder about what would happen if/when she does have adopted and birth children. To me, she already has children, but I am a bloke, not a woman. So what do I know about the subject?
May Your Light Forever Shine
One day
Simon may well understand women, Mind you by then hopefully Cathy will have learnt to accept that he only made the comments he did because he loves her so much ... Yes he sometimes has a strange way of showing it but we all know his heart is in the right place..... Shame about the brain though.
Kirri