The Family Girl Blogs (aka "The New Working Girl Blogs") Blog #43: Me? Jealous? Nahhh... To see all of Bobbie's Family Girl Blogs, click on this link: http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/book/28818/family-girl-blogs

We had a late business lunch with this movie/TV personality & print model yesterday, at a very, very upscale (not to mention expensive) out-of-the-way little restaurant in one of the five-star hotels in the main business district.   She was a very sweet and friendly girl, and had a big fund of funny stories to tell and had most of us giggling and laughing, much to the consternation of her personal assistant, since we were starting to bother the nearby tables.

But what really got us to pay attention was that she was drop-dead gorgeous. As in REALLY drop-dead gorgeous.

Was I jealous? Nahhh...

I guess it's my girl's fault that we had the meeting: Tintin suggested a simultaneous recruitment and PR TV-print campaign, and it involved hiring local TV and print talent.   She sold me on the idea and I had it vetted by the home office's marketing people.   They beefed up her plan a whole lot, adding lots of details, essentially "professionalizing" her outline and changing it into a full-blown marketing program (they sent back a one-inch-thick ring binder... grrr) and suggested getting a locally-based PR company to execute it.   I tentatively approved it, but agreed to push it on our own first as far we could, until we had to commit real funding, and to see if we wanted to really do it when we reached that point.

So, to start the ball rolling, since she knew some people in one of the major TV networks here, Tintin started some "infomal" inquiries.   One of the results of this was this little tete-a-tete.

After doing all I can to be physically female, and learning all I can to live as a female, I thought I did good (though I only really felt... "real" a little over a year ago - about the end of 2010), but when I get to meet people like this girl, and naturally end up comparing myself to them, it makes me question things - if I really am doing good, or I'm just deluding myself.

Actually, the girl, empirically speaking (nice nerdyword, huh?), doesn't fit the stereotype of the beautiful girl.   Slim curves gone to thinness, extremely modest boobies, and though she had a pretty face, she wasn't beautiful.   Empirically speaking, that is.

But to hear her, and to talk to her in the flesh, she was indubitably female, and attractive to the nth degree.   Everyone couldn't take their eyes off her.

I guess I wasn't as friendly as I could have been. and I tried to find out why.   I don't know how it is for real girls, but I guess I reacted to her like she was a rival (I guess I need to go meow or something now heehee). I don't know why, though, since we weren't competing for the attention of some guy. And, as I said, she was a sweet girl, friendly, sincere and funny (except that she talked about her dad a lot... I wonder why)

Back at our place later, I tried to puzzle it out.   I suppose I was jealous of the fact that she was getting people's attention. Being made much of as The Boss here, plus the natural attention that foreign females get here, has made me (forgive the word) cocky, so perhaps I was expecting to be the center of attention as usual... I highly doubt it, though - I am egotistic, yes (lol), but not that egotistic.

I think it's more likely that I resented her for her perfection, that it was so effortless and so effective, and so all-encompassing, despite not being stereotypically physically beautiful. (And I am not saying she isn't pretty - she is. Very. Just not beautiful... sorry if I am expressing myself badly, but I think you know what I mean.)

I wish I could get that easy manner, and that natural, unaffected femaleness that I suppose "made-girls" like me have to work hard at.   And why was I so affected this time, as opposed to other times when I met gorgeous women before?   What was different?   Thinking it through, I guess the difference now was that I really do accept that I'm female now, and I suppose I consider myself in play now, as in, I'm also in the running along with all the other women, deserving or not.

I guess I was more envious than jealous, and I had to think that over, as in what really is the difference between envy and jealousy anyway?   Ah, well.   It doesn't matter, really.

Last night, Moe said it was useless to be envious. It's only natural that she'd be gorgeous - she is a TV celebrity and model after all.   If I were that gorgeous, I'd probably be on TV, too.

That, of course, deserved a pillow throw.   Too bad Moe dodged it lol.

(BTW, the banner picture of Toni Gonzaga is a publicly-accessible picture of her on the internet, from a Belo billboard ad - no i.p. or copyright infringement is intended.   Also, the girl in the blog is not Toni, 'kay?   Toni has no connection with her, except that Toni's a Filipina as well, is a TV celebrity too, and is super-pretty, too.)
  

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