James and I are doing fine, off to a beautiful beginning in our marriage. Though our passions for one another easily become distracting when the other is nearby. I think James has a bit of an advantage in keeping his emotions in check. I do a very good job acting on my passions and getting him distracted with a little effort or stimuli.

My biggest challenges ahead of me are the trial against my kidnappers and the insane load of responsibilities I’m keeping, my graduate degree, SAJEngineering Ideas, projects for Amber. The fact I’m able to hire support staff for developing the overall plan and schedule for the large group of construction projects at Amber is making it all possible for now. My helpers and I are still big savings for the university. Eighty-five percent of my hours are connected to my graduate degree and thus at no cost. The cost of using students on work-study is also less expensive. I will only bid for one project. So I am already moving in the right direction.

James is doing a great job being my husband and helping me to see I’m not a superwoman. Instead of arguing his point with me, he plays on my desire of experiencing my time as a student and in discovering being a woman and loving him in the process. The requirements of my graduate studies have a weight that is forever demanding.

A crucial time for a new decision came when Katie and Jasmine collided in the first game of the Women’s Liberty Bell Holiday Classic. Katie jammed and sprained the wrist of her shooting hand and Jasmine broke her left arm and severely sprained her knee.

I decided to put the pace my work on the project of the new Arts and Media Center to a reasonable level until the basketball season is over. That is if Anne wants me back.

I had already received medical clearance to play come January first. I had stayed in good condition and played a little on the practice squad, the past two weeks.

Anne and Catherine Greene her mother, now her assistant bench coach took me aside for a meeting. Coming back onto the team I am no better than the second team and playing time depends on my in-game performance. Luckily we had a rare junior varsity game scheduled against Philadelphia Community College PCC on January second. Olivia and Jan would each play in the game as would Denae a promising forward/center. Hadley Cane, Kelli Hart, and Bert (Roberta) Jones were all fairly good players on that squad. PCC had a good team, we had played against many of them in summer leagues and pick-up games.

First I had to get past my fear of reinjuring my ankle and foot and force myself to play at full speed, it took ten minutes into the first half. I had previously made a steal but got out hustled down the court. This time Olivia made the steal and I needed to rush down the court. Olivia passed the ball off at the last second and luckily I had run full speed to take the feed and score the basket. I next caught PCC with a surprise steal on their inbounds pass. It added up to a nice four-point turnaround plus the foul. Most importantly I was back to playing my game without worrying.

I guess it was Anne who limited my play to no more fourteen minutes in each half. While I shot a modest 40% from the field, I made all three of my free throws. I’m to be ready for the varsity game on the sixth. We would be up to Niagara Falls against the Purple Eagles. While they are not having their best season they are capable of an upset and we’ve already lost three games and are out of the rankings.

I opt to say on campus Monday evening for my second trip to the Red Tent this season, before going to Niagara Falls, New York. Surprisingly it is Karen that I bond with early in the evening. But seeing Cassie with Marcy that causes me to think things out. Yes, things felt good with Karen, but like they had the past summer with Kate, but the attraction is sexual and that is no longer enough for me or where I want to be. I excused myself from Karen and spent the rest of the night visiting with Olivia until Cassie invites me back to our suite. She was on her computer studying. When I offer to help her, she insisted I need to take responsibility for my own studies. It is then I rediscovered night time as a creative time for my work at Amber.

Seeing James’ up on his computer I call and we talk until I’m falling asleep.

My first game back with the Ambassadors, I only had nine playing minutes for the whole game but I came away with four assists to Cassie and Marcy. I scored eight points, on two three-pointers and two foul shots. Coach Catherine Greene seemingly is the one who is going to give me personal instructions. Anne, however, is not shy in chewing me out. Overall Anne is calm and poised as Coach Jessica had been. I think Anne chews me out knowing I will not take it any more personal than I should be playing well.

I had hoped James or some family would venture up to the game. Catherine tells me the wedding has a real effect on relations, saying, “James has woke up to the fact he cannot keep doing all things so you know you’re loved. You two have had a lot of help, even in covering your responsibilities. If and when you get pregnant, no one will be carrying the baby for you.” Ouch.

James and I decide a reasonable pace of my work on the project and my doctoral work related to it would be thirty hours per week. Our housekeeper Maria will also be doing five of our evening meals while James and I split the remaining two. I’m becoming a good cook but I’m mostly a student standing next to Maria or remembering what my mother had taught me. Hm. I continue to miss my mom. Sometimes I get fairly sad that I didn’t get more time as Jenny to be with her.

Friday was my first day testifying against Cougar Rodriguez? Don’t let his last name fool you, one of his parents is white as are three of his grandparents. His pitted and scarred face sends shivers up my spine just to look at him. Dougal had let me know that they had stopped or short-circuited three attempts to scare me. When I mentioned a near accident and described a car that chased me down Bell Street in South Philly. They were two times neither Dougal nor James knew of.

The defense lawyer’s expressed phony wishes that I was not afraid, his veiled threats to the opposite were my reality. When he challenged my ability to recollect faces and voices during my abduction and rape. He said, “How could you possibly think the jury will believe you could distinctively remember my client or his words?”

I shot back, “The scuzzy creep put his face down into mine, forcing a kiss on me. He called me a slut, remarking how it had been my first time. I haven’t mentioned it but his left eye is a shade lighter than his right eye… If you ask I will tell you he said!”

The lawyer asked, “Judge please tell her to relax and respectfully answer my questions.”

I turned to the Judge and asked him, “I hope you will only correct me when I’m wrong and not take instruction from the defense.”

Judge Harvey said, “I will not take instruction from either of you, but you Ms. Hamilton are correct I will be the one to correct you if you get out of order. The defense, however, is free to ask the court its questions of its own as well as you. Please continue.”

Mr. Biggs stated, “It is our understanding that FBI Agent Douglas Kelley had a vendetta against Mr. Cordero Rodriquez. That he took to hunting down Mr. Rodriquez whether he was guilty or not.”

He paused waiting for me to answer, until the Prosecutor asked, “Are you making a statement or asking a question that I don’t think she or anyone else heard?”

Mr. Biggs asked, “Is it okay if I call you Jenny?”

“You already made a statement that I don’t know the question to. I respectfully ask you to call me Ms. Hamilton and ask your questions plainly.”

He asks, “Do you think Agent Kelley had or has a vendetta against my client? Why else would he flex his authority on this case so early?”

Jenny makes an expression but states, “Mr. Dougal Kelley already knew me and came to see about my wellbeing. And once he was there did not leave as I think a person with a vendetta might likely do. I believe he had since heard your client’s group of friends has been known to make threats against people. He has taken an interest as have the police that I am kept safe.

The Defense said, “You have conveniently circumvented my question about his usurping his authority as a federal agent in this case.”

Jenny states, “James had stated the van had blue and orange plates and gave part of the license plate number. I believe that was enough for Dougal to identify it as an out of state vehicle. Both kidnapping and using an out of state vehicle provided him the reason to be involved in solving the crime.” I turn to the Judge and ask, “Your Honor testifying about my kidnapping and rape is hard enough. Do I also have to justify the actions of law enforcement as well?”

Judge Harvey, “He is entitled to pursue and ask questions within reason. He may be close but has not yet gone over those boundaries. Mr. Biggs, I would suspect she has answered your questions sufficiently to warrant you moving on if you have more questions.”

“Your Honor, this witness has a prior relationship with this agent. I question the possibility of that prejudicing the Agent and his actions.”

Judge Harvey, “She seemingly has given a good account and seemingly still had sound judgment at that time. I will allow you to pursue that line of questioning.”

Jenny draws a deep breath, possibly frustrated that the questioning will continue. The Defense asks, “It seems that you are frustrated that I question your friendship with Agent Kelley. But as you know there are differences and questions concerning the treatment of minorities by law enforcement.”

The Prosecutor objects, “Your Honor I object that the Defense is again making statements and failing to ask a question. He’s badgering the witness.” Judge Harvey says, “Mr. Biggs ask a question or I will sustain the objection.”

“Jenny Hamilton, you were Jenny Connors at the time of the alleged kidnapping and rape. Didn’t in fact, Agent Dougal judgment become clouded by his friendship with you?”

I said, “Officer Marsha Mason warned Agent Dougal of that possibility if he had left the hospital and gone to where they might have found the van and suspects. I warned both Dougal and my fiancé not to leave me alone at that time. I feared their getting hurt or the possibility of them hurting my case if, in fact, they had the correct suspects. So no, I don’t think by staying he had the opportunity to act on any emotions he had.”

Mr. Biggs said, “Are you in law enforcement that qualifies you to render such judgment?”

“Mr. Biggs, you’re the one who asked me the question. I answered your statement. It is as valid as the question asked.

“I’m upset, I do not think either the kidnapping or the rape is alleged! I was taken without my consent, I promise you that. Nor did I ask for your client to beat and rape me. The hospital report verifies that I was forcefully raped and beaten that day. Your client entered the van from who knows where and raped me. What did I say that was wrong?”

Mr. Biggs, “Your Honor, I ask the witness’s statement be struck from the record. She has elaborated well beyond the scope of the question and made insinuations against my client.”

“Request denied, you opened the door and she answered your question. I agree that her being kidnapped or raped is not alleged. Who did it will be up to the jury to decide, not me.”
The trial proceeded for a week, two days with Jenny on the stand. While it was hard to know for sure how the jury felt for sure at that time. Cordero ‘Cougar’ Richie Rodriguez’s lawyers asked at the end of the week for a plea agreement of ten years imprisonment. The Prosecutor offered a minimum of twenty-five years with a mandatory fifteen years before parole would be considered. Their hope being if Cougar is imprisoned others might be willing to testify against him for rape, kidnapping, and murder.

Jenny still hoped for a ruling of guilty and the serving of a life sentence. I was disappointed on the tenth day when Cougar finally accepts an agreement for him to serve twenty-five years. He openly states he could do the time lying down. To which I replied aloud, “I hope you do it with someone you don’t want on top of you.” James tells me to leave it at that as he hugs me.

The trial did weigh poorly on me as I had three basketball games as well as thinking through things for my job and studies also suffered. A game this Sunday sees us playing against the Tennessee Vols. We/I see noticeable change and it’s on their court. They’re highly ranked and because of illness and injuries, I’m to be the sixth person in alternating from guard and forward positions. Staci, Marcy, and Cassie are playing well but are under a lot of pressure until I and Olivia make three, three-point shots and I make a layup basket off Cassie’s feed. I have eleven points and five assists as we make it to half-time with a seven-point lead. I add three more three-point shots and end the game with my personal high at 23 points. We came away with a 79-74 victory. It lands us for the first time since early in the season into the rankings.

The next weekend we play Temple in Philadelphia, Renee Jones a second-year recruit of Coach O’Mara is having a bust out year for Coach. She as much as their older stars will be challenging to face. She not only knows out the system but has a lot of practice experience playing against it. Coach Anne takes me aside on Sunday. “Review their game film from last Monday as you would have done keeping stats for coach and find me some cracks in their playing.” The part was from the review and the other part was from something that clicked in covering Denae the year before. She likes more than most to charge to her left, quickly switching her dribbing from right to left. If I or another player could time it to block her, it threw her game and timing off. It resulted in poor shots and lousy passes. Reviewing the game I saw she has not worked through the problems.

I found something Cassie and Marcy could use in gaining rebounds and possibly being fouled by their opponents under the baskets. Tracy from Temple was already prone to fouls and this would put her back in deep trouble. It is tough playing against people who are friends off the court. But we’ve learned not to expect friendships and respect to translate to others taking it easy. We had become a competitive team by keeping our head into the game.

My hardest time in playing against Temple for me was to see Heather now seven and Kyle almost ten. Heather had run over to me as we were taking warm-ups. It was hard to see the young kids I first knew, Heather and I both had tears for the other.

I’m into the starting lineup for the first time this season. It is mostly about defending Denae and their other playmaker. Anne also knows, Coach O’Mara will not leave me unguarded on offense. I do score 17 points but twelve come from foul shots as I make 12 of 13 from the foul line. It would be my best defensive game of the season. We managed to squeeze out a 69-66 victory. It helps us to move up three more spots in one of the rankings.

Kate has now been cleared to play and Jasmine is out of her cast but two weeks from being cleared to play. That’s if we make the playoffs.

I get to enjoy a heavy winter storm, staying home to have a cozy day with James. I enjoy being on the pill and not having to take precautions with James. He tries to get out of bed but I grabbed a few short hairs and bring him back down to the bed.

Come noon, I get a call from my pharmacy in Philadelphia, and I’m asked to read the numbers on my contraception pills. Which I do and hear someone whispering from the other end, “That means trouble as she had two of those discs.”

I interrupt them and ask, “Is there a problem with the pills I’ve been taking?”

Mr. Berg gets on the other end, “Jennifer, I need to ask a personal question. I’m sorry but I hope you won’t mind telling me. Have you menstruated during the past two months?”

“No, but I didn’t expect to, is there a problem that I need to worry about?”

Mr. Berg says, “If you’re still doctoring with Dr. Heath, you might want to go get checked out by her. And until you do you should be taking proper precautions when having intercourse. I am sorry to inform you but we just received word there was a problem with the batches of pills that included your last two discs at least.”

I sit as I’m talking and James comes over to me. I’m asking over the phone, “Do you mean not having a period could mean, I’m pregnant? But Doctor Heath and others have indicated my having a period doesn’t likely mean I could become pregnant.”

He says, “I would advise you to caution on the side of being safe. Like this snowstorm should not be taken as a time to get intimate with your husband.”

I whisper under my breath, ‘Too late that boat has sailed.” I say, “Good-bye Mr. Berg, I need to make some calls. Luckily, Dr. Heath is at the university clinic despite the storm and is scheduled at the hospital as well. It is during a late lunch she calls me back and advises me to go to the Bucks County Hospital. She’s even able to provide me with the name of Dr. Beverly Crouse. Dr. Crouse’s appointments are filled up, but at Dr. Heath’s request, she agrees to see me as her last appointment of the afternoon.

I am impressed with Dr. Crouse, though I’m uncomfortable about updating a new doctor and clinic on my life changes. She says, ‘It appears you could be pregnant. If you don’t mind I’d like you to come back tomorrow morning and for us to confirm that with another test.” She sits next to me, “I would have sworn like Dr. Heath and others that it would be very unlikely you’d become pregnant, especially this early as a young woman with your body developing.”

I begin to cry in the office and as I stop crying the nurse asks a strange question, “Are those tears of joy or sadness?” Immediately I thought the question to be silly, but as I think of it, I’m not sure. Again when I go out to the waiting area to see James, I begin to cry again, “James, I could be pregnant. I am not sure what to think, I thought it was impossible.” The woman near James says, “Congratulations, I take it that this would be your first.”

I pause, “Thank you, but I have so much to do?” The woman smiles as though she knows something I do not. James gives me a hug, “So what do we need to do?”

“I need to come back tomorrow, but I might just go to Dr. Heath at the university. I like Dr. Crouse but she’s new to me.” ”

James says, “But if you’re pregnant are you going to want to be riding all the way to Philadelphia when you’re due?” ‘That would have been my own logic five years ago as Brian. Funny, I had to think twice for my old name.’

‘I would like Bev being my delivery doctor, but who are her partners, would I like them?’

I tell James, “I have an appointment here tomorrow morning before I go to Amber. I guess I’ll keep it, I was going to call and go to my doctor.”

The rest of the day is strange, as I want to make love and enjoy being the woman I’ve become. Yet I am anxious with a lot of ‘what if’s’. I pause to ponder a small room at our house that might be sweet as a nursery but is too small for a child’s bedroom. Or what if, I were to have a rocker or a recliner there. Will James be willing to be there for a baby, or might he lose interest in me.

I had already called Anne and Cassie, though I’m also concerned it might yet be nothing. Cassie says, “Drs. Crouse and Cindy Hays both have good reputations. I have thought of applying to their student/work program. Though, I think it may just be for Upper Valley’s nursing students.”

Cassie and I talked for an hour until she had to go to practice. I had already talked to Anne and she made it known. Anne tries to take pressure off of me, “You weren’t here earlier in the season and we did fine.”

I tell her, “I called you first as a best friend and second as a coach.”

Anne then says, “I am happy for you if you’re pregnant. Yet I shake my head for you whose life has changed so much. I can’t believe this is happening.”

James is out on a tractor clearing snow like a boy with a new toy. I go out to shovel snow off the walk and Marie and Roger tells me I need to take it easy and make sure I don’t overdo myself. I am torn between being an active woman and concerned about doing too much. I have a long jeans skirt on with a sweater blouse. I enjoy the snow-swept by a breeze coming into my face. It is cold enough to be refreshing. My cheeks were rosy when I check on the horses. April and I are already bonding. I have a carrot and a handful of oats to treat her with.

James’ stallion would like to get to her, and I lightly laugh. We had thought of breeding them thinking even if we could have children, it would be after breeding the horses. Now I’m thinking, “Not now a big boy.” His Stallion, the Major is a stunning looking horse.

James came from behind me and said I was too late regarding the Major and April too. He intended to surprise me on April Fool’s Day.

The day despite the surprise of my pregnancy was a beautiful day and was celebrated with another time of being intimate.

Morning came early as I woke at 4:30 a.m. and couldn’t get back to sleep. A little after 5:00 I took to designing an addition to our old but eloquent farmhouse. I designed the addition to complement the existing house, add some modern comforts while being out of sight from the road. Thanks to a good design program on my computer I had the basic design done by 7:00 am.

I was to my appointment by 7:45 and Dr. Crouse’s exam was more thorough. She wants to check my overall health. She also wanted to examine my uterus. She said, “The strength of your reproductive system for the duration of the pregnancy will be one thing we will want to watch throughout.” She warmly smiled, “You appear to be in very good condition. I suspect you might have had an egg that was impregnated but discharged shortly after conception. That would explain you going without a period over a month ago. I believe you are only three weeks into your first trimester.”

Dr. Crouse asked, “Have you noticed anything different during the last two weeks?” There were things like bacon or sausage in the morning did not sit well with my system. My sex drive had increased and my body’s thermostat would fluctuate from being hot or cold.”

“Have your breasts changed or become more sensitive?”

I said, “Yes, but isn’t that just normal with me maturing as a woman?” She didn’t deny it could be, but she showed that my areolas probably would be enlarging and become more sensitive along with my nipples.”

Finally, as the exam had ended and we were talking, she said, “Seemingly you know you can continue being sexually intimate as long as you are comfortable with it. Though you might increasingly desire to be on top or in other positions than them laying on top of you.”

“You would do well to decide whether you want to doctor with me and my associates during your pregnancy or with Dr. Heath or an OB doctor there…

To be continued…