The Family Girl Blogs (aka "The New Working Girl Blogs") Blog #61: It's Too Obvious Now To see all of Bobbie's Family Girl Blogs, click on this link: http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/book/28818/family-girl-blogs

It was actually confirmed February 22, but Sweetie and I haven't been telling anyone. We weren't really keeping it a secret, but we would only tell people if they asked. So we've been able to keep it quiet for a while. Which was something we thought was important. I being a post-op TG girl wasn't the issue (as very, very few here know), but the fact that we were in a same-sex relationship was. Especially in a very conservative, predominantly-catholic country like the Philippines. (Guess that's the advantage of Washington DC - people are more blasé about such things back home.) And adding this to the mix will just make us doubly... controversial... So we though keeping this quiet was important.

But that's impossible now.

Since the beginning of June, Moe has started to show (she's gettin' biiig heehee) so the questions are now inevitable. So we decided to announce it to friends at my birthday party last Saturday night (great timing, huh? lol). And this blog is my way of announcing this officially to the BCTS folks (although there are some who know already).

The announcement last Saturday went well, I think. And all we've gotten were positive vibes since. The news has trickled down to the office, and people have been congratulating me off and on these past couple of days. I think we've underestimated Filipinos' open-mindedness, or maybe we've just been lucky.

The other big, sticky thing we've been dreading DID come up, though - the question of who the father was. But we were prepared! (It pays to have a nerd in the family lol) We side-stepped the question by saying we went AI. And we didn't even need to lie, too heehee.

I suppose the timing for this isn't the best but we had decided to try for it this year - my... deposit... is more than ten years old, and we were told that the viability is best if it's less than twelve years. Even though we were told the longest that resulted in a successful conception was twenty-one years, Moe didn't want to take any chances. Plus her papa-san and my ma really wanted one. But Moe admitted that the larger reason is that she just wants a baby. When I pressed her on it, she said, "Chikushoh! Watashi wa akachangahoshee! Damare!" (I had to ask my brother-in-law, Toshio, and it took us a week to puzzle out the phrase since I didn't remember it right.) Anyway, what Moe essentially said was, "God damnit, I just want a baby! So shut up!" (lol)

Anyway, I told her that if this one doesn't take, I have some more wrigglers still in deep freeze and we can try agsin, and if that doesn't work out, we can still adopt or something.

We're not worried, now that she's been able to conceive. Although her ob/gyn expressed some concern about her having a relatively short cervix, she said not to worry.

I guess, for me, my biggest worry was all about me - whether I will be a good enough mom. There are lingering doubts in me, like since I am not a real woman, could I ever be a mother? I suppose most parents don't think of the mother-father dichotomy of parenting nowadays, and just worry about being a good parent in general.

For TG women like me, where gender differences have been externalized into something concrete, I tend to thnk of this more than others. Or maybe, since I began life "broken," am I so fundamentally flawed that I might pass this on to my daughter?

Truthfully, though, these things don't really occupy my thoughts all the time - only on rare occasions, like when I'm writing a blog or something (lolz). Hmmm. Aparently, being one year older hasn't made me any wiser...

Anyway, don't worry about me. I am fine. I am, in fact great! I'm gonna have a baby!
  

click here to read my old Working Girl Blogs, click here to read all of my blogs, click here to read my stories in BCTS, and click here to see my profile & know more about me.