I’m seen through the medical research clinic and Dr. Gere Heath continues to be my doctor. I'm continuing the male hormone blocker. One of the prescriptions I’m to begin taking is like the contraception pills I've gotten a hold of but at a higher than normal dose. Shaking my head it only looks like one I had been taking.

I’m given a summer work job at Amber to help clean out two of the dorms and prepare them for the next semester. Doing so I find several discarded pill discs with medicine as well as some useful clothes items from running shoes and fashionable exercise clothes to light jackets or lost jewelry or money stuffed in furniture. While I know better than to keep or use other people's medicine, I do. I probably shouldn’t have kept them. I only take one occasionally, to supplement the urges as impatient to see changes.

Thursday morning, Anne wakes me at 5:30 to run with her. I hope I will surprise her by agreeing and showing off the good shape I’m in. We’ve probably been running maybe a mile when she pauses at a monument and she encourages me to continue. It already felt like I had reached my endurance minutes ago, but I agree to continue. When we finally stop she asks me to keep walking and we talk. I tell Anne it had been awhile since I had run so much.

She realized I had been exercising, and she asks me the distance that we ran? When I say over to two miles. She asks, “Would believe it was over 3 ½ miles.”

I tell her, “Sorry, you’re just trying to make me feel good, but I know I would not be able to do that. I thought you only ran a little over a mile. And I was surprised to have run two miles with you.” We’re back to Amber and we get in her car. She takes me to drive the route we had run and it is in fact over the 3 ½ miles where we stopped and it’s over four miles by the time we finished walking back to AU.

She asks me what hurt most? It is a toss-up between my legs and chest. The latter is from my false boobs bouncing and pulling on my chest.

She got me up to run on Saturday and again Monday as well, and by then I’m hooked on running with her. The only difference is I now have a sports bra and better running shoes. I find some nice pairs of cross-trainers my size when clearing the dorm rooms. One pair looks brand new. I have bought two pair of running socks that helped protect my feet from rubbing and a couple of sports bras.

The following week we begin doing aerobics and light weight training the other three days. Anne has me begin playing in some pick-up basketball games at Amber. She also plays some in Philadelphia.

The pre-engineering class I began is going surprisingly well. As is a class in basic engineering concepts.

Week three begins with me going for my next medical check, but it's postponed two weeks. Closer to the end of June I’m finally getting my check-up. And I am proud as I begin to feel more like the girl I think I am.

I can see Dr. Gere is getting more and more concerned about something she’s seeing. Dr. Heath speaks to me; she asks questions that become more forceful, personal and finally stern. She underscores my need to be open and honest with her. Finally, she asks, “Have you been taking anything besides what I have prescribed?”

I know I’m in big trouble as I share about the extra pills that I had taken. I'm now taking them almost daily. She calls in Dr. Florence Drabrowski as well as Dr. Campbell and shares, “Brian has put us in an uncomfortable spot. He’s now far enough along either we need to make a decision about him transitioning or cut him from the program letting him go on his own.”

They needed to make a decision if they will permit me in their program and to go ahead in their transitioning program. I guess their program has accountability concerns I am not sensitive to. All other things point to me needing in their program, but having used other medicines and not following their instructions now makes things problematic for them and me.

I have already decided to undergo the transitioning to be a woman. They require I meet with a Dr. Mason and Dr. Kowalski to get approval to continue. They all decided I’m now not permitted to wear breast forms anymore as I need to come to terms with my body and becoming comfortable with who I am.

Luckily a good padded bra helps my ego and appearance. I now wear an ‘A’ cup bra. While I help my appearance with enhancements. It arouses me as I see and feel my breasts and nipples change on their own. I am disappointed they do not measure up to other college women. Anne reminds me that is normal for women.

My penis usually pushed back out of view, now comes to mind very little. I am not really noticing the change in size as they are taking place daily. I know Brian is diminishing and my feelings as Jenny are growing.

I
’d been called by Coach O’Mara’s to her office where she asks me to attend her three weeks of basketball camps in July. She says it will help me to be immersed in women’s activities. I agree to the first single week program and maybe a little more but I do not commit to doing more than that.

The Report comes back from my visits with Doctors Mason and Kowalski. I’d been approved to continue in my transitioning with strict conditions including weekly check-ups with Dr. Heath. It is good to be back on good terms and moving forward.

As I have done before I write and share with my parents what’s going on and being more honest. I didn’t know at the time my letters are being discarded, unopened.

The workouts at basketball camp cause my breasts to remain the same size. Which seemingly is a good indicator to Dr. Heath that they’re in fact growing. That doesn’t quite make sense to me, as larger breasts would be more indicative of growth to me.

Coach O’Mara convinces me that I've improved enough in basketball to stay part of the basketball camp for the full three weeks. Come to the end of July, she’s now asking me to attend their basketball camp in early August for walk-ons and new recruits coming into the university. There are eighteen women: four recruits including Cassie and Stacy. The recruits and two walk-ons, plus Marcy will make the last of the traveling team. Up to eight others can be on the scout/practice team, leaving two to four not making either team.

Surely I’ll be in the latter group, I accept taking part with Coach knowing my anticipation.

It’s in the second week of the college try-out camp, Dr. Heath walks into practice at the top of the bleachers with two other adults. Because of sunlight coming in behind them I do not recognize who it is. I’m called to Dr. Heath as the one adults sit down. When I recognize my mom, I’m too shocked to move further. I hadn’t opened a message from the clinic before I came to practice. Nor did I know I have messages in my mailbox, all sharing about my mother coming.

I’m scared and want to run, but Anne is close by to stop me. A smile in the midst of my mother’s tears helps to calm me. My sister-in-law Barb and a niece Kayla come forward to support mom. Kayla comes over to me and wants to be lifted up. Despite being a little sweaty, I pick her up and she’s a joy to behold. “Mommy says you are my Aunt Jennie, but I haven’t met you before.”

I happily tell her, “Your mom is right; I would very much love to be your Aunt Jenny.”

Kayla asks with a puzzled look, “But who is my uncle; what is your husband’s name?” I tell her, “I’m not married, is that okay?” Mom also has thoughts and questions to share. I shower, come back in my street clothes, a yellow skirt, and white blouse today. Then we go to lunch. Mom and Barb both speak of their surprise, “We don’t see many traces of the boy we knew.”

“I’m very happy that’s true. Mom hearing you makes me more content with how I am transitioning and that the transformation is genuine.”

Mom says, “I hear vast improvements in your speech and in communicating your thoughts. That is far more important than how you appear to me.”

Coach O’Mara sought us out and sits down for a short visit. She speaks, "Cassie has shared that too with me that Jenny's transformation is so much more than appearance." She asks my mother, "If that is true, what are some of the most dramatic or pleasing changes you notice?" Mom has no trouble or shortage of observations. She does share, "While I see the changes, I do not believe she's going to be received so readily by others in the family."

I enjoyed our visit. It is a big step which surprisingly comes after I have not heard from my family. We tour the campus and I show them my dorm room. Mom is surprised I take much better care of my room. Barb takes interest in seeing my wardrobe. “You or someone has good taste in picking your clothes.”

Mom asks about Coach O’Mara’s statement about me being on the women’s basketball team. I tell mom, “I’m as surprised about that statement. I’m sure she must have meant the scouting team or being on staff as I helped last year.”

Barb says, “Coach O’Mara stated to me, you are likely to be a member of the college team.” I tell her that probably means part of support staff for the team.

Come 3:30 mom says that they needed to head back. Kayla asks her mom to stay with me. I say to Kayla, “Maybe sometime when your mom knows me better it can happen.” Barb takes me aside and asks, “Is there anything that Kayla could not handle if she stays?”

I say, “She would have to sit through hours of practice each day if I cannot find a sitter. I wouldn’t be able to bring her back until Friday after my last practice of the week. I would somehow get her back tomorrow if it is too upsetting for her.”

Barb asks, “Kayla do you really want to stay here with your Aunt Jenny?” When I take Kayla up in my arms; Mom and Barb are moved by the flow of my tears. They know I’m in heaven with Kayla in my arms. Barb starts to walk to the car but comes back. I’m afraid she’s changed her mind about leaving Kayla with me. Barb asks me, “Were you the woman in that exquisite gown from the Towne Shoppe?”

When I smile shyly, she just says, “Wow girl, you looked gorgeous and it wasn’t just the gown!” I thank her. She walks away laughing. Kayla has a change of clothes with her, but she needs pajamas and a few more things. Coach O’Mara calls me having heard I have my niece for the next few days. She asks me, “Would it be okay to have Kayla play with my children during our workouts?”

I thank and tell her, “I will get her to your sitter.”

I ask about clarifying my place on the staff team. She tells me that I'm the one who misunderstood her statement. She states “It isn’t decided but you have already improved enough to be considered for the team. I feel you will likely be even better as the season goes on. I do not suggest at all you would play much if any. Nor am I doing it to be nice. I’d like to talk to you about it when we pick up the children after practice tomorrow.” The workouts go well as I play some as a guard and forward.

It has been seven years since I saw myself as a player and then only in inter-mural leagues. The coaches get on me for always passing the ball and not taking open shots. I remember missed shots more than those I make, they kind of haunt me. I do realize I have improved as a shooter. I actually shoot better with pressure on me shooting which Coach O’Mara seems to like.

When I stop over at Coach O’Mara’s to pick up Kayla, I sit down and Coach gives me a talking. “Jenny, I want you to accept a place on the team if it’s offered, but you need to realize it would come with a cost. The NCAA will likely challenge you're being a woman? Things would become public and the final agreement with them would likely have stipulations that we would need to live with.”

She states, “Amber University and I will likely enforce even a stricter set of criteria for you. Even if sickness and injuries would take a toll on the team, you would have very limited playing time. You might start on the practice squad or be moved to there. Most likely you will see little to no playing time this year. But we will ask as much of you like any other player. Your value if you become part of the team this year, would be in practice and helping in any way that would be asked of you.”

She states, “If players are uncomfortable with you in the locker room or showers, you’ll be the one separated out. You will need to have surgery to appear as female before our official practices begin October 15.”

I ask, “Why would you even consider choosing me?”

She shares, “You’d likely to be named as the 15th player. I expect you will be even a better player by the beginning of the season and more so as the season goes along. If you develop like I hope you can eventually be worthy of playing on the second team, but not this year. I will demand you act like a lady on the court. I don’t want to see a macho ego appear if you develop as a player. You have good basketball instincts. If and when your instincts come in line with the women’s basketball game that will be when we see real improvement.”

After the talk, I take Kayla and we go shopping. I bought her a new outfit and myself a denim skirt. We also get a movie we’ll watch together. Friday, she comes to practice with me. She does a good job of retrieving basketballs and enjoys being there. I reward her with an ice cream cone on the way back to her home.

Barb has taken off work in the afternoon so she’s home when we arrive. We three go to the Towne Shoppe and visit with Carol and window-shop. But I’m there too long and get a start on my fall wardrobe. Barb enjoys making me model my selections. I’ve become a good shopper and know Carol is offering good quality at a better price than most other places. What would have cost over two hundred and twenty-five dollars in Philadelphia or two hundred and fifty dollars in NYC are marked here at one hundred and seventy-five dollars here, and with my discount, it costs me even thirty-five dollars less..

I am able to get one outfit for Barb with my discount. Barb had called my mom when I got into town and Mom visits with us at Carol’s. Barb introduces me to others as Jenny Connors a friend of the family.

Come late August, I have been putting off having my surgery done, but that made me even more anxious about someone learning about me by accident. Just before Labor Day, I stop to speak to Dr. Heath and give the okay to schedule my surgery to lose my male pieces. Surgery will be Thursday, September 14. I am to miss at least two days of classes. I am to go to Dr. Heath’s clinic and be taken from there to the hospital so it appears as emergency surgery.

The basketball team usually has a pick-up basketball game on Saturdays before cross-country or soccer events. The first string plays against the third string, a second team against the practice squad. Anne as co-captain is unofficially in charge. Like Coach shared I’m improving with experience.

My classes and studies are going well and I’m really pleased. Like other students, I arrange to be in study teams for three of my classes. Often it is a group of 3-4 students for the different classes I take. I have to work extra hard in keeping my grades up for the two hardest classes.

I had gotten one “A” and two “Bs” in my summer classes. While I thought that was really good, Anne shares I should have worked hard enough for at least two “A’s”.

I keep in touch with my Mom through phone calls. I share with her and Barb how my body is changing. My hips are developing as my waist is actually growing smaller. My legs and arms grow trimmer. I’m usually wearing a B cup bra: I'm quite proud how feminine I am looking. My nipples are actually responding to touch and becoming aroused if brushed against in crowds.

I do not know until the morning of my surgery that my Mom was invited to be there for me, and she is. As planned, I go into the clinic complaining about abdominal pain; which is kinda true, since I had to take medicine to clean out my system. I have not eaten since before cleaning out my system early last night.

I am quite emotional, weeping about even small things. I’m scared and excited about having surgery. I made the mistake of using mascara in the morning. Mom asks for time alone; during which she shares how proud of me she is and how she likes getting the daughter she had long wanted.

Pastor Ramona says a prayer before I go to surgery. It is emotional in going to surgery. I am as ready as I’m going to be. I’m glad they had given me a sedative. The surgery takes four hours, but that’s partly because things are different from what they expected. Dr. Heath greets me in the recovery room, I’m not sure of what to make with the statement that “You're indeed a real girl.”

Once back in my hospital room everyone has more information than I do. It seemingly is good news. “Your Mother shares that your name would have been Grace or Ellen if she had known,” Dr. Heath says.

I choose for now to stay with Jessica Elizabeth Connors. The last name because my father is not accepting of me and It's Mom's maiden name.

Dr. Heath goes on to explain, “Your testicles were poorly developed and taking hormone blocker had actually started the development of your body like it should have done eight years ago. You already had been Jenny in some respects. Then with the female hormones that you’ve been taking, your system activated itself. What we need now is to get the records to reflect that.”

We would find out that the NCAA resisted accepting that status since we had already applied saying I was switching genders. They did pass that I could officially play some six months from the time I began therapy and two months from the time of surgery. “So that would be December 5?” No, the NCAA slated it to be the twelfth. The date of the first round of shots was recorded. If I could practice with the team the date didn’t really matter much.

I’m told that my application for the acceptance of the gender change would be released Monday. Feeling as I did that is not wanted news. The discomfort is more than I expected, though the news of being Jenny is welcomed. I did ask Dr. Heath what the news meant in practical terms of my being a woman.

She says, “Like the average woman, you can sometimes expect the dreaded monthly visitor. While it is unlikely that you will be able to bear children. You should be safe with any sexual activity just in case and because you can still get sick from sexual contact. When you are fully healed from the surgery; the indications of surgery should become minimal. Meaning if you’re talked into bikini other will see a normal young woman.” She suggests You could be doing light training in ten days and ready for practice come October 15. You will be discharged from the hospital on Saturday or Sunday.

When Dr. Heath first changes my bandage and checks the surgery area, I get to see the new me. I’m not looking very feminine nor nice as the surgery is quite visible, along with a catheter tube. I hadn't realized how different it would appear without a penis. Between my legs felt very different and for a while, I just sensed that something was different. My breasts changing adds to the difference. The improvement is gradual, day to day.

Thankfully, I no longer need to tuck or fix myself hiding my male parts. Panties and clothing in general feel and look different. When taking a shower or in bed, I’m a young girl wanting to explore her new body. Luckily Anne talks to me, less it is a distraction when we’re in public. She’s like a big sister; sitting me down and talking about my changing body and life in general. We go home to her place for a weekend and Mrs. Greene sits down and talks with me as a mother.

It is fortunate to have my studies demanding my attention. Feminine studies, which is easier for the average female student, proves to be very helpful as well as challenging for me. I have trouble accepting how ignorant I’ve been in this area.

It feels uncomfortable or hurts at first to stretch, run and jump, or to change direction or bend. I have to warm up and stretch before doing simple things. Using a dildo to stretch inside of me is not pleasant either. Mrs. Greene and Anne insist at the time it will be important and that I’ll be thankful. I’m presently ready to swear to celibacy.

Luckily the news of my gender change is tempered with the update that I am in fact becoming a woman kind of naturally. However, it’s the actions of the NCAA that make the news in most of the media. I get many communications where I’m being called perverse, sick or a freak and some get a lot worse. Friends, my counselor, and Amber help me focus on many positive and supportive communications. While my grades take a dip for three weeks they were back up to “As and Bs” by early November.

My dad is still not taking any news about me well and insists I owe an apology for previous actions. Come to the end of October, I am officially named as one of the fifteen women to make the roster. We have an exhibition game on Nov. 12. And we’re invited to the Liberty Bell Tip-off Tournament in Philadelphia. The exhibition game gives us a game experience to see where we need the most improvement. I’m able to play a few minutes in this game since it is unofficial.

Villanova has requested to play us in the first round of Liberty Bell Tip-Off. They think it will be an easy win. We have a 38-35 lead at half time which is a big shock to them. I have noticed a weakness against their centers and forwards. And it is not until the second half that Coach mixes our styles of play. We win the game 74-57. We beat a surprisingly good University of Penn team 68-63.

The championship game against Temple is difficult from the outset. Cassie gets in early foul trouble while Dominique and Stacy are held in check most of the game. The stronger performances come from Anne, Kendra, and Marcy that kept us in the game. It is a good reality check for our team, especially the younger players especially. It ends as a 58-67 loss to the Temple Owls.

Since I can’t play until mid-December, Coach presses for me to go home for Thanksgiving. I’m sure it’s at mom’s request. Coach asks me to try and make things better with family members. I am now introduced to others as a cousin. There already is tension when I get home. It is Kayla’s interest in Aunt Jenny and putting one of her mother’s earrings on me which leads to some poor words being exchanged by Dad and me.

I decide to stay at the hotel up on the highway next to one of our family’s favorite diners. It has snowed a little Wednesday and an early snowstorm is forecasted for New York City beginning early Friday morning and back into New Jersey. There are several families at the hotel planning to go shopping and spending a long weekend in New York City.

After I check into my room, I go down to a lounge for a glass of wine. It is one of the first times I can drink legally. My eyes catch on a little girl just over a year old. The family members are visiting over appetizers while watching the weather. Once on the floor, she gets away from her parents and I retrieve her and take her back to parents.

I’m invited to sit with them. They ask if I know an answer and women are happy when I do. They ask about shopping places in the area as they’re set on shopping in New York City but are not sure about their ability to travel safely come Black Friday. It’s mostly the women who are going to shop and purchase gifts for one another. Seemingly they had shopped earlier for others. With that information, I ask if they’re open to good quality but not on Fifth Avenue in NYC nor their prices.

We’ll wait and be up early on Friday morning to be at Carol’s by 7:00 a.m. We take two of their vans and have twelve women not counting me. Their faces go somber we drive up to the store situated in a small town. It looks like a postcard of a small quaint town. Carol has expanded to include another store-front. She’s carrying more merchandise but outside it still does not compare to Fifth Avenue. We let them out in front of the store and park behind the store. They are courteous as they go in but I know they are disappointed. Once inside that changes, they are quickly impressed by the fashions and the prices. They were buying up items big time. Carol extended an extra discount if they will share their experience.

One shopper notices a poster of Cassie and asks Carol if she could have it. They were from a community north of Philadelphia and close to Amber. I call Cassie asking her if she has any extra poster I can pick-up at her home to bring to the store. She has some high school posters and a few more of the college posters. We give 7 signed posters with orders over $200 as well as to the woman who first asked.

I am impressed because Carol now has open half of the second floor with an expanded selection, including more for younger women. Carol tells me she is picking up customers bypassing the expense of shopping in New York. She is not the only store to try that, but she’s having more success than most.

When we get back to the hotel, I take a flyer for Carol’s shop. The store and hotel have become a promotional team. Both have increased in business over the holidays from the previous year. Too bad I’m in training as I could be receiving a number of free drinks.

The people I went with to the store become good friends. Making friends has become easier for me as Jenny. I have an easier time getting into conversations and women talk is becoming natural. Brian’s familiarity with football doesn’t hurt either. My costs at the hotel were minimal as the hotel people have taken a liking to me and discounted my bill.

I did go home for Thanksgiving Dinner and while I’m there things began warmly but there was a tension. I decided that I would go back to the hotel early before the inevitable strain that is coming. I do keep up my communication with Mom. While she’s sympathetic, she makes it known to me, “You added to the stress of things by being stubborn and not placating your father.”

I’m invited back for Christmas but I’ll stay at the college as we’re invited as a fill-in team to the Big Apple Holiday Basketball Tournament. Connecticut, a season favorite to be in the final four, has drawn us for their first-round opponent. It was being seen as an easy victory for them.

To be continued…