Orphan Petal

December 2023 - Part 4

Its Christmas

Doctor Mary:
Mr. Dickens has seen something that I have been shouting from the top of my lungs for a long time, and that is that Doctor Philomena is not good for Shirley. She is not helping Shirley discover his identity. She tells Shirley how to think and reaffirms when Shirley acts as she wants. The doctor said it herself: she does not like boys and thinks boys should be more feminine. Shirley is lucky, as he has Mr. Dickens on his side. However, this does not come with problems. What will Aunty think? What will happen now that Aunty and Mr Dickens will get married? Susan may also get adopted. This will mean that Shirley will be left alone at the orphanage.

Dickens:
In every staff meeting we have, Shirley seems to have his own point on the agenda. Today Susan even got her own point when I announced that the background check on the couple that want to adopt her was good and now we could give her the good news. As for Shirley, I told the staff that I have decided that he will no longer see Doctor Philomena as she does not think of Shirley's best interests. She does not want him to be a boy. She wants him and every other boy to be feminine and even live and act as girls. I could see Aunty's face go white when I said this, as this is something that she also believes in. At any rate, Shirley still needs help. If Shirley does have transgender tendencies, then he must be supported. The same is true if Shirley is being feminine because he wants to please others; we must love Shirley for who he is and not what we want him to be. Besides all this, Shirley's bedwetting and finding comfort in baby things such as pacifiers worry me. There must be a reason, and we had to find out if the reason is a problem he has. I have decided that Shirley will now see Doctor Mary. She is the doctor who helped Aunty's nephew.

Austin
I was at Shirley's ballet dance last week, and to be honest, I do not like ballet. I do not understand it and do not think it is art. However, I am so proud of Shirley. He managed to make it look like art and something special. I could see that he loved doing it, and his face did light up as he did it. It was like his dancing spread joy and happiness to everyone in the audience, and that is a gift that Shirley had. I do not think anyone frowned upon a boy who was wearing a girl's costume. I bet many in the audience did not even know that Shirley was a boy, as he looked more like a girl than most of the girls that were there. Shirley can annoy me to the limits and at times make steam come out of my ears, but at the same time, I am so proud of him.

Logan
I am jealous! I was also at Shirley's ballet show, and wow, he is a good dancer. I can't dance as it's like I have two left feet. On top of this, Shirley looks like a girl. He looks more like a girl than I do. This hurts a bit, as I always felt like a girl, and it is not hard dressing or acting like one. It is who I am. Shirley decides one day that he is a sissy boy, and at times, he is more believable than I am. Now, thanks to his dancing, he is being praised for his talent and the fact he can perform the girl role so well. I suppose I should not complain. People accept me as transgender. They do not question it or need to give me praise for being who I am. I should try not to be so jealous, but it is hard.

Susan
Mr. Dickens told me that a couple wanted to adopt me. I think he was surprised that I was not jumping up and down with joy. The fact is that I was speechless. I never thought that anyone would ever want to adopt me. It was like I had accepted that I would be an orphan for the rest of my life. Now Mr. Dickens was telling me that a nice couple wanted to be my parents. I should be so happy, so why am I not? Is it because I am afraid? Is it because I do not understand why anyone would ever want to adopt me? Is it because I hate change? Mr. Dickens told me that I am a lucky girl and I should think about being adopted by this couple.

Doctor Philomena
I am no longer needed to give therapy to Shirley. Mr. Dickens did not expand on the reason why he no longer thought that I was required except by saying that I was not good for Shirley. He thought that I had a hidden agenda. This makes me mad. What does he know? After all, he is a man and does not understand how bad boys are. I helped Shirley be a more sensitive and compassionate child. Would Shirley have become a sissy boy without me? The answer here is easy. Shirley was already experimenting with this side of him before he met me. He was already wearing dresses, and I helped embrace this side of him. Mr. Dickens is wrong, as I did not hurt Shirley. I saved the world from another arrogant and evil boy and made him into something that would be good for society.

Shirley
Austin and Logan visited me today, as we cannot see each other during Christmas. They had a gift for me, which nearly made me cry. It was the loveliest, frilliest dress that you could imagine. They of course asked me why I was crying, and I told them that I did not deserve a present as I had been so mean to him. Remember that I broke Logan's arm, and I told everyone that Austin was gay? Besides this, I had no presents for them, which was so embarrassing. I was so preoccupied with the dance show that I had no time to think of anyone but myself. Austin assured me that I could be an idiot, but at the same time, I could be an adorable idiot. Austin told me many people have hurt him and this included me, but he found out that the best healing is forgiveness.

Doctor Mary
Mr. Dickens asked me if I could have some therapy sessions with Shirley and how I would help him. I explained that I would not help Shirley but give Shirley a chance to help himself. Shirley needs time and free space to find out why he does certain things and discover who he is. The only person who knows Shirley's identity is Shirley himself. My job was to help Shirley discover his identity without manipulating him and forcing my views on him. I warned Mr Dickens that Shirley could very well be transgender, or being girly can be a symptom of something else. The thing to remember is that it will be Shirley who will do most of the work in discovering who he is. It will be a lot of work for Shirley and not easy.

Shirley
It's Christmas and the best day in the world. We all got some presents and went to Christmas mass, where we sang a lot of Christmas songs. My favourite song is “O Holy Night." We then had a big Christmas dinner, which was fit for a king. After dinner, we couldn’t move because our bellies were so full, so we saw a Christmas film that was black and white. I would bet that the orphanage used all its money on turkey and did not have money for a film that was in colour. Susan did my hair for Christmas in pigtails with Christmas ribbons, and I wore the dress that Austin gave me. I was in a great mood all day. We had school holidays, and everyone was being nice to each other. Susan did seem a bit quiet all day, as she was deep in thought. This was just typical for Susan, as she is one of those intelligent people who tends to think too much.

Jason
Austin's mother and Logan gave us the best Christmas present today. It was a late Christmas present, as Christmas was a few days ago. Here is what they did: they set up a small table just for Austin and me. Austin's mother cooked some food for us. Logan was dressed up as a waitress and served us. It was so romantic. There were candles on the table, and the food tasted so nice. After the meal, Austin and I cuddled on the couch and watched a film. Austin told me that he was so happy and he would remember this for a long time. I was also very happy, but at the same time, I was sad because I could not tell my new parents about this. Austin is so lucky that he can be so open with his family. I could also be open with my new family, but I am afraid of what their reaction would be.

Shirley
I visited Doctor Mary for the first time, and it was like visiting a celebrity because she was mentioned in Aunty's nephew's diary that he published. She did not waste any time and asked me, Do I understand people who criticise transgender children and think they could be brainwashed by the media and what is cool or not? I thought for a few minutes and told her that before I came to the orphanage I would have agreed with this. My parents were very judgemental of people who were different, and so was I. In other words, I was a bully and would bully anyone that was not normal. They could be fat children, had glasses, or were not smart. There was also an element of power when I bullied others. It made me think that I was better. Doctor Mary did not say a lot and told me that bullies often are unhappy with who they are or that they feel so alone. Nothing else was said, but it did make me think.

Susan
I must decide if I want to be adopted or not, and this confuses me. I should not be in doubt about it and jump at the chance of being adopted. It is something that I have thought about and dreamt about for a long time. I gave up on this hope and was happy with my life. I could not get the questions about this adoption out of my mind, such as, out of all the girls at the orphanage, why did they want me? Would these new parents like me, or would I be unhappy like Shirley was when the Sterlings wanted him? My family is here at the orphanage, and do I need a new family? Why should I change my life when I am happy? So many questions and hard-to-find answers.

Shirley
I visited my parents' grave and just stood there and was quiet. After some time I talked with them, telling them I supposed they noticed that I was wearing a dress and tights and a girl's winter coat. They would notice that my hair is long. I told them that Doctor Mary asked me if transgender children have been brainwashed by the media and want to be cool. This is wrong, as children are smarter than that. It's not easy being different from others, as you get judged and some think you have mental problems. If my parents were alive, they would be ashamed of me for being a sissy boy. However, it's my life, and it's me that decides.

Doctor Mary
I asked Shirley what the difference is between him and Logan. Shirley smiled and said at last he could answer an easy question. Logan believes he is a girl and always has believed this. Shirley knows that he is a boy and happy with his body. He just wears girl clothes and does girly things. That would make Shirley a sissy boy. Then I asked if Logan was happy. Shirley thought for a while and told me that Logan would be very unhappy if he was not allowed to be transgender. Logan would maybe even be suicidal. I did not ask Shirley if this was the case with him. I am sure he will ask himself.

Susan
I did not tell Shirley that a couple wants to adopt me and will not tell him. I do not know how to say it and am afraid of his reaction.