Orphan Petal
September 2023 - Part 2
Shirley gets some help or maybe its not the help he needs
Doctor Mary:
There is some drama between Austin and Shirley. I can understand that Austin is mad. I can also understand why Shirley never told Austin that he was spreading rumours. Until Shirley came to the orphanage, he did not have friends or interact with others in a positive way. One thing that worries me is that Shirley thinks that some things were easy before. Shirley will be getting some help but the psychiatrist worries me as well. When she said Shirley “will be a fun experience,”, does that mean that she has already decided that he is transgender? She did not even speak with him. Then we have Mr. Dickens. He admits that he does not understand transgender children. If Shirley is transgender, how will this affect him?
Shirley:
I tried ringing Austin today. He is now adopted by my old foster family. My old foster mom answered the phone. When I told her that I wanted to speak with Austin, she answered that he did want to speak to me. I explained what happened and that I felt so bad that I gossipped about him and he was hurt by others as a result. I just want to say I am sorry. I do not even know if Austin is gay and do not care if he is. I should never have said anything. My old foster mother told me that he did not want to speak with me. However, she thinks it's good that I am taking responsibility for my actions. She suggested that I have patience with Austin. If we were meant to be friends, then this whole incident would be forgotten sooner or later.
Susan:
I like Mr. Dickens. We had never seen Hawthorne working here. She was always in her office. Mr. Dickens comes out of the office and spends time with us. He seems very interested in us. He asked me if I got bullied. I told him no. People tend just to ignore me because they think I am strange. Maybe they think I am a nerd and do not want to talk about things they like. I do not want to talk about boys or music or celebrities. I liked reading and being creative. It was fun to learn new things. Being in nature is also fun. It's a chance where there is no time and you can think about things without distractions. Mr. Dickens made me smile by telling me that he finds it hard to understand why people ignore me. He thinks I sound like a special girl with many talents.
Doctor Philomena:
Today was my first session with Shirley. We talked a lot about his parents. Shirley missed them. He considered them the best parents a child could have. This being said, Shirley now realized that his parents were set in their ways. They did not like many people. This included people who had a certain religion or colour or lived a non-traditional lifestyle. This influenced him a lot. He never considered other children good enough for him. He did not like when children were different. Shirley told me how mean he was with Logan, who is transgender. All this made me think that his parents have a lot to answer for. I ended the session by asking if he thinks he is transgender and has been acting like a baby as a result of his upbringing or an escape. Maybe it was a way to deal with his grief. Shirley did not think this. He commented that no one stopped him from changing. Maybe the transgender side of him and being a baby was always part of him. I finished by telling him it could be because he did not like himself and he wanted to be another person.
Susan:
I spoke with Austin on the phone today. He is very happy with his new family. Logan is the greatest sibling anyone could wish for. His new mother was also very nice. His new school was great. I admitted that things were quiet here and I missed him. Austin said that I could always visit him. When I asked him if Shirley could come as well, Austin said in an irritated voice that he did not want to see Shirley. I could hear from the tone of this voice that it was best not to talk about Shirley. We talked about how things were at the orphanage I guessed that things would get better now that Mr. Dickens was here. As we were gossiping, I wanted to try and persuade Austin to forgive Shirley. I didn’t do this, as I did not want Austin to be mad at me.
Aunty
I don’t know why I worry so much about Shirley, but since he started changing, I have been giving him a lot of attention and at times he worries me. In the last few weeks, he seems as if he is very sad. He is not the happy and smiling child that we knew. Maybe this is because of his talks with the psychiatrist. Shirley also told me about his problems with Austin. I should not worry about one child here as he can be seen as my favourite. Mr. Dickens is also keeping a close eye on me and I don’t want him to think that I am unprofessional. Shirley does not want to be around the other children, so he hangs around me all the time. I knew this may have looked like he was like my little pet, but it was something Shirley wanted. I found it increasingly harder to tell him to find Susan or someone else his age to play with.
Jason:
I have been thinking a lot in the last few days. It was after Mr. Dickens spoke with me. I was thinking about how Shirley changed. He was once so sure of himself and did not mind putting others in their place when they were weird and strange. Now he is like a timid teddy bear and a baby. Why did he change? The reason why I asked this is that Shirley was like me. Maybe he had the same thoughts as me. Let me explain. After Mr, Dickens spoke with me, I could understand why people think I am a bully. It made me think that I am unhappy and different than others. I have so many things locked inside me that I never wanted the world to know about. Maybe it was the same with Shirley and somehow his brain got sick and this is why he is what he is now. I did not want that to happen to me. I did not want to become mentally ill.
Doctor Philomena:
Had another session with Shirley today. We talked about the diaper girl in his dreams. Shirley explained that he started dreaming about her at the time he came to the orphanage. He liked the girl from the very start. This was strange for him to understand why he liked her as she was everything he once would have bullied her for. She was his age, very girly and wore diapers. However, in time, Shirley realized that the girl in his dreams was “a sissy”. She was a boy who liked being a girl. This was also strange, as Shirley knew that he was mean to Logan because he thought he was a girl. He did not understand why he liked the girl so much. In time he realized why. The girl in the dreams was him. Others thought he was insane for thinking this, but to him, the girl was real and not just someone in his dreams. It was my turn to speak. I told him that he was very brave and very smart for analysing what this girl meant. Some believe that dreams try to tell us things. This diaper girl in his dreams is interesting. I think after years of being mad at the world and hurting many with his bullying, Shirley's brain could have told him that this is not who he is. His brain could be saying that he is the girl in the dreams. I left my comments there. I know that Shirley already thought his brain was telling him something. By me telling him the same, he would not think he was weird or not normal. The session was over and I hoped that it would give him something to think about.
Austin:
I spoke with my new mother. She told me that she spoke with Shirley and he is very sad about what he did. Mom (I call her that now) did not defend him but explained that Shirley did not know social norms or how to be around others. I do not know if she wanted me to forgive him. To be honest, I just want to forget that Shirley exists. I decided to be open with my mother about how I felt. It hurt a lot when I was being bullied. The reason was that I knew that I was gay. It's hard enough for me to accept this fact, but to defend myself when people called me derogatory gay names made me feel worse. In a way, I did not want to be gay. It is hard for me to understand why I am this way. One question that I ask myself is “Why me,” My mother thanked me for being so honest and told me that I was still young and finding my identity. She tried telling me that I have a good heart and that this is what matters. I love my new family. I was afraid she would send me back to the orphanage, but she accepted me the way I was.
Susan;
Shirley seemed to be in a good mood today. He explained that his talks with the shrink are helping him to understand things and understand himself. We didn’t talk about Austin. Instead, Shirley asked me if I could braid his hair in pigtails. This was nothing new. I fixed Shirley's hair like this before. Then we played dress-up when we tried on different dresses. Its a bit funny that Shirley likes girly clothes more than I do, I didn’t mind. I was just happy that Shirley was once again smiling and having fun. What surprised me was that Shirley kept his hair in pigtails. I wondered if this was something he had forgotten or something he wanted to do. Shirley would always ask me to get rid of the pigtails, but now everyone would see him. You have to admit that Shirley is very brave!
Doctor Philomena:
Today I did all the talking with Shirley. I started by saying that most people want to feel normal and not stick out too much or to be different. The problem is that we are all different. A person has two choices. They could either hide who they are or be proud and show the world who they are. This is the choice that Shirley now had. He has regressed to acting like a toddler. I think this is because he feels safer and gets more love and attention this way. The adults and children at the orphanage accept this side of Shirley, even though they may not understand it. The question is should Shirley show the world that he is transgender? Should he start living as a girl and let everyone see him as a girl? Logan is transgender, and his friends and family accept him. I think this would be the same if Shirley tried being a girl. At the end of the session, I told him that I do think he is a girl who was born in the wrong body. I also believe that he will be happy in showing himself and the world who he is …. a girl.
Jason:
I never spoke with Susan before. She is a nerd and I had no time for nerds. However today I did speak with her. I asked her if she thought I was a bully and a tormentor. Susan answered that my comments and actions hurt a lot of people. She felt sad about it all as she said that it means that I am not happy and this is why I do not like seeing others happy. I looked down at the ground and in a quiet voice asked what she would do if she was me. Susan smiled and said Shirley was the same. He was mean and then took time to find out why. Shirley is discovering who he is and has changed a lot. The new Shirley is happier and now spreads happiness. I grunted at this advice. I did not want to be a baby diaper boy.
Mr. Dickens:
I want every child here to be happy and productive members of society when they leave. It's important that we are more than an institution, we are also a family. I have been here for a week and was worried about 3 children. Susan was one of them but I don’t have to worry about her, she is very mature for her age and very intelligent. Jason no longer bullied anyone, my guess is that he will reform and be a better person. This leaves me with Shirley. He is going from bad to worse. He sleeps in a baby nursery and this is enough to make me worry. Now he has been going around with pigtails for the last few days. He looks like a girl. This is not natural and not why God put Shirley on this Earth. The question is now what should be done. My hope is that the psychiatrist will sort him out.
Shirley:
The shrink does not have to see me as much now. She thinks I am a girl just with the wrong body. This is what I always thought. However, she gave me more to think about. She suggested that I live and dress like a girl, even when others can see. This means the games I play with Susan will be done. It would no longer be a game. I would be the same as Logan. I would be a girl! This was a big step to take. In a way, I have tested the waters by having a girl's hairstyle. Was I brave enough to take the big step?
Susan:
Shirley has been wearing pigtails for a few days. I asked him does he get teased and is it because he feels like he is a sissy? Shirley looked at me in a frightened way and asked if the word “sissy” is not a bad name. Then he said that people gave him strange looks when they saw his pigtails. He did not answer if he considered himself a girl but just asked me if he looked like a girl. I had to admit that he looked like a girl. Just not an 11-year-old girl. The diapers, his small size, his angelic face and the pigtails made him look like a small girl. I hope I did not hurt his feelings by saying this.
Victoria Temple
Thanks for reading this part. I hope you will comment. If you were Shirley's psychologist, what would you think and advise him? I hope to see you in the next part of “Orphan Petal"
