Orphan Petal
September 2023 - Part 4
Just as Shirley is happy with who he is, things change
Doctor Mary:
What is normal or natural? Seems like every child in “Orphan Petal” is having trouble. Susan is in love and does not know what to do about it. Both Austin and Jason are gay and find this hard to accept. Shirley is transgender and has regressed himself to a toddler state. They seem to worry what others will say about all this. It's not easy for children that have to discover their identities. You want to feel normal and fit in. When this does not happen, you wonder why you are different and what others will think. You can either fight the way you feel or accept it. This is hard for anyone, but especially for the children of “Orphan Petal”
Mr. Dickens
When I came here, I was worried that Aunty was working here. She has no qualifications and I did read how she turned her nephew into a sissy. When I saw that Shirley was a sissy, I thought that this was Aunty's fault. I have been observing Aunty since I came here and to be honest, I have changed my mind about her. She is charming, eloquent and nice-looking. What impresses me is how she cares for the children here. She wants what is best for them. Take Shirley as an example. I am always quick to judge him and think that being a sissy is wrong. Aunty supports him and gives him the attention he needs. She does the same with all the children, especially the girls. Aunty is an asset to this orphanage.
Shirley
I did my first ballet lesson today. I wore a leotard, tutu, tights and ballet slippers. My hair was in pigtails. When I looked in the mirror, I thought I looked exactly like the girl in my dreams. I tried just wearing panties which was a strange feeling not wearing diapers. I suppose I had to get older sometime. We did a lot of stretching exercises and at the end tried some ballet poses. Our teacher's name is Miss Anastasia. She is from Russia so was quite funny when she spoke with her accent. Miss Anastasia was quite surprised at me and told me that I have a natural talent. There were 6 other children there and they were all girls. They said I was as good as any other girl. I was so proud and when Miss Anatasia told me that I needed to practice a lot, I nodded. I know I can catch up to the others. Why did I wait 11 years to find out that my destiny was with ballet?
Doctor Philomena:
Shirley had visited me today with Aunty. Shirley has been afraid of puberty and Aunty suggested that he get puberty blockers. I explained that in Shirley's case, Puberty blockers for boys are medications that temporarily halt the physical changes associated with puberty. They work by suppressing the release of hormones like testosterone, slowing down the development of secondary sexual characteristics such as facial hair, voice deepening, and muscle growth. I wanted to make sure that Shirley understood what this would do to his body. If he wanted a girl's body, he would need to take female hormones. Aunty told me that her boss said that this is not allowed. So I gave Shirley the shot. I had never seen a boy cry so much over a needle. Aunty must be used to the crying as she just put a pacifier in his mouth. This is a good day for me. I feel like I am helping Shirley on his way. The world has one less boy to worry about!
Susan:
Shirley practices ballet all the time. I must admit that he looks very flexible and like he is having fun. I have two left feet, so I just watch him as he practices. Shirley also told me that he got a shot that will stop puberty so he never looks like a boy. I did not understand how this could be done. All I knew was that he was becoming more and more like a girl every day. I was in love with a girl. It was hard and frustrating keeping this to myself. I wanted to know if Shirley also fancied me. That would be the best thing that could ever happen to me. I know that the wisest thing would have been to keep these feelings to myself and give Shirley time to see how he felt. This did not happen. As Shirley was doing his ballet moves, I blurted out that I loved him and wanted to be his girlfriend. Shirley stopped what he was doing. This meant that I got his attention. I asked him if he also loved me. There was no answer. Shirley just stood there and went very pale. He did not answer me. He told me that he had to go as he had to find Aunty. This answer frustrated me. Why could he not answer, even if it was a negative answer? It made me think that he had to ask Aunty what he should think. I did not tell him this. In a way I also wanted him to leave. I felt so embarrassed.
Mr. Dickens
I heard that Shirley got some puberty blockers, so I researched them. While puberty blockers can be beneficial for boys experiencing gender dysphoria by providing them with time to explore their gender identity, there are potential concerns and drawbacks. Prolonged use of these medications may lead to reduced bone density, as the hormonal changes associated with puberty play a crucial role in bone development. Additionally, there is uncertainty regarding the long-term impact on fertility. Extended use of puberty blockers could potentially limit the individual's ability to conceive in the future. In a way, this seemed risky and could do more harm than good. A part of me wanted to forbid it. I did not do this, as the treatment has been started and Aunty seems to know a lot more about sissy boys than I did, so I had to trust her. Maybe I would become wiser about human nature.
Shirley:
Susan told me that she fancied and loved me. How could this be? We are only 11 years old and too young to be in love. I do not even know what love is. What does it feel like to be in love? Was that not something that adults did? It seems like everyone I knew knows about love. Austin and Jason are gay and maybe Logan is too. Susan is in love with me. I have no intention of being smoochy with anyone. I do not want a girlfriend or a boyfriend. If I was in love, it would mean that was growing up. I do not want to grow up. I am happy the way that I am now. I have everything that I want such as pretty clothes and a bedroom and toys and now I have ballet. Why did I need to grow up? Seems like everyone wanted me to grow up. Susan did not want me in pigtails. I was told to sleep in a normal bed. Now Susan is in love with me. I am not going to be smoochy with anyone.
Aunty:
Mr. Dickens praised me today saying that he could see how much I cared for the children here. He admitted that he did not understand Shirley but could see that I did not force Shirley to do anything and that Shirley was very happy. Mr. Dickens did ask me if I would like Shirley as much if he was an ordinary boy. Why did I pay more attention to the girls? Was Shirley my favourite? I was told that it's wrong to have any favourites. This made me think. I appreciated Mr Dickens's honesty. He was not attacking me, but trying to be constructive. It made me wonder if Shirley was now my favourite. I think that this is the case. Shirley has become something special for me. In all honesty, this was because he is now a girl. If he stayed being a boy, I would hardly notice him. Life has shown me that I liked feminine boys and in a way thought that all boys should be transgender. Shirley is my favourite. Professional speaking, this is something I should not do. I should not have any favourites. However, I am only human. I can't help the way I feel. As long as I care for all the children, then there is no problem.
Shirley:
Jason wants me to forgive him. Susan already forgave him. I did not forgive him and was not going to do it. Jason hurt me and he hurt my friends. I am glad that he no longer bullies anyone, but I felt like I was still wounded. This was until Susan reminded me how much of a bully I was. I even broke Logan's arm. Jason never broke anyone's arm. Susan reminded me that I wanted people to forgive me when I started changing. I should treat others the way I want them to treat me. It made me think that I had some of my old habits in me. I still did not think about others and did not understand others, Like me, Jason wanted to change and I offered no support. When I changed, I wanted people to support me. I decided to tell Jason that I forgave him. There was no celebration or even a smile when I told him this, Jason said OK and walked away.
Susan
A few days ago, I told Shirley that I loved him. There was no reaction from him and it seems as if he pretended that it never happened. It was one of the most embarrassing moments in my life. Now Shirley finally talked about it. He told me that he was not ready for a girlfriend and did not want any romance in his life. Then he tried to cheer me up by saying that I was his best friend. He considered us like soulmates. I changed the subject very quickly. I told him that I was going to try doing ballet with him. While Shirley was excited about this, I wanted so much to be alone and cry on my bed. It's true what they say about boys… they are not as mature as us girls… even the boys that wear dresses.
Miss Anastasia:
Shirley had a friend at ballet class today. They are both a bit old to be starting ballet. It would be nearly impossible for them to be elite ballerinas. This being said, Shirley is a natural. He picked things up so quickly and was so enthusiastic. I am sure that with lots of practice, he could have a chance. I do not care if he is transgender or not. I see the children here as dancers. Susan on the other hand had very little chance. Some children could not dance and she is one of them. Susan does try but it's as if her heart is not in it. Maybe she is just here to be together with friends. While I would love it if all the children became elite ballerinas, I also think that this is a place where children should have some fun. So maybe Susan was not good at ballet, but what mattered was that she had fun.
Mr. Dickens
Mr and Mrs Sterling visited the orphanage to speak with Jason. They are a very rich couple and were potential donors to the orphanage. Jason would have been a good match and he would have been happy with his new family. It seems as if this did not work out. They heard about a boy named Shirley and wanted to meet him. I think that I went through many emotions when I heard this. None of the emotions were good. Shirley was the last boy that I would suggest that they should meet. What would they say to a boy who considered himself a girl? Despite that, I tried to suggest other boys they could meet, but they were very determined to meet Shirley. This left me with several problems. They could be disappointed after meeting Shirley and this will damage the orphanage's reputation. I could lose their donations that could be used to repair this old place. An advantage is they would like Shirley and this would take him off my hands. I had to think about how I would handle this. I would not allow a sissy boy to ruin things for the orphanage.
Shirley:
Mr. Dickens wanted to speak with me about a couple that wanted to meet me. This was a chance that I could get a family that would love me and take care of me. I ruined my chances when I lived with Logan. It would be best if I learned from this and did not make an opportunity with this family. Then I was told that they did not know that I was a sissy. To make a better impression, Mr. Dickens thought that I should stop this game I had been playing. I should start wearing boys' clothes again. I do not think this was a request from Mr. Dickens. I think it was an order. I wanted to say that this couple should accept me the way that I am. If they do not like that I am transgender, then they should find another boy. Mr. Dickens is impossible to discuss it. I would do what he said. I can be a boy again. He told me if I got adopted, it would help the orphanage. I told him that I would dress as a boy if it was so important to the orphanage.
Susan
Shirley has started to dress as a boy once again. He says some couple may adopt him and they want a boy. He told me that it was no problem being in boys' clothes. I thought I would be happy seeing him as a boy again, but this is not true. Shirley was not his lively smiling self. I do not understand it. Shirley is a hard person to understand. When he came to the orphanage he changed to a person that he once despised. Now that he has a chance to get adopted, he is changing and doing a U-turn. Why did he decide to suddenly become a boy again without any protests? Shirley was so comfortable being a girl and he was so happy. Was all this just a game for him? Does Shirley want to be a boy again? Is this all so he is normal enough to get adopted? What if he does get adopted? What would happen to me? I would be so lonely. I know I should be happy that he will get a family. The problem is that I am also selfish. I want Shirley to be here with me.
Logan:
Shirley and Susan visited our home today. It was so strange having Shirley back in this house. Austin was ignoring him and my mother seemed to not know what to do. Shirley was once again dressed as a boy. He did not tease me or give me a hard time. Mom said she would tell him to leave if he did. The fact is that Shirley was very polite and he even gave me some dolls that he said he no longer needed. I tried asking him why he was dressed as a boy again, but he did not want to talk about it. The only thing he said was that he could be adopted into a rich family. I felt sorry for the new family. It was fun that Shirley and Susan visited. My mom said that they could even visit again.
Austin
Shirley is a boy once again. He changes his identity more than people change their underwear. I could see that he still wore diapers. It will be hard to change that. His bladder was so weak after he had no control over it for a long time. When he visited, I did my best to avoid him. Shirley was polite with me but did not pester me. I could see Susan, Logan and Shirley having fun. It was then that I realized how much I missed Shirley. It made me think that being mad at someone took too much energy and it just made me feel worse. When Shirley and I were alone, I told him that it was wrong what he had done, but I forgave him. This was like a huge weight taken off my shoulder. I do not know if we would ever be best friends or how much I could trust him again. It's as if we have to start our friendship from the start and see what happens.
Aunty:
Shirley is now being a boy once again. I am not sure that this is what he wants. Maybe he wants to be adopted more than being transgender. This whole adoption prospect has made me depressed. I do not want to see Shirley be adopted. In a way, I wanted him to stay here. I suppose you can say that Shirley has become very important to me. This is an orphanage, so this is our job, we are to find families for the orphans here.
Shirley
Mr and Mrs Sterling came and visited me. They looked very posh. They did not smile a lot but seemed like they wanted to adopt me as quickly as possible. Mrs Streling seemed as if she was nice. She was telling me how great their life was and I could do things and get things that I never imagined. Mr Sterling was a bit different. He commented on how short I was and how long my hair was long. Nothing was said about how I was transgender until a few days ago. They were told about my diapers. Mrs Sterling said that I could get help for that. I felt a bit guilty that I did not talk about my being transgender until a few days ago. Mr Dickens warned me not to talk about it. At the end of the meeting, they asked me if I would like to have a trial period with them and live with them.
Victoria Temple
Thanks for reading this part. I hope you will comment. Why do you think Shirley agreed to be a boy again? I hope to see you in the next part of “Orphan Petal"
