Orphan Petal

December 2023 - Part 3

Some doubt who Shirley is

Doctor Mary
There are 6 episodes left in “Orphan Petal,” it will be interesting to see how things end up for everyone. Mr Dickens wants to marry Aunty, but she is reluctant. Can the woman love anyone besides herself? Could she have changed so much since we first met her in “The Diary of Alexander Horten?" Jason has been adopted by the Sterlings, a couple who treated Shirley so badly. What will they do if they ever find out that Jason is gay? Then we have Shirley, and once again some are asking, Does he really want to be girly? Does Shirley even know who he is? So many questions...

Susan
I can't wait until Shirley's ballet show is over. I am glad that I no longer have to dance and can do things that I find interesting. I still dance with Shirley when he practices. It most likely gives him confidence that he is dancing with someone so bad. I didn’t even wear a leotard when we practised. Shirley, on the other hand, seemed to have a leotard for every day of the week in every pastel colour you can imagine. Getting dressed is very important for Shirley. He always carefully picks what leotard and tights he will wear and even asks me to fix his hair. Shirley gets very frustrated if he makes the slightest mistake and will practice until he gets it perfect. He is dedicated, and this is commendable, but it can be too much. I try to be positive in thinking this show will soon be over, but then think there will be a new show on the horizon.

Shirley
The psychiatrist has been bugging me that I need to make peace about the death of my parents. The car crash that they were in seemed so long ago. I don’t think that I will ever get rid of the guilt I have for their death. They were fighting about me, which made them lose their concentration before the accident. My answer to cope with this is to try and forget it. I tried not to think about my parents so much. I still wore the necklace my mom had, which meant that in some way she was always with me. At times I wonder what my life would be like if they never lived. My parents did not like anyone different and would not approve that I had become so girly. What would they say if they knew that I wore girl clothes and even wore diapers in bed? I shouldn't think about them too much.

Aunty
I did not answer Dickens yet if I would marry him or not. The man had a lot of patience and told me, despite its hard to wait, he wanted me to have space to decide what I wanted. I am so confused, as I do not understand why he loves me. I told him about my past, where I manipulated my nephew into being a sissy boy and even tried to kill my sister. I am not a nice person, so how can he love me? I have done things that would make Satan himself tremble. Maybe I have changed, but there is still a darkness in me. It's fine going on dates as that is short-term. However, getting married is a life commitment. Maybe I am just afraid. Perhaps I think that I do not deserve happiness. I love Dickens with all my heart, but is that enough?

Jason
I told my new parents that I would be visiting Austin. They are happy that I have a friend, which made me feel a bit bad as they do not know how much of a friend Austin is. I love Austin, and they would never accept this. It's not easy keeping my sexuality a secret, but what choice do I have? Millions of gays before me lived a life where they kept this part of themselves a secret. Society has become more understanding, but there are still many who think being gay is a sin. My new parents are one of these people. Maybe someday I will tell the world and not care what they thought, but I was not ready for that yet.

Aunty
Allie visited me today. He looks well and is happy with his life. He still considers himself gender-fluid but does not look too feminine. I am grateful that he still wants me in his life and has forgiven me for everything that I have done to him. I told him that Dickens had proposed to me, which made Allie so happy. When I told Allie that I would say no, I could see the confused look on Allie's face. I explained that I was a bad person, and it would be cruel to Dickens if I accepted his proposal. After I said this, Allie sighed and told me that people can change. The orphanage and the children here have changed me, especially Shirley and Susan. Everyone had forgiven me for what I had done in the past, and it was time for me to forgive myself. Dickens was in love with me, and I was in love with him. Allie wanted to know why I did not want happiness.

Dickens
I met Aunty's nephew, and this was an experience. I have read his diary and know how Aunty manipulated him and nearly destroyed his life. I was expecting a grown-up version of Shirley, but this is not the case. He was not very masculine but not very feminine either. As I spoke with him, I could see how happy he was as well as how smart and compassionate he was. Deep down, I wanted his advice on how we could help Shirley, but that would break the confidentiality we have as professionals. Meeting Allie made me think a lot about Shirley. I know that Aunty had in some way made Allie a transgender teen, and it made me think: What influence does Aunty have over Shirley's determination to be a sissy boy?

Austin
I love Christmas as a time for family and to be with them that we love. I have been saving up my money for months as I wanted to give the people I love a special present. I bought my mom a new handbag. Logan will get a music box, as he loves things like that. Jason would get a friendship bracelet. I do not know if he would even wear it, as he may think it's not masculine enough. On top of this, I want to get Shirley and Susan a present, as they are an important part of my life. I will be poor again after all these presents are bought, but it's worth it. I know that many people love getting presents, and in this sense, I am a bit strange as I love giving them.

Doctor Philomena:
Mr. Dickens from the orphanage wanted to speak with me and see my notes about Shirley. I could see that he was not very happy when he read them. He asked me why I did not explore why Shirley suddenly wanted to be girly. It happened when he came to the orphanage, and the big question was why. Shirley disliked transgenders before he came to the orphanage, and becoming something that he hated did not make sense. I explained that Shirley was a girl in a boy's body all the time, and his aggression toward others was a way of coping with these feelings. It was my job to convince Shirley that he is a girl in a boy's body, and he has now accepted that. Shirley was a bad boy, but now he is a good sissy boy. He is happier, and he is not a burden to society. I told Dickens that boys are usually aggressive and mean and not nice to be around. The answer was to bring out their feminine side. Imagine if every boy was more feminine; the world would be a better place to live in. Dickens's only response was, Why do I not find out who Shirley is and not try to convince him what he should be? Why do I not ask myself, Is he a feminine boy just to please others and fit in? My answer was that Shirley is a sissy boy, and one day he will discover that he is transgender.

Aunty
I gave my answer to Dickens today, and the answer is that I would be honoured to be his life. I reminded him that I am not a good person, and I find it hard to even love myself and forgive myself for all the things I have done. This being said, Dickens brings the best out of me, and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. We plan to get married at the end of January. I must be crazy. I want a posh and the best wedding a person could have, no matter what it costs. Who can plan a wedding in 5 weeks? Still, I do like challenges.

Susan
The big news in the orphanage at the moment is the wedding of Mr. Dickens and Aunty. Many in the orphanage are considering this as a Christmas gift for everyone, as who does not like parties, and a wedding is a perfect excuse for a party. Shirley is already hoping that he will be a flower girl… flower boy… flower girl… you get the idea. I will be honest, I am not too excited about the wedding. What will happen when they get married? Would they still work here at the orphanage? Will they have time to be with us, or will they be too busy smooching? I hate change. Every time I get used to life, then something happens that makes me worry about what the future will be like. One thing for sure is that this marriage will change things, and I don’t know if I can change or adapt to how things will be. No wonder Shirley likes being a baby at times. Babies do not have to worry about the future.

Mr Dickens
A nice couple wants to adopt Susan. This is great news, as Susan has always been known as the quiet girl who never causes trouble and does not get so much attention or demand it. Susan does not have many friends because she is considered a nerd as she likes to read and does not talk so much about the latest music or the latest celebrity. I always thought that Susan would never get adopted because she is so much in the background. Susan is not the type of girl that would get noticed. So you understand how happy I felt that a couple asked to adopt Susan. Susan deserves happiness and a family that will love her. I have not told Susan yet, as we need to do backup checks on the couple and other practical things. Susan should only be told when we are sure that this couple can adopt her.

Shirley
The show was a success. I had the main role, and practice paid off as I made no mistakes at all. I loved being on stage, and all eyes were on me. I loved that people enjoyed the show and my performance. It is a nice feeling doing something that you like doing. It's nice that people can see that I am passionate about something other than wearing dresses. This is even though my role was a girl's one. The show gave me confidence that I would make the world a better place by making people smile. I found something that I was good at, and I could entertain people.

Dickens
I talked with Aunty today about Shirley. The talk was based on Shirley's behaviour and the talk I had with the psychiatrist. Aunty was told that I am unsure that Shirley was transgender or a sissy boy. I think that Shirley has become more girly to have an identity that is opposite to how he was to deal with the sorrow and pain of becoming an orphan. I believe that Shirley also thinks he is happier and feels more accepted as a girly boy. The big question is: who is Shirley? This is something we need to help him discover and support him in finding his identity and not just trying to please others.