Comedy

Lucky Shot

Lucky Shot

by shalimar

copyright 1968, 1990, 2001, 2007

A soldier lost less and more than he expected.

Suddenly shots came from every direction as the troop was on patrol in the jungle. Everyone in the troop took cover and returned fire.

"Medic! I've been hit!" shouted one of the soldiers.

Being Christina Chase | Chapter 34: Worthless

Alek stood up and pointed around the room, "Tina, you will pack up all of these things right now, and you WILL come home, and that is FINAL."

Christina screamed, "No way! This is MY life, and I say I'm staying RIGHT THE FUCK HERE!"
 

Being Christina Chase

Chapter 34 - Worthless

by Admiral Krunch

Runway | Chapter 19:

Tiffany’s life was becoming exciting even beyond Melissa’s wildest dreams. Tiffany was followed by fans wherever she went and as she became accustomed to the notoriety, she also was becoming more at ease with being Tiffany.

Runway
Chapter 19: -

by Arecee

Josephine Bockkernodd | Chapter 1

Poor ole Joe Bockkernodd . Upset with life. Work, work all the time. Whenever he saw a girl with her boyfriend, a wife with her husband, he thought, “Oh how lucky they are. Never having to work. Always having somebody to take care of them. Oh, if only he was one of the lucky ones with someone to take care of him.”

Josephine Bockkernodd, Chapter 1

 
Supposedly written and revised by Starla Anne Lowry
But she will not admit it

Being Christina Chase | Chapter 33: When Worlds Collide

"Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit ..." she repeated as she hyperventilated. She ran into her bedroom and stared at the piles of clothes. The mess was one thing, but how could she explain all the male clothing? "I'll just tell them I have a boyfriend," she reasoned aloud, "And he's out of town ..."
 

Being Christina Chase

Chapter 33 - When Worlds Collide

by Admiral Krunch

Being Christina Chase | Chapter 32: The Last Goodbye

A tear ran down Christina's cheek. "You have to talk to me Nina," she cried. "Please?" she whispered as she dropped her head and sobbed quietly. "Nina, you have to open the door. I'm leaving soon, and I don't know if I'm ever going to see you again. Please, don't be mad at me."

 

Being Christina Chase

Chapter 32 - The Last GoodBye

by Admiral Krunch

Being Christina Chase | Chapter 31: The New Year's Dance

"David," Christina said, "I'm glad that you and I got a chance to talk tonight. See, I'm on to your little scheme. Nina isn't going anywhere with you tonight."

David sneered, "Why don't you let Nina make up her own mind?"
 

Being Christina Chase

Chapter 31 - The New Year's Dance

by Admiral Krunch

Accidental Magic - Chapter 07: Letting Go and Hanging On.

Synopsis: Cindy and Allyssa are convinced Terri doesn't need to be so depressed at her situation. They begin trying to change her attitude and self image. They want her open up a bit more.

 

Accidental Magic

By
Allystra Krane

Chapter Seven
Letting Go and Hanging On.

Being Christina Chase | Chapter 30: The Dress in the Attic

"You look ... nice," Andrei choked. His eyes again unconsciously drifted around his Christina's body. Regaining control of himself, he stuttered, "But if you want to change into something else ... you know ... that's fine too ..."
 

Being Christina Chase

Chapter 30 - The Dress in the Attic

by Admiral Krunch

Being Christina Chase | Chapter 29: Pyrrhic Victories

Christina couldn't stand the devilish look on her aunt's face. "I know," Christina explained, "I got up early to cook something for lunch." She looked pleadingly towards Misha in the hopes she would let the subject drop.

"Who are you cooking lunch for my dear?"

Christina's shoulders sank. Her aunt was going to make her say it aloud. Letting out a heavy sigh, she turned her head away as she muttered, "Richard."

Misha patted the seat next to her, and Christina, resigned herself to her fate, sat down.

Christina had reached an entirely new stage of embarrassment; she could feel heat pulsating throughout her entire body. "Aunt Misha, I know what you're thinking, but it's not like that at all," Christina protested.

Being Christina Chase

Chapter 29 - Pyrrhic Victories

by Admiral Krunch

Tummy Trouble

Tummy Trouble


By Joannebarbarella

**************

I enjoyed the lamb curry I had for dinner last night, but it turned out that the "lamb" must have been long-dead mutton that had missed seeing the inside of a refrigerator. There is a saying, used contemptuously, about being savaged by a dead sheep.

Being Christina Chase | Chapter 28: Close Quarters


"Come back tomorrow," he beamed.

Blushing, Christina said, "I think you'd work faster without any distractions."

Richard answered seriously, "I need you around to answer any questions that may arise." In a much more playful tone, he added, "Besides, you are far and away my favorite distraction."


Being Christina Chase

Chapter 28 - Close Quarters

by Admiral Krunch
 

I Know A Transman

A poem and a statement all wrapped up in one tidy package. I wrote it this morning after a conversation with a friend... that really led to places that it shouldn't have but was a fun and entertaining conversation, anyway!

I Know A Transman
Copyright Edeyn Hannah Blackeney, 25 September 2007

I know a Transman who's partic'larly fun,

Being Christina Chase | Chapter 27: The I in Team


Abby shrugged and continued, "Not a word of that, but they did say you two made quite the couple on the dance floor."

"Yeah," Christina admitted with a sneer, "There might have been some dancing."

"If Richard took you to the Clairmont, then he must have you in his sights."

"Is that his thing?" Christina asked.

Abby leaned in and warned, "That Richard Masters is one smooth talker. I swear he has dated more girls than a crocodile has teeth!"

"You don't say."

"Just watch your back, Sugar. He's not one for settling down."

"Oh I will," Christina assured. "I've seen him in action. I'm sure he has all the girls eating out of his hand. But I'm not all the girls. I'm not... even one girl."


Being Christina Chase

Chapter 27 - The I in Team

by Admiral Krunch
 

Trans-Bike

There's girl bikes. There's boy bikes. Then, there's Trans-Bike. Looking for a bike that breaks all the rules of gender and may cause the very foundation of society as we know it to come tumbling down? Then take a look inside!

Image, text, and concept copyright 2007 by Heather Rose Brown,
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Being Christina Chase | Chapter 26: Gifts

        Doing her best to pretend that nothing was wrong, Christina spent most of Friday helping Misha and Nina with household chores. Her attempts to savor her time with Misha and Nina were crushed by their concerned looks. When she looked into their faces, all she saw was worry. The women carried on all day, making small talk and doing chores. None of them dared to address the complications that that were tearing Christina in two.

        Christina felt utterly lost. Had she ever felt so disconnected? Perhaps, when Amy had dumped her, but this was far worse. There was no way she could hold on to her family, and she doubted that even her gift, if Andrei could pull it off, would mend the rift that had formed between her and Alek.

Being Christina Chase | Chapter 25: The Clockwork Conspiracy

        Christina pulled the pillow off her head and squinted as the morning sunlight flared in her eyes. She sat up and checked the clock- 6 AM. Perfect, she thought. Andrei wasn't getting away today.

        She threw off her covers and leaped to her feet. Not even bothering with a robe, she strode through the hallway in her nightshirt. Andrei's door was closed. She stood impatiently in front of his door and tapped on it gently. When that elicited no response, she knocked harder. After a few minutes, she conceded that Andrei was either asleep or already gone. She opened the door and poked her head into the dark room. The shades were drawn tightly, blocking out any trace of daylight.

        "Andrei?" she whispered. "Are you awake?"

Mallory in the Middle


Original story by Annabelle Raven
Characters from TV series “Malcolm in the Middle”
Created by Linwood Boomer
Based on the Episode “If Boys Were Girls”

Lois Wilkerson had her hands full raising four sons, and it was getting to her.

Being Christina Chase | Chapter 24: The Perfect Christmas

        Unwilling to stand outside in the cold, Christina waited in the empty Dover bus station. This trip had been very unusual. It wasn't just not being able to sleep properly on the bus. Nor was it the uncomfortable feeling of wearing the same clothes for such a long time; that was quite ordinary. The unwelcome change was that Andrei was now a half an hour late. Christina had never arrived in Dover without someone waiting to meet her. She'd never even as much as unloaded her own bags from the bus. She sat alone in the station, waiting for anyone to show up.

Accidental Magic - Chapter 06: The Master Plan

Conspiracies abound, Between Terri's dead Grandmother still playing with the fates, the cheerleaders still trying to get her to join them. Terri just wants some peace and calm...like that will happen!
 

Accidental Magic

By
Allystra Krane

Chapter Six
The Master Plan

Being Christina Chase | Chapter 23: Problems

        Pulling the pillow off of her head, Christina forced her eyes to focus on the alarm clock. "Crap," she yawned. It was already past eight; she'd slept late yet again. She had spent most of last night Googling taxation problems to no avail. Dropping her bare feet onto the cold floor, she went into the bathroom. Her eyes winced in the pale light as she took stock of what she saw. As usual, after her Oak Grove vacations, Christina was still a girl. Even without her false breasts in place and with her disheveled morning hair, there was no doubt about it. Her powder blue cotton pj's, which were covered from head to toe with yellow chicks, certainly didn't help her cause. She was in a difficult spot- she would be returning home for Christmas, so she did not have the luxury of getting a haircut. She'd just have to find some way of making herself a convincing boy in the meantime.

Accidental Magic - Chapter 05: the Council

Synopsis: Terri gets to meet the Council and quite a few things are revealed. Like who might be responsible for all her problems...

 

Accidental Magic

By
Allystra Krane

Chapter Five
The Council.

Being Christina Chase | Chapter 22: A Broken Promise

        Christina took the load of clothes from Nina's hands and piled them into her suitcase. Realizing that she would be coming back for Christmas, and that she wouldn't dress as a girl while she was in the city, there was no need to take everything home. Nina, though always eager to help out her older cousin, was more interested in what had happened last night more than packing.

Being Christina Chase | Chapter 21: Double Dating

        Christina was barely aware of her surroundings when the truck pulled into the parking lot. She stepped out of the door and closed it after Steph had exited. Immediately crossing over to Andrei, Steph inserted her arm through his.

Being Christina Chase | Chapter 20: Dead Girl Walking

        Christina could feel time stalking her all day. She'd called Steph last night after dinner to give her all the bloody details of their double date.

        Steph, of course, had been absolutely elated. She'd explained that the Clairmont Inn was a small bed and breakfast on the edge of town. Its dining room was the closest thing to an extravagant restaurant Oak Grove had to offer, and it was certainly the most romantic place anyone could have picked.

        Had Christina known this, she would have insisted that they go anywhere else, but it was too late now. While she was sure that the day was dragging for Steph, she could feel the minutes slipping away. She wondered if this is what it felt like to be on Death Row.

Accidental Magic - Chapter 04: Circles on the ground.

Synopsis: Confronted by someone who knows her secret, Terri's rage gets the better of her. she doesn't spill blood, but words, revealing a little more to the story.

 

Accidental Magic

By
Allystra Krane

Chapter Four
Circles on the ground.

Accidental Magic - Chapter 03: Suits and Revelations

Synopsis: Terri has to learn magic from somewhere, and an old promise is coming back to haunt her, but first she has to deal with her new outfit, which has a mind of it's own.

 

Accidental Magic

By
Allystra Krane

Chapter Three
Suits and Revelations.

Being Christina Chase | Chapter 19: The Matchmaker

        Pulling the still-hot load of towels out of the dryer, Nina piled it into the laundry basket. Taking a towel off the top, she started folding.

        Christina took the next one, folded it, and placed it on the stack they were building on top of the dryer.

        "Thanks for helping out with my chores," said Nina.

        Christina responded, "Your chores are my chores."

        "In that case, do you want to write my history report?" Nina joked.

Being Christina Chase | Chapter 18: Girls' Night Out

        Nina stood on her tip-toes, stretching to slide a case of paper towels onto the top shelf. She didn't like working in the grocery store during vacations, but working with Christina was another matter entirely. "I wish you were staying longer." Nina said, placing the last case on the shelf. "Why didn't you take the whole week off?"

Harriet Porter and the Chamber of Victoria's Secret

Harriet Porter and the Chamber of Victoria's Secret
By Missy Crystal

Harriet Porter was very concerned.

"Herman, do you think the old wizard is in some kind of trouble?" she asked. "He has been acting very oddly, disappearing for days at a time. Perhaps you should use your magic map to see where he is going."

"Really, Harriet, can't you mind your own business. I am sure he can take care of himself. Besides, the map only works inside the school."

Being Christina Chase | Chapter 17: Thanksgiving

        Christina sat on the bus to Dover, leafing through the current issue of Vogue magazine, where she'd dog-eared a few pages containing some looks she wanted to try out with Steph.

        This time, her visit to the Transformations Boutique had not been as traumatizing as the first time. Though the place made still her feel extremely uncomfortable, she tried to look at it as though it was an ordinary salon visit. The Brazilian wax wasn't quite as painful as the last time as her pubic hairs had never quite grown back to their old thickness. She supposed there was no real need to wax her bikini area, but she had to admit that the feeling of her panties caressing her baby soft skin made her feel more secure in her new role.

Family Tragedies & Secrets Special Edeyn-tion!

As promised, the Special Edition! Special Features (clickable) include -- Cast of characters breakdown, the “Behind the Scenes” Author Interrogation IRC Log, and a quick description of
MY personal favorite part of each Chapter. Maybe having the whole story all at once will make it easier to enjoy!!!

Family Tragedies and Secrets
Special Edeyn-tion
by Edeyn Hannah Blackeney

Accidental Magic - Chapter 02: Acceptance, but for the wrong reason

Synopsis: Terri is asked to do the unthinkable, try out for the cheer squad, and strangely enough, she does, but not because she wants to, but because there is something she needs to do.

 

Accidental Magic

By
Allystra Krane

Chapter Two
Acceptance, but for the wrong reason.

Being Christina Chase | Chapter 16: Hiding Christina Chase

        It was nearly eleven-thirty at night when Christina stumbled through the door of her apartment. Her legs burned after ascending the six long flights of stairs. She let her suitcases drop; her arms feeling dull and stretched. The humidity in the dark apartment was oppressive, the hot air encasing Christina's skin, causing every inch of her body to sweat. Feeling the energy seep out of her muscles, she dropped onto her hard bed. She kicked of her shoes and socks then shimmied out of her tight jeans. Christina leaned back and turned on the fan mounted in the window over her bed. It did little more than cycle the hot air, but that was better than nothing.

Accidental Magic - Chapter 01: The not-so-new Girl at School.

Synopsis: The students want to get to know the new girl, but strangely it's as if they have just noticed her, because she isn't really new at all....

 

Accidental Magic

By
Allystra Krane

Chapter One
The not-so-new Girl at school.

Being Christina Chase | Chapter 15: The Gentleman Caller

        Christina got up early, long before the rest of the family and was already dressed and downstairs before the sun had come up. Deciding that she was going to be the first girl in the house to make wearing pants a habit, she had thrown on a pair of capri pants and a simple off the shoulder top. She went into the kitchen and put on an apron; the plan was to surprise her uncle with breakfast before he went to work. Christina had seen very little of Alek this visit, and she longed to spend some time with her uncle.

Being Christina Chase | Chapter 14: The Chaperone

        The next day felt like housewife boot camp to Christina. Misha had expanded the morning's cooking lesson to include all manner of domestic activities. Misha knew of Christina's rocky relationship with her mother and concluded that it was now her responsibility to prepare her niece for married life. Christina spent a good portion of the day in an apron, learning the proper ways to cook, clean, and do laundry. The truth was, Christina didn't mind doing "women's work." In fact, everything her aunt taught her would come in handy back home. What she objected to was the implication that she would need the information to tend house for some man. Still, she did not want to insult her aunt, so she played along. Nina was by her side the entire time, waiting for Christina to broach the subject of her date with David.

Being Christina Chase | Chapter 13: Fireworks

        Nina was the first one awake, and she shook Christina by the shoulder.

        "Come on, we have to get ready," Nina scurried towards the door.

        Christina sat up in bed, "Get ready for what?"

        "It's Sunday," Nina shouted as she rounded the corner. "We have to get ready for church."

        "Church?" Christina repeated to herself. She couldn't think of a time she'd been in a church that wasn't for a wedding or a funeral. She jumped out of bed and chased after Nina. "What do you mean church?"

Being Christina Chase | Chapter 12: Girl Time

        Bleary-eyed, Christina looked groggily out of the bus window. Her back was a little stiff from sleeping in the bus seat, but not much more than it would have from sleeping in her own bed. Only the bus' air conditioning system, something Christina's apartment lacked, made the overnight trip more than bearable than it would been had she spent it at home.

Being Christina Chase | Chapter 11: Finding Christina Chase

        Chris now realized that it was going to take more than just a casual effort to resurrect Christina Chase. It had been foolish to think he could just throw on some old clothes and hop on a bus. It was going to take planned and determined effort. He was going to work on being Christina every day until the end result was flawless. He decided on a few steps early on. First, he was going on a diet. Chris had always been tall and thin, but he wasn't going to take any chances. From now on, it was salad for lunch. Secondly, he was going to change his workouts. He hadn't spent much time exercising, but after his experience in Oak Grove, he'd tried some weight lifting. That was over. He was switching to aerobics or Yoga.

Being Christina Chase | Chapter 10: Back to Normal

        Chris' transition back to his old life hadn't been easy. After only a week in Oak Grove, he'd become accustomed to a slower, more relaxed way of life. Though he didn't know many people in the small town, it hadn't taken him long to recognize the familiar cast of characters on Main Street. His days had been filled with the company of his family or the friendly human interaction of working in the grocery store.

Like a Candle in the Wind, Part 3

Synopsis: a young Marilyn Monroe impersonator auditions for the role of Sugar Cane in a remake of Some Like It Hot. "If I'm a star, then the people made me a star."

Like a Candle in the Wind
by Laurie S. aka l.satori

Part 3

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

Before a performance on the Civic Holiday weekend, the first Monday in August, Heather handed me a tabloid newspaper. On the front cover was a picture of Marilyn Monroe.

"You've made the big time," Heather said with a smile. "You're on the front page of the Star Enquirer."

Being Christina Chase | Chapter 9: Home is Where the Heart Is

        Christina lay in bed on her side with her arm around a pillow. She hadn't checked what time it was, but judging by the sunlight, she expected it was past noon. Her mind was so seized with despair and worry that she'd slept only a few fitful hours since Andrei and left her at her bedroom door last night. Her hand was numb from clutching her gear necklace. She'd been holding it so tightly and for so long that the teeth had cut grooves into her palm.

Like a Candle in the Wind, Part 2

Synopsis: "I don't mind living in a man's world, as long as I can be a woman in it."
Marilyn Monroe

Like a Candle in the Wind
by Laurie S. aka l.satori

Part 2

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

All of our audiences were so enthusiastic! Standing ovations! The crowds demanded encores at each performance! The Marilyn Show's success went above and beyond our expectations.

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