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Part 23

I didn’t sleep real well last night. I keep tossing and turning. Finally, at around five this morning I give up and get up. I figure that I can put the time to good use and decide that today I will go out as a girl. Just what in the dickens am I getting myself into?

I get out of bed and figure that the best thing I can do is just keep moving and try not to think about it. So, I strip off my tee shirt and panties and go take my shower.

I take my new razor and shaving gel and lather up my legs and shave them. Hmm, not too bad. With luck the bleeding from all of the nicks will stop before I’m done. I check my underarms and there’s no hair there. Thank god. I’d probably cut off my arm if I tried it this morning.

I shampoo and condition my hair then soap up with the new body wash that Mom got me. It smells kinda nice.

When I’m finally done I rinse off and happily note that I’m not bleeding anymore.

I turn off the water and grab my towel and dry off. With that done I go back into my room and grab a pair of panties and one of the new pairs of jeans I got yesterday. I figure that jeans will be the safest to start out with.

I put on some socks and pull on my jeans. I have to hop up and down a couple of times to get them all of the way on then pull hard to button and zip them. Why on earth did Ellen get these so snug?

With that done, I put on my trainers and go back into the bathroom to finish my hair. I grab my blow dryer and brush and begin the long process of drying my hair. It really is getting to be more of a pain to deal with. It’s around eighteen to twenty inches now and really wavy. I’m seriously thinking of having the place we’re going to tomorrow cut it all off.

With my hair dry, I hold it back with a headband and apply a bit of lip-gloss. I think I’ll just limit my makeup to that for now.

I step back and look at the result. Hmm, not too bad I suppose. Probably ought to put on a bra and shirt though–might raise a few eyebrows if I don’t.

I start to giggle at the thought then sober up as I take a close look at myself. Standing here in front of the mirror in my jeans and with no top on, there’s no doubt that what I’m looking at is a girl. A rather tall, thin girl with a crooked nose that Mom and Ellen say is pretty. Quite frankly, I don’t see that part.

Oh well, better finish up and get downstairs and fix some breakfast. I’m starving. Last night’s dinner was early and my stomach is growling.

I grab a green bra to match my panties and then pull on one of my new tee shirts. With that done, I head on downstairs.

I’m surprised to see Mom already up with a cup of coffee and reading the paper.

“Hey, Mom, you’re up early.”

“Morning, sweetheart. I could say the same for you. Starting early are you?” she asks indicating my clothes.

“Oh, yeah. I figured there wasn’t any reason not to, so I figured I’d take the plunge. I look okay, don’t I?

“You look very nice. I was just a bit surprised. Why are you up so early?”

“Couldn’t sleep. Figured I might as well get up as stay in bed and toss and turn.”

“No food, honey. Not until after your appointment.”

“What! I’m starving and it’s a good three hours until I see the doctor. How am I supposed to last till then?”

“Waiting until after the appointment won’t kill you, and you can drink all that you want. In fact, Dr. Martin wants you to drink until you think you’ll float away. So have some juice.”

“Oh man. Why no food and all the drink?”

“I’m not sure of the specifics but Dr. Martin said that it will improve the test results.”

“Oh. Um, Mom? Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure you can, honey, anything at all. What’s on your mind?”

I pour myself a large glass of grapefruit juice and sit across from Mom.

“Well, am I adopted?”

“Where on earth did that come from?”

“Well?”

“No, honey, you are not adopted. What makes you ask that?”

“Really?”

“Yes, really. The birth of my children is one of the events in my life that I don’t think I can ever forget. Now what is this all about?”

“Well, it’s just that I’m not like anyone else in this family. This whole thing I’ve got and how I look and all. I mean, Ellen looks just like you and the twins look like Dad. Me? I don’t look like either one of you. You all have a lighter skin tone and lighter hair and all and I thought I might be adopted.”

“Oh, sweetheart. I promise you, you are not adopted. It’s true that you don’t take much after either your father or me, although you do have my mouth I think and you have a lot of your father around your eyes. However, that does not mean you were adopted. In fact, you look so much like your Aunt Dee that it’s spooky. You’ve seen pictures of her, haven’t you?”

“No, I don’t think so. I’ve heard Dad talk about his sister but I don’t remember seeing any pictures of her.”

“Come with me.”

Mom gets up and heads off to the den. This is one of the inner sanctums of the house. None of us kids are allowed in here without Mom or Dad saying it’s okay.

We go in and I sit on the leather loveseat and Mom goes over to the bookcase, pulls out a photo album and brings it over.

Mom sits next to me and opens it up. “Here’s a picture of your aunt. I think this was taken a couple of years ago.” Mom stops at one page and there’s a studio shot of my aunt. She and I have the same coloring. Her hair is black like mine but she has some of the greenest eyes I’ve ever seen and mine are blue. She’s also far prettier than I could ever be.

“Wow, Mom. This is wild. How come we don’t hear anything about Dad’s family?”

“Well, your father and your grandfather had a bit of a falling out just before your Dad and I got married, and being two of the most stubborn men on the Earth, neither one has taken steps to make up to the other. Between that and them still living in Ireland and of course, us travelling around the world like gypsies, well, we’ve just lost contact.”

“She’s beautiful.”

“You are, too. You look a lot like her, you know.”

“Mom, I am not pretty.”

“You are so, and if you decide to be female, you are going to make a very beautiful woman.”

“Do you really think so? I mean, well, I’m not fishing for compliments or anything, but I don’t think I look all that pretty. I have this crooked nose and I’m tall and skinny, then I look at you or Ellen or someone, say like Robbyn, now she’s beautiful, and I just don’t think that I’m like that.”

“Well you aren’t silly. Yes, Robbyn is very pretty and she’s going to grow up to be a very beautiful woman. But her beauty is all too common, almost like a Barbie doll. Now I’m not putting her down or anything but there isn’t anything about her that stands out. I think she’ll do very well in her beauty contests because she has that same type of look. Watch any of these pageants and all the women look very much the same.

“Then there’s you. You too are very pretty and will grow up to be very beautiful. The difference between you and Robbyn is you are going to be the one that will be remembered. Your features stand out. You have a classic beauty look with a hint of the exotic about you. You have a nice figure already and it will only get better. With your very long legs and narrow waist and that thick black hair of yours, well you’re going to draw attention wherever you go.

“Does all of that make any sense to you?”

“Yeah, kind of. I’m not sure I believe it all though.”

I smile at my Mom and she gives me a hug.

“Well, I wouldn’t worry too much about it. Let’s go back into the kitchen. I could use some more coffee and it looks like you need some more juice.”

“Ugh, I slosh when I walk as it is. At least I don’t feel as hungry anymore.”

Mom has just started a new batch of coffee when Dad comes into the kitchen.

“Well, good morning, you two, you both are up awful early this morning.”

“Morning, honey.”

“Morning, Dad.”

“Well so...um, Alex. You look, um, very nice this morning.”

“Thank you, Dad.”

Dad starts to fix some toast, then gets his coffee. All the while he keeps looking over at me. I finally say, “Kinda hard to get used to, isn’t it?”

“Wha...? Oh, sorry. Yes, it’s going to take a bit to get used to seeing you this way.”

“You ought to try it from my side,” I said smiling.

Dad smiles back and says, “Thanks, but I think I’ll pass. So, what’s on everyone’s schedule today?”

“Well, we’re going to the doctor’s for some more tests, then Mom is taking me out to get some more clothes.”

Mom says, “Ellen will be going too. She’s going to need some new things for summer and I could always use a new outfit. Just so you don’t feel left out, I’ll get you some new shirts.”

“Now don’t go spoiling me.” Dad goes over and gives Mom a kiss. “Oh, by the way. I might be doing quite a bit of travelling around the state for the next month or so. It’s going to make scheduling things like dinner fun but I’ll try not to let it get too out of hand.”

“Well, just try to let me know how many plates I should set at the table.”

“Dad, do you have any other pictures of your sister? Like when you guys were kids?”

My question catches Dad just as he’s swallowing some coffee and it goes down wrong. Coughing and sputtering, he asks, “Where did that come from?”

“Alex got the notion that he, I mean she, might be adopted because she doesn’t look very much like either you or me. I got out the picture Dee sent you a couple of years ago to show her that she takes after your sister. The resemblance is quite strong.”

“Well, there should be an old photo album or two around here somewhere. Lord knows where it would be since we moved, but I don’t see why we can’t dig it up. Now that you mention it, Alex does look a lot like Dee did at that age.”

Mom says, “We can look for it later, right now we need to finish getting ready and leave for your appointment.”

“You two have a good day and I’ll see you tonight. If I get home early, I’ll look around for those albums.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

I finish up my juice and run upstairs to brush my teeth. Afterwards I’m standing by my dresser and realize that I can’t just stuff my wallet and keys in my pockets and be off. I grab the new leather purse that we got yesterday and pull out all of the paper stuffed in it. I put in my wallet, keys and at the last moment, I put in some lip-gloss too. Feeling a bit silly and a tad self-conscious, I go back downstairs to meet up with Mom.

Shortly after, Mom comes downstairs and we call out our goodbyes to Dad and leave.

We leave just in time to hit the morning rush. I think that we probably could walk the distance faster.

We get to the doctor’s office and I’m her first appointment of the day. My name is called and we get up and while I’m asked to go on in to the exam room, Dr. Martin pulls Mom aside and they speak briefly before coming on in.

“Good morning, Alex. You look very nice this morning.”

“Thank you, Doctor, it’s nice to see you again.”

“Well, first things first. You need to take this pill and you need to drink this entire bottle of water.”

“What’s the pill for? And there’s no way I can drink that much water anytime soon.”

“The pill will help you stay relaxed for the exam and you need as much of the water in you as possible to improve the test results. We’ll be using an ultrasound, and the more water, the better.”

“Okay, but I thought we did an ultrasound already.”

“We did, but this one will be more detailed. Now take the pill and start on that water while we get these stitches out.”

So, down goes the pill and I start in on the water while watching the doctor remove the stitches.

“That’s healing very well. Now I want you to continue using that cream we gave you and keep it bandaged for another week. Hopefully that will keep the scarring down. It looks like it’s working quite well. How does it feel?”

“Fine.”

With the last of the stitches out, the doctor applies some more cream that will help reduce the scarring and then re-bandages everything. I’m beginning to feel real lethargic and out of it.

Dr. Martin gives me a close look and says, “That’s working faster than I expected. Now I’m going to have your mother help you get undressed and into this gown. I’ll be back shortly and we’ll get this test done.”

I’m feeling really light-headed at this point and am not much help in getting undressed. My sense of balance is shot but eventually I’m in the hospital gown and lying down on the table.

A short time later, the doctor comes back with the nurse and they’re rolling a cart in with them.

“How are you doing, Alex?”

“Okay I guess, I really need to use the bathroom though.”

“Hold on there and you’ll be able to just as soon as we’re done with the test. Now I need you to roll over on your left side. There you go. Now let’s straighten out this bottom leg and bend this top leg just a bit more.

“Okay, now Alex, I need you to try and stay as relaxed as possible. The more relaxed you are, the easier this will be. You’re going to feel a bit of pressure in your rear. Just relax and take deep, steady breaths.”

“Okay, Doctor.”

At this point I haven’t a clue what is going on. About the only thing I know is I really need to use the bathroom. My bladder feels like it is going to explode. Then the whole ‘you’re going to feel a bit of pressure’ takes on its full meaning as something cold, wet and feeling the size of a baseball bat is slowly pushed up my bum!

I completely forget about my full bladder and even forget to breathe until the doctor reminds me. Then I’m breathing like a freight train until she tells me to slow it down. This lasts for about a year in my time–I have no idea how long it really lasts. Finally, the tree trunk is slowly being pulled out. Thank god!

“Excellent job, Alex. You did very well.”

All I could do was look between the doctor and my Mom with eyes the size of dinner plates.

“Oh my goodness! Why didn’t someone warn me about that! Oh my goodness! Why did you have to stick it up there?”

“If I had told you, it would have made you too nervous and you would have tensed up and that makes it far worse, and we ‘stuck it up there’ because that gave us the best images.”

“Oh, okay, but geeze that hurt. Can I use the bathroom now? I’m about to wet myself.”

“Sure, here, let the nurse help you. While you’re at it, we’ll need another urine sample.”

“Not a problem.”

The nurse helps me get none too steadily to my feet and I shuffle over to the bathroom. Oh boy, am I sore. I close the door and do my business.

Eventually I finish and as I go to stand there’s a sharp pain that shoots up my...never mind.

I waddle back out and the nurse helps me back to the table.

“Are we done now?”

“Yes, Alex, you can go behind that curtain and dress if you want.”

“I’d rather not do any unnecessary walking. Mom, can you hand me my clothes?”

“Sure, honey. Let me help you.”

“So, Dr. Martin, did this help?” I ask.

“Oh yes. I’m going to have these images looked at by another doctor and we can discuss the results at your next appointment. I’ll leave you to finish up. Make another appointment in a week and we’ll go over everything, okay?”

Mom and I both say, “Thank you, Doctor,” at the same time and she leaves.

“Mom, I sure hope you didn’t know what was going to happen before we got here.”

Smiling she says, “If I did?”

“Then I’d be very disappointed in you for not giving me a chance to run away.”

Laughing she says, “No, honey, it was a surprise to me as well.”

I finish dressing and we leave after making another appointment for next week.

***

We drive back home from the doctor’s office and I swear I feel every bump in the road on the way back.

When we get home, there is a note from Ellen that she has had to go into school to take care of some things but that she would be home around lunchtime and then we could go shopping.

Seeing as how I didn’t sleep well last night and that my bum was so sore now, I decide to go up to my room and lay down for awhile.

Before I know it I am fast asleep.

It seems like I have just closed my eyes when Mom is gently shaking me awake.

“Alex, time to get up, honey.”

“M’kay, Mom.”

“Come on downstairs and have some lunch.”

“Okay, I’ll be right there.”

I get up and go into the bathroom to freshen up, then head on downstairs.

I get downstairs and Ellen and Mom are in the kitchen talking.

Mom asks, “Feeling better?”

“Much, thanks.”

Ellen is smiling at me and says, “I heard that you had an interesting exam this morning.”

“You have no idea. That was the worst thing I’ve ever had done to me.”

“Oh I think I can imagine what it was like. You’ve never had a full pelvic exam. Those are no fun either.”

I just shudder in response and start to fix myself a sandwich. I am so hungry. I can’t believe that I went and took a nap without eating anything this morning.

“Ellen, you keep telling me that I don’t have nearly enough clothes. What else are we going to get. It seems to me that I have all I’ll need.”

“Oh young seeker of knowledge, you have truly come to proper path of enlightenment. Come sit at my feet and I will reveal unto you the mysteries of the female wardrobe... Honey, you can never have too many clothes.”

Mom and I are laughing at her.

“Seriously, Alex, you do need more, even just to last through the summer.”

“Like what?”

“Okay, here’s my summer fashion spiel: Ladies, for summer, the key is to dress for comfort and to keep it simple. Now remember shorts and a tee shirt are great for this because they’re fast and easy, but they can be boring and a bit predictable at the same time.

“Now to get away from all of the tee and short blandness and kick things up a bit, you’re going to need a skirt. Now skirts instantly up your style and they have the added bonus of being cool and comfortable to wear. You’re going to need several different types of styles and lengths.”

Mom and I are giggling at her. Ellen sounds just like a fashion reporter on TV.

Ellen continues, “You’re also going to need some sandals, boots and plain old flip-flops. I think you probably should also have a couple of dresses, both casual sundresses and something more sophisticated for when we go out to dinner or something.

“There’s still an awful lot you are going to need.”

“Skirts, dresses? Really? I don’t know about that.”

“Trust me. You’ll be fine.”

“You guys are really enjoying this, aren’t you?”

“Yup, it’s not often you get a totally blank canvas to work with. Don’t worry, we won’t go crazy. If nothing else, Mom here will keep me in line.”

“Yeah, but who will keep Mom in line?”

“Don’t worry, honey,” Mom says. “We won’t go too crazy. After all you are only fourteen and incredibly new to all of this. We’ll keep things appropriate to your age.”

“I’m almost fifteen and why doesn’t that make me feel any better?”

We finish up lunch and then head on out.

This whole experience is pulling me in so many directions. It’s scary and nerve-racking yet enjoyable and exciting at the same time. It’s kinda like being on big rollercoaster ride. Yet despite how scared I am, I’m determined to at least try and make the best of this and enjoy myself.

I notice that this time we aren’t going to the mall.

“Mom, where are we going?”

“Oh, there are some nice boutiques that I thought we’d try today.”

So off we go. Things go much like they did the other day at the mall. I learn that there’s a world of difference between seeing someone in a short skirt and thinking how nice they and the skirt look and actually wearing one. I gotta tell ya, you put on a miniskirt and you become acutely aware of how exposed you really are. I’m constantly pulling on the hem and I couldn’t imagine sitting down in one. When I mention this, Mom’s reply is, “Just remember to keep your knees together, dear.”

That’s easy for her to say. I try to tell them that I really didn’t think I need a miniskirt. Ellen looks aghast and says, “But you have to have some. They’re all the style and you really do have the legs to wear them to the best effect. Plus they look hot and will keep you cool.”

“Ellen, I’m not sure ‘hot’ is the look I want to go for.”

“Trust me on this, Alex. You’ll be fine and you’ll look fabulous. You won’t wear them all the time, we’ll get you some knee and calf-length styles too. I mean, they will be more versatile, but you’ll need some minis.”

So I end up getting some miniskirts, also some knee and calf-length skirts. I get both blue and white denim skirts because according to Ellen, they’re a ‘classic’ and go with everything. Ellen also insists that I get a ‘peasant’ skirt in all three lengths and both plaid and seersucker minis.

Most of the time I don’t know what Mom and Ellen are talking about.

There is one outfit that they have me get that makes me look like Esmeralda from that Disney movie. I actually like that one. It is super-comfortable to wear.

After skirts come the shorts, and what a difference from boy shorts. I end up getting both short shorts (yeah, like I’ll really wear them, these babies are really short) and some that come to just above the knee. These come in a wide variety of styles and fabrics, too.

After the shorts come shoes. After trying on what seem like hundreds of pairs I end up getting some flats, some more sandals, some boots and some things called espadrilles. They’re basically canvas sandals and shoes with a rope sole.

Our big argument of the day comes when they both insist that I am going to need shoes and sandals that have a high heel. They keep telling me that the heels aren’t that high but I felt like they are when I try them on.

As usual I end up caving and we end up getting some called wedges. Ellen says they aren’t heels but to my mind, if they put my heel higher than my toes, they’re a heel and it really doesn’t matter what other names you call them.

Ellen looks appalled at this. Sometimes I forget that fashion is Ellen’s religion.

I do end up getting some dressier shoes that have a low heel to them for my dress up outfit.

After all of this, Mom and Ellen load me up with accessories. Mom says, “When your outfit seems a little lacking, the right accessory can pull your look together perfectly.” I’ll take her word for it. So I end up with some more belts and other assorted jewelry like some funky cuffs that they think are great and some necklaces.

Now all of the time I’m getting things, Mom and Ellen are also getting things, and as promised, Mom gets Dad some new shirts too.

When we were all done, the trunk of the car and half of the back seat is packed with shopping bags and I’m exhausted.

Mom and Ellen are chattering away in the front seat as we head back home and I just lay my head back for a second to rest a bit.

The next thing I know we’re pulling up into the garage.

I’m thinking as I lug all of my bags up to my room and start to put things away, that one good thing that has come from today is I’m now not so nervous trying on girl clothes. In fact–and this makes me pause a bit–for the most part I don’t even think of myself as dressing as a ‘girl.’ Oh, how do I say this right? I think what I mean is, it feels normal to be dressing and trying on and shopping for dresses and skirts. Oh that’s not quite right either but it’s closer.

I guess it’ll give me something else to talk to Amanda about next week. It certainly is giving me a lot to think about.

Feeling real good and wanting to show Mom and Ellen that I appreciate all of their help today, I change into a knee-length white peasant skirt with a wide brown leather belt and an olive-green tank top. Feeling particularly daring, I also wear one of the wedge espadrilles in brown. Then I put on a couple of the necklaces and go downstairs after freshening up in the bathroom.

Going into the kitchen I see that Mom has made up some of her delicious fruit smoothies and has left me a glass on the counter.

Seeing Mom and Ellen on the back patio talking, I take my glass and go to join them.

Pausing at the screen door, I take a deep breath and go on outside.

Hearing me come out, they stop talking and look over to me. Mom just cocks an eyebrow at me and gives me a smile. Ellen’s eyes look to pop out of her head and her jaw is hanging open.

She gets this huge grin on her face and says, “Quite the boho look you got going there. Good job.”

“Boho? Is that a good thing?”

“It’s short for Bohemian and it depends on how the person is doing it if it’s good or not. Some can’t pull it off, you did very well, only next time, go with just one necklace.”

“Oh, okay.”

I sit and Mom says with a smile, “You look very nice, dear. You might want to practice keeping your knees together, though.”

“Yeah, that’s going to take some getting used to,” I say as I readjust my sitting position.

“Yeah, but, Mother, did you see how Alex smoothed her skirt before she sat down? Sis, you’re a natural.”

“No I’m not. I’m just trying to remember how you and Mom act.”

“Well, I think you’re doing great. Isn’t she, Mom?”

“I have to agree with your sister there, I think you’re doing very well too. Why’d you decide to get dressed up?”

“Well, mostly as a way to show you two that I really am grateful for all you’ve done for me. I also figure that I’m going to have to get used to it sooner or later and now is as good a time as any.”

“Well I can’t speak for your sister, but I had a great deal of fun today. We’ll need to do this some more.”

“Yeah, Alex, me too. It’s been a blast.”

Dad called and said he had to work late so with the twins off with their scouting, it’s just us girls tonight. Gods it’s so weird to refer to myself that way.

Anyway, we have a lot of fun just hanging with each other and talking about clothes and styling and the various things we’ll be able to have done tomorrow at the spa. I am still a bit nervous about tomorrow but feel much better than I had before.

It’s been a long day so after dinner we all decide to call it a night. Since it felt like a special night, Mom had given me a small glass of white wine with dinner and it had relaxed me tremendously.

The folks would occasionally give us some wine on special occasions. They figure that better with them than on our own. This way they could help teach us responsibility, too.

As I finish getting ready for bed and turn out the light, I can’t help but reflect on how nice this day has been–especially considering how it had started out. With that thought, I’m soon asleep.

Photo Credit: Ray Philson