CHAPTER 23
There was no way Alice could suddenly appear at work. I didn’t trust many of the staff with my own secret, certainly not people like slimy Andy. That meant I had to look at ways of easing her into things.

One night shortly after our return, as I lay naked, sweaty and trembling with Tony, I asked him outright.

“What do you think, cariad? We’ve got the room, and if she stays here on her off days we’ll have someone for Jim”

“It’s a sweet idea, love, but we need to speak to her, see what she wants. She may not want to go all the way you are”

“Oh, trust me, Tone, I know what she wants, it’s just how strong she feels. I mean, if she goes for surgery they will insist she loses a lot of weight first”

“Sar, love, slow down a little. You may think you know what she wants, but she’s like you, she isn’t ‘you’. Let’s just offer her some choice rather than a road map, OK?”

He was right. I was caught up in the excitement of the moment, trying to push things along the way I assumed she wanted. Enid had pushed her, from all accounts dragged her kicking and screaming, but only as far as someone who she needed to speak to. Slow down, Sar. At least there was one thing made a lot easier: buying her presents for Christmas. That’ll be clothes, then. I went to sleep cuddled up to my bear, determined to see how far I could help her, and reminding myself over and over that her name at work had to be Alan.

Back to work, and buzzing up the A2 fighting the late Autumn side winds. There were a couple of times, as I passed lorries, where I had to hang back and then accelerate hard to punch through their bow wave, the acceleration tightening the bike up, but I still found the blast making me lean the bike hard to the left to keep it in lane. I was buzzing myself when I got to the ladies’ and changed from my leathers. Suzy already had the kettle on, good girl. Anne joined us.

“Hi, Sar, welcome back! How was Oz?”

I just pulled out a handful of memory cards. “All on here, including some video. I’m going to put them on disc here, then we can have a slide show at break time. It was absolutely bloody magic!”

Anne looked at me knowingly. “And what was it like being mum?”

“Oh, Anne, is it that obvious?”

Suzy laughed. “Our biker chick here has got steadily more broody since she took up with that big beast of hers. You’re still young enough, Sar, you thinking of trying for another?”

That hurt. I couldn’t tell her, I really couldn’t. I had Jim to think of, for starters.

“Suzy…Anne, I have to let you into a little secret, but it is secret, OK?”

They both nodded.

“I have problems in that area. I can’t have kids. Jim is the best I can do. To be honest, he is the best I could ever imagine.”

I dropped my voice and pulled them in close. “He’s started calling me mummy”

There was one of those female ‘Awwwwww’ moments, and I got a couple of hugs, and then Andy appeared. “Hello, gorgeous, how’s the boyfriend treating you?”

“Hi, Andy, wonderfully, as always. Couldn’t be better. As I tell you every time you ask”

“Well, a chap’s got to try, hasn’t he?”

“Yes, and you are” (three girl chorus) “very trying!”

He grinned, and sorted himself a coffee. “Been a few changes while you were away. Old Alan’s eased off a bit. He’s even shaved that fungus off, must have a woman in his life. Or a man, perhaps!”

He likes his own jokes, does Andy.

“He looks better without it, a lot softer. I mean, it always made him look like that Wimpy bloke from Popeye, you know?”

For such a twat, he was actually spot on. Al…an did look better without it, but part of that, when he came in for his tea, was obviously simple happiness.

“Morning, Sar! How’s the jet lag?”

“Just about sorted, Al”

My way of keeping it straight… “I was thinking of asking Arris over for a weekend. Fancy coming along? Enid might be down as well”

“That would be great, we could go over by Joss Bay, perhaps.”

I could see Andy putting things together in his head and getting completely the wrong answer, but never mind. Alan asked for a quiet word.

“Sar, I need to ask you a favour. I am going to ask my doctor if can start some hormone therapy.”

I was astonished. This was quicker than Tony or I had guessed it would be.

“Sar, I can see what you are thinking, but look…I’m 60, I have a last chance to live as I should have been doing for years, but I want to do it safely. I just need you to fill the prescription for me if I get it. I can’t let the others see it, and I am well known enough that any other chemist would cause gossip”

“Alan, of course I will, but you knew that already.”

“Yes, but I was brought up to be polite”

“Al, we have a question for you as well. What would you say to living with us part time? It would be when you are off from here, and it would help us look after Jim when we are both at work.”

“Who are you asking to stay with you, Sarah?”

I smiled at him, her. “Whoever wants to come”

She smiled at me. “I shall bring Jessica then”

A dew days later, after some work clearing Jim’s toy depot from the spare room, she moved in, and Jessica turned out to be a large and very well worn rag doll, who took up immediate residence on the bed. Alice changed almost as soon as she was in the front door, and then threw me out of my own kitchen as she began maiden-aunting her way through making tea for the two boys. Tony had gone to pick up Jim, and after a happy shout, he was quickly into an account of playground and classroom dramas. I realised that she was getting much of the same joy from him as I did. Meeting his needs met hers. I broke into Jim’s recitation.

“Jim, Aunty Alice is going to start staying here every few days so that you can be looked after from school. Is that OK?”

“Will she be an aunty all the time? She’s always nice, but the aunty’s better”

“Yes, she will, and you must promise not to tell anyone that she isn’t always an aunty. Some people aren’t nice. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Mummy, it’s cause they would laugh at her, isn’t it? I wouldn’t like that.”

“That’s right, darling. You are a very clever and sensible boy”

Just like that. The resilience, the adaptability, of children astonishes me, but it gives me hope that some day we can start to break down the old attitudes of people like Andy, or that bastard Joe. There might actually be a world which it is worth bringing more children into.

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Arris was over with Steve and the herd the following weekend. I had primed them about Alice, so there were no surprises beyond an obvious once-over of her appearance, which seemed to pass muster with the kids. It was a real houseful, the children all camped out in Jim’s room in sleeping bags. Typically for Jim, when offered the choice of sleeping in his bed or ‘camping’ on the floor, he went for the sleeping bag. Suzy and Ali had his bed, while he slept with Stevie on mats on the floor. Arris and Steve took the sofa bed.

We adults sat and talked, and did the boring thing with the CDs I had downloaded the holiday pictures onto. I got another surprise as we did so: Alice got her knitting out. We all stared, rather rudely, and she just said “What?”, then grinned and carried on with her purling and casting, whatever it’s called.

Look, I’m a rock chick, what the hell am I going to know about knitting? Steve just rumbled out what he called a chuckle.

“Tell you what, people, let’s just film her now, give the video to her psychiatrist, and save the NHS a lot of time and money in diagnosis!”