As I woke today I found myself thinking, and what I thought was "I can't remember the last time I had a nightmare".

Well, the last couple of days have brought some bad news, but also some good news, so here is an update:

I'm sitting here totally shocked. I've been talking to Jaci and she told me that she's been talking to my mom, who apparently told her that she "didn't raise me as a boy." She went on to say she didn't force me to be a girl, either she just "raised me to be Dorothy." I really don't know where to put this piece of information. I'm ... just ... stunned ...

my last story didn't turn out as well as I would have liked. Would like to figure out why I'm regressing in my storytelling ...

Had a funny moment yesterday getting an oil change for my car. I was waiting in the lounge when a guy came in with a clipboard containing paperwork and a set of keys. He saw me, and continued to look around the lounge, and realizing I was the only one there he looked rather confused.

Finally, I said to him, "Is that for my car?" He looked at me, looked at his sheet and asked tentatively "T...Todd?" I smiled and nodded and he gave me the keys.

It seems clear to me that he saw me as a woman to the point he couldn't believe my male name belongs to me.

I was re-reading "Belle of the Ball" and when it got to the chapter where Belle's dad recounts being treated as if he was a trans girl when he was a kid, and all of a sudden, I started weeping.

Well, for whoever is interested, I'm publishing the last chapter of my autobiography today. I may put it as a whole on fictionmania, I'm not sure, but otherwise its time to move on to other projects.

To those who have read it, I hope its been interesting.

Well, I'm feeling much better today. Not only has the pain in my stomach subsided, but I got to spend an hour at Erin Payne's house, and got licked to death by her two dogs. Who knew the cure for depression was a couple of fuzzy little critters?

Been re-reading "Sweat and Tears" by Steff the Cyclist, and despite some graphic descriptions, its one of the very best stories about male sexual abuse I have ever read. Fortunately, most of her stuff is much happier, but if you can hang on through the darkness, Sweat and Tears is a amazingly well written read.

Had an interesting moment at work last night. I was talking to a co-worker about the trans thing, and she told me that the first time I mentioned it, she couldn't believe it - I was far too feminine to have ever been a boy ...

Must be doing something right, no?

Well, Erin's little challenge has sparked my muse back to life. We'll just have to see what comes of it ...

I've been thinking about this for a long time, and maybe its time I shared my thoughts.

Its turning out that my gender is the easiest problem to solve.

Just saw an interesting commercial. It was regarding a drug proscribed for several mental conditions like ADD, and apparently it had the side effect of growing breasts on men. Why do I feel like this could be a story here?

Had a very weird dream last night.

Well, after being one of the most prolific writers on here for the last four and a half years, I am facing the real possibility that my ideas cupboard is growing close to bare. Maybe all my brainpower is wrapped in my autobiography, but its possible that outside of a few crumbs that I might be able to bring to life, my days as a writer are numbered ...

If that occurs, I want my friends to know I will continue to contribute in other ways. I will comment and encourage other authors, and I will keep my blog going with whatever is happening in my life.

Its a wonderful (trans) life?

I was watching "Its a wonderful life" last night, and it got me thinking about the impact my existence.

Well, at the end of a trying day, I got some good news.

Okay, so I feel like an idiot. The reason why the TV didn't work was that the power bar wasn't plugged in.

On the other hand, this means I dont have to get a new TV, so yay?

Had an appointment with the doctor, and he wants to book me for surgery on my foot as soon as possible. He talked about it being a "fibroid mass", and mentioned the possibility of getting a biopsy on it once its removed to be sure its not cancer.

Now, why couldn't I get that on my male bits instead ?

Ah, well.

I guess what little fan-base I have has given up on my writing. My last story "Somebody's knockin'" and my latest poem "Lie to me" both are lacking in comments. I know I'm not the wonderful author Tels or Bailey Summers or Drea (or almost anybody you can mention on this site) are, but still ...

Well, I had my ultrasound on my foot, and I am more confused as to what's going on than ever. I started to sweat when the technician called someone else to look at my results, and all this other person would tell me was there was a possibility it was "scar tissue" and gave a Latin name which meant nothing to me.

So now I have to wait for a MRI scan, which wont happen until May, and then see the specialist.

Our system is free, but it sure takes a long time to get anything done ...

Ah, well.

What's a life without pain?

You can thank Kylie for the cool image that goes with my latest story "Scavenger"

Give her a round of applause, folks!

Well, things didn't go terribly well at work last night. I ended up actually sobbing from pain as my shoulder, my privates, my face, and my foot competed to see which one was gonna hurt the worst.

Had a long conversation with my brother and sister-in-law last night, and I am mulling over what my sister-in-law thinks of my transition.