Orphan Petal

June 2023 - Part 2

Shirley now is at an orphanage where Aunty works. He now will start a new journey. What path will he take?

This is a spin-off to the story "The Teenage Years of Alexander Horten"

Victoria Temple:
Time for part 6! Some readers have asked when will Shirley find out he is transgender. Who knows if he will? At any rate, he had begun a new journey that could end in many different ways. He could also not change and go deeper and deeper into the dark hold of bitterness and being judgemental as he had been. One reader told me that Shirley is not a bad child. He is simply a broken child or misguided by his parents. Now it's time to continue the journey of Shirley…

Doctor Mary:
The report based on the tests from the tests I have done on Shirley is done. They are very surprising. Shirley is a very intelligent boy and has a high IQ. There is a problem though with his social and emotional skills. Shirley finds it hard to deal with people who are different than the norm. This is not because he dislikes people who are different than he expects them to be. The tests indicate that people who are different challenge Shirley and he does not know how to interact with them. It seems as if the way he was raised by his parents influences this. His parents were not tolerant towards others who were not “normal” and this has confused Shirley. Shirley is split between what his parents raised him to be and what he sees in the world. It appears that he does not know what his own identity is. The boy keeps a lot locked up in him. Not knowing how to express himself or knowing who he is makes him frustrated and lashes out. I would need more time with Shirley to explore who he is.

Aunty:
Shrinks are strange people. When they speak, a lot of mumble jumble that needs to be translated. So what her report said was that Shirley's parents were old-fashioned and thought it was OK for their son not to accept people who were not normal. What is normal anyhow? On top of this, the shrink thinks that Shirley does not even know his own identity, Which does not make him special. He is only 11 years old and is finding out who he is. Confusion about your identity does not give you an excuse to be a brat or a bully.

Miss Hawthorne:
I got the psychological report about this new boy on my desk. I did not read it. Do they expect me to read all the written reports about the children here? I do not have the time or the energy to read everything about the children here. Why should this boy be any different? It's good that I have Aunty working here. She can read the paperwork and make sure the children here are taken care of. I prefer not to worry about the children and watch some soap operas on TV.

Shirley:
I wish that I could ask someone why I always dream about the diaper girl. Why did I look forward to having her in my dreams? She does not do much except wear pretty clothes and of course diapers. I think she looks very pretty. Her dresses are so frilly and the loveliest pastel colours. I know that she would be my best friend if she was real. The strange thing is that she is real to me. This is where I am afraid. If Logan wore diapers at his age or anyone else wore diapers, I would think they were weird and tease them a lot. I would never do this with the girl in my dreams. Was I changing and becoming soft? I know it would help to talk with someone about these dreams. I can not do this as they would think I am crazy. I do not want Aunty to think I was wonky.

Logan:
Shirley had never been nice to me. I feel sorry for him. He now has to live in that institution. I rang the orphanage to ask if I could visit him. I spoke with Miss Hawthorne and she did not even know who Shirley was. Then I spoke with someone called Aunty. I do not know why orphan children call her their aunt. She seemed quite nice but was reluctant that I should visit Shirley. Then she asked if I was the transgendered foster sibling that Shirley had. When I admitted that I am transgender, Aunty suddenly changed her mind and said it was a good idea that I would visit Shirley. The day after, she rang me and said that Shirley did not want to see me. This upset me but doesn’t surprise me. At least I tried.

Shirley:
Why would I want to see Logan? It was his fault that I was in this place. OK, this orphanage is not so bad. I do like Aunty and Susan makes me smile. Something strange happened today. Susan showed me her bedroom. It was very girly. Shirley was talking and talking about who knows what. Then I noticed something under a table. It was a bag of diapers. Susan was the same age as me (11 years old) and there was a bag of diapers in her room. Susan went quiet as she noticed that I had seen the bag of diapers. She explained that she used to wet the bed. She no longer wet the bed, but kept the bag of diapers in case she started again. Then she looked at me and asked me did I now thought she was a baby. I thought about the diaper girl in my dreams and told her that it made no difference that she wet the bed. Susan snapped at me and told me that she no longer wet the bed. She also asked me if we were friends. When I did not answer her, she asked me if I ever had a friend and knew how to be a friend.

Austin:
Shirley never says much when he is in our room. He is a very hard roommate to live with. He always seems to be distant or in a bad mood. Today was no different. Shirley was very quiet. When I asked him about what his problem was, he just answered that he was thinking of Susan. I joked and asked if he fancied Susan. This was an innocent question I could see that it was annoying him. I do not want to upset Shirley or anything like that. He was changing clothes when I said this and his only response was “Why are you looking at me changing, are you a fag?” This upset me. It was not funny. I heard that he was a bully at his old school and was kicked out by his foster family. I punched him in the stomach. When Shirley was winded after my punch, I told him that he would never survive in this place if he was a bully and lost his temper so much. I warned him that the next time he called me gay, I would hurt him. Shirley managed to swear at me and ran out of the room.

Shirley:
I should be mad at Austin. He punched me and I did not fight back. What was happening to me? A month ago, I would have defended myself. Now I found myself crying in a dark corner of the school where no one ever came. Why was I crying? I don’t even remember crying at my parent's funeral. As I sat, I thought that crying was something that Logan would do as a sissy. Aunty found me crying and asked me why I was so upset. I told her that Austin attacked me. Aunty wanted to know the whole story. I told her that I called Austin a fag. This made Aunty sigh and tell me it did not take me long to show my true colours. If I kept this up, then I would have no friends. Then she mumbled that maybe I did not want anyone to like me.

Aunty:
Is Shirley a problem child or not? He managed to get punched by Austin. Calling Austin gay was not the wisest thing to do. For the first, Austin is much stronger and maybe Shirley hit a cord in Austin that Austin did not want people to know about. At the same time, maybe Shirley is more fragile than we think. Maybe he has some conflicting feelings that confuse him. I told Shirley that if he is mean to people, they will be mean to him. I also asked him how he wanted to be remembered. Did he want to be remembered as a bitter and sad boy who was a bully or did he want people to miss him? I finished by asking him when was the last time that he made someone smile. If he did not know how to smile, then it would be very hard to make other people smile. I left Shirley alone to think about what I told him. Maybe he expected me to console and hug him, but I did not want to reward his behaviour. I had to sigh to myself as I walked away, Why are boys so complicated creatures?

Shirley:
Aunty is a hard person to understand. Is she not supposed to be like a mother to me? Yet when I was in tears and hurting, she did not fuss about me and told me everything was fine. She told me that I was wrong and got what I deserved. This did not upset me. In a way, it makes me like Aunty more. She is blunt and tells me what she thinks. There is no pretence and I can trust the woman. She also told me that I never smiled. When I came back to the bedroom, I looked in the mirror. I tried to smile but it looked so ridiculous. I had nothing to smile about. Austin wanted an apology but I ignored him. It was time for bed and I found something on my pillow. It was a pink pacifier. Why would I want a pacifier and a girl's one at that? I bet it was Austin who put it there. As I looked at him, I decided not to say anything. I just put it in my bed table drawer. I dreamt of the diaper girl using the pink pacifier.

Aunty:
Shirley has been here for some weeks and I know it is hard for him to settle in. He has not made any friends except Susan. Even with Susan, he does not consider her a friend. He asked me if she was transgender. Shirley knows that she used to wet the bed, but this only made him suspect that she was hiding other things from him. He suspects that she still wets the bed and is transgender. This is not true. It makes me wonder if Shirley is trying to find a reason to hate her. The other thing that I noticed is that Shirley has a talent for finding me. I would try and tell him that I had no time for him. This does not bother him. He just looks at me. I feel as if he is starting to idolize me. This is something I do not want to happen. I do not even know if I like him.

Susan:
Shirley came up to me on the playground today. I was playing with some children and when they saw him, they went. I do not think that the others can see what I see in Shirley. They see him as a grumpy and angry boy who judges everyone. I see him like a lonely little brother. I know we are the same age, but in many ways, I am more mature than he is. I know that Shirley does not consider me a friend, but he does want to play with me.

Austin:
Shirley is once again his quiet self and does not say a word to me. I tried to break the ice and tell him that he did not have to apologise to me. This got no answer so I asked him who is the baby he dreams about? This got a response and Shirley snapped back what I was talking about. I told him that sometimes he sleeptalks about a girl wearing a diaper. I do not think I've ever seen a boy blush so much. He warned me to tell no one about it. I asked why would I want to talk about him as no one wanted to talk about him. No one liked Shirley

Victoria Temple:
I know some readers are asking when Shirley will wear a dress. If Aunty is in his life, then many suspect that she will manipulate him. Life is a journey and if it does happen, it won't happen overnight. Shirley is more vulnerable than we thought he was. Also, I wonder why is the diaper girl always in his dreams. Is he idolizing Aunty? So many questions! I hope you will comment on this part. Would you want to be Shirley's friend? I hope to see you in the next part of “Orphan Petal"