The Family Girl Blogs (aka "The New Working Girl Blogs") Blog #56: Jealous Girl To see all of Bobbie's Family Girl Blogs, click on this link: http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/book/28818/family-girl-blogs

Oftentimes I find myself jealous of others, for a myriad of things. I suppose girls with similar... "problems" as mine do, too. When life has given you lemons, and you don't know about lemonade... I am a regular Jealous Girl. At least some of the time.

My spouse, on the other hand, is rarely jealous. She can be envious from time to time, though, which is not necessarily a bad thing.

Some people use the words "jealousy" and "envy" interchangeably. So I did a bit of research and I found a post on WiseGeek that explained the differences very clearly: there are two main differences actually - one was that jealousy is almost always a negative emotion while envy can have positive effects; the other one was that envy focused not on the person but the thing (or whatever it is) that the envy is about, whereas jealousy is focused on the person.

Anyway, like I said, I have been jealous of other people (and so many other other things that I am not proud of) so many times, I can't even count them. I was a very sad, angry, and bitter little ducky. But I am not the same person anymore. I have done a lot to be better, to be closer to the person I thought I should have been.

And as I continued the journey to find myself, the things that I am not exactly proud of are sort of fixing myself. The big ones I am still working on, but some of the smaller ones I am starting to fix, such as my moments of jealousy. And I credit my girl for a lot of that.

Lately, she hasn't been herself, because of a combination of too much work and her condition, I suspect. She needed to get out a little bit so convinced her to go out. I don't dance and clubbing isn't really my scene, but it is Moe's. (The doctors said its still early so it was okay, and it actually recommended)

So we got all dressed up in our new club dresses, met up with some people from the office and went to a club called Encore in a place called The Fort, and it was pretty good. Not too many people around though, they told me, because it wasn't the right day of the week.

The music was mostly trance and techno, with a few songs by Ke$ha Lana Del Rey thrown in, but my tastes were more pop than anything else. Still, I was able to dance a bit, though I begged off quite early, and I basically parked myself at our table with some of the people from my office (whose idea this was). Moe, of course, spent most of the night dancing, and I was happy she wasn't a shut-in tonight. She looked real sexy and was enjoying herself instead for a change. If you've ever been in trance or techno clubs, dance partners are optional, and you don't really need to dance "with" anyone. I did, however, notice that Moe had a lot of guys vying to be be her dance "partner." Par for the course, after all.

After a while of sitting with the guys, we were getting a bit bored so they were able to coax me onto the floor for a bit. Like I said, I don't dance (Moe finds it funny when I try to), so I was there in the middle of the place shuffling my feet and trying to stay with the rhythm. I guess I was doing okay since there were a few who wanted to dance with me. And I guess I was able to fool myself a bit because I was enjoying myself.

I was surprised, though, that, sometime in the middle of some song I didn't know, Moe came and pulled me to our friends at our table saying she was tired and needed a rest. I was a bit miffed, but what she wants and all that...

No one was talking much as we sipped our drinks, and since it was nearing 2am (closing time), we decided to go home.

After dropping everyone off, Moe got to talking, and it turns out Moe was jealous!

I won't talk about what she said, since she was plenty mad, and the language was... well... And you haven't been dressed down until you've been yelled at in a combination of English and Japanese. Why was I leading on those men! Bakka!

I was totally mystified since I didn't do anything bad. But as she wound down, I finally realized she was jealous. My Moe, the most even-keeled and reasonable people I know, was jealous. And there was no reason to be.

I haven't really put her on any pedestal (well, a little bit maybe), but in our two-plus years of being together, I guess I have been getting a lot of my cues from her, in my quest to be an all-around better girl.

I guess it's a mistake to idolize anyone since everyone has feet of clay. But that shouldn't affect how you feel about them. This is my lady, after all, and a little incident like the night before hasn't changed how I felt about her. I would forgive a lot just because it was her. And then I realized something...

If I do that for her, I suddenly realized that she does that for me as well. I then realized that I do the same for other people I know as well, and should do so for others, too. And If I can do that for others, why can't I do the same for myself? I am far from perfect, but I am really trying my best to be better, and that is the main thing. So, so long as I am trying to be better, I think I can forgive myself for my mistakes and faults. That will go a long way to making me a happier Bobbie. Whitney Houston sang about it before - that the greatest love of all is inside of me.

When Moe woke up later, she apologized profusely, saying she was being silly the night before. I shrugged and just smiled, saying there's nothing to forgive. It was just the hormones, after all. They've been pretty out of whack lately, but not unexpected.
  

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