The Family Girl Blogs (aka "The New Working Girl Blogs") Blog #11: The pluses with the minuses Or, "So that's what it's like?" To see all of Bobbie's Family Girl Blogs, click on this link: http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/book/28818/family-girl-blogs

Two weeks ago, I was scheduled to go abroad, but that got changed quick, coz, the Saturday before, one of the guys in the office died.

I told some of my BCTS friends over YM about it already.   I won't go into the details of the guy's death, except to say that he was hit by a car and died almost instantly.   And, because I had to make some arrangements to manage his work stuff (and because of some personal health-related stuff), suffice it to say I had to postpone my business trip.

I found out about it when Human Resources told me first thing  Monday morning.   I asked Sammi to get everyone into CX1 for an announcement later in the afternoon, and I made a short speech and said it's okay if anyone wanted to pay their last respects, just be sure to inform me and Sammi ahead of time.   

I also asked Sammi to arrange for a nice flower arrangement to be delivered when we fould out where the wake was. Sammi also circulated a card that anyone who cared to could sign.   I was the last to sign, and Sammi put it with the flowers.   A couple of guys from his old team went, and they hand-delivered them.

I myself didn't go, which may sound callous, especially since I was technically his boss, but I had some problems with him, and everyone knew.   It might be a little hypocritical if I did, since everyone knew he didn't like me, and, truth was, I didn't like him, too - he was one of the openly-anti-Bobbie (or rather anti-TG) people from last year, just before that... "incident," and he never really warmed up to me and I him.   I tried to not let it bother me, and to be fair, the guy did everything to stay within proper office behavior from then on, but just barely.   I heard through the grapevine that he tried to transfer out but wasn't successful.   No wonder since he wasn't liked too much in the office.

I'm sorry to speak ill of the dead, so I'll stop.

Anyway, the guy left a ton of pending stuff, and I, of course, had to take care of it.   I therefore postponed the trip, started the ball rolling to get a replacement, farmed out his two projects to the other teams, distributed his staff appropriately, and tried to manage his remaining stuff myself.

So, last week, I gave a short presentation that he was supposed to have delivered to one of his clients, as well as "wined & dined" them (nothing major - just took them out to dinner) to get them to sign off on a project. The presentation and the dinner went well enough that they signed off, which meant the project was only a month behind (and therefore no penalty fees. yay!).   Thing was...

All throughout the presentation, and throughout dinner, the six older gents I presented to made a lot of... risque comments and quips.   Downright sexist many times.   Mostly about me, my apparent youth and my looks.   (It probably was my youth coz it couldn't be the looks) I suppose that's to be expected from these people, and I couldn't help but think how well they matched my now-deceased ex-project manager.

But that was the extent of it, except for one of the older ones who put a suggestive hand on my shoulder, and another one who patted my butt a couple of times...    I'm sure these guys wouldn't have tried anything if I were male, or older-looking, or if they were sober.   I suppose I should be the one blamed, sort of, since I ordered drinks, which these guys really took advantage of, and often.   And tipsy clients aren't the most well behaved clients.

I suppose real girls have to deal with things like these, probably even far worse.   I guess I just really didn't have much skill in managing such things.   I wanted to say that maybe in time, I'll have enough practice that I'll know how to handle myself better.   But, in a way, I don't really want to have to practice for it.

For me, in my little experience, nothing can really be as bad as being bullied and being beaten, or being shamed in front of people you knew. So what are a few off-color or sexist jokes?   What's a pat on the butt compared to being hit in the face strong enough that you'd fall down?   It's less than nothing.

But then again, I felt that my my skills, expertise and intellect were being ignored, no, actually it felt like they were being belittled.   I suppose, as far as abuse go, this was better, coz it left me angry instead of in despair.   And anger is sort of empowering, in a way, coz it makes you want fight back.   If you know what I mean.   It beats the heck out of having to hide, or to lie down and cry. Despair is a familiar acquaintance of mine, and what these dirty old men did - it was nothing.   And in the end, they signed offon Ollie's project.   And I guess they wouldn't have if he was still alive and did the presentation himself instead of me.

I guess I had a bit of a taste of the drawbacks of playing the female part. But on the positive side, I also had a bit of a taste of its power.   At least with mysogynistic old farts.   

So that's what it's like.

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